Olivia closed the final lock on her door with her skeletal fingers, which were slightly trembling. She stood against the door as she heard the elevator doors open, hearing footsteps from Fitz and his secret service agents, and close once more. She slumped back against the door. She took a deep, shaky breath, and closed her eyes. Silence fell. She was alone. With her thoughts. Her heart quickly kept up with her mind as it started thumping faster and faster, accompanying the flashes of terror she was reliving. She saw herself running on the endless hallway towards the big looming door, which its colour reminded Olivia of dried blood. She could feel the sudden spike of panic; she could hear her heart beat even louder as she felt like she never really left. She gasped in pain as she forced her eyes to open, her lungs screaming for oxygen. She scanned the room. She was back in her apartment. She took a shaky breath as she forced herself to calm down, her hands clenching to a tight fist.
She slowly started walking to the kitchen against her protesting knees. She opened the wine cooler and took out the most expensive bottle she had. She popped it open and directly forced it down her throat, only stopping to catch her breath. Tears sprang to her eyes as cracks began slithering around her carefully fixed mask. She continued chugging down the wine until her hand shook so much she couldn't support it properly anymore. The wine bottle barely touched the edge of the counter as it slipped through her fingers, the bottle smashing into a million pieces, barely missing her feet. Red liquid splattered all over the wall and the kitchen cabinets, while the rest pooled under her feet. Some had splattered up her coat.
She could only watch in slow motion. She barely flinched as to what had happened. She was used to things happening so suddenly after everything that has happened. She took a cautious step away from the jagged pieces of the bottle and was nearly successful when her left foot slipped on the deep red liquid. Her knees protested, shaking, and gave in. She cried out in pain as she landed on her elbow against the sharp shards of the bottle. She flinched as some of the liquid made its way up her wound, mixing with the blood seeping out of her skin. She closed her eyes and forced herself to take a deep breath. She opened them once more and carefully stood up, holding the kitchen counter for support. Her elbow felt painful and raw, and she looked to find a few jagged pieces of glass still stuck inside. She flinched and looked away; she couldn't stand the sight of blood anymore. The room suddenly felt very small. It felt like someone was closing in on her chest and she couldn't breathe. She could suddenly hear the daunting echoes of her numerous captors, each whisper causing goosebumps on her skin. Her body started trembling as blood pounded against her ears; Olivia now gasping for air. She recalled each time her captors had hurt her, hit her, smack her so hard that she'd end up on the floor with blood pouring down her nose. Her heart pulsated. She remembered the metallic taste of blood against the back of her throat and she clawed at her neck, as if it would remove the memory of the taste.
She was brought back down to her apartment when several knocks echoed through the apartment. Olivia jumped in surprised. She scanned the room and fixed her eyes on the door, scared of who was on the other side. She was suddenly back at the false prison block where she'd grown wary and scared at the sound of the knocks echoing throughout the cell and the looming suspense that followed. She slowly started backing away when she heard a familiar voice.
"Olivia? Liv, are you there?" the woman said. "Liv?"
Olivia's chest tightened even more as she recognised the voice. She walked towards the door and started unlocking the doors, her hands slightly trembling with every turn of the lock. She swung the door wide open.
Her eyes scanned from the woman's towering pumps until she met with her eyes. Abby. They stood for a moment, staring at each other. Abby's eyes filled with tears as Olivia suddenly broke down, her hands covering her eyes. Abby was at her side in a second.
"Olivia. Oh. Oh, Liv." she murmured, wrapping her arms around her as she felt Olivia's warm tears on her shoulder. Abby closed the door with her foot and gently stroked her hair.
"Shhh… it's gonna be alright." She whispered at her ear. "It's going to be okay. Do you hear me? You're safe now."
Olivia's trembling arms wrapped around her neck even harder and cried. Abby's heart ached seeing her like this. So raw. So damaged.
"You were so strong out there, you know? A true gladiator. I'm so proud of you." She said. She felt Olivia's body tremble against hers, her cries echoing through the apartment. "But… I was w-worried too. So worried. I was kept out of the loop and I had to push so hard for anyone to tell me updates about the situation." She was silent for a moment and said, "I was the last person who knew you were actually kidnapped and it made me so mad, so ma-"
Olivia lifted her head from her shoulder and sniffed. "Wha-what? What do you mean?"
"Quinn. Huck. David. Everyone. They never bothered to tell me. It was just when I saw that god-awful wine stain in your couch that I started to investigate." said Abby. "I'm so sorry. I wasn't there for you from the beginning. I-I-I couldn't start helping find you sooner. I couldn't be your gladiator the one time you needed me." she continued, a tearful eye looking at Olivia. Olivia's heart sank.
