Seymour's Bright Idea

By Nardo T. Icarus

Disclaimer: Nardo owns nothing

Note: This takes place roughly 8 years after Final Fantasy X and 6 years after Final Fantasy X-2, so the ages are as follows:

Seymour: 36

Wakka: 31

Yuna: 25

Lulu: 30

Kimahri: 33?

Auron: Old…actually, 43

Rikku: 23

Vidina: 6

Paine: 24

One day, Maester-Turned-Recording-Artist, Seymour Guado was sitting in his cozy home in Guadosalam(i), bored half to death.

"I know what Imma do," he said

Thus, Seymour went to Luca, where he started juggling seven flaming chainsaws while singing classic 80's hits. He soon got bored with this and went to Zanarkand. He quickly got bored looking at the desolate ruins and went to Besaid.

"I know what Imma do," he said, poking his head out from behind the temple. He proceeded to run out from behind the temple laughing and babbling like an idiot. He was going so fast that he almost didn't realize Wakka standing out in the middle of the village for no apparent reason. Upon realizing this, he started to tiptoe quietly while quietly giggling with a girl's voice.

"HI, BEACHBUM," Seymour screamed directly into Wakka's ear.

"Ow, hey! What's the m****af***in' big idea, ya? Oh, it's just you, Seymour," said the Blitzball Legend, as he returned to his original position.

"Wakka, of course, always had a habit of saying "ya" at the end of his sentences," narrated Seymour, even though it wasn't his freakin' job. Wakka suddenly frowned and let out an annoyed grunt. Just then, Yuna came out of a little house, which was apparently an Ice cream shop. She had a cone of strawberry ice cream with sprinkles on top and she was enjoying it quite muchly, until…

"Gimme yer m***af***in' ice cream, b***h," Seymour said, pointing an old-school squirt gun at the real-gun-wielding young lady. He had a ski mask on, but it didn't cover his hair all that well…in fact, not at all. Thus it was easy for Yuna to figure out who it was.

"Oh, hi, Seymour," said Yuna, dismissing Seymour as a minor threat…in fact not really a threat at all, rather a miniscule annoyance that could be ignored. Thus, she walked around him as if he were just a telephone pole that just happened to pop up in her path.

"I'm the groom," the former Maester said out of complete random. He then proceeded to swipe Yuna's ice cream cone right out of her hands when she was in the middle of licking it.

"Hey, I paid for that ice cream. Give it back," Yuna said, almost totally unfazed, considering her ice cream was only 12G.

"These will give you calories," Seymour said, before he devoured Yuna's ice cream right in front of her, after which he continued, "wouldn't want you getting cancer, now, would we?"

"You idiot, ice cream doesn't cause cancer, smoking does," replied a stoic female voice from a nearby house. Apparently the voice belonged to Wakka's wife, Lulu.

"," Seymour said in and illegible, rapid-fire tone.

Lulu simply replied, "Eh?"

Wakka came into the picture, "and where's my shampoo, ya?!"

Yuna continued, trying to put things back on track, "and they DON'T cause cancer," referring to ice cream cones.

"Bacon," said Seymour, simply, once again destroying the balance of the conversation that Yuna tried so hard to restore.

"EPIC FAIL," said Wakka, cupping his hands around his mouth to make a makeshift megaphone.

"That was a triumphant fail," said Yuna, jovially, not seeming to mind that Seymour threw Besaid into randomness once again.

"Well, YOU seem to be just cool with this," said Lulu, surprised.

"I'm not," said Yuna, not changing her cheerful demeanor until she suddenly whipped out her guns and started shooting at Seymour, seeming to send him into a void.

"I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW!!! I SWEAR TO GOD," declared Seymour as he drifted into la-la land.