First of all, the disclaimer—these are Kishi's characters, not mine. Oh, and a huge thanks to the beta SasukeIsAwesomeAndSasukeIsMe, because I very much appreciate the support! (as well as the editing, of course!)
Each and Every
He sat in his usual position, one arm draped carelessly over one lifted leg, the other hanging limply at his side. The face was tilted upwards, black spikes ruffling smoothly in the invisible breeze, framing eyes that stared still and empty. At first glance, the man was just a beautiful sculpture in a beautiful landscape, warm blooded but stone cold. A snake coiled on the rock besides him. It was Monday in Konoha.
"Sasuke," Naruto said, letting no inflection invade the monotone voice. Sasuke's distant eyes flicked briefly towards him, but the recognition flashed only briefly before his gaze again drifted to the sky. "Nice to see you again." Naruto added the quietest of warmth to this statement, but Sasuke did not even look his way. Naruto took the unthreatening silence as an invitation to sit. "Hello, snake." He said looking down on the creature he had almost sat on. "You look almost as cold as Sasuke." The snake slowly uncoiled and slithered towards Naruto menacingly. Naruto laughed, jumping away.
"You know this one?" After a few seconds of no answer, Naruto smirked and picked up the snake with the care of one long experienced. "Looks like it, if it recognizes speech. Plus it defended you." Naruto smiled again, before letting it fade. "You do look cold, Sasuke. Not cold shivery, but cold empty. When are you going to let us help you?"
Naruto listened again to the silence, no answer forthcoming. Sasuke's control was so good these days. "Seriously, we can. Don't you want something, a goal, to have now that yours is gone?" Naruto glanced over to see Sasuke's head shake minutely. But it was never good to comment on these things, the only signs that the Sasuke Naruto had once known resided inside this shell, so Naruto kept silent. "You can have one, you know. If you don't feel complete, or anything." Sasuke shook his head again, and Naruto's sigh died in his throat. "You know we love you." The head shook again, somewhat harder.
"You don't know? Or you don't believe it?" Naruto asked this almost curiously, and Sasuke froze at the situation he was in. His head stilled and he blanked his eyes again. "Give it up, Naruto," he stated, quietly. "Go back with the others." He didn't know why he tried, sometimes. Naruto looked at him, inquisitive, but continued on. Only he could do that these days, with everyone's doting admiration of his rare speech. It was kind of nice, but mostly grating.
"Or…" Naruto forged on, ignoring him, "you think you don't want it?"
Sasuke sighed. Only Naruto could do this. And only Naruto would make him answer. "I don't want it. Go away, dobe. You're a pathetic excuse for a ninja, to need love so much, or believe you can give it. Come, Hebi." He held his arm out for the snake, and stood up; stretching so minuscule that only the best would notice the tension. Unfortunately, Naruto was the best. He smiled again, the ever-present smile. "Sore, eh? How long have you been there?"
Sasuke didn't answer, but stopped stretching and stood stiffly, sending chakra waves instead. A waste, but if he got into a fight, unlikely but ever-possible with the bright-eyed boy sitting in front of him, he would need it. Naruto stood up at the pulsing, eyes growing more shadowed. Come to look at it, they were much more shadowed than years before. Naruto squinted at him, trying to discern the staring. Leaving it be, he went on with his earlier cheerless remark. "Always a fight, with you."
Indeed. Naruto knew him too well, and Sasuke walked away, back facing towards him, for the sole point of defying him. Then again, the contrasting act of defiance, a chillness that to everyone else defied his nature, was chillingly common to Naruto. Resisting the urge to sigh again, Sasuke twisted his arm slightly, knowing this was exactly what Naruto knew he'd do. He would step out of predictability someday. But not today, and not for a long time—not until Naruto died. Meanwhile, Hebi, wrapped on his twisted arm and now facing backwards, became his eyes, head bobbing in midair as Sasuke walked. Seeing no danger, Sasuke activated his chakra again. Walking carefully at the same speed, a move he had practiced often with Orochimaru, Sasuke let the fire envelop him and vanished. Naruto almost followed, but Sasuke sizzled the wind away.
Naruto was left, gazing thoughtfully at the spot where Sasuke had gone. He had made progress today.
