Hi everyone, so I got this idea when I was re-watching some of my fav SOA episodes and began to write. I am not sure if going back so far in the series appeals to anybody, but I thought I would throw it out there and see if you all liked it.

I could be persuaded to continue if I get enough interest. If not, it's a one shot about Tara's first visit to Jax in prison between season 3 and 4. Also...they did not reunite after the whole Salazar/Ireland/FTA clusterfuck that went on at the end of season three. I explain what went down instead...so let me know what you think and enjoy!

Please review or PM to let me know your thoughts and whether or not I should continue?

I've Got Time

Tara

Tara shook as she walked into the prison. She had never been in a place like this before. It smelled...sterile, but also stale and like everybody was stressed. Unhappiness. She walked across to the desk where visitors checked in.

Why was she here? she wondered as she grabbed her ID.

Tara cleared her throat as the officer looked her over appreciatively and asked, "Who you here to see, sweetheart?"

She fought the urge to snap at him and said, "My name is Dr. Tara Knowles. I am here to see Jackson Teller. I...I should be on his list."

The guard raised an eyebrow at the name she gave and then nodded. After what seemed like forever, they got through all the paperwork and checks on her ID.

"Dr. Knowles, Officer Chalen will now lead you to a room where you will be searched for sharps, electronics, anything on the restricted list," he informed her.

"Is Officer Chalen a woman?" she asked, swallowing nervously.

He smirked and nodded, "Sure thing."

Tara grimaced and walked to the waiting area for Officer Chalen. Tara chewed her lip nervously, so anxious she thought she was going to puke. Anxious about being patted down by another person, anxious to be led deeper into this nightmare place. She was terrified to see Jax, especially in here.

"Dr. Tara Knowles?" a woman called. Tara looked up and followed the woman into a waiting area that was completely blocked off from view.

After fifteen minutes of having her shit sorted through, metal scans, and pat downs, Tara followed the woman out of the little area and waited with people she assumed were also here to visit family and friends.

Why did Jax ask her to come? she wondered.

After she had been released from Salazar and rescued, Jax had been insistent she see the doctor to make sure everything was okay. She was still in shock, too overwhelmed to argue. The relief she had felt after surviving Salazar's last ditch effort wasn't what she expected. She had fully expected to die, but she fought, because of the little one growing inside of her.

Then she had been taken to see Abel, who was like a soothing balm. His little chubby cheeks, his blond hair, his wide, blue eyes erased the past few days. All she felt was relief as his weight in her arms reassured her.

The next day, she had woken up to Jax beside her, jerking awake as if he was having a nightmare. She wouldn't blame him if he was. His son and his old lady had gotten kidnapped in the course of a couple of weeks.

Tara jerked awake too, fully expecting to still be tied to Margaret in the attic or bound and gagged in the trunk of Salazar's car with dead bodies.

It had her shaking. Jax looked to her for something...she didn't know.

"Hey," he whispered, "I love you."

She looked down at his chest and ran her fingertips along his chest, her trembling stopping as his words sunk in. He loved her….for some reason those words didn't inspire the firework of feelings inside of her they used to.

"I love you too, but...I don't think I can do this anymore," she whispered uncertainly, as if she couldn't believe the words coming out of her own mouth. Never, in her life, would she thought herself capable of saying those words to Jax Teller. He was her everything.

Jax looked at her like she was crazy and in that moment Tara needed to get the hell out of there. She had been held at gunpoint as a crazy man took Abel from her, she had been cheated on, broken up with, kidnapped, ransomed, kicked in the stomach while pregnant...her threshold for bullshit had reached its limit. Tara needed some time to process.

Tara slipped her clothes back on as she searched for her shoes. She found one sneaker and then eventually the other, when Jax seemed to snap out of his shock.

"Tara, what are you talking about?" he asked, sitting up in bed, watching as she tied her shoes.

"I am talking about this. I think we need a break," she said, standing and looking for her purse.

"A break?" he asked.

"Yeah," Tara replied, "It's just been so much. I never expected it to get so...bad. All at once too. I am gonna go home and figure some shit out."

"You live here," Jax pointed out, as if he was witnessing the ramblings of a mad woman. Maybe he was, but in this moment, Tara felt like her head was clear for the first time.

"I mean my dad's old place," Tara explained, finding her purse and extracting the keys. She still had a few changes of clothes at her old man's for situations like this. She could come back when she was sure Jax wouldn't be here if she needed more.

