She didn't want him to leave, she thought, her mind clouded by images of what she had just been told. She kept a straight face and crossed her arms, like she was outwardly hiding her pain.
"Are you still here?" She asked as she closed her eyes and tucked her chin into her chest.
"I'll always be here." He took a strand of her golden hair and twirled it in a light curl around his finger.
She opened her eyes and looked at him through the tears. They were coming freely and unchecked now. Her mascara and eye shadow making black streaks down her cheeks.
"I can't believe he's gone...It's like, there is this pit in my stomach that's pulsing and it's going to break out of my stomach and leave me here to dry out and die. I just can't come to my senses and admit that...he's gone." She shook her head and whispered, "God I loved him so much. He was such an idiot. But he was my idiot." She forced a weak smile and looked up at the man in front of her.
"Jamie, am I ever going to be okay?" She asked.
"Yes Jude. You will, you're going to miss him like hell and cry your eyes out on this day for years to come. You won't ever forget him Jude and you won't ever be over him. But you will be okay," He grabbed her head and forced her eyes to look into his,
"You will."
He planted a small kiss on her forehead and stood up and walked to the door, he took a last look at Jude and shook his head before he left the room.
Jude smiled sadly at a picture she clutched in her pale hands. She traced the man's face with her thumb and let another tear slip out before she laid back in her bed and closed her eyes.
"Tommy! Tommy wait, look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I didn't know you were going to be here I...I didn't think."
He looked at her in disgust as he grabbed his keys from the dining room table, "You sure as hell didn't Jude. What were you thinking?"
She
sighed and crossed her arms over her chest, she tilted her head to
the side and tapped her foot profusely, "It makes me..." She
sighed and uncrossed her arms and put them against her hips, "It
makes me feel good about myself."
"What?" He spat out in
utter disgust, he grimaced.
"Can't you see I'm doing this to make you love my body?" She examined her bulging stomach and her extending thighs while Tom choked on tears as he saw for the first time since he had left for his business trip in San Diego, legs with the bones visible, her ribs a good 2 inches in front of her skin, and her face was scrawny and pale.
He felt the tears spill over as he grabbed her hands, "Jude you can't do this, you're hurting yourself."
"I'm trying to be good for you." She smiled.
"No Jude!" He let go of her and kicked a table, the papers flying through the air, Jude stared in shock.
He took his keys and left the house, she heard the car start, and seconds later, she heard a horn, a yell, a crash, and another series of sounds.
Then there was silence. Jude ran outside and called out his name...and all she got in return was a siren, a fire truck, and an ambulance's wail.
She saw his body, mangled and torn on the side of the road, half of his leg was missing, and his arm was out of place, she ran to him and cradled his head in her lap, she screamed and then everything..went..dark.
"Tommy!" She bolted upright in bed, a cold sweat beading on her forehead, she put a hand to her stomach, she felt a slight movement and closed her eyes in relief.
Since she was pregnant and still recovering from bulimia, she had to take multiple precautions because a miscarriage could occur at any time.
Her baby was four months along, it was classified as a girl just last week. She had picked out the name Gail Quincy Harrison.
Everynight, she told her little fetus a story about her father, some of them tore at her heart and filled her with pain of the past, and others made her smile and laugh.
Jude was brought out of her thoughts by a knock on the door. She struggled to crawl out from under her covers and ran down the stairs, the visitor persisted knocking and she finally opened the door, when it was fully open, her mouth dropped at the sight.
"Mom?"
