Saying Goodbye

By SherryGabs

Rated: PG

Summary: Gibbs returns to Stillwater for his dad's funeral. This story has been in the works for a few years.

Warnings: Very sad. Get the tissues handy!

Hi all. I started this story about 3 years ago. It would have been considered AU at the time; but sadly, no longer. This is my take on the passing of our dear Jackson Gibbs.

When I started this, Ziva was still around. I rewrote parts to fit Ellie more. When L.J. Moore was introduced, I squeezed him in. Love Billy Dee! And then there's the episode of Jackson's funeral. I did not want to rewrite it to match the episode exactly. So therefore, there is no case the team is working on during this time. I put in bits and pieces of that episode in and I hoped it works out well for you.

Chapter 1

Gibbs knew the day would come when he'd get that phone call and he thought he'd be ready. But when that call came, it was still like being kicked in the chest by a mule.

"I'm sorry, Leroy. Looks like heart failure, according to Doc Harper. Jackson died in his sleep."

The call from Ed Gantry, Stillwater's sheriff, came late morning. Gibbs was sitting at his desk, trying to catch up on overdue reports when the call came. Ed knew something had to be wrong when the "Closed" sign was still up in the store window. If ever Jackson decided to take some rare time off, he always posted a sign letting customers know when he'd back. Common courtesy was important to the store owner.

Ed had found Jackson in bed, his body very still and already cold. He must have died several hours earlier.

Gibbs closed his eyes and turned around so the others could not see the complete surprise on his face. He blinked back warm tears and took deep breaths, awash with sudden emotion. Dad's gone?

Through the lump in his dry throat Gibbs thanked Ed and told him he'd be there later that afternoon.

Knowing he wouldn't be able to stop the oncoming tidal wave of reaction, Gibbs calmly stood and walked with a quick stiff stride to the men's room. Thankful it was empty, he grasped the edge of the counter, leaned over and let the wave hit home.

Dad's gone! Gibbs' breath shuddered and he let the tears fall. Grief and pain like he hadn't felt in many years bound his body in a tight vise. Damn! How can he be gone? He tried to remember their last conversation. It had only been a few days before. They had made plans to go fishing over the upcoming weekend. Gibbs was looking forward to it, since he hadn't seen his dad in a while.

Instead, I'll be burying him! His face crumpled in sorrow knowing he'd never see his father's lively face again, never see those bright blue eyes smiling in mischief, or hear his voice again.

Gibbs didn't know how long he stood there, silently letting the tears fall, thinking of things he'd never be able to say to his dad. He didn't hear the door open silently, and close, seconds later.

It wasn't until he heard the knock on the door that Gibbs took notice of his surroundings again. Turning the cold water on, he quickly splashed his face. Grabbing a paper towel to dry off, he tried to school his features; but there was no mistaking he'd been crying.

"Jethro?" Ducky hesitantly entered the restroom, not wanting to startle Gibbs, who was obviously experiencing something tragic.

"You've been in here quite a while. There are three worried agents outside who are very concerned, as well as myself."

Gibbs sighed and cleared his throat. His voice shook slightly from emotion. "Guess I lost track of time."

"What on earth happened?" Ducky's concern was obvious. It was quite disconcerting to him to see his friend in this much distress.

Gibbs almost lost control again and it reflected in his tight response. "My dad, umm, died last night."

"Oh, Jethro, I'm so sorry!" Ducky felt shock at the response. He recalled the time spent with Jackson when he'd visited over Christmas two years before. He'd thought the man a delightful person.

"What can I do?"

Gibbs shrugged, not knowing quite what to do himself. "Not much you can do, Duck. I need to go to Pennsylvania."

"Of course you do." Ducky put a hand on Gibbs' shoulder. "But you're certainly not driving yourself in this condition. I'll take you there."

Gibbs smiled gently. "No offense, Duck, but I'd like to get there today. I'll be fine."

Ducky knew he had the reputation of being a slow, cautious driver, especially in his old car. "It's my Morgan that's slow, not me. We'll take your car. This is no time for you to be alone, Jethro. You're in shock."

Gibbs had to admit, he was pretty shaky and probably in no condition to drive that distance. "All right."

