I collapsed onto the cold, unforgiving, hard, cruel ice and trembled as I reached out to touch her. She looked so peaceful as she froze, her eyes closed and a soft but grim smile gracing her features. There were no words that could describe it; heartbreak.
"No..." I choked out, my voice was about three octaves higher than usual and I couldn't hold it back anymore. The swirling storm of defeat and grief that I forced into the loud sobs that followed were heard across the fjords, surely.
"No! No! Anna!" I cried, cupping her face and pushing my forehead against hers. I was too tired by then to continue my sobbing, and settled instead for the sharp, and uneven breaths that tickled her beautiful face. I held my breath for fear my warmth my distort her perfectly sculpted body and I drew back a litte, "I-I'm so sorry." I whispered.
With a forced blink, my obscured vision was cured as I wiped away the mockingly hot tears that had formed there. A shadow slowly came into my vision and cautiously I looked up, covering Anna with myself as though to protect her further.
There was a man there, his face as shocked and dismayed as the citizens of Arendelle that surrounded me now. They were an audience I didn't know I had unintentionally garnered during my brief episode of intense mourning.
I flushed and held the princess tighter despite their curious gazes.
"Princess Anna..." He breathed. He fell to his knees and reached out to touch her, completely ignoring me, and even finding the nerve to push me aside.
"Hey-HEY! Don't you dare touch her! Who do you think you-" I started, infuriated with the treatment I had received when He sharply cut me off;
"I am-" he faltered, losing some of his fire as he corrected himself, "I was her lover..." he muttered.
For a while there I thought he was delirious... then I recalled the first conversation I had with Anna;
"You mean to say you got engaged to somebody you met, THAT DAY?" "Yes! Pay Attention!"
"Oh... Prince Hans. I-I completely forgot." I surrendered. Some judgmental voices reached my ears, carried by the winds and I shot them as menacing a glare as I could.
How dare they insult her. She was already dead. How dare they.
"Easy, now, come on and help me relocate her. I can't bear to have her lying out here like this any long-" He stopped and stood back suddenly as the fjords began to crackle and thaw beneath us.
"The queen... Quickly, quickly!" He urged me. I took her up in one swift motion, and he was awestruck, and maybe even horrified to my slightly selfish satisfaction, at my sheer strength.
Without further ado I followed him into the castle grounds against my better judgment, praying that Sven would find his way to the shore before the water thawed completely. Something was wrong, I could tell but I knew now was not the time for questions.
"Over here! This is where we've had the queen kept!" He waved me over. I hurried and then skidded to a halt before the ajar door.
Hans gaped at the door and then at me, and then cautiously pushed it open.
"AH!" He jolted back and into me, stumbling and breathing heavily. I had to still my entire body to keep it from feinting at the sight of so much blood. There on the ground lay the-former - queen, her mangled body lay across the floor.
I'm no expert in forensics, but I could tell that a struggle had ensued. The dead guard, whom I assumed to be the culprit, was no better looking.
"They- ARGH!" He hollered, balling his hands into fists and slamming the door out of rage, "I TOLD THEM; 'NO HARM IS TO COME TO HER'! I TOLD THEM!"
The group of people behind me, whom I recognised as being the men and women from before all began to cry, and scream and shout in horror, the guards looked betrayed that one of their own had dared to do such a thing.
Hans looked the worst.
"She- she could have saved us... I know it... She didn't-" he stuttered out, "She didn'tMEAN ANY OF THIS!" He tried to yell again but his voice broke.
A man in blue, clearly a noble or at least someone of a higher status approached him cautiously, and said "Prince Hans... now you really are Arendelle's last hope. What should we do?"
Hans looked at him vaguely, still overcome with the shock of the double death. I myself was beyond grief now. I just felt hollow.
"I- I seriously don't know..." He uttered, lifelessly.
My heart tugged and I looked away from him. He looked so broken, and why wouldn't he be? I know I certainly was.
We both loved her. Anna that is. I guess I knew exactly how he was feeling.
"May I request that we be left alone?" I timidly began. They all looked at me as if they had forgotten I was there.