"Babe, what's going on?" he asked, slipping between the covers and walking towards her, completely naked. Tara cleared her throat, trying not to get distracted by him...and his...oh sweet God, it was morning and he...Tara quickly averted her gaze.

"I just need some time. To think all this shit through," she whispered, begging him to understand.

He looked down at her and nodded, his eyebrows still furrowed in confusion.

"Okay, well you know where to find me," he whispered seductively. Tara nodded and turned to leave, but Jax grabbed her hand and hauled her against him, cupping the back of her neck and kissing her with everything he had. She shivered against him, causing him to moan. It almost broke her resolve to put space between them, but she felt the tightness in her chest become almost unbearable. She needed this.

She put her hands on his chest and pushed lightly, and while he was disappointed she was leaving, he let her go.

She walked towards Abel's bedroom. Tara had missed him terribly. She never knew the depth of her feeling for the child until she watched him being taken away from her. Abel was her son. Nobody else could claim that title.

Tara kissed his chubby little cheek and then left, biting her lip. Jax was in the hallway, watching her, now with a pair of boxers on. She gave him a small little smile before walking down the hallway to the front door.

As she started the cutlass, she looked to the doorway where Jax was, leaning against the doorframe. He held his hand up in a little wave as she backed out of the driveway. She could tell he was still wondering what was going on with her, but he didn't push it. Probably because he had so much more shit on his plate to worry about.

That had been two months ago, just before he was arrested and taken to prison.

Now here she was, waiting as a guard unlocked a gate to a large room with inmates. She shivered as she stepped in, hating the clank of the gate behind her. Being pregnant, Tara hated being here. And she was scared. What if something happened?

Tara scanned the crowd of inmates, looking for the one that belonged to her.

She spotted him, but only after a double take. His hair...it was short. The shortest it had ever been. Tara was surprised by how much she liked it.

Jax glanced up and his whole face beamed as he stood and smiled that smile for her. It was now Tara knew...he hadn't expected her to actually show up. Her heart expanded to see him excited, even if it was just because he was in this place. Hell, he probably was just happy to see someone with boobs. Could be anyone. An image of Ima flashed in her mind, but she pushed it away.

She was past that. Tara had made some tough decisions in her life. And she going to try and move forward. But...it wasn't going to be with Jax. She planned on staying in Charming, so Thomas knew his father, and Abel his brother, but romantically...it just wouldn't work. She couldn't trust him.

Her heart couldn't take one more betrayal or infidelity.

Tara swallowed and walked towards him. He reached for her and hugged her. Tara closed her eyes as she inhaled. He smelled different. Not his usual soap. Like this place, but even this place couldn't change the smell he produced...human chemistry was just weird, she thought to herself as he pulled away.

He smiled down at her and Tara glanced between him and the guards nervously, as if they would take her away from him.

"I am so happy to see you," he said softly. Tara managed a small smile and looked down at her hands. They were shaking. She tried to control her spasms, but she couldn't.

Not until Jax reached out and grabbed her hands in his and squeezed them. Her eyes flew to his as he looked her over, "You look beautiful. Glowing. Pregnancy agrees with you."

Tara smiled and said, "Everything is going good in that department. Oh wait! I brought you something," she said, pulling her hands from his and reaching for her bag. She pulled out the picture and slid it across to him.

"This one is better than the one we got the first time," Tara said. "You can see his profile."

"Oh yes, I can tell he is mine," he said pointing to the ultrasound with a smirk.

"That's his arm, Teller," Tara said, chuckling,

He smirked and laughed back and it was like music to her ears. Why did she think she couldn't be with him...oh yeah, trust. Or lack thereof.

"So, I got your letter. That you wanted to see me," Tara said in a low voice.

"I am surprised you came," Jax admitted.

She nodded and shrugged, "You're you. I wouldn't do it for Clay, Tig, or Bobby, but we have history."

He smiled and nodded.

"Why am I here, Jax?" she asked softly, after a few moments of silence.

"I want you...I want us back, the way we were. I have had a lot of time to think. What I did with Ima-," he said, but Tara felt like she was going to be sick hearing her name on his lips.

"No, Jackson, no," she said, shaking her head.

"Please, Tara," he pleaded, his eyes desperate.

Tara looked into them, wishing she could look away. She had never seen him like this before.

"I want you to be Abel's mom. I want us to be a family when I get out of here," he said, reaching for her hands again. Tara pulled them back before he could wrap them in his own, causing him to flinch.

They were both silent, Jax staring holes through her. Tara didn't know what to say.

"Please, Tara, I love you," he whispered.

