Neon Genesis Evangelion: Reincarnation

A Neon Genesis: Evangelion Fanfic written by Marzee for 'In Depth Eva'

Disclaimer

I admit it. I don't own Eva sniff. If I did I wouldn't have ended End of Evangelion the way Anno did and my life would be a lot happier and less dark. Dark Marzee appears on Marzee's shoulder and begins to chant "Kill Anno. Kill Anno." in Marzee's ear. I guess Gainax owns Eva so the characters in this fic are not mine, and like most people I just borrow them for a while. Hopefully Gainax won't sue me. If they do they won't get much. The wages of an unemployed 17 year old student in Australia is getting less and less. J

Warning

Also their may be swearing in this fic (of various languages) so I thought I would warn you.

Also there will be NO SEX in this fic. If it does happen it will only be implied. I read lemons but I don't write them. For the two reasons that I don't have the writing experience nor the ah.. um how should I put this.. um.... the other experience to write such things. Sorry.

Without anymore crap………….

Notes

"blah blah blah" – speech

'blah blah blah' – thoughts

(blah blah blah) – Author's comments

blah blah blah - Dark Marzee's comments

Episode 25"

Desperation / When the will to live is lost

(Version 1.0)

*****

(This fic starts after Episode 24, so Kawrou is dead, and before the SEELE attack….ah….I mean IF SEELE attack, yeah that's it. Anyway, on with the story)

Shinji stared at the ceiling of his room as he lay on his bed. He was lying on top of the covers, fully dressed in his school uniform. His eyes were red from crying and his pillow had started to become wet from his tears.

'I killed him,' he thought, 'I killed the only person that ever said they loved me. I can't even remember my mother saying such a thing to me'.

He rolled onto his side and brought his legs up to his chest compacting himself into a ball.

"Asuka was right," he said aloud as his eyes began to water, "I truly am worthless".

The sound of the boy weeping slowly filled the dark room.

*****

Misato sat in the Joint Operation Command Centre with her NERV coffee mug in her hands. The only thing she knew was that she didn't want to go home. Shinji's state of depression had a frightening effect on her. She could no longer look into the boy's eyes without a chill going down her spine. He just continued to push her away and she couldn't seem to find a way to comfort him.

Shigeru was the only other person present and he was busy reading a magazine to pass the time.

Misato lifted the mug to her lips and took a sip of the mildly warm coffee. She had been nursing it for too long instead of drinking it.

At that moment Makoto walked onto the bridge and over to the coffee machine.

"Who made this?" He asked looking at the coffee held in the glass jar.

"I did," Misato replied without removing her eyes from the coffee in her hands. She was too occupied with her thoughts to care.

Makoto eyed the coffee suspiciously as if fearing that it would be fatal to drink it. He never quite understood how Misato could drink the coffee she made and think it tasted good. Unfortunately Makoto was on a double shift and really needed a coffee badly and it would take him too long to walk to the lounge.

He gave in and poured the black liquid into his own NERV mug and walked over to where Misato was sitting. He silently cursed Shigeru for allowing Misato to make the coffee.

"I assume you heard about Asuka?" Makoto asked bringing Misato out of her own thoughts and back into the real world.

Misato nodded her reply as she looked up at the lieutenant who sat down on the chair next to her. Although Misato didn't always get along with Asuka she was quite worried about the girl and partially blamed herself for what happened to her during the 15th Angel attack.

But with Asuka in the psychiatric ward of the NERV hospital it was easier to avoid her and the feelings she stirred up. With Shinji it was not so easy. It was mainly because she was closer to Shinji but also because she ran into him more often.

Makoto finally worked up the courage to try the coffee Misato made, which was renowned as a method coffee addicts used to give up the addiction.

As Makoto took his first sip and prepared to regurgitate it back into his cup he noticed something. The coffee tasted half reasonable. It would even be considered drinkable by those who bought their coffee from the corner store. Makoto looked up at Misato.

"Are you sure you made this?" he asked, trying to figure out if Misato was trying to trick him.

"Yeah. Why?" Misato asked, looking up at the lieutenant.

"No real reason. Did you do something different when you made it?"

"Not really," Misato replied as she looked down at her mug.

Makoto decided to leave it and discuss something else. "Have you told Shinji about Asuka yet?" he asked after drinking more of his coffee.

Misato slowly shock her head. "I don't know how to talk to him anymore. He looks at me as if he doesn't know me. It's starting to worry me. If I told him that Asuka had a mental breakdown I don't know how he would react. He spends all his time in his room now."

Makoto silently agreed with Misato.

Misato was unsure how to handle Shinji. She knew he needed someone, but refused to let anyone get close to him. She wanted him to understand that she cared about him. Ever since the 13th Angel he had gotten worse and worse as time went on. It was the same with Asuka. Her defeats at the hands of the 13th, 14th and 15th Angels lowered her self-esteem dramatically. She just couldn't find a way to deal with it.

Makoto leaned back in his chair thinking it was better to just let the woman think by herself. He also had a lot on his mind. Like why NERV hadn't begun to cease operation after the destruction of the 17th Angel. 'It's been two days. It's weird. They haven't even mentioned it'.

*****

Misato walked through the door of her apartment just as the sun was beginning to rise over the Tokyo 3 landscape. She kicked off her shoes at the entrance and walked into the kitchen. Sitting on the table was a plate of toast, in front of where she normally sits.

Feeling hungry, Misato walked up to the table and took a bite from one of the pieces.

She looked around the kitchen