The six of them
Ran the school.
Started out as lonely freshman, joined our group together and over ran the school and popular crowd. There's such thing as preps, but those are the outcasts of our school. There's Mikey, the shy one, Gerard, the dark one, Lexie the smart one, Frank the hyper one, Nala the colorful one, and me the tough emotionless one.
Gerard and Nala the seniors, Frank and Me the juniors, and Mikey and Lexie the sophomores. No freshman, cause they were against us, but they couldn't over run us, we were to powerful. Today was the fourth week in the new school year, and it was very dull and boring. I was leaned back in my chair, my legs stretched out in front of me; my hands were fiddling with the bracelets on my wrists.
"Anaa..." someone whispered childishly from behind me.
I lent my head backwards farther. "Whhhaaattt?" I whispered back in the same tone.
Frank giggled and I felt to arms wrap around my upper torso. "I lllllooooovvvvveeee yooouuu."
I rolled my eyes and put my arms across his.
"Why? What do you want?"
I felt his breath fall across my neck and I relaxed into the seat more. "Can we leave after this, this is sooo stuupiiddd..."
I thought about it for a minute, I had chemistry after this then lunch. "Yeah, but we have to come back for lunch, otherwise."
"Nala will chop our balls off."
"Exactly."
"YAY! We get to leave in," he paused, I'm guessing to look at the clock, "23 minutes."
"Woo."
He laughed and finally let go of me.
I went back to fiddling with my bracelets. I felt someone poke my side and I narrowed my eyes at my desk and stopped moving my hands. I felt another poke and I tipped my head backwards to glare at Frank. He smiled innocently at me and then poked my nose.
"Stop it." I whispered.
"Why?"
Then he poked me again.
"It's annoying, and I'll break your finger..."
We stared at each other for a long period of time and then Frank slowly lifted his finger and moved it towards my face. I glared at his finger and his finger touched my cheek and I ninja turned in my chair and twisted Frank's wrist upside down to where most of his body turned with his arm to keep it from hurting.
"Miss Anaa, is there a problem?"
I heard the teacher's voice behind me and I glared at Frank as he made a pained face.
"No, no problem."
"Then would you mind letting Mr. Iero go and telling me the answer to question 5."
I glared at Frank then let go of his arm and he sighed and pulled his arm to his body and rubbed his wrist. I turned in my chair and stared at my teacher.
"Answer to number 5 Miss Anaa?"
She raised her eyebrow in question and tapped the board to where the question was.
She then read it out loud,"Marco is driving a bus around the town. At the first stop he picked up 10 people. At the second stop he dropped off two and picked up five people. At the third stop he dropped off 4 and picked up 3. At the fourth stop he picked up 7 people. At the fifth stop he picked up 9 people and dropped of 7. What was the name of the bus driver?"
I raised my eyebrow and stared at the question hard. The name of the bus driver, bus driver, bus driver.
"His name is Marco." I said with confidence.
She stared at me. "Yes his name is Marco, but if you had been paying attention, you would have known that this isn't question 5."
I sucked my cheeks in anger. What a bitch, tricking me. Frank put his hand on my shoulder. "Let it go." He whispered.
I breathed out my nose.
"Detention after school."
"WHAT!? Are you FUCKING kidding me?" I yelled partially.
"Language Miss Anaa, and disrespect, detention for the rest of the week." She turned around and I glared at her back. I picked up my bag angrily.
"Let's go Frank." I said through gritted teeth.
Frank didn't argue, nobody dared argue with me when I was angry.
"Where do you think you're going?"
I stopped at the door and turned my head to the teacher and glared.
"Leaving, I have better things to do then sit here and get detention for something stupid."
"If you leave, I'm going to call the principal."
"Have fun with that!" I called over my shoulder letting Frank out in front of me then slamming the door behind me, and I could hear the glass of the door vibrate in its frame.
