It had been a long night and Darren was basically falling asleep on the makeup chair. He had to do the "Cough Syrup" performance that Blaine had meant for Kurt. He needed to channel very deeply into his emotions, as he usually would, but now all he felt was heartache.
All he could see when he closed his eyes was Dianna's short blond hair and that cute red shirt he bought her on a trip to New York. But what was worse was the only thing he could hear, soft sobbing and a door closing shut as she left his apartment late last night.
He came back to reality when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. A text message. From her. He did not need to read it because he already knew.
"Need to talk. I'm sorry. Di"
He put the phone back and picked up his script, trying to forget everything.
"All we need is time Darren" Dianna had said to him, grabbing him by his arms and steadying him in place. "Look at me, please." She made him stare at her green eyes. He could not stand looking at her now. Not after tonight. "You need to understand…" he cut her off "understand what? That you don't love me enough? That you want to keep this "he let go of her soft grip and grabbed her hand and placed it in her chest, close to her heart "a secret from everyone?" She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, bowing her head down in shame. She started to speak again; softly "you have seen how bad it goes when people like us go out to the public. I had it happen to me Darren, you don't know how hard it is to be in love with someone and you want to show it to the world. And everything just" she started to hold back tears, a small sob forming in her throat "it falls apart. And it hurts. So much."Darren saw a tear fall down her cheek; he cupped her head with both hands and managed to erase that tear with his thumb. He could not stand looking at her like this. She is usually so bubbly and funny and elegant and amazing.
But he had to come back to this subject. It's been almost 10 months since they started dating and he wanted to be able to take her on a stroll, a fancy diner, and hell, even to meet his closest friends. But they said they would wait for the right time to tell this to the world. They both knew this relationship carried a big weight over both of them and the show.
He sat in one of the chairs in the McKinley auditorium and had his iPhone on to "Cough Syrup." He had to wait for production to set everything up. He knew he was going to have the spotlight tonight; it was a very personal performance. His eyes were closed and he leaned back into the chair and soaked up the song. "
Life's too short to even care at all oh
I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control
He remembered sitting at reading with the whole cast for the first time and learning he had to sing this song to Kurt in the auditorium, commemorating their first anniversary. And he looked up from his script to Dianna. She looked up at the same time and both giggled in complicity. A couple of days before she had come up to him with her iPhone and flaunted her new addition to her playlist of "Darren recommended" songs. "Well, looks like someone was right" he laughed, grabbing her and sitting her on top of his lap. He put his arms around her and took her close to him. "After a while of you nagging me to listen to this song about what I thought was a love song to cough syrup, I had to cave in." She leaned pressed her forehead against his and gave him a soft kiss. "Guess that you were right D." She kissed him again. Holding it for a few seconds longer, making both their Sunday morning even better. He grabbed one of the earphones and placed it carefully on her left ear and one on his right and pressed play. He knew that this is going to be their song from now on.
Darren jumped from his memory after Chris started to shake him. "Come on lover boy. Time to swoon me to death" he pointed his head to the stage. Darren stood up "Ah, um, sure. Be there in a second." He put walked up stage and put his phone on his bag next to the makeup station. He took a quick look at himself on the mirror when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around to see Lea, already on her Rachel Berry getup and with her own phone on her hands. "I came by to wish you good luck, but of course you won't need it. You'll blow everyone out of the water Mr Criss." She looked at him worriedly, like she knew. Well, of course she knew. They are best friends for God sakes. "Dianna sends her luck too, she's out in location shooting a scene" she said softly, he lowered his gaze and stared at Blaine's shoes. "She told me about the fight Darren, she's so upset. I've never seen her like… "he shot back to look at her and said "please, not now Lea. I don't want to know anything. She already made her choice. Not the right one" he chuckled sadly "but she didn't choose me."She opened her mouth to speak but chose not to. Instead she came up to him carefully, trying not to startle him any more than she already did and gave him a hug, trying to comfort him, even if he didn't ask. He returned the hug and whispered a quick thanks to her and headed to main stage.
