Blondine and Bobby Pins were walking through the forest looking for another fuckin talisman because they needed to save the goddamn world and get the Bitch on the Beach to shut up. Speaking of which, the Bitch on the Beach was currently whining at them for not going fast enough.
"Hurry up, losers, I want to be a Bitch in Charge, not a Bitch on the Beach anymore!"
Suddenly, a man with a spear jumped out of a tree and landed in front of them.
"Crap, drop bears! Since when have we been in Australia?" Blondine yelled.
Bobby Pins, however, was astounded by this man's fashionable 90s tan trenchcoat and fedora thingy of the same color. The matching thing really turned him on. He wondered if the spear was secretly a penis metaphor. He hoped it was. He started blushing awkwardly.
Blondine prepared a talisman and threw one to Bobby Pins. "We have to defeat this fucker if we ever want Bitch on the Beach to shut up! Come on!" Blondine noticed Bobby Pins' blush and wondered if it was because his ass looked particularly fantastic this morning. Blondine tried to stand so the light would glance off the cheeks in a pleasing way, then focused on shields or whatever.
"I have to obey the Salmon," said trenchcoat man, who looked like the offspring of Yu Kanda and Carmen San Diego. "I have to stop you guys from stopping us from resurrecting one of those fucking trees."
Blondine frowned. "Hey Bitch on the Beach, which tree are we supposed to be saving again?"
"The blue one, cuz it's obviously the good one," she shrieked. "Have you never watched an anime before?"
"Of course not!" Blondine snapped. "I'm not into lame shit like that! I prefer to watch my sister take a bath! Wait, shit, did I say that out loud? I mean, I get girlfriends! Lots of them! Who aren't my sister!"
No one believed him. He was so busy worrying about his incestuous tendencies that he failed to notice how hard Bobby Pins and Kanda San Diego
In order to distract everyone quickly from what he'd said, Blondine put a talisman on his hand, one of the ring ones. It was a pretty ring. Blondine wondered if his sister would have liked it. To get his mind out of the gutter, he said, "Kanda San Diego! We must do battle or something!"
"Right." Kanda San Diego stopped eyefucking Bobby Pins. "Okay, here I come." Bobby Pins wasn't sure if he meant in battle or in his pants.
Kanda San Diego ran at Blondine and smacked him. The shield and the talisman immediately broke.
"Well shit," Blondine said. He waited to die. Maybe he'd get to have sex with his sister in his afterlife. I shouldn't be thinking these things, he thought to himself as he also thought about fucking her.
"Why do you look so turned on right now?" Bobby Pins asked Blondine. He was jealous that his friend got spanked by Kanda San Diego and he hadn't been. He was also mad that his friend seemed so turned on by it.
"NOTHING" yelled Blondine.
"Wait," said Kanda San Diego. "I will allow you to live if Bobby Pins and I participate in penetrative intercourse."
"What," said Blondine. "No, man! No way! That's ridiculous! No one ships that! Dude, that's fucked up! Bobby Pins is mine! He's all I have left to remember my sister by, because she used to be so mean to him!"
However, Bobby Pins was already was already walking quickly towards Kanda San Diego and nodding his head vigorously. They went off into the woods together, and Blondine and Bitch on the Beach had to sit and wait and talk about the weather while the sounds of passionate lovemaking filled the forest.
THE END