We stalked off down the hall, well more like I stalked and Frank jogged to keep up with me. We got out to the parking lot and there walking towards us from one side of the school yard was the principal and both our campus police officers. I just kept walking towards the parking lot, not paying attention to them at all. Frank kept glancing over to them nervously.
"Miss Fatone, Mr. Iero. Stop, we need to talk to you both."
Frank took a half hesitant stop but I grabbed his arm and pulled him with me towards the car. "Get in and don't look back." I said harshly and Frank hurriedly got in my car.
I snapped on my seat belt and started my car. I put the car in reverse and screeched backwards. Then put the car in drive and sped out of the parking lot. I wasn't stopping till we got to the place I loved most. I was speeding really badly, but I was angry.
"Uh, Anaa, you're kind of...going too fast."
I glanced over to him and saw he was actually a little scared as he was gripping the door handle so hard his knuckled were turning white. I slowed down to regular speed and he relaxed.
"Where are we going?" He asked after about 20 minutes into the drive.
"Jersey Shore." I said simply.
"What? We won't be back for lunch, and then Nala will chop our balls off." He sounded somewhat in disbelief.
"Nala, isn't going to do shit, so be quiet, or I'll chop your balls off."
Frank instantly shut up, but sent me confused glances every few minutes. After an hour and 23 minutes of driving, we were at the shore. I turned off the car and got out. I walked off towards the docks, and I could hear Frank hurriedly catch up to me. I watched myself walk through the sand. Every foot print I left would be gone in a matter of hours. Things don't last and I don't care. I walked to the end of the docks and sat at the edge, my feet hanging over the water and if I was pushed I would fall into the deep blue, seemingly endless water. I could see from the corner of my eye, Frank sat next to me and we just sat and watched the sun go higher into the sky. It wasn't as cloudy at the shore as it was in the city, a lot prettier and not so...empty.
"Anaa..." I turned my head to Frank, "What's it like?"
I raised my eyebrow in question; I had no clue what he was talking about. "What are you talking about?" I was way confused now.
"You know, not caring...what's it like not to care about people?" he tilted his head in question, his hair sweeping past his face and his hazel eyes gleamed with question. I cared...about him at least.
"I don't know..." I turned my head towards the seemingly endless ocean and stared into the distance. "it's easy not to feel sad when people disappoint you, cause you expect it...so you don't care...easy not to fall for anyone, cause you expect them to be the same as everyone else...easy not to love anyone, cause no one cares enough to make you care..." I stopped and closed my eyes, letting the cool breeze wash over me, the salty air made me light headed. "Easy not to be sad...ever, easy not to feel anything towards anyone, cause you don't care, you don't care, you just...don't care." My voice was a whisper and there was a knot in my throat...I didn't like not caring, but I did it to keep myself from getting hurt.
"I care..." Frank whispered.
I smiled lightly and opened my eyes to look at him. "Try not to...you're just going to be disappointed in the end."
He frowned and I stood. "We should get back...before Gerard calls out a search party."
He nodded and followed me back to the car. The whole ride back, was silent, no questions, no looks...nothing...told you, disappointing.. We arrived back at the school when they were letting out. Frank and me sat on the front of my car and waited as Our group came towards us. Mikey was holding Lexie's hand.
Gerard with his arm around Nala. The two happy couples...Gag me please. They stopped in front of me and Nala glared while I sat emotionless...I didn't care.
"And where were you two at today?" Nala asked through gritted teeth while the other three nodded.
"The Jersey Shore." I replied simply and walked towards my driver side door.
"AND What WERE you doing at the shore?" Nala asked again in a more raised voice.
"Sitting, talking, whatever...if you keep yelling, you can walk your sorry ass home, Kay?" I smiled at her in a forced way and got in my car.
Nala huffed but got in the car none the less. Lexie following while Gerard and Mikey went off to Gerard's car. Frank got in the front and we pulled from the school parking lot.
"Gerard's house I presume?" I asked as we went in that direction.
