This story is a self-insert story, where four friends end up in the weird and wonderful world of Mass Effect 2!
What?
What the hell do you mean it's-
Oh, fine.
I suppose it's technically not a self-insert since all characters are fictionalized composites. However, it's written in the style of a self-insert and pays homage and parodies self-inserts. So maybe it's a pseudo-self-insert or demi-self-insert.
XCVG Systems Presents
Pegasus Rising
...the hell do you mean that's not what the story is called?
July 21, 200x
Teh Interwebs
Skype signed in. 430 unread messages that you probably have either seen or don't care about and can't easily get rid of. Online: RaqVet25, SublimeVirtuoso, Ultra_Elite_Engineer.
Now hijacking your volume control, eating up your CPU cycles and stealing all your network bandwidth. All previously sent files, even ones weeks old, have been locked for your inconvenience.
We got you by the balls. Whatcha gonna do, host your own TeamSpeak server?
That's what I thought. You know I own your soul. Don't fight it.
Sandra3124: BOO!
SublimeVirtuoso: ahhh!
RaqVet25: IT'S BASRA ALL OVER AGAIN! WE NEED EVAC! EVAC GOD DAMN IT!
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: wut
I glanced up from the computer as dogs started barking. "What? You need to go outside again?"
Sandra3124: lol u guys
Sandra3124: hows it going?
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: I'm trying to do alculus+c, but I don't know how to algebra
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: It's not going too well.
SublimeVirtuoso: Oh, just writing a song, do you want to hear it?
Sandra3124: What's it about?
SublimeVirtuoso: It's a metaphor for colours, painting a picture with brass and violins.
I let the four of them downstairs and out the door into the neighbour's yard. "Go shit on their lawn. Good boy."
RaqVet25: jesus christ, could it get any gayer in here? you're such a fag
Sandra3124: HOMOPHOBE!
RaqVet25: im not a homophobe, I'm just crude
RaqVet25: look, I have nothing against gays, but in the corps thats how you talk
Sandra3124: you're being homophobic.
SublimeVirtuoso: Definitely homophobic.
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: I don't think homophobic is the right word, but definitely anti-homosexual.
RaqVet25: cut me some fucking slack, I fought for your freedom
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: Iraq was a war of terror, not a war on terror.
Oh, this could go bad places fast. Politics is bad and should never be discussed. I decided to steer the conversation elsewhere.
Sandra3124: I thought there's was that one guy you said was hot?
RaqVet25: yeah, he was, you're not gay if you think Rudy is hot
Sandra3124: lol wut
RaqVet25: watch GK, totally factual
I change the subject, for I have important things to say and RaqVet25's opinion is not valid.
Sandra3124: Anyway, I wanted to ask you guys a question.
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: Yup?
RaqVet25: ?
Sandra3124: You know those chain mails-
RaqVet25: OH FUCK NO!
Sandra3124: Oh fuck yes!
Sandra3124: One of my buddies on DA sent me this chainmail. If we all wish exactly the same thing at exactly the same time, it will come true at 11:11 tonight. Today being 11-11-11 of course, which is the Skyrim launch and also some kind of war memorial day in countries that aren't ours.
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: It's Remembrance Day, you ignorant bitch.
SublimeVirtuoso: yeah, that's actually like, super offensive
SublimeVirtuoso: it's a very important day for us British people and Empire subjects as well
SublimeVirtuoso: it's when we honour the sacrifice of those who fought and died for us
RaqVet25: What's DA?
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: which timezone
Sandra3124: Lagos Time, I checked
No response for like 5 minutes. I pushed a bit.
Sandra3124: I was wondering if you wanted to try it out. It probably won't work, but...
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: but?
Sandra3124: hehe I made you say but
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: wat
Sandra3124: moving on then! we trying
SublimeVirtuoso: We can try it out, and what's with the sudden drop in grammatical prowess?
Sandra3124: dunno
SublimeVirtuoso: What do we wish for? An orange?
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: i wish this retarded shit made sense
RaqVet25: I wish my PTSD would go away...
Sandra3124: absolutely not! It's only good for one wish! It's gotta be something good!
Sandra3124: not to mention it has to be a wish to be in Mass Effect, or this chapter would be a giant waste of space
True dat.
SublimeVirtuoso: We should wish to be in Mass Effect 2
RaqVet25: why 2?
SublimeVirtuoso: because I haven't played one
RaqVet25: fair enough
SublimeVirtuoso: wait, did it work for your friend?
Sandra3124: Yeah, she wished for a red sports car, and one showed up in her driveway the next day. It was in her LiveJournal!
SublimeVirtuoso: there are so many things wrong with that
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: Can't we at least wish for something normal... like money?
SublimeVirtuoso: Nope, gotta be ME2.
RaqVet25: Why? Why a self-insert?
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: is being in a self-insert even a good idea?
SublimeVirtuoso: At sober second thought, this may not be a good plan.
Sandra3124: No arguing, it makes us look bad.
I check the clock. It's almost time. We've got to hurry!
Sandra3124: Guys, we've got to do this now or never!
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: Shouldn't we set parameters?
Sandra3124: No time! Everyone ready?
SublimeVirtuoso: As ready as ever.
Ultra_Elite_Engineer: i guess
RaqVet25: Locked and loaded!
Sandra3124: 1234go!
XCVG Systems Presents
Insert Effect
...the hell do you mean that's not what the story is called either?