"I th-think the...err.. I think the prince and I need some time to... collect ourselves, given our loss." I stammered.
They all looked to Hans and he slowly nodded in approval of the request. Silently they all filed out of the room. The man in blue and Hans exchanged a quick conversation in regards to notifying his family of the circumstances, and then he too left.
Hans finally turned to face me.
"You were, uh, 'close' with her?" He asked me. I suppose he had the right to be suspicious, given that she had been his bride to be.
I flushed a hot red and shook my head fervently, spitting out as many excuses as I could.
"I... I was, well..." I slowed finally, "I was fond of her. I guess."
He stared at me with his jaw a little slack, and his eyebrow raised. He gave me a look that was so 'Anna' that I couldn't hold back a sheepish grin.
"Heh. You definitely sound like you were." He smiled sadly and then took her form from me and placed her gently next to her sister.
"There. Now they can be together at least." He stated. My heart fluttered as I recalled how animatedly and how vividly she spoke of her sister and how much she wanted just tobe with Elsa.
"It's true. They really seemed to love each other. Now they don't have to be alone anymore..." I stated, "But now I am..." I almost added.
"But now we are, aren't we?" He said. I gasped, and glanced at him for a moment. He was studying me with intensity now. and then he sighed, closing his emerald eyes and rubbing his forehead with his fingers.
It wasn't then until I realised him, physically.
He was so... he was just so utterly princely if you will. There was no other way to describe it. His hair was well kept despite the blizzard that had just ensued, his features were so angular but not sharp, and his build was, although far less impressive as mine (in my opinion) a pretty decent sort of build for a guy who probably never worked a harsh job in his entire life.
He sighed and then looked up at me again, his sorrow tinted irises locking on mine for a brief moment, shaded slightly by his oddly long eyelashes which were lowered a little as he looked at me with such emotion...
"Anna was right about the whole 'dreamy' thing..." I found myself muttering, and to my horror he seemed to hear me as his freckled cheeks suddenly tinted to match his hair
"Wait, what?" He asked, backing away a little.
I winced and cursed myself mentally, for my stupid stupid mouth, and my unexplained attraction to both sexes. Yeah, big shock, I know.
I think I figured it out years ago when I finally returned to the ice. I had a bad habit of slipping up one too many times out on the lakes every now and again in my youth when i'd develop an oddly strong admiration for one or more of them which wasn't completely normal feeling.
But of course it was easy to conceal and stuff, and the whole isolation from mankind helped a bit, and it actually hadn't ever been a problem until, like, RIGHT NOW...
"Oh, uh, not me I meant.." the sadness dawned on me again as I recalled the reason for our isolation, "It was something Anna spoke of...about you."
Hans' face was a little unreadable for a moment and his eyes flitted towards the window and then to me again, when he surprised me with, "Oh I thought you were talking about me... n-not that I mind of course." He shrugged.
"Huh?" I gawked.
Some guards came in as well as some other people to take away the bodies and with a quick exchange of glances we decided that meeting somewhere else would be a better idea.
But that would have to wait.
I didn't appear for the funerals, since I truly didn't feel welcome there. It amazed me how quickly it seemed to pass by though, the grief and the mourning. I suppose it was true that none of the people of the kingdom truly even KNEW her, but it still aggravated me.
The days turned into months before I knew it. I had decided to give up the ice thing. I was sick of the cold, and of ice and of winter. I hated it. I sighed as I scratched Sven behind the ears and gazed at him with nothing but love for the big hairy baby that he was.
He sniffed my face, "What's the matter Kristoff?" He asked me.
I shrugged and sighed, "I dunno, Sven, things are just so lonely ever since..." I groaned and took a carrot out of the sack for myself and offered Sven a bite first. Always feed your friends first I always say.
"At least the summer's back!" Sven offered. I had to appreciate his simple outlook on life, and how easy it must be to be a reindeer. Reindeers are so much luckier than people.
"Yeah, but I even fail to find that fact any more soothing." I admitted, "Sven, I can't just get over it! I finally met someone who was better than reindeers...no offense.. and now she's gone!" I waved a hand frustratingly at the air.