"You presume correct." Lexie said happily fixing her head band.
"If you would have been at lunch, you wouldn't have to presume." Nala said bitterly.
"Drop it Nala, just shut up." Frank snapped, first thing he said in the last almost two hours.
Nala looked shocked and shut her mouth. We pulled in front of Gerard's house and Nala, Lexie, and Frank got out of the car. They started walking towards the house and Lexie stopped seeing I wasn't with them and walked back to the car.
"You're not coming in?" She was confused. I'm always the first inside the house.
"I'm not coming in, I'm leaving."
"Where?"
I shrugged. "I don't know...New York or something...See my brother, whatever."
"Why?" She raised her eyebrows.
"Ask Frank." she stepped back from the car and I pulled away from the Way household...I'd be back tomorrow...or later tonight.
I walked into my brother's apartment, having my own key of course.
"Hey big bro, how's it going?"
I plopped down on his couch as he stared at me confused.
"Uhmm...fine...What are you doing here?" He looked utterly confused and I didn't blame
him for it.
"What, you don't want to see me?" I smiled playfully.
"You know what I mean...what are you doing in new york...now?"
I shrugged and closed my eyes.
"Still pretending not to care about people eh?"
"I'm not pretending." I snapped.
He laughed. "Right sis, whatever you say, so then why are you here?"
"I disappointed someone again..." I whispered. '
"See you can't pretend not to care around me...who was it, Frank?"
I nodded. Hey there, I know it's hard to feel like, I don't care at all, where you are and how you feel...
I heard my phone singing Ohio is for lovers and I instantly went to grab my phone. I flipped it open. "What?" I asked in a monotone.
"That's how you answer the phone now?" The male voice laughed and I sighed.
"What do you want Gerard?"
"Where did you go?"
"New York..."
"WHAT!? why?"
"To see my brother."
"Why? Was it what Frank did, I told him he was stupid for asking you that."
"Well, knock that sense into his brain and I'll be back later."
"Fine, we'll be waiting."
I closed my phone and put it back in my pocket.
My brother raised an eyebrow at me and I sighed shaking my head.
"So, what really happened?" My brother asked sitting next to me on his couch.
"Well, me and Frank left the school in the middle of class...and we went to the shore, where I can always calm down you know?" He nodded. "And we were sitting there, watching the sun rise in the sky and he asks me, what's it like? and I was like, what's what like, cause I had no idea what he was talking about. And he says, what's it like, not to care about people." My brother sucked a breath through his teeth his face saying he shouldn't have said that.
"I KNOW! So I told him what it was like, I said, it's easy not to feel sad when people disappoint you, cause you expect it...so you don't care...easy not to fall for anyone, cause you expect them to be the same as everyone else...easy not to love anyone, cause no one cares enough to make you care. Easy not to be sad...ever, easy not to feel anything towards anyone, cause you don't care, you don't care, you just...don't care...and he said, I care and I was like, try not to, you'll just be disappointed in the end..."
My brother frowned and I sighed again leaning my head on his shoulder.
"And we went back to go get everyone and he didn't say anything the whole ride, except when Nala was bitching at me and all he said was, Drop it Nala, just shut up…and he said it angry, and I dropped them off at Gerard's like usual, and left."
My brother put his head on top of mine. "The life of a teenager that always keeps up a wall."
I rolled my eyes and nudged him with my elbow. He laughed and gave me a side hug.
"Well, you can hang here until you want to leave, the guys are coming over and stuff and we're going to jam, so you can like join us or something."
"Sweet."
Saying goodbye, this time, same old story, seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry.
I jolted awake and looked around confused, realizing the noise was from my pocket, I quickly pulled my phone out and opened it. "What?"
I rubbed my eyes and yawned. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
I looked around. "I guess I fell asleep on my brother's couch."
"You GUESS? What the hell, you were supposed to come back."
"Dude, I'm leaving now, just chill out."