…
"Naruto," Sasuke said, the moment he appeared behind him on Tuesday. "It's not just a shield."
Naruto paused in the quiet corner, a part of Konoha he loved for its calm and the stone bench Sasuke was reclining on. But instead of questioning, like everyone else would have, he locked onto the back of Sasuke's head. Sasuke perfectly imagined the blue orbs growing vacant, and he could almost feel the wind in Naruto's mind spinning the leaves of his thoughts. A shield… he heard clearly, as much as if Naruto had spoken.
A few minutes passed, but Sasuke still waited in front of Naruto, indifferent and silent. A shield… he heard again, and Sasuke smirked ruefully at the adeptness with which he understood. He shouldn't be able to hear silence; he shouldn't be able to hear another human being broadcasting internally to whoever could hear it. But he could, and despite all his efforts, he always had been able to and always would. At least with Naruto.
Another few minutes passed, and Naruto's ever present wind ruffled his hair again. That was Naruto's unconscious signal, and he saw without looking how the blonde's eyes cleared, but with a film of cloud over them. Naruto broke the silence, ready with his answer, clearing his throat. "Maybe." Sasuke bowed his head. It was an effortless answer, and good for all sorts of questions. But it fit the one it answered.
"Maybe," Naruto again stared straight at the back of his head, and Sasuke could feel it as the intense ray it was, "Maybe. It might be a release from anger, it might be a vent from frustration, it might be a coping mechanism for all you've lived through, even a form of denial. Your coldness could be anything. But it could easily be a shield." Naruto looked back for a second at the swaying black spikes. "Maybe."
And then, knowing they were done for the day, knowing that Sasuke was pleased but done with his company, Naruto spiraled out of the quiet corner with a tornado of leaves and wind. He had a mission today. But Sasuke had spoken first.
…
On Wednesday Sasuke was not ready for him. Arriving with his traditional flourish, Naruto froze with Sasuke sword inches from his throat. Sasuke glowered with hatred, and seethed at the wide blue eyes in front of him, envisioning red behind them. "Itachi--" he hissed, and Naruto narrowed his eyes. Flashing them with only a bit of red, he faded his eyes to their traditional blue, watching carefully as Sasuke regarded the change. It was slight, but present, and Sasuke's eyes blanked before he sheathed his sword. "Naruto." And Naruto heard the quiet apology in the word.
"Sasuke. Were you training?" Of course he wasn't training; the only way the Uchiha could be startled was being awakened from sleep. Sasuke stepped back, not answering. It was a question made to test his openness, and he would not comply. Naruto shrugged and smiled twistedly at Sasuke's skeptical eyebrow. "Just checking." His grin grew wider, and Sasuke turned away, annoyance and amusement ruining his facial features. "You're so pathetic."
"Glad to hear it," Naruto said cheerfully, "one of us has to be. So, how're you doing? Anything happen to Hebi?" Sensing the mood, Naruto rambled on, enjoying the Uchiha's imaginary answers. Though Naruto could listen to silence too, Sasuke's answers were only those that screamed brooding. Nightmares tended to do that, so Naruto made some up. "Really? That's hard to do. Someday I'll be Hokage, and I'll know everything you know." Blinding smile. "…Well, perhaps. But I will beat you someday. …Yeah. Though I might have to wait a bit until someday—still, it will happen. Do I have a mission today, you ask? Of course I do! What else would I do with my time—except talking to you, I mean--"
The things Sasuke already knew, the familiar arguments, the responses he could, and it seemed Naruto could, hear in his sleep, washed over Sasuke in a manner that was oddly soothing. In a voice deepened by age, but essentially the same, with the same lilting tones, the same smile and determined look, his smirk was almost nostalgic. Back in the days where Naruto was a dobe, where they were both only concerned with themselves, when they didn't know each other deep enough to not be annoyed by the familiars. To not appreciate the familiars-- he had been so young then. "Dobe." he said quietly, when Naruto paused in his speech for another invented reply. Naruto started, looked at him almost astounded, and then a smile that was not quite a smile filmed his face with golden light. "—yes, I mean, no! I'm not a dobe, you're the bastard, you—you--"
He was smiling too blindingly to continue, and Sasuke didn't turn away this time when the twitch lifted his lips just the tiniest bit. "Dobe, you're pathetic," was what he offered again. "I know," Naruto said, delight reflected in his posture, in his face, in his hair standing on end, before it faded to be replaced by a grave look. "I know. But then again--" here a grin Sasuke had not seen in ages appeared, but from long experience he flinched, "when I am pathetic, you are too!" And the stones Naruto spiraled up hit him in the face, hard enough to leave bruises later. "Naruto!" he yelled, mock angrily, and sprang to the spot where he had left dramatically. Always dramatic, Sasuke thought, his blank mask again in place. But I remember that look from somewhere—ah.