"Do you always talk for your reindeer?" A voice emerged.
I couldn't fight back the awkward scream that emitted from my throat, so I took to scowling at the sudden intruder.
"NO!" I countered, "Sven talks for himself! I'm just a conduit!" I argued. It wasn't actually a lie. Sven really did talk to me. I just liked to verbalise what I heard.
Prince Hans, now King, due to reasons I was still unsure, leaned against the wooden frame of a shop.
Due to my little scene earlier it caused some people to notice that their king was randomly waltzing around in public, unguarded and I immediately felt remorseful for being such a fool.
"You have a habit of drawing a crowd, you know that?" He muttered, less than impressed with my choice of actions. He sighed and stared at his nails, bored, and then once everyone had gotten the hint to ignore the spectacle they all complied.
"Anyway, I don't think it's weird, I think it's rather endearing actually." he stated frankly. I gawked at him in that way I knew I shouldn't but he simply grinned a the reaction.
He grabbed my arm and lead me up the streets and away. After recalling all our awkward exchanges which had occurred in the months which passed since our initial first meeting and how it usually ended in people giving me weird looks after emerging out of nowhere with their new king, I couldn't help but feel it was a little inappropriate for him to be touching me in public... or maybe that was just me and my 'human-contact-equals-bad'mindset.
He slowed as we reached the castle and against my better judgement I entered.
"Are you sure this doesn't look... suspicious?" I inquired, truly a little suspicious myself. Most of our conversations were held in the privacy of a room, or field, or empty corner of town, but never did he actually... lure me anywhere.
He shrugged and stated, "Everyone knows we're sort of acquainted, so I don't really see the issue." he explained.
It wasn't quite enough for me but I swallowed thickly and then followed him. Eventually he lead us to a room, it's tall white door was decorated with little purple flowers and other assorted decorations which seemed to be a constant theme throughout the whole kingdom.
"This was her room... I" He sighed, "I slept here the night I awaited her return." He admitted to me. He pushed open the door and my breath hitched at the sight of it. Messy clothing falling half out of their respective places, strewn books around the floor as if she'd meant to come back to them but never did, and a soft, lingering scent that was one that could only belong to the perfume she used, and the smell of the soap in her hair.
"It's like she never left, huh?" He chuckled. "I didn't dare touch anything but the bed, of course. I figured she'd fix it up in her own time." I followed him in against my will.
"Fix... up... oh dear..." I muttered, recalling my parents and family's overly optimistic reactions to her and how they'd almost forced us to be wed.
I couldn't help but resent them a little, for once, for not listening to us when we tried to tell them what was up. If anything, in their attempts out of good will, they accidentally prolonged her death.
It was then I noticed that Hans had resorted to sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands folded and his face searching mine patiently.
"What happened while she was up there?" He asked, "I assume you must have been her guide... or perhaps you were already there when..it happened..." He trailed off.
He wanted me to explain, and I suppose I hadn't a problem with that.
It was odd that he should be asking me now though as opposed to when i' actually witnessed it all happen. In Elsa's defense, because even after her murder she was still being accused of ridiculous things, i had to give evidence that it was not intentional. Thatit wasn't done on purpose.
I reeled off from the beginning where she coerced me into guiding her, to which he grinned knowingly, to Olaf, which he seemed very disappointed about knowing his probable fate thanks to Elsa's death, to the scene in the Ice Palace, to which I couldn't clearly read his reaction.
"It was a mistake? Just an accident?" He asked, almost bitter about it, like he didn't want to believe it. He had been absent for the trials and all the legal matters that regarded Anna's death he had avoided, almost unnecessarily. I wondered why... aside from knowing how much it probably killed him a little inside, he was still the king.
"Yeah. Anna just wouldn't let the matter go. She kept persisting and pushing her... and then whoosh, she just.. she was struck by mistake. I only caught the last glimpse of the magic, Elsa's back was turned to her, so she clearly didn't see it happen." I explained.
"So... I suppose even killing Anna wouldn't justify what became of her..." he darkly stated.
He placed his locked hands under his chin in thought, and his elbows rested on each knee.
"I think no one deserves what became of her. Ever. But that's just me, your majesty." I told him.