I heard him sigh and take a deep breath. "Okay, so you'll be back soon."
"Yeah, sure...you guys still waiting for me?"
"Well, Lexie went home, Mikey's sleeping, Nala is making food and Frank is sitting here all mopping and stuff."
"Shut up." I heard Frank's voice in the background.
"Stop mopping and I will. But yeah, so are you in your car yet."
I slammed the door for him to hear and he laughed. "Take that as a yes."
"Yeah, so did you want to talk to me while I drove back or are you actually going to let me have some quiet?"
It was silent for a few moments.
"Hmmmm...Nope, I'm talking to you."
I rolled my eyes and sighed. I put the phone in between against my shoulder while I started my car and looked around. All the street lights were on, and still many cars drove past me. "Dude, what time is it?" I asked Gerard, having no clue.
"Uhm..." He paused, I guess to look at a clock or something, "It's uhhh...Frank, what time
is it?"
"I don't know."
"Well go check."
"Why?"
"JUST DO IT!"
"Whatever."
It was silent for a few moments while I drove, I was on the highway by the time Gerard said anything.
"So, what are you doing?"
"Driving on the highway."
"Cool."
"Sure."
It was silent again.
"So, what's the deal with you and Frank?"
I raised my eyebrow though he couldn't see.
"What do you mean?"
"Oh come on, he totally loves you."
My eyes widened.
"What?"
"Come off it, everyone can see that."
"Whatever Gerard."
"So, do you love him?"
I didn't say anything. No, I didn't love him. I couldn't. That would show weakness. I can't care that much about anyone. No. No. No. No. No.
Yes.
"No, I don't. He's just Frank."
Liar.
Who the fuck are you?
The voice in your head.
Yeah, I really am crazy.
"Yeah okay, whatever Anaa, you know you totally love him."
"You keep talking about this, I'm hanging up."
"No you won't."
"Try me."
He was silent for a moment.
"You love hhhiiiimmmm."
"Bye Gerard."
I didn't wait for him to answer and I hung up my phone. I put it in the seat next to me and turned my cd player on. I heard my phone ring several times, but ignored it. My phone beeped meaning I had voicemail. I didn't care.
I parked my car in Gerard's drive way and got out of the car, leaving my phone.
I walked up to his front door and opened it. I closed it slowly, waiting to be attacked by an angry Gerard and got nothing. I furrowed my eyebrows.
I walked towards the kitchen and still didn't hear any noise. I walked into the kitchen to see a pot on the table and bowls around it. I could see steam coming out the top of the pot and figured it was recently put there. I walked towards the basement door and opened it quietly. I heard voices coming up the stairs and went to walk down saying something but stopped.
"You gotta remember Frank, Anaa isn't the same as me or Nala or Lexie or Mikey… She has bigger and thicker walls built up than we do. She's harder to get to than you want to think." I heard Gerard's voice come up the stairs.
"Sometimes I think Anaa may just be a big wall herself…I've never even seen the girl have a boyfriend as long as we've known her. Sometimes I think, maybe she doesn't even care about us." I heard Nala's voice come up the stairs and I looked down at my feet.
I didn't realize they felt like that. Maybe they would be better off without me there.
"How could you guys even say that?" That's what stopped me from closing the door and leaving. "Anaa may have tougher walls to crack but she's just like us. She's been hurt a lot worse than we could ever imagine. She's our friend and no matter how she is, it shouldn't matter. We should love her same as we always have." Frank sounded slightly angry.
"I know that Frank, but you have to understand…" Frank cut Nala off.
"NO, Nala, you have to understand, I don't fucking care what you think right now." I heard him walk towards the stairs, but I couldn't bring myself to move from where I was.
Frank walked slowly up the stairs and stopped halfway when he saw my shoes. He looked up to my face and saw the conflict of if I should leave or not as much as I hid things, I couldn't hide that from him.
"Anaa…" He said it softly but I could hear Nala and Gerard rush towards the stairs.