Now Ducky knew he was right in offering. His friend must be in bad shape if he was so easily willing to let someone else drive without an argument.

"Jethro, I know you and your father have only been reconciled a few years; whereas I had my mother close to me for many years before her death. I can only imagine what you may be feeling and thinking. Please remember that you have your friends here to help you get through this. Allow us to go through the grief with you."

Gibbs wasn't sure how to respond. He had grieved for many people over the years and it had always been alone. He didn't know if he could let himself share what he was used to doing in solitude.

Ducky saw the hesitation. "By extension of you-Timothy, Anthony, Abby, Ellie, and I thought of Jackson as part of our little family here at NCIS. We're going to hurt, too. We're all going to hurt for you. We can help each other deal."

Gibbs knew that Jackson had wormed his way into the hearts of his people here. He had that way about him. Ducky was right; his team was going to miss his father. Jackson was more than just an acquaintance to them.

"Okay, Ducky. I see your point." He figured his team was also on the other side of the restroom door dying to know what had happened to keep their boss in here so long. "Guess I should tell them."

Ducky nodded. "We both will."

Gibbs took a look in the mirror, not particularly happy with what he saw. He hated letting anyone see him as anything but strong. But, at the moment, he didn't feel strong at all. He just felt lost.

"Let's get it over with."

The three agents that made up Team Gibbs waited anxiously outside the restroom door, wishing they knew what was happening inside. The way Gibbs had escaped to the restroom after a phone call had startled them. They had given Gibbs a few minutes by himself, before drawing straws to see who would go in after him. DiNozzo lost. But after seeing his boss in the state he was in, he knew the situation was beyond him and called in Dr. Mallard.

When the door opened and the two men came out, they could tell Gibbs had been crying and it made them very uncomfortable. Their leader wasn't one to show much emotion and it unnerved them to see him this way. Something very bad had happened to shake him so.

"Boss? You okay?" Tony asked hesitantly.

Gibbs shrugged doubtfully and quietly told them about Jackson's death.

Shock and sadness kept everyone silent for a moment. Both McGee and Tony offered shy condolences, not quite knowing how to express what they were feeling. Ellie hung her head for a moment, and then quickly engulfed her boss in a tight hug.

After a moment, Gibbs released Ellie and swallowed hard, hoping he wouldn't break down again. He knew he had to give them something. "Thanks." He took a deep breath and thought a moment. "I know you all thought a lot of Jack. If it's any comfort, he died in his sleep. Peacefully," Gibbs voice hitched at the end.

Ducky once again put his hand on Gibb's shoulder for support. "I'm driving him to Stillwater today. We'll let you know when arrangements have been made."

They nodded. "Is there anything we can do?" Tim offered.

"Just finish clearing up your case reports," Gibbs told them and looked up to the balcony above. "I need to go talk to Vance."

"I'll wait for you here, Jethro," Ducky told him, giving him a pat.

Gibbs slowly made his way to the Director's office. Vance offered him genuine sympathies and told him to take as long as he needed; he had bereavement and vacation time coming. The director stared after Gibbs as he left his office. He had rarely seen his lead agent so misplaced emotionally. As much as they got at each other's throats over their work, he really did consider Gibbs a friend. They went back a long ways and shared a lot of history. His old friend must really be hurting. He made a mental note to not have Gibbs' remaining team assigned any difficult cases and to have his secretary send flowers to the funeral. On second thought, he'd take care of that himself.

When Gibbs arrived back at the bottom of the stairs, he was practically knocked over by his lab rat, Abby, who crushed him in her spindly, but strong, arms.

"Oh, Gibbs! I'm so, so, so sorry!" She was crying, beside herself at the news that the flirty Papa Gibbs was gone.

Gibbs sighed, wishing he could smack whoever had called Abby up. He was just not in the mood for her over-enthusiastic… well, everything. But he hugged her back and kissed her forehead, knowing she gave from her heart.

"Thanks, Abs." He released her and turned to Duck. "You ready to go?"

Ducky, the guilty one at calling Abby, held up his coat and hat that Abby had brought up for him to signify he was ready.

"Call when you get there, so we know you made it safe!" Abby yelled after them as they made their way to the elevator. Gibbs waved his hand to show he had heard.

ooooOOOoooo

They were finally on the road after stopping at each other's homes to quickly pack suitcases. Thinking his '72 Charger might be a bit much for Ducky to handle, they had decided to take an NCIS-owned car.

