A/N: This story is about Ginny after Harry's death. In my mind it's about two years after the war, but use your imagination. I own nothing. Enjoy!


I muster up all the courage I can manage and force my feet down the aisle, thinking back to my childhood bedroom just two hours ago where they started to dress me before I broke down. I'd moved to stand in justthatspot where he stood all those millions of years ago when things were sohorribleandbroken and they were the happiest times of my life. Tears had burst into my eyes and it had taken an hour to calm me down to the point where I could stand again, and I could remember being toughandstrong even after he was gone and whathappenedtome?

I stepstepstep down the long, white carpet and the tears dripdripdrip over my nose and my smile is sofake and nobodycantell! And then I'm back with them in my brother's old room, where we moved after they'd stopped me crying, and I know my smile was fixed on and sometimes Iwasn'teventrying and whendidIgetsogoodatthis? Because my mother and my best friend are looking at me, slipping my feet into high heeled shoes and telling me how beautiful and happy I look and I wonder dotheyknow? And they might, they just don't want to call me out on it because then they'd have to face the fact that maybepossiblyprobably they're faking it, too.

But I'm so close to the little stair that leads to the altar and I'm feeling terribleandhorribleandsick because he is a good person and I hate to lie to him, but if he knows the truth then howcanIlietomyself? And that front is breaking as my plastered-on grin and tear-filled eyes lift up to see him there, but not the him that I so desperately wish was standing there because Istilllovehim but Idon'tlovethisone.

And I can remember them telling me so long ago, he'llalwaysbewatchingoveryou, and that was the funeral. Then just two-hundred and fourty three days later tootoosoon they told me, he'dwantyoutomoveon and he'dwantyoutoloveagain. And they were right, and it was true, because he was always sososelfless.

And I hold his hands and he stands in front of me and he'scryinghe'ssohappy and myheartisshattered becaue I feel soguilty. I picture him looking down on me from wherever he is withsomanypeoplewelove and the "I do" get's caught in my throat because I know I wish I was saying it to theboyinthesky not themanatthealtar. But I choke out the words and my hands are shaking and the tears are pouring and I pull back from the kiss tootoosoonforhim because all that's in my mind is greeneyesinpringtime and whendidIstopbeingfifteen? And as our lips disconnect my smile begins to falter and I know everyoneislookingatme and the tears are still making tracks down my face but I can fix on a smile and nobodyknowsit'sfake.

And I know those green eyes likeemeraldsinsunlight are looking down on me and I knew him well enough to tell that he'd be soguilty that I can never be truly happy again or truly in love and that it hurts me because that'sthewayhewas. He would be guilty that I fell apart when he left this world because and now I'm in pieces that I pull into some semblance of a person and thisismenow and somedays I want to hate him. Somedays when I kissed my fiance, mynewhusband, on the lips I wanted to cry and scream at theboyinthesky that thisiswhatyoudotome! Because it's just because he's gone that I'm sodamnbroken and it hurts sodamnbad and the only smiles that aren't false are in photographs and memories that killmetolookat!

And I hug everyone and they congratulate me and I accept, and I kiss him somanytimes and it's breaking my heart. His arm wraps around my waist and I notice that we've never stood like that before because that'showIwaswithhim and my smile falls completely and it's going slowslowslowmotion because pictures are being taken and everyone's laughing and drinking champagne. Something stabs inside me sharpanddeep and I fold in half and sobs wrack my body and I shove him away shouting to him nonono and everyone looks terrified and I'm crying on the floor, rolled into a ball. My dress is pooling around me and I think I hear it tear and it's so bigandwhiteandsilky and I absolutelyhatethething!

And now my mother has ushered everyone away and they look sosadandpitying and the only thing that I can think is hehatedpity and that doesn't dull the pain. But now he is looking at me like I've scared the hell out of him and obviouslyIhave because I've spent the last year burying these feelings deepdeepdeepinside and sometimes in the middle of the night I get like this but thisissoprivate and Iwanttobealone and he keeps reaching for me and I'm slapping him away because itisn'thisbusiness. Those words, though, are echoing in my head from just moments ago forbetterorforworse and this is definitely worse and Itheewed and Ido and now what'smineishis and I'm ashamed as I realize that somewhere deepdeepinside I might have hoped that we could share this pain. And theguiltisback and it's coming strongandfast because I shouldn't have wanted to shove this off on anyone else.

And I can see it in his eyes that hefeelssorryforme and hefeelsbetrayed all at the same time because I'm sobbing and shaking HarryHarryHarry and suddenly there's nothing in the world but this pain and these tears and I know Imustbescreaming and whoever has their arms wrapped around me just got hit in the face and I have no idea who it was but the cold dance floor is swimming up to press against my face and the tears are pooling there and canIjustdrownhereplease? And my hands slide to my skirt and ripriprip it to pieces with all my strength and Imissyou and Ican'tdoitanymore and whydidyouleaveme? and the air is turning solid and I'm gasping to inhale and it's darkdarkdark and everythingdisappears but for just a moment I'm fifteen again, standing by the lake at school.

"You're beautiful," he mumbles to me from his place behind me, one arm wound around my waist. His chin is on my shoulder, his breath in my ear.

"You're shameless," I laugh, turning to kiss him quickly.

In an instant I'm facing him, breathless, gazing into his gorgeous green eyes.

"I love you," he mutters, his eyes alight, and I know he means it.

"I love you, too," I tell him, and it's the truest thing I've ever said.

He laughs and twirls me around, kissing me, and I think I've never seen anything so beautiful as him smiling. I feel like I'm floating and I hardly notice when he places my feet back on the ground, letting every one of my senses absorb him, commiting him to memory.

I am young and in love.

I've never felt so complete.


A/N: I hope you liked it! I know it wasn't much of an ending, but this was way outside my comfort zone. I challenged myself to write something new in a new way, and I honestly like how this turned out. I would like feedback, though. I'll answer all comments and PM's, even flames. But before you do flame, I realize that I wrote this with never ending sentences and wordslikethis but it's based off an experience I had with a panic attack. That is how my thought process went, absolutely insane. Anyway, fedback and questions are welcome and wanted!

Thanks for reading!