"Frank…I'm sorry." I turned and ran towards the front door. By the time Frank caught up to me, I was already pulling out of the driveway.
He didn't try to stop me from there. He just watched me as I drove away.
My phone rang out. How I wish, how I wish you were here. We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year, running over the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears. Wish you were here.
I sighed and ignored it. It beeped and I picked it up momentarily diverting my attention from the road. I flipped my phone open and clicked on voicemail and put the phone to my ear.
"You have two new messages." The animated voice said. "First new message on Tuesday, September 5, 2008 at 2:34 a.m. Anaa…" It was Frank's voice coming through my phone, "I don't know what you heard, and if I guess I'm gonna say you heard everything from what Gerard said about the walls. I'm not apologizing for them, but I'm gonna say that we need to sit and talk about this, just me and you…I'm tired of this. Please, just meet me at the pond…you know the one I'm talking about…only if you want to though…I'll wait till 3 for you. End of first message."
I closed my phone before it said anything else and turned the car around, very illegally may I add, and headed towards the pond.
I slowly pushed my way through the trees and scratched my cheek on one of the blackberry bushes out there. I finally stumbled into the moonlight that filled the clearing next to the pond. I looked around saw Frank sitting on our usual rock looking over the pond. I walked slowly towards him, keeping my head down to watch the ground, because there we're a lot of twigs and other things to trip on. I made it to the back of the rock and climbed up the back of it and sat myself down next to Frank who still just watched the pond. I finally looked away from him and looked out across the pond. I saw the moon reflect in the pond and watched as the water rippled when a branch gently brushed the water. It was beautiful and no matter how hard I try, every time I sit here, my wall's drop and I'm left defenseless. No matter what, even if someone is sitting with me, someone I want to hide from…like now.
"You're bleeding." Frank's voice whispered next to me and I turned my head to look at him.
The part of his face that I could see was cast in the moon's glow, his lip shining and his eyes seeming to match the glitter of his lip ring. His eyes seemed to scream at me to tell me everything, but his voice stayed silent. His hair hung slightly to one side as his head was tilted as it is most of the time when looking at me. I still have yet to figure out why he does that. I took to account what he said and pulled my hand up to my face where I scratched my cheek. I touched it gently and pulled my hand back. I saw blood on three of my fingers. I guess the scratch was deeper than I thought it was.
"Yeah, I scratched my face on some of those black berry bushes when I was coming here." I whispered back to him.
We always whispered when we came here at night. To both of us, it was almost like, to keep the quiet and serene peace of the pond as not to disturb it. I leaned my head towards my shoulder and wiped my face on my sleeve. It stung a little, but at least I didn't have blood on my face now. Frank smiled slightly at me.
"So…what is it you want me to say?" I whispered to Frank.
He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and I smiled slightly. "What do you mean?"
"You wanted to talk about something right? That's why you asked me to come here." I whispered in an almost matter of fact voice.
Realization dawned on his face and I chuckled lowly. It was kinda adorable the way he does that. Wait…What? I didn't not just think that Frank was adorable.
Liar.
I sighed inwardly. Go away.
I can't do that.
And why not?
Uh, cause I'm the voice in your head. Those kinda things don't go anywhere.
Well if you're not gonna leave, just pipe down.
"Right…well, I wanna know first off, what did you hear?" Frank whispered, with a hint
of nervousness in his voice.
Why would he be nervous about anything? Was there something he said that I didn't hear before I walked up to the door? Is he hiding something from me? There goes the obvious miss trust from anyone again. I can trust Frankie. He's my friend.
"Well, I heard from when Gerard was telling you I wasn't like you guys. I have bigger and thicker walls built up." I whispered looking out towards the pond. I didn't like that my friends thought it was hard to get through to me. "It's not that hard to break down my wall's…you just have to care enough to do it." My voice cracked and I turned to where my face was away from Frank's, so he wouldn't see me almost cry.
