Disclaimer: All characters belong to Paramount. However, they did not know what to do with them, but I had a few ideas. All actions taken within this story are the result of my personal fantasies and I take full responsibility for them.
The torment of Desire. The pain of emotion. Knowing that what I want is right in front of me but out of my reach.
Forbidden.
Fire flashing through my blood stream. Erotic thoughts inside my mind. Streamers of passion tearing through me from the inside. Gaping wounds left to pulse with the sound of your name.
Forbidden.
Icy fingers of fear on my spine as you near. Fear that you will find out. Terror that you won't. Panic that you might see through my control. Horror that you might stay blind.
Forbidden.
All alone, tears on my face, I look in the mirror. Plain. Average. Nothing to speculate over. Nothing to fantasize about. I turn sideways and inspect what time has done to me. A waist more out than in. Curves more down than out. The years have not been my friend. Every experience, every failure, every success, marked on the canvas that is my body. A road map that is no longer meant to be traveled.
I stare at my hands. Calloused. Rough. Not the hands of a woman. The hands of a Captain, pushing her crew to more. The hands of a friend to offer comfort. The hands of a soldier trying to survive. But not the hands of a woman.
I look now to my face. A mouth set in a determined line. Capable of directing an unruly group of people into fearful compliancy. Eyes that have dulled under the weight of responsibility. Every decision staring out. Every failure haunting. Resignation sitting like a dark stone in a cloudy pond.
No longer Forbidden, Just Alone.
9/21/9 CaptKJaneway
