- Northern Lights: I -
Halo (c) Microsoft, Bungie and associated creators. Red vs. Blue (c) Rooster Teeth. Content includes mentions of mature themes.
"You know, there's no shame in being a virgin."
"What?"
"I mean, it's not always that you score, and I've been turned down plenty of times. Still dude, it's kind of lame that you haven't gotten laid yet; you're getting up in there years, dude. Don't wanna have the kid ask when he gets older, and you can't give him any advice!"
North Dakota, former agent of a secret A.I. wielding strike force and now AWOL turncoat, sighed in annoyance. It was the fifth time that morning that his partner, Lavernius Tucker, had brought up the subject of North's love life. So far, criticism had been levied at North's "lack of male needs", the fact he couldn't remember his last meaningful relationship, and that he wouldn't give his real name to any girl who asked. North had declined to comment on Tucker's question about him "remembering his own name", considering that certain events ensured he didn't. Besides, North already had a kid, and the last thing he needed was some random woman coming up and telling him he had a bastard. In his service days, enough men had been responsible for a future father-hating military, driving themselves deeper into the holes their dysfunctional brains had dug them.
"Hey, are you even listening to me? Hey! HEY!"
"Will you be quiet?" snapped North, his voice icy cool as he peered through his rifle scope. "I'm trying to scout here, see if I can see anything out there."
"Dude, we've checked a million times already!" said Tucker with a disbelieving laugh. "There's nothing out there but sand! Pretty soon it's going to be the only thing left for us to eat, if we're not already!"
"Which is why I'm trying to find us a way out of here," said North. Their Pelican had been sinking into the sand over the course of eight days, grounded by a malfunction in the circuits. She was a beat-up old girl, having a long service in the Great War and eventually retired to a salvage heap. It had been a miracle that North (and only North) had been able to hotwire it, bypassing a shit-ton of failsafes and broken command lines. Tucker just had to insist that they make it to New Oasis for the Mardi Gras festival, manipulating North with the thought their children would run out of food if they didn't resupply ... And then he had gone and ripped open a panel full of snack foods he was "saving for an emergency"! That bastard could have gotten them all killed, little Junior and Theta included!
"Seriously though, not even a one-nighter? A drunken bender that ended in some chick's bed?"
"If it did, I most likely blocked it out, since it would have ended with my sister ratting me out, and my Dad ensuring I was neutered like the dog."
"You have a sister? Is she hot?"
At that moment, North's head turned around so suddenly that it was like a whip cracking. His steely gaze burned like a brand into Tucker's, the aqua-wearing ex-soldier flinching backwards. If there was one thing the pair could agree on, it was protectiveness towards their loved ones; North's sister was no exception. Which was odd, all things considered, as he hardly talked about South and seemed bitter about the subject. Maybe she's an utter bitch?
North, satisfied at Tucker's silence and the fear on his face, smirked ever-so-slightly. He turned back to surveying the vast desert before him, its only features sandstore arches, cliffs and plateaus of no value. It was near-unbelievable how desolate the place was, and unbelievable that the UNSC had a base there. Key word, of course, being had. Some sort of issue had come up - a lack of funding, a change in strategy, too much notable dissent among the men - and the place had been closed down a long while back. Though the equipment removed and all supplies long gone, it still had some standing structures; an underground bunker was among them. Through special design and the fact it was out of the sun's way, it was much, much cooler to stay in than the other cover provided. That was where Junior and Theta were now, most likely colouring or playing with a tennis ball Tucker had for them. At least he got rid of the magazines.
Thus, another typical day ensued: full of silence, the odd bickering and wondering what the hell to do next.