I felt a rough hand on my chin and I felt it softly turn my face back to Frank. I stared into his eyes as he frowned at me. "Anaa…I care. No matter if you want me to or not, I care enough to try and break those walls…you just gotta let me in sometimes." His voice was filled with concern and that made a lump in my throat. This isn't how it's supposed to be. I shouldn't care this much.
"I try to Frank…" My voice quivered. "I try so hard sometimes, and no one seems to notice when I try, they just think I'm too tough to crack."
Frank moved his hand from my chin and brushed a tear from under my eye. "I don't think you are."
My bottom lip quivered as I stared back at him. "Frank," I stopped not sure what I was gonna say.
"Yeah Anaa?" He asked in a regular voice, telling me I had his full attention.
"I think I might…care about you." I cast my eyes downward and Frank sat silently. I took a quick glance up to see what his face showed and what I saw was pure shock. It was almost cute enough to laugh, but I didn't. I kept the composure I worked years on to perfect.
"Really?" He was back to a whisper and I looked down to my lap again.
"Yeah." I whispered back.
Then it was silent for some time, Frank took his hand back and put it in his lap for a few minutes, then I could see from the corner of my eye, he reached his hand out towards where mine were. I saw his hand shake slightly as it grasped one of mine and then he intertwined our fingers and I smiled slightly. And we just sat there, I don't know for how long, just quietly sitting there watching the pond, and he held my hand. No one but my mom has ever held my hand, and I was 8 the last time my mom held my hand. It was, kinda nice in a way that no one else has ever seen me like that, not since…No, I'm not gonna remember that right now. It was just nice for once, but I knew in the back of my mind that as soon as we left this pond, my walls would go back up again.
"You say nothing to nobody okay?" I whispered and stared at Frank as he turned his head to look at me.
He smiled and nodded. "This is between us." He whispered.
I smiled and looked back to the pond. I felt a hand brush the side of my face and I could feel the hand gently pull my face to the side to stare back at Frank. I smiled slightly as he stared at me. His eyes roamed over my face and I blushed. Oh wow, I blushed? That's different. Frank smiled.
"What?" I asked with a chuckle as he stared at me.
"You're so pretty."
I blushed deeper and went to turn my head back, but Frank's hand stayed firm on my chin to hold my face where it was. I looked back at him and into his colored eyes. I say colored eyes about only several people, because to me, not everyone's eyes were colorful enough, because colored eyes to me, meant that emotion was in those eyes and they swirled like that. I loved his colored eyes. They were always filled with some kind of emotion whether it be happiness, excitement, disappointment, and a number of other things, and they show a gorgeous green most of the time, centered with brown and golden flakes.
"Anaa…" He paused and looked between my eyes for a moment, to make sure that an emotion was there and he seemed satisfied, "I care about you…a lot more than you might care about me."
I blinked and smiled. Frank smiled happily. "Your smile reached your eyes."
"What?" I asked confused.
"Your smile, doesn't always reach your eyes, like you're not actually happy but smiling to hide." He was so sure about himself and I sighed.
"At least you notice."
"I notice a lot of things." Frank whispered and moved his face towards mine.
I became suddenly nervous and watched him watching me as his face came closer.
I kept my eyes open as Frank's lips connected to mine. His lip ring was cold, but his lips were surprisingly warm and I pushed my lips back against his. We sat like that for what seemed like forever but in all reality was only several seconds. Frank pulled back and looked into my eyes again. I put as much emotion as I could behind my eyes and he smiled slightly and then put his lips to mine again, and it was me that deepened the kiss by putting my free hand to the back of his head. Frank disconnected our hands and put both of his hands on the back of my neck and I placed my other hand on his arm. I felt his tongue touch the edge of my lip and I parted them with a breath of air. He slid his tongue across mine and then slid it back. I pulled back from Frank and his face showed slight disappointment and I pecked him on the lips to reassure him.