He glared at me for a moment before regaining his charming demeanor and he said, "Please, call me Hans. No need to be so formal."
I raised a brow, and since my legs were stiff from standing I awkwardly lowered myself into a crisscross position on the floor.
"Why not? It's respectful isn't it?" I asked. Since when did I just randomly get off being on a first name basis the king now?
"speaking of which.. how did you even become king here? Isn't there something like, a law where you have to be born here or.. or something?" i muttered feeling more and more stupid by the word.
He looked at me as if it were already obvious, until I suppose he mentally reminded himself that I had told him about my reclusive past.
"Ah, yes, you wouldn't be aware. The king and queen of Arendelle passed, three years ago. Elsa and Anna were left as the only living heirs to the throne. Once Elsa ran off and froze Arendelle, it went to Anna's care, and when she left Arendelle to chase after Elsa..." He sighed and looked away, out to the window which was slightly draped over by the green curtains, "It went to me. Anna put me in charge before she left... and when she returned..."
He couldn't find it in himself to speak suddenly. He lowered his gaze and then looked at me, "Elsa- Elsa was right, Kristoff." I froze as he spoke my name to me. I almost forgot I'd told him it.
'Right about what?' I asked. He looked at me and then cast his eyes downwards again.
"Anna and I... our love may have been real but, it truth it wasn't... 'true love' after all." He admitted finally.
"Oh." I said. That would explain, and answer, quite a few questions I had been meaning to ask him, like why the kiss hadn't worked, or if they even had made it to that point.
"The truth is, in fact... I'm starting to wonder if I even know what love is" He lamented, choking up a little.
"I just don't understand. I really wanted it to be real, to be true. I just..." He looked at me suddenly and dropped to his knees before me, begging almost with his eyes...
"I feel so responsible for her death! Like it was my fault for trying to love her... when Icouldn't..." he said.
"Wait, what do you mean you 'couldn't'?" I asked, and it seemed that everything that was going on would only become more and more confusing.
He inhaled heavily, shuddering, and he repeated, "I just couldn't, Kristoff.. I.." He looked to the door and then the window again as if to check if anyone could be listening.
"I'm not really.. like you... or other men for that matter. I find it... 'difficult' to... love.. women..." He slowly drew out. his voice was slow, and hushed, and he winced a little as he waited for me to react. When I didn't instantly question him or freak out, he continued. On the outside I must've appeared calm for he seemed to be more at ease now that he'd started but on the inside I was going insane.
My stomach flipped when I realised just how huge of a confidential canon ball I was being shot at with... I almost began to panic! Here was this once so regal and composed and proper son of royalty, on his knees, telling me his darkest secrets... where the heck did this even come from?
"But then... then I met Anna. I thought this was different." He face lifted at the memory. He smiled softly and shrugged.
"For the first time, I actually felt a connection, like I was finally getting with the program. For years my parents and brothers had been trying to arrange me into hollow marriages with women who could never see me for who I was and still accept me. But she was so much like me. I thought it was finally the kind of love people expected me to feel."
"I-" I started, unsure of how to put it, "I know what you mean. All my life I hated other people, and it wasn't until she came into my life that I felt like I'd found some sort of... new purpose."
I paused and then looked at the ceiling, "But it ended faster than I gained it. But that's life for you..."
He looked at me again, "I even kissed her... I felt her lips against mine and it felt so wrong. But I tried. I had hoped her love for me would be enough but in reality it was ...you." He gestured to me.
"That was why she was out there on the fjords, wasn't it? She thought that maybe if not me then ... maybe you could have..." But despite feeling rude, I cut him off there.
A strange and rare, flash of jealousy and selfishness came over me and I asked abruptly, "Wait you kissed her? Even though you didn't think it would work?" I snapped.
He saw the look in my eyes and nodded, "Y-yes well of course. anything to try and save her" he said.
'But you didn't even... actually love her... technically." I danced around my words with extreme caution, but I was just a little pissed off hearing this all of a sudden.
"I may not have been in love but I definitely wanted her in my life. When you can't do what society wants you to, you find creative ways to do it." He said, shrugging, his palms facing upwards.