Sasuke's eye crinkled the slightest bit, in laugh lines that would never appear. Kakashi was too influential, he decided, just before he dropped the mask and let out an old smirk. A smirk from when all he had to worry about was beating Naruto and being the best. A smirk from when the villagers did not cross the road when he came by. A smirk from when his teammates smiled when they saw him. A smirk from when Naruto's darkness never reached his eyes and his mischievous grin was never rare. A smirk from when—Sasuke closed his eyes—a smirk from when he smirked, when he was the happiest he'd ever been in his life.
The best times in his life. .When he was loved. When he was helped. When he did not need a shield for safety… Sasuke's eyes opened. So that was what Naruto was doing. Almost uncomfortable, he let old smirk crept up again. Sasuke would look forward to it.
…
Thursday, his plans didn't just come through. Of course they would not—whenever he got happy, he would feel the addiction again. There was an obvious solution to the problem—Sasuke sneered—never be happy, but he already knew many would not agree with that method. He would probably get chased down, tied up, and thrown back to Konoha again. He'd be forced into captivity again, and without painkillers this time. Sigh. Well, here comes Naruto—
Naruto swept in front of Sasuke this time, and winced internally at the disgusted sneer on Sasuke's face. Combined with the stiff posture and the quivering hands, the only good thing about this was Sasuke seemed to be resisting. However, going by his expression, the method of resistance did not seem to please him all that much. "Sasuke" he almost whined, and winced externally this time at the tone. This would not do, he needed to make progress here, and he could not make progress if he was not nauseatingly patient. Sasuke had recoiled a bit there, shoot shoot shoot shoot shoot—
Whoops, Naruto! Sasuke thought sarcastically. Do not whine at the people you are trying to 'save'! Not that I don't admire your persistence, but seriously! You know how much CONTROL it takes to stand here? Almost as much as maintaining my face, which seems to have slipped—Sasuke corrected it, blanking it as usual—and you wince at me! Okay, that's it. Steps will be taken, maybe I will survive for a few months before you idiotic Konoha ninja come and pick me up again—AH!
Stupid stupid stupid stupid… uh… I just attacked Sasuke, didn't I? I also just got stepped on, didn't I? And Sasuke's up there looking none too happy, didn't I—heh heh. Uh… hi? Yeah, yeah, sorry—old habits die hard—and you were wearing your idiotic face—AH! SHOOT! – dang, my brain just seems to have shut down, and I'm just gonna shut up now—heh heh, please don't kill me—
Sasuke glared at the babbling boy underneath him.
Why in the whole freaking world did he grow up here? Not in a nice, quiet old ninja town, where all the old people sat and threw kunai all day—where young people respected his freaking ADDICTION—yes. Did Naruto have an inborn addiction to go charging out all over the world whenever he got the slightest bit happy? No. Did Naruto grow up in a childhood where his brother murdered his entire family? No. Did Naruto survive just because his brother decided he wanted to take his eyes so he could live for a while, anyway? No. DID NARUTO HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY HORRID CHILDHOOD THAT HE WOULD NEVER WISH ON HIS WORST ENEMY—which was either in front of him or inside him, by the way- NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! NEVER—oh. Never mind. He did. Crap crap crap crap—I seriously hope that wasn't out loud…
Naruto stared incredulously at the Uchiha's face. It was switching emotions so fast even he was having trouble reading it, and his mask had fallen off completely. He was still silent, but looked to be mouthing off to himself inside his head, annoying filling his face, then irritation, then despair, then anger, then blinding, consuming rage—and then it was gone. Just like that. Poor guy left with a devastated look, quickly replaced by apologetic—on Sasuke!—to be replaced by blankness again, all evidence of the breakdown disappeared. However, as he was still being stood on, all Naruto did was raise an eyebrow. If this wasn't so heartbreaking, he'd dissolve of laughter soon…
"Hum. Sasuke." He stated a few minutes later, when Sasuke still hadn't moved. "Care to get off?"