"Jax," she sighed, closing her eyes…

"I know it was wrong," he rushed out.

"You are damn right you did. I told you when we did this...cheating is a deal breaker. I wasn't fucking around with you," she snapped harshly.

Jax sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his face before he looked back at her.

"I know...I fucked up. I know you don't believe it, but I was trying to protect you. By pushing you away," he said.

"That was bullshit when you first said it and it still sounds like bullshit," Tara said, anger rising in her.

"It's not. I was trying to push you away, knowing you wouldn't leave on your own," Jax said.

Tara thought about his words. They were practically identical to Gemma's.

Can't handle the thought that something might happen to you too…

Tara looked up to find Jax's blue eyes fixed on hers and she shuddered.

"I...could never do what you did to me," Tara croaked out, hating herself for crying.

She could tell he wanted to reach for her, but they weren't allowed contact except one hug to greet and say goodbye. And handholding on the table.

"So...I don't understand how you could do that to me," she said, her voice thick as she wiped away a few tears.

Jax could only look at her in contrition, no words to explain himself or his actions. She supposed it didn't really matter. It happened.

"I...can't," she said, "Not now anyway. Maybe not ever."

"I love you, Tara," he whispered.

"Stop saying that," she snapped, "If you really loved me, then you wouldn't have done it. If you loved me then you wouldn't have pushed me away. Saying those words...they don't make everything better, Jax. In fact, it makes it worse."

He scrunched his eyebrows at her and she explained, "If you loved me, that makes the betrayal so much worse."

"I am so sorry, babe. I will make it right," he promised, reaching out and snagging her hand before she could move it away, "I swear, Tara."

Tara only remained silent.

"At least take Abel," he said.

Tara snapped her eyes up to his and said, "Gemma has him. I am sure he is fine."

"You aren't listening, babe," Jax said, his eyes determined, squeezing her hands, "The only woman I want Abel to call mom is you. I want him with you while I am in here, even if we aren't together, that's what I want."

Tara was shocked by what he was saying...Adoption? Abel? She thought she would have to beg him for that, and that was when they were together. It had physically pained her to think that if she ended it with Jax, she might never see Abel again.

"Rosen is preparing adoption papers that say that. That's only if you want," Jax added.

Tara….was shocked. It was all she had wanted. She wanted to be Abel's mom, but she also wanted it known to everyone.

She nodded and said, "I will call Rosen."

"Good," he said, smiling in relief.

"What about Gemma?" Tara asked, scared shitless of the woman. They had grown close lately, but Tara didn't foresee her taking that news well.

"I will handle Gemma," Jax said.

They sat there, holding hands, comforting each other in this wretched place. Tara had been so engrossed in their conversation that she almost forgot they were surrounded by convicts and their families.

"So will you think about us?" he asked her seriously.

Tara sighed and looked down at their hands. She loved him. Always would.

"I will think about it," she said finally, "But...I am not making any promises Jax."

He nodded and said, "Good. That's good. Because this is what I want. For me and you and our boys."

Our boys...Tara loved the sound of that.

Tara gave him a small smile and he leaned forward and asked, "So, what's under that t-shirt and jeans?" giving her a suggestive eyebrow waggle. Tara couldn't help the smile and jerked her hands out of his and swatted at them.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Teller," she said, raising an eyebrow.

He chuckled and after a minute of smiling at one another, she asked, "Are you okay in here, Jax?"

A dark look passed over his face that scared her, but he schooled his face and said, "I am fine." Clearly he wasn't.

"Can...I do anything?" she asked nervously.

"Take care of yourself and Abel," he said seriously.

Tara nodded and said, "I will. Do you...want me to bring him?"

Jax thought about her words and said, "I don't know...what do you think?"

She was surprised by his interest in her opinion. He seemed to catch it and said, "I am serious. I want your opinion. You're his mother. Would you want your son in a place like this?"

Tara closed her eyes, imagining little Abel in here with her. She would be scared shitless, but...she knew how happy Abel would be and how happy Jax would be.

"I would let him come here," she said after a minute, "He is young, resilient. He wouldn't even remember being here most likely. Just seeing you."

Jax smiled and said, "Thank you...for saying that."

She nodded and suddenly the guard called, "Time!"

Jax looked at her, as if drinking her in and committing her to memory. The intensity made her shiver. Jax stood and Tara scrambled to her feet. He wrapped his arms around her tight and whispered in a desperate voice, "Please think about what I said...about us. And call Rosen. Get Abel as soon as possible."

Tara nodded against his chest and felt his lips brush against her hair as he inhaled deeply.