The trip was silent at first. Ducky tried to ask Gibbs questions about his hometown and his childhood, but Gibbs shrugged him off, desiring to remain quiet. Ducky didn't take it personally; he knew his friend would speak in his own time. He wasn't about to remain silent, however, and regaled tales of his own childhood and home in Scotland.

Gibbs easily tuned Ducky out, as he had many times before. He did a lot of thinking and remembering as he gazed out the passenger window. He'd had a happy childhood. At least up until the day his mom had died. He was not proud of the person he'd become after that. His dad had tried to help him sort out his feelings, but he refused any help, preferring to wallow in his own pity and anger.

After high school, he couldn't wait to get away from the little town he considered stifling. The Marines was his ticket out. His dad wasn't exactly thrilled with the choice, wanting his son to get a college education; something he'd never had. But Gibbs had no desire for a higher education, having only tolerated high school. He wanted to follow in the footsteps of his namesake L.J. Moore; who he admired so much. And, if he hadn't left the day he had, Gibbs never would have gotten the chance to meet and get to know the one true love of his life.

No, he was satisfied with the career choice he'd made. He did, however, deeply regret the choice he'd made to exclude his father from his life. He wanted to cry all over again thinking of the way he'd treated his dad at his girls' funerals. If it hadn't been for the LeCombe case bringing him back to Stillwater, they'd still be estranged.

But at least they'd had the past few years to get to know one another again. Gibbs considered himself lucky to have had that. They were now to the point where they were talking freely and giving and receiving advice like it should have been all along.

Of course, he realized with a painful jab to his heart, that he'd put his dad's life in danger when the Reynosa/Hernandez/Rivera family had targeted him for revenge. Those were the most terrifying months of his life, and something he could never make up for.

"Jethro, we're almost there."

Ducky's voice cut into his thoughts. Gibbs sat up straight and looked around, seeing they were in the woodsy outskirts of Stillwater. He wondered how deep he'd been in his thoughts to have not noticed the time go by.

"You were a million miles away, Jethro. What's on your mind?"

Gibbs looked at Ducky, trying to put into few words as possible what was burdening him. "Just a whole lotta regrets."

Ducky nodded in understanding. "Yes, when it's time to say goodbye to a loved one, it seems regrets are what we think of. All the whys and what ifs. Jackson struck me as the kind of man who regretted several things also, but he was willing to let them go and move forward."

He looked over and made eye contact with his friend. "I refer to the incident when he had to shoot the young lad who attempted to rob his store. I've spoken to him since then and he was extremely grateful for the advice you gave him."

Gibbs shrugged. "Didn't really say all that much." He remembered their conversation well. He'd been confused about the intention of his dad's visit over that Christmas. The older man's behavior had been so odd he'd called Ducky in to see if his dad was possibly suffering from dementia. After learning of his father having to kill someone, Gibbs understood how much it had affected his dad. He was a gentle, peace-loving soul and the incident had shaken him to the core.

"You are a man of few words, Jethro. From you, even a few words can have a great impact."

Gibbs appreciated the sentiment. The closeness he'd felt with his dad at the time was something he'd always remember with appreciation.

Entering the village limits of Stillwater, Ducky slowed. "Where shall we go first?"

Dreading the thought of having to take control of things, plan a funeral; and worst of all, seeing his dad for the last time, Gibbs sighed. "He was taken to the clinic. I'll need to sign some papers and have him transferred to the funeral home."

Gibbs directed Ducky to the small medical center. It held several doctor's offices and an immediate care facility for minor injuries and illnesses. It also held the town's morgue in the basement.

It was all Gibbs could do to force himself into entering the morgue area. It was smaller than Ducky's facility at NCIS. Three drawers lined the far wall and a single metal table stood in the center of the room.

They had to wait a moment for someone to come in to greet them. They'd been instructed at the reception desk upstairs that someone would be with them shortly. Ducky used this time to call Abby to let her know they'd arrived intact.

"I'm Dr. Harper," the man introduced himself. "You must be Leroy. Jackson's spoken about you often."