"… Oh." Sasuke did. And then he jumped him, fists swinging in the controlled arcs of a deadly ninja.
It was just like old times again.
…
Friday, Sasuke decided that enough was enough. Today he was going to kick Naruto's sorry butt—not that he had not yesterday, smirk smirk—in the delicate language of linguistics. He was going to maintain his mask and show once and for all that he, Uchiha Sasuke, did not like being played games with. Plus, trouncing Naruto's addled brain had always been a strong point of his, at least in the olden days. Ah, the olden—no, Sasuke. No, Uchiha. You are going to trounce dead last, and you cannot be distracted. Oh, speak of the devil! (Why the devil, anyway?) Here he is! And he walked today! Must have taken awhile, since I'm ten minutes full speed from Konoha's loving walls…
"Hi Sasuke!" Naruto greeted him cheerfully, and Sasuke frowned internally at the name. Much too familiar, that one.
"Dobe." Naruto looked to be delighted, but quietly so. Ho hum—this seemed not to be the right path to the kicking of buttocks. But mayhaps lure the prey into a false sense of security…
"You are so idiotic." I speak again, delighting myself in his delight. For those who are delighted make mistakes… or get dirty or something like that…
"So, feeling good today?" ... I freeze. Oh no, Naruto, you shall not trick me into your tricks. I shall not be caught in your delicate charismatic traps. I shall keep the freaking mask on LIKE I NEVER FREAKING DO WHEN YOU ARE PRESENT. I—
Sasuke looked to be hyperventilating. This was not good, Naruto thought, confused all the same. Sasuke had looked great when he had approached them, after their 'friendly'—well, it felt friendly to him, as only a few gallons of blood were shed and no fatal injuries sustained—and then hyperventilation. With the boy's mask still on! How the hell do you do that?!
Meanwhile, Sasuke's mind was screaming. MAYDAY! MAYDAY! NARUTO'S LOOKING IN YOUR FACE WITH AN AMAZED LOOK! DO SOMETHING! MAYDAY! CHECKLIST! AH! Checklist. Okay. Mask on? Uh… Sasuke screwed up his face a little—fine. Addiction appropriate? Not worth thinking about. Emotions in check? Of course. Though—ah HA! Naruto is backing away. We are good, all systems operational. And I have found the trump card! Let the trumping begin!
"Ah, Naruto," Sasuke cooed, and Naruto backed up another step, "ah, Naruto-kun--" Sasuke's face contorted briefly, but then blanked again, "uh… you are a dobe?"
Looking concerned at the blank look accompanying the sickly sweet voice, Naruto frowned. "Sasuke? Are you okay?"
"Am I okay? Of course I'm okay! I'm never not okay, never not okay, always okay, okay, okay, okay—" Sasuke stopped, and that was the biggest sign for Naruto. Occasionally Sasuke rambled, but he always knew he was doing it, and was doing it for a select purpose, usually dire. It represented too much loss of control for Sasuke to have to stop his own rambling. "Sasuke?" Naruto tried again, hesitantly.
No no no no NO! You lost control AGAIN, you idiot! Stop it, stop it, stop it all I want it to stop… Sasuke almost stumbled when he felt the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. No, he was NOT going to cry! He hadn't cried since Itachi, and that was when he was eight! No no no no NO! NO!
Turning his back on Naruto, Sasuke took out his sword and ran. Ran for all he was worth, because as much as fire pleased him, nothing was as sharp, as strong, as swift as lightning, and lightning was what he was. Strong, unfeeling, as fast as nothing else could be. Damaging, crippling, almost compelling with its dangerous beauty. He was lightning. He was lightning. He did not wear a mask—a mask was what he was. Wasn't a mask—was his self. Was lightning, strong, in control, crippling. Sasuke Uchiha. Lightning. One and the same. The one who killed his brother, the one who would someday win all. This was lightning, that never gave, only took. He was lightning. The tears were gone. Lightning.
