(A/N) Hey! I'm so glad someone's actually reading one of mah stories! Anywho this WILL be a Harry/Remus story eventually and it WILL be slash and there might be lemons depending on how I feel and how you guys review! Aaaaand if there's lemons then this will be rated M for a reason! Right now it's only rated M for future chapters so I have no warnings for this chapter! ^...^ sooo tell me what your thoughts are :D oh and btw, in my fanfic, Professor Lupin came back to teach in Harry's 6th year again as the DADA professor xD

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It was just another cool night at the hell-hole that was the Dursley's. Harry's relatives sleeping peacefully as he sat up, quite unable to sleep, beside his bed on the floor, numbly fingering the sharp blade he had in his hand. His mind constantly flooded with guilt and all the faces of the people whose deaths he caused. Voldemort was still out there. He was still murdering innocent witches, wizards, and muggles. All because of him. Because you still live. Because you're supposedly the 'Golden Boy'. Because you're the 'Boy-Who-Lived' Harry sneered with distaste at the title given to him by so many expectant people. Harry looked down at the small drop of blood flowing from his hand and realized he'd been gripping the blade unbeknownst to himself. He stared silently at the one trickle of blood and opened his palm, revealing a shallow cut. The pain felt good. Too good. Pushing his sleeves up, he ran a light finger over the multitude of self-inflicted scars and healing cuts on his forearms. Taking the blade in his right hand he drew it across his wrist, slowly, watching and reveling in the pain-filled relief it brought to his distressed mind. Closing his eyes and focusing on the deep cuts he made, and brought the blade back to make another and another cut before laying the blade back in his drawer and letting the blood flow before climbing into bed hoping now he might get some sleep. "Happy Birthday Harry" he muttered almost silently to the night air glancing at the clock and seeing it was 1:34 a.m. and slid into a pain-filled slumber.

*Next morning*

"Boy!" Harry heard muffled through the walls, "Get up! Get up or you'll get no food for a week!" his uncle threatened. "Shit!" Harry cursed himself for oversleeping, "I'm up!" Harry threw on a slightly oversized t-shirt and some faded jeans and bolted downstairs to start breakfast for his so called "family". Quickly making some pancakes, bacon, and sausage he shuffled the food under their waiting snouts. "At least you didn't burn the pancakes this time you little wretch!" the pudgy faced man screamed at his back as he left upstairs heading to his room.

Flopping down on his bed he counted the days before he could make his escape to Hogwarts. The only place he felt happy. Or at least managed to get away from all the unstable thoughts he had floating around in his mind. Mostly. Harry wasn't sure how he'd hide his new uh... habit from Hermione and Ron but he figured he figure something out. Now all he had to do is wait the few weeks 'til he escaped this hell-hole. Suddenly a sharp pain racked through his toned body. Gasping silently he arched his back and twisted and turned attempting to lessen the pain that coursed through his whole body, blasting away any coherent thought. Biting his lip he held back the screams that threatened to break free and earn him no food for a week. Tasting the copper of blood he released his teeth's death grip on his lip and thrashed on his bed refusing to make a sound. As suddenly as the pain came, it fled, leaving Harry gasping for breath. He ran his hand through his hair, stopping when he felt something strange. He quickly got up and ran to a mirror. Brushing his unruly hair out of the way he sucked in his breath in utter shock. Tenderly taking a shaking hand he brushed his new furry set of ears. /Wha-what the hell just happened!/ Harry screamed in his mind. Sitting down in a huff he winced in pain as he sat uncomfortably down on gods knows what. Harry stood up and twisted his body around so he could see what in the bloody hell was wrong this time. His eyes widened to the size of grapefruits when he realized his newest appendage. A tail. A long, furry, panther-like tail. A BLOODY TAIL. He had a bloody tail! Harry almost didn't want to find out what else his body had sprouted in that eternity of pain. He knew he'd have to hide his obvious ears. /But how?/ Harry questioned in his mind. He tried moving them and found they responded like any other appendage. He flattened them down onto his head and found that they were covered by his hair. For once his messy hair was useful.

*A few weeks later on the Hogwarts Express*

"Harry!" Hermione shouted bursting into the compartment Harry had chosen earlier at the back of the train. "Hey 'Mione" Harry mumbled as she engulfed him in a hug. "Harry! We missed you!" said Ron, sitting down opposite of Harry, Hermione soon joining him. Harry attempted a weak smile, resulting an awkward looking grin. His friends looked at him questioningly. Ron brushed it away in a moment but Hermione of course didn't let it go that easily. "Harry," she started slowly, "are you okay?" Harry tried to look convincing at muttered his 'yeah of course'. Hermione didn't believe him one bit but let it go anyways. "So how was your summer?" she said still very bubbly. Harry paled slightly at this. "I-it was... charming" Harry mumbled. Hermione responded by glaring at him and Harry shifted uncomfortably under her piercing gaze. "Really, it was great" Harry said trying to cover up his discomfort. Hermione relaxed slightly and he settled for the remainder of the train ride praying his good friends didn't notice his ears or tail.

*Later at the Gryffindor Boys Dormitory*

"Harry, you've been acting a little... peculiar" Ron commented sitting up as they settled in for bed that night. "It's nothing Ron" Harry said trying to brush him off before he was forced to reveal anything. "I'm sorry, we - me and Hermione that is - are worried that's all. I mean it's the beginning of 6th year. You shouldn't be like this." Harry sighed. "I know. And thanks for worrying but I'm fine really." Harry said trying to sound as convincing as possible. "Okay mate, but if anything's troubling you, you know you can talk to me. I am your best mate after all" Ron said, turning over and drifting off into a deep sleep. Harry's mind wandered back to his newfound tail and ears. What in the bloody hell was he?

Hours later Harry lay awake. Staring at nothing in particular, letting all the faces of people who had died for him rampage his guilt laden mind. In his mind's eye he saw his parents. He saw them looking at him accusingly. He saw their faces as Voldemort killed them over and over in his head. Tossing and turning unable to wrench the images from his mind he stumbled out of bed and opened his trunk, hands searching for his relief. And there he found it. A small razor hidden between his belongings. Drawing it out of the bag he slid it unhurriedly over is forearm watching the blood spring up greeting him with a relief-filled 'hello'. He cut three more identical lines, the images of his dying parents fading with each slice. He cleaned the razor and shuffled it back in his trunk before climbing into his bed, closing the curtains, and drifting into a slightly less tormented sleep.

*The next day in DADA*

Walking in, shoulders slightly slumped, Harry took his seat along with some Ravenclaws. When his professor started speaking his head immediately shot up from his desk. It was /him/. He was back. "... Professor Lupin, some of you might remember me from your third year here," Professor said, introducing himself. Harry was oblivious to the heads bobbing up and down around him, as he was absorbed watching the Professor he had crushed on since third year.. He was also too absorbed in Professor Lupin's velvet voice to notice most of the class staring at him, watching him practically drool over his teacher. "U-uhhh wh-what?" Harry stammered awkwardly as he was jerked back to reality. Professor Lupin just chuckled and turned to ask another student the same question he had missed. Harry gulped and sat back in his seat trying to calm his body's reaction to his long-time crushes voice. He inwardly cursed his body for reacting so towards a professor. His fathers old best friend no less! He tried to calm himself and just get through this one class without incident.

Harry jumped up and practically ran out of the class as soon as it ended without looking back. Had he turned around before he left, he might have caught the conflicted and longing gaze Professor Lupin cast his way as he so hurriedly left.

(A/N) Okaii so whatcha guys think? Like it? Hate it? Love it? IF you like it at all then please I beg you review! It'll give me the courage to continue!