"Abby- you saved me. Saved me. Who else would've thought to track Stephen down all the way from Russia?" she managed to choke out, wiping away her tears.
"You knew that?" Abby whispered.
"I figured it out." She cupped Abby's cheeks. "I owe you my life, Abby. I-I-I am nothing without you. An empty space where I stand. My brain scattered all over some Arizona desert. A coffin being laid down. Yet here I am. I'm living and breathing proof of someone you saved." She held Abby's hand to her beating heart.
"You feel that?" she said. She nodded. They stood there for a moment, the sound of distant traffic and fans whirring grew distant. Tears filled Abby's eyes.
They stared at each other for a few more moments until Abby burst into tears. "Yes. Yes, I do." she choked out, throwing her arms around Olivia's, holding her as tight as ever. "I love you. So much." She whispered in her ear.
"I love you, too. Thank you… for saving me." Olivia murmured, her head buried on the warmth of her neck. They stood there, holding on to each other, and Olivia has never felt safer. They went to part when Abby felt something sticky on her hands.
"Wha- Liv, you're bleeding. You're bleeding, Liv!" she gasped, looking at the deep red smear on her hands. She looked over where she'd just touch Olivia. That's when she realised her elbow has been dripping with blood. Abby's eyes widened in horror and looked around. In the corner of her eyes she saw a pools and splatters of red liquid and shards of glass all over the floor and on the wall, while the remaining contents of the bottle was hidden by the kitchen counter.
"J-Jesus- Olivia. What happened? A-Are you hurt?" she exclaimed in alarm. She scanned her body for any other wounds. Olivia's hands were trembling as she brushed it through her hair, her eyes wide, looking right through her.
"I-I-I-I don't exactly remember what h-happened. I-I just rem-remembered thi-things and su-suddenly it felt like s-someone had placed a pillow over my face and I couldn't bre-breathe. God, I-I tried to stop it. I took a f-f-few breaths but my lungs they-they wouldn't work properly and my chest hurt and my hands w-were trembling and-and I drank so much-so much and there was something wrong with my knees- they wouldn't stop shaking. My hands t-trembled so much- it scared me, Abby. I dropped the-the bottle and it went ev-everywhere and the shards- everywhere. I-I felt like someone had drained all the energy from my body and I fell and I got this. I couldn't breathe- I-I could barely stand up- they were everywhere. I could hear them, I could see them right beside me- yelling at me, hu-hurting me. They-they were all I could h-h-hear, they- Abby- they-they…" she gasped, her eyes frantic, her trembling hands covered her face as she let out an anguished sob. Sobs wracked through her fragile frame and her entire body trembled. She looked like a lost child. Abby's heart clenched, tears blurring her vision. God, she felt so helpless. She murmured comforting words as she led her to her couch. They sat there, Olivia sobbing against the cocoon she's made against Abby, her warmth comforting her as Abby gently rocked her back and forth.
"I'm here, Olivia. I'm here. Shhh… they can never touch you again. Abby's here. I'm here." Abby whispered as she held her, a few tears escaping from her own eyes. She felt completely helpless. She wished she could do something to take her pain away, crush it, guard her from it.
"Shhh… Liv, It's going to be okay. I'm here. I'll stay with you here every night if you want me too. It's okay." she said softly. She felt Olivia's fragile frame tremble and she held her even closer. "You're so strong. So strong, Liv. Shhh… it will be okay. I promise." She murmured. "I'm so proud of you, you know that? I love you… please be okay."
She continued to murmur sweet nothings until her cries subsided. Olivia held on tight against Abby's warm frame, and she eventually fell asleep.
Abby quietly stood up, careful as to not disturb her. She grabbed the first aid kit and cleaned her wound, taking out the shards of glass, and the dark, clumped dried blood. She carefully wrapped a bandage around her elbow and pressed a soft kiss on her forehead as she slept. Taking off her heels and folding her sleeves up, she cleaned the kitchen floor as quietly as she could, sweeping each jagged shard of glass and wiping the wine away with a mop. She cleaned the wall free from any wine stains and checked the time.
3:02 am.