Sasuke slowed, and when he turned, Naruto stood before him. Cheated, probably, with his wind travel—did not look winded enough to have run. But he had chakra—so much chakra. Sasuke was tired, and Naruto was not. Rage threatened, but he pushed it back. Lightning did not get angry, it burned with cold fire. Ready to strike at any moment and behind someone's back. Naruto would pay later. "What do you want? I will kill you, you know."
Naruto only stood there, not even going on one of his spiels. Time wore on, and the rage threatened again. Nevertheless, he was lightning. Lightning never lost control. He turned again and began to walk away, to wherever would take him, to wherever he could make his own. Lightning adapted, after all. "Are you running again?" Sounded behind him, but he ignored it. Naruto was not worth his time.
"Are you, Sasuke? Sasuke? The Uchiha who once and always will belong to Konoha?" Oh, so tempting. So many things wrong with that statement—the fire inside him burned to wipe the weakling of the face of the earth. However, years of taunts had made him strong. He knew he did not need anything. He knew he did not belong to anything. He knew no one knew his name. No one called his name with knowledge of what was inside him. No one knew him.
"Sasuke?" But, but—and the fire consumed the lightning, roaring out with the burst of chakra that was all Sasuke's own. He reveled in the power, in the sense of strength, even as his physical and emotional stores were swept clean. He was going to be bare to the world soon if he did not do something, but Sasuke did not care. Around him, the whole world was enveloped in fire with electricity sparking through its rivulets. He would destroy anything, everything. And now it was time to destroy Naruto.
"DIE!" Filled the air in a wrenching scream, and Sasuke was surprised to know it came from him. Was he really that out of control? Perhaps. His thoughts twisted again, but were interrupted from the body in front of him. He was not alone? Sasuke frowned. Who--? "… and I'm the Kyuubi container, you know. I'm sure you already knew that, but just so you know you aren't alone. I would do my whole I can feel your pain thing and it hurts so much, except you already know that, too. I'm sure you felt it. We love you, Sasuke. You have people who love you. Seriously, and we care, and some of us know how it feels like, and what it is like to be hurt, and angry, and always, always alone--"
Naruto's voice broke, and the tears came too. Everyone was a real tear fest today, Sasuke thought distantly, as both the fire and the lightning disappeared, only the remains smoldering in the dead forest around him. He reached upwards, felt his cheek, and was almost resigned to feel himself crying as well. A real tear fest. Hadn't cried since he was eight, was an Uchiha, was the sole survivor of the Uchiha massacre. He willed the fire and the lightning back, but they would not come. And he was left as the fan he was, powerful with other elements, but useless alone. He sat silently on the ruined ground, and watched as Naruto, still crying without noise, sank down besides him.
They watched the sunset for a long time.
…
And late Saturday was when they came home.
….
Sunday, he was sitting again, in the little corner in the quiet park, watching kids, innocent, free kids, run around. He felt the swirl of wind around him, smiled slightly at Naruto's arrival, though he hid it with a turn of the head. Wouldn't do for Naruto to get cocky, after all. "Dobe," he said quietly, and "Bastard," was answered back. "You have a mission, today." He said, chastising. "I know." Said Naruto. A pause. "You should be getting ready." And Naruto answered back. "I already am."
Sasuke turned around, looked at the clean white robes, the red hat clashing with the blond hair and bright blue eyes. Konoha's Hokage, today, coming to visit him as he did everyday. Everyday with the traitor of the village, with the scum of the earth, with the lonely little boy within him that played with lightning. "You must really love me," he said, looking out at the park again. ", to come, day after day." Naruto was silent for one beat, two. "It's not just me," he stated, looking out at the kids as well. "But yes, I do. We all do. You're loved, Sasuke." Sasuke shivered.
"And you will be forever. Day after day after day after day; we will come. Each morning, every evening, each summer day, every winter night, everyday I or someone else will show you you're loved, you're important, that you deserve to exist in a world that conspires against everyone. Each and every person deserves to live life as loved."
"Each and every…" Sasuke echoed, looking out at two loners from the rest of the kids.
And Naruto looked briefly and met his eyes. "Each and every."
Fin.
AN—
This fic was written one day at a time, following the format of the story, and Saturday and Sunday were used for editing. Explain the massive mood shifts in between the days? Please review, I'd love to hear what you think! hauntful yay
