"You're so fucking cold!"
"Give up!"
"You don't think of anyone, but yourself."
"You know what? FUCK OFF!"
I know this is all what they think and if I give it a thought, they're right. It's not like I want to be this way, Bro taught me to build a barrier, heart of steel.
'They're right, I'm cold.'
My heart is made of ice, it's more I'm scared of being hurt, not that I tell anyone that.
"Just please… Don't leave, I don't try to be the way I am, I can't help it…"
I whisper to myself and pull my knees to my chest, sitting on my bed. It's twelve, midnight, and I heard a shatter, like glass breaking, a tug in my chest and I realize, that was my heart. I don't want to be alone, but I guess this was how it was meant to be.
"I don't want to be alone…"
I sob, no, Bro's not awake, I think it'd be okay to slip, just when I know no one's around to hear. I cry harder.
'Why? Why do I have to be alone? Why do I have to act so cold? Why must I push everyone away?'
I never wanted to be like this, I wanted to open myself up to my friends, I didn't want to push them away, didn't want to say goodbye… But I did. And why? For Pride? Envy? Wrath? No, because I'm stupid, I don't want to be alone. I'd take it back, I'd take it all back. Just to know they would stay, they wouldn't leave me alone. I sob and try hold myself together, moonlight shines in from the window as I pick up my head and reach over to my nightstand. Opening the first drawer, I pull out a small sachet, and open it up, inside there are 3 blades. I take the one that looks the cleanest.
Breathing slowly, I put the sachet down and hold the blade between my thumb and pointer finger.
'One last time, I'll be fine, I don't need them, all I need is this.'
I told myself that a lot of times and so far… I was never right. Slowly I put the blade to my forearm and breathe out. I feel as if I'm only have alive, which could be possible, a zombie at best. Ironic, I guess I am a zombie, my skin resembles one. A choke sob leaves me and I press down, more, a little deeper, now just drag it across. Closing my eyes, I do so.
"Ahhhh, fuck."
I open my eyes and wince, might be a little deeper then I wanted, fuck. My mind goes blank as I watch the blood go around the small piece of metal in my fingers and slip down the white skin. It drips on to my pillow, hopefully Bro will think I had a nose bleed. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip… Fuck, gotta stop watching and clean up. I put the blade back in the small pouch and close the drawer. Digging in the bottom drawer, I pull out a cloth, stained in the crimson color running from my arm. Without taking my eyes off the little stream, I press the cloth down and hiss. More tears come to my eyes and I take off my shades. The blood leaks through the cloth, a small jolt of fear wells up more in my chest.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
I press down harder and bite my lip, to try not whimper out in pain. It shouldn't be deep enough to kill, but I'm still scared it is.
'Calm down, calm down.'
Okay, c'mon, quit bleeding, you had worse wounds.
"I'm scared."
I whisper, least when you're alone, you're not leaving many things behind. Less people hurt, but it fucking hurts yourself. Just to think, no one cares, just let the blood run, die, no one cares. You push them away, you didn't deserve your great friends anyway.
FUCK! Quit thinking like that, pull together. I slap myself and try harder to stop the bleeding. My body is shaking from the fear and sobs. I don't want to die, but I don't want to be here alone… Finally the bleeding stopped, I take off the cloth and put it in the drawer. Pulling down my sleeve, I put my aviators on the nightstand and lay down.
Curling up in to a ball, I let myself cry to sleep.
My name's Dave Strider and I don't want to be alone anymore…
A/N: A oneshot, kind of how I'm feeling, sitting alone. Ha…
Think I'm gonna cry, hope you liked it…