He smiled softly and pulled one of his hands back to brush my cheek with his finger tips. I closed my eyes and smiled.
"What time is it?" I whispered still with my eyes closed.
Frank pulled his hand back from my face and I opened one of my eyes to see him looking at the worn out watch on his wrist.
"It's like, almost 4."
He then went back to caressing my cheek. I sighed softly and pulled my face from his hands. I looked across the pond and watched the water ripple as a small leaf landed on its surface.
"So what happens tomorrow? When we go back to everyone else?" I whispered still watching the pond.
I could hear Frank sigh softly. "We go back to how we are every day. You emotionless…No offence and me…Well, me." He sounded very sure of himself, so I believed him.
"We should go back…Their probably sending out search parties now." Frank laughed and dropped down from the rock.
I went to jump to but Frank stood in front of me and put his arms up to me. I rolled my eyes but put my hands onto his shoulders and he put his hands onto my hips and I jumped. Frank caught me around the waist and pulled me closer to him as I stood on my feet. I smiled and we shared one last small kiss before leaving the pond.
We arrived at Gerard's house some time later and cautiously walked up to the door. I glanced to Frank and he nodded his head. I opened the door and we walked into the house. The lights in the living room were on and we slowly walked to the living room. We looked into the living room and I made fake gagging noises as we saw Gerard and Nala making out on the couch. Nala whipped her head to look at us. I smiled tentavily and she stood up from the couch, Gerard following close behind.
"WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU?!" She screamed, and Gerard put his hand over her mouth.
I put up my wall and raised my eyebrow at her, remembering what she said about me. "Does it matter, what since you think I don't care and all."
Her eyes widened and then she glared at Frank. "Don't glare at him, I heard you say it Nala. Why didn't you tell me that? Did you think I really didn't care?"
Even if I was tough all the time, I did hurt. Her face dropped and she shook her head and stepped towards me. "Anaa, I didn't- I just- I mean.." She was lost for words.
"What Nala, you didn't what? Think I would know you said that, didn't think I would care that you think that? Is that it? You don't think I care?" A piece of my wall crumbled and I stared at her with a hurt expression.
She looked guilty…and worried. "It's just, sometimes you don't seem to care at all…" She trailed off and looked to Gerard, but he couldn't help her, cause he knew I knew what he said.
"I hide it well Nala. I hide it so I won't get hurt." another piece of my wall crumbled and I took a step back.
Nala looked surprised, but Gerard didn't. Gerard was expecting it. He knew more than he let others know, which I was greatful for. "You think we'd hurt you?" Nala whispered.
"I know that if I let you, you would." I took another step backwards.
"I would never hurt you Anaa Fatone, not in a million years would I even dream about hurting you." Her voice took on an edge, one I could not recognize.
"I know that Nala, but I've learnt different of people over the years, if you let them, they could destroy you." My eyes narrowed and I took yet another step backwards. Frank was in front of me now, looking back at me.
"Anaa." Gerard spoke for the first time and I looked to him. "I know that you think those things…and you know why I do…but we would never try to hurt you. Not like that."
Nala looked over to him confused but he just kept looking at me, pleading.
"I know that Gerard, but I just… I can't take that you guys don't think I care." I took a step backwards and reached my hand back, knowing I was at the door. "I care about all of you than my own family. Even if you don't think that I do. Keep that in mind okay?" Another piece of my black brick wall crumbled and crashed to the ground, shattering to pieces.
I turned the door knob and looked at them all once more. Nala looking at me with an expression I did not understand, Gerard holding Nala's shoulder, keeping her in place, and Frank…with his hand reached out towards me, but with no attempt to step forward, because he knew that he couldn't stop me. A knot had formed in my throat and a tear slipped slowly down my face and I looked down turning to the door. I left them there, the strongest three of our group and they stayed, to shocked, to scared, to worried, looking at the space where the toughest person they knew, had let a tear drop.