"I suppose you have every right to be angry at me. But I didn't know you even existed at the time. I would have handed her right back to you, if I had." He finished.
I felt guilty now, since I wasn't actually trying to blame him for her death, even if he too prolonged it unintentionally. It seemed that practically everyone except for me was a part of doing that.
"No, I'm not totally angry with you. Frustrated because you're stupid, but more so I'm just..." I shrugged, "Jealous?" I offered him.
He stared at me with an unreadable face again, and then for the, like third time today, Prince-Confusion-Incarnate did something that threw me off guard.
"Did you want her first kiss back?" He asked, so seriously it was almost comic.
"What? How could you po-"
I must have died somewhere between my heart break and now and entered an alternate dimension. no, this couldn't be the same universe in which I was born.
His tongue... was in my mouth. He gripped the back of my head and pressed his lips into mine. I was too taken by surprise to even move, as he continued to taste me... bit my lips, coating my tongue and teeth with his own peculiar flavour.
He drew away and then whispered breathlessly, "Now you've kissed her too..." he grinned devilishly, "It's called an indirect kiss." he explained casually.
"I-I-I..." I wanted to say something smart, or angry, or questioning but nothing came out.
It was very VERY clear that summer had returned by now, even if it was finally beginning to ebb into autumn.
He chuckled innocently at my bewilderment, and he placed his hands on mine, "I think Anna was lucky to be able to spend her last moments with someone like you." He said silently.
"I can see why she would have chosen you over me, in the end." He continued, lifting his hand to wipe away a little from the corner of my still ajar mouth.
"You-can't-marry-a-man-you-just-met..." I mechanically recited as though I were repeating lines from a book.
His face contorted a little in confusion before his eyes widened and he snorted into his fist. I would have laughed too if it weren't for the heated numbness that overcame my entire body and head.
Just when I thought I might feint, He drew me in for another kiss, but this time I finally stopped him.
"Wait, h-Hans..." I struggled to say his name, "What are you doing? This is Anna's room.. what if she's like...watching us? Don't you feel like you're betraying her?' I asked.
I certainly felt like that's what was happening. I had enjoyed that kiss, and it made me feel so horrible on the inside to know how much I was grieving her just minutes before this, and now suddenly I was fighting back the lustufl urge to force myself onto another man, who not only was, you know, THE KING, but also her othEr previous lover...
I guess Hans must have been following my trail of thoughts, but nonetheless he still insisted, "Kristoff, she wouldn't want us to continually mourn her. I've seen it in you.. and I know how you feel, but... Just like I got it out today, the things that had been hurting me until now, you too need to just learn to let it all go."
I could see some reason behind his words, but I still was apprehensive.
"Maybe, but I'm still not ready for this." I gestured to us and then stole a glance at the rest of the room, almost expecting Anna's spirit to be there stomping towards me to punch me upside the head for letting that happen.
He backed away a little, settling back up on the bed and folded his hands. "ah, yes. I-I'm sorry. I just got a little carried away." he stammered.
I coughed nervously and then shot up, my legs tingling from sitting for too long. I then looked down and realised, stupidly, that I still had a slobbery carrot in my hand, and I recalled leaving Sven at the door of the castle.
Wow... Sven seemed like a lifetime ago all of a sudden.
"Well, I guess I better go-" I turned on my heel, but a hand stopped me momentarily.
"Wait, Kristoff..." I shivered at the way he said my name, "I know you aren't socially inept, like some people treat you, but do keep in mind my reputation. i can't have peoplee finding out about...this" he gestured to us and the room as I had before.
I nodded slowly and replied, "Yeah, I get it. Trust me, no one will find out." I promised. I was having a hard time just coming to terms with it all.
He smiled softly and planted a kiss on my knuckles, like one might a lady and then he bid me goodbye, that stiff, princely facade covering him up again.
The guilt inside hurt me a little as I let go, and then realised I wished I hadn't.
"And remember Kristoff, we only knew her for so long. It's okay to move on to something... new..." he added before I left.
"I suppose..." I whispered.
ZzZzZzZ