She set down a box of Panadol and a glass of water on the coffee table. She grabbed a blanket from her room and covered Olivia, adjusting the blanket so it covers her feet. She then laid down on the armchair opposite her. She watched her chest rise and fall. Her eyelids fluttered and her eyelashes flickered with the shadows on her face. Abby began drifting off when she heard Olivia mutter something under her breath. She watched her as she turned to one side, her eyes still closed, muttering to herself. Her murmuring grew louder, yet Abby still couldn't understand what she was saying. Olivia started shaking her head slightly, having an internal battle within herself. Her forehead creased as she turned one of her hands into a fist and started gently hitting herself.
"I… can't. I can't-can't do it anymore. I can't do this anymore." She murmured, louder this time. She continued slamming her fist into her head and Abby hurriedly sat by her side, her hand on her chest.
"Olivia? Wake up, Liv. Stop hitting yourself." she said. Her heart ached, seeing her like this. Olivia continued chanting over and over and over under her breath, her eyes firmly shut. Abby went to touch her when she felt something damp. She was covered in sweat. Olivia smacked her fist into her head harder, chanting faster and louder.
"Ol-Olivia-Liv, stop. Please, you're hurting yourself." begged Abby. She placed her hands on either side of her shoulders and shook her. She felt so helpless. She couldn't watch her like this. Tears sprang to her eyes.
"Liv! Please- wake up, it's only a bad d-dream, I'm here now- Liv, it's going to be okay." She begged, shaking her hard.
"The window, th-they closed it off-he-he paved it off. That's-it. I'm go-going to die, I'm-I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die…" she chanted quickly under her breath, both of her knuckles now hitting her head.
"Liv, wake up-please, wake up." Abby urged, shaking her hard. "Olivia!"
Olivia's eyes flashed open. She looked straight through her, her entire body trembling. "Ple-Please don't, don't hurt me." She whimpered. "Don't- touch me. Leave me alone! I'm… alone, I'm alone, I'm alone, I'm alone…" she pleaded, still hitting herself.
Abby's heart tightened and a tear fell down. "It's A-Abby. It's Abby. I'm h-here now. That was only a bad dream. You're safe- I'm here now- Olivia, please." She held her, rocking her back and forth as she continued to protest.
"I don't- I don't know if you're real. Are y-you r-real? I had a dream-yo-you were with me- put some sense into me- I held onto that. Then to wake up and find out all of that never happen. Yo-You weren't with me- I wasn't safe. I was alone." Olivia whispered, her eyes wide, her trembling fingers pulling at her hair.
Abby parted with her, holding her by her shoulders. She looked at her straight in the eye and reminded her, "I'm real. I'm here. Abby. I'll never leave you. Those people who took you? They're dead. They're gone. They will never come back unless you let them. Let this-" she took her fisted hand, unfolded it, and placed it on her beating heart,"- remind you who's breathing. Who's alive. Who fought and won."
She took her other hand which was still hitting her head. "Stop- stop hurting yourself. You're with me now. You're safe. I guarantee you Huck checked inside every single vase and flipped every single pillow in your apartment. And Jake? He's most likely just outside this building with Quinn and Huck in the van, just making sure everything goes alright."
"What about my neighbours? Will every single person I share a floor with die because of me?" Olivia said. "I can't- I can't get them out of my head. I can't help feeling like every single person I touch will either die because of me or try to kill me. I can't- Abby- I don't- I don't know how to-to-" She whimpered. She broke out an anguished sob as she wrapped her arms around her, her fragile frame shaking against Abby's. Her chest clenched tight. Tears fell down Abby's cheeks as she comforted her, gently stroking her hair.
"I'm scared, Abby, so s-scared. I'm scared I won't be able to live normally after this. I can't stop thinking- I can't even breathe properly- things trigger me everywhere I go. And just after I think I'm somewhat okay, I hear them, I feel their presence behind me- they take over and it starts all over again. I can't sleep- can't even go to the damn toilet without my heart beating so fast the sound takes over my ears. I flinch every time I see that glass of water on that table right there. I'm scared-paranoid- all the time now, Abby. What-What do I do? Abby, what do I do?"
Abby hugged her even tighter in response and somehow it made Olivia feel better.
"I'm sorry, Liv. I don't- I don't know. But I will be here every night to comfort you, wake you up from every nightmare and calm you down after every panic attack. I wish I could just hug away every thought you have about them, but I know even if we don't want it to, it comes back. But so will I. I'll be here. Slaying your dragons right beside you. I'll always be your gladiator."
Olivia stroked Abby's hair and whispered at her ear, "Thank you, for everything. I don't- I don't know what I'd do without you. Thank you." Abby kissed Olivia's forehead and whispered to her soothing words until she fell asleep.
Thank you allllll for reading! Thoughts? Reviews keep me alive :)
-Laine