He held out his hand for Gibbs to shake, which he did. He didn't know the doctor, but assumed his dad must have known him well if they'd talked about him.

"Yeah," he then nodded towards Ducky. "This is Dr. Mallard."

"Oh?" Dr. Harper shook Ducky's hand also. "What type, may I ask?"

Ducky gave an uncomfortable smile and waved his hand towards the room. "Medical examiner, actually." He cleared his throat. "But I'm only here for moral support. Not in any official capacity."

"Ahh, I see." Dr. Harper moved towards one of the drawers, the only one occupied at the moment. "I'm sorry about your father, Leroy. I've known Jack twenty years. A lot of others have known him longer. He was a good man and he's surely going to be missed."

Gibbs nodded. He stared at the drawer front and asked, "What happened, exactly?"

"All indications show that he died of heart failure during his sleep. Nothing else was obvious. Given his age and the fact he was a bit overweight, along with moderately-high cholesterol, well…" the doctor shook his head sadly. "If you wish, I could perform an autopsy."

Gibbs remembered his dad easily becoming short of breath and it had worried him. He'd always seemed so strong his entire life. God, it sucked to get old!

"No, not necessary," He couldn't stand the thought of his dad being cut open, like so many other bodies he'd seen over the years.

Dr. Harper put his hand on the drawer handle and looked at Gibbs, waiting to see if he wanted to view the body.

Gibbs nodded and slowly approached the opening drawer. The doctor pulled the sheet down to uncover Jackson's face and stepped away to give Gibbs some privacy.

Gibbs took in the wrinkled features, the peacefulness. His dad looked content in death. He raised his hand and stroked his father's cheek. "Ah, Dad."

He couldn't stop the tears that began running down his own cheeks and didn't care who saw. Gibbs leaned down and kissed his father's face, running his fingers through the white hair. "I love you."

He stood back up and turned away while the doctor pulled the sheet back up and quietly closed the drawer. He couldn't stand this! He swiped angrily at the dampness on his face, damning the suddenness of it all.

Ducky went to stand next to Gibbs, taking hold of his arm. Gibbs noticed that Ducky's eyes were sad and compassionate. "This is harder than I thought it would be, Duck."

"Of course it is," Ducky handed his friend his handkerchief. "We think of our parents as indestructible. When we lose one, even at our age, it's a blow to the stability we're used to." Gibbs knew Ducky spoke from experience, having lost his mother a few years earlier.

Gibbs wiped his eyes and shook his head. "I thought I'd be ready when the time came. I knew it had to happen someday. But I'm not ready. It's too soon, after all those years spent apart."

Ducky nodded and sighed deeply. "I know, Jethro. Even when it's expected, it's still not any easier. What you're feeling is quite normal. Just remember, you're not going through this alone."

"I know, Duck. And thanks." He really did appreciate his older friend being there with him. If he'd been alone, with no voice of reason to talk him down, he'd probably be overwhelmed by the intense anger that usually built up when he faced circumstances beyond his control.

"Leroy, if you could sign the release form, I'll arrange to have Jackson moved to the funeral home." Even Dr. Harper's voice was subdued with sadness. He'd lost a friend and refused to refer to him with anything other than his proper name.

Gibbs signed the form and handed the clipboard back to the doctor. "Guess that's the next stop for us, too."

ooooOOOoooo

There was only one funeral home in Stillwater. The funeral director gave his condolences as they sat in his office.

"I don't know if you're aware, Mr. Gibbs, but your father had his funeral arrangements taken care of several years ago. Everything's been prepaid, right down to the newspaper obituary. He'll be laid to rest next to his late wife."

"Yeah, I knew."

It had been a conversation Gibbs didn't really want to hear, but his father wanted him to know these things. Now he was thankful his dad had thought ahead. It made things much less stressful now.

"The obituary can be in tomorrow's paper announcing the death and funeral. Would the day after tomorrow, Friday say around 2:00, be satisfactory for the funeral service?"

Gibbs knew how the gossip mill worked in Stillwater. Most of the town probably already knew of Jackson's death and would be expecting the upcoming funeral. As much as he would like a private funeral, without a crowd, that would be impossible. Jackson was a long-standing, well-respected citizen with a lot of friends. The entire town would probably show up.

"That's fine."

TBC