If I could find a way to see this straight
I'd run away
To some fortune that I should have found by now
He started to sing the chorus and believed with all of his might that he actually felt this. And he did. All because of Dianna. He wished she had chosen him instead of what people will say. He remembered the first time they kissed. It might sound cheesy enough, but the moment their lips met he felt something click. Like a light was shined after being blind for so long. A missing piece he didn't know he was going to find.
So I run to the things they said could restore me
Restore life the way it should be
Waiting for this cough syrup to come down
He had is eyes closed, trying not to cry. He was thinking about all the good Dianna had. And everything had belonged to him. But now, it all shattered away to pieces. He opened his eyes and tried to focus on Chris, well, Kurt, and sing the hell out of the song. But all he could see in that chair was the blonde girl that always knew how to make him smile. She's the one that can take the whole world away and just make it about them. Those green eyes that always sparkled when they were together, the scent of strawberries and cream she used, never being aware if it was her own scent or the smell of her shampoo.
He broke of his trance when the director yelled cut. And he just shuffled quickly out of the stage. He knew it was the last thing they needed him for and grabbed his duffel bag and left the sound stage quickly.
The door bell rang once, but Darren didn't care to get himself out of bed. He didn't want to see anyone, he needed his time alone, to let this pass, as hard as this might be. It rang again. He groaned in annoyance and put his pillow over his head. Just a couple of minutes later he heard a voice: "Darren. Are you awake?" Dianna whispered. He thought he had smelled strawberries but had repressed this after thinking he was still dreaming, about her. "I was worried about you. You left so quickly today." He took the pillow from his face and sighed, sitting up. She stood on the right of the bed, wearing a pink dress and a white cardigan. Damn, she looks so wonderful, he thought. All of the sudden he felt cold, maybe because he left the door of the balcony open and a cold breeze went through, plus, he had taken his shirt off to fall asleep, so it was worse. But it wasn't that. It was the tension between them. "Why are you here? I thought we had settled things" he said. He tried to look straight into her eyes but couldn't bear looking at those eyes. He stood up and walked up to the balcony, trying to have the breeze calm down his anxiety.
He heard her walk up to him, standing behind but close enough to sense her. Even if he was not touching her he could feel the electricity between them and he knew she could feel it too. "I'm sorry about, all of this. I just can't. I didn't want us to end. I love us Darren and I didn't want anyone to wreck what we have. Because I love you. And I want you to be with me until we are old and wrinkly and we can't stand up from our matching rocking chairs" she laughed at the thought and he managed to chuckle a bit, but went silent the next second. "I want us too Di, God knows how much I want to have a big wedding and see you walk towards me surrounded by everyone we love" he said, still looking out to the beach outside his house. And he closed his eyes "Shit Di, I'm sorry. I know that was too forward…" she interrupted him "I want that too D. That's why I'm here. I'm ready. Ready for the world to know how much I love you." He turned around and looked at her, taken completely aback. "But you said. You left me yesterday broken hearted Dianna, you said you didn't want this" he said, tears filling his eyes. She already started to cry as well. "We, no, I made a mistake yesterday. I want you" she came closer to him, grabbing his hand. It was now her turn to place it over his heart "I want THIS Darren and everything that comes with it, because I know this is good. We are good baby." Darren pressed his head against her forehead and closed his eyes and laughed. "I love you Dianna Agron" he said and he kissed her with whatever power he could hold. "Hahaha. You never called me by my…" Darren interrupted "shut up and kiss me woman" and he pulled him against her and kissed her hardly, like he hadn't kissed her in forever.
"Are you ready?" he said as he held her hand and squeezed it slightly.
"I am. Just. Don't let me go." Dianna whispered in his ear.
"Never" and he gave her a sweet peck in the cheek.
Darren opened the door to the new reading table for next week, holding her hand and awaiting for anything that would come their way.