Tara hated leaving him here, and she stepped back only when Officer Chalen said, "Come with me, Dr. Knowles."

Tara nodded and gave Jax one last smile.

"See you around, Teller," she said in a weak attempt at sounding stronger than she was, her voice cracking as she fought to contain her tears.

"You too, babe," he said, his voice thick as he looked at her sadly.

Jax was then escorted away by a different officer. Tara followed Officer Chalen out of the room, glancing over her shoulder one last time as she caught him doing the same thing.

As the gate clanged behind her, separating her from Jax, she couldn't stop the tears from falling. She wiped her eyes, shaking head to toe as she followed the group through a series of hallways. After a few more gates, she stumbled out into the main lobby.

She got her keys from the desk and as she turned around, she took in Gemma, who was crying as she looked her over.

"Oh, baby," Gemma said, wrapping her arms tight around Tara, "The first visit is always the hardest. I am proud of you, baby."

Tara buried her face in Gemma's shoulder and sobbed in relief. She needed someone after that horrible room. She hated leaving him there.

"I hate that...sob...I couldn't bring him...sob...with me! That...sob...I had to...sob...leave him there...sob...in that horrible place!" she wailed. She felt Gemma crying too and nodded, shushing her to calm her as she ran her hand through Tara's hair. Tara eventually stopped crying so hard, exhausted.

Tara pulled away, appreciating that Gemma didn't release her tight grip until Tara was ready.

"We will pull through, babe. We always do," Gemma said kindly, but sternly. Gemma had been through this before.

Tara nodded, frowning. She looked behind her to the gate where she had just come from. Where Jax was. She shook as she realized how scary this place was. Was he safe? Was he hurt? Right now?

She felt the tears well in her eyes again and Gemma grabbed her attention.

"The club is looking out for us out here, and them in there," Gemma said firmly, reassuring Tara that Jax was okay.

Tara nodded, and said weakly, "Okay."

"Kozik is gonna drive you home, sweetheart," Gemma said, running her hand through her hair again.

"He...doesn't need to," Tara said, "I don't think he even knows me."

"He is a member of the club. You can trust him," Gemma said, a smirk on her face.

"He probably has better shit to do than drive around-"

"Jax's old lady? Not likely," Gemma said.

Tara remained silent. Was she still Jax's old lady? Hadn't he told his mom and the club she had ended it two months ago?

Gemma pushed her towards the doors of the prison and said, "Go, I am going in with the next round to see Clay."

Tara nodded and walked towards her car. She spotted a man in a leather Son's cut leaning against the driver's door to her car, smoking as he waited for her. She had remembered him and Tig going after one another while the Jax and the rest of the main MC were in Ireland, but nothing more.

"Er, Kozik?" she asked, her voice wobbly.

The man spun and Tara was sure she had never seen him without any bruises or cuts before now, but he quickly put out his cigarette and held his hand out for hers. She shook it and said, "Nice to meet you, I'm Tara."

He smiled and said, "Nice to meet you too, sweetheart." Jeez, she was being called sweetheart by everyone today. Must be because she looked like an emotional mess on the verge of tears again.

"Keys?" he asked, holding his hand out again.

Tara rifled through her bag and extracted them, handing them over. She actually was relieved he was here. She was so tired from her exhausting cry she might have fallen asleep at the wheel.

He nodded and walked to her side of the car and pulled open the door. Tara flushed in embarrassment and climbed in. He shut the door behind her and she buckled up as he walked around to the driver's side.

As they pulled out of the prison, Kozik said, "Nice wheels."

Tara chuckled at his sarcasm and asked, "What? For a cage?"

Kozik just laughed and eyed her, before focusing on the road once more.

They were silent as he pulled onto the highway towards Charming. She looked out the window, but only seeing bars, her mind with Jax. She had never been good with separating herself from Jax, and apparently that was still the case even though he had broken her heart.

How hopeless you are, she thought to herself.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asked as she wiped away a stray tear.

Tara nodded and closed her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

Suddenly she felt his hand take hers, resting on the bench seat between them.

"Go ahead and cry all you want, Tara," he murmured.

Tara looked to him in shock, her tears forgotten. He gave her a sidelong glance, lifting one corner of his mouth up to her and then focusing back on the road, squeezing her hand.

And then, because he said she could, Tara burst into tears.

So obviously, I am doing a love triangle. I was watching the show and besides Kozik, there really isn't anyone I would consider attractive enough for Tara's level of hotness...so Kozik it is! What do you all think? Should I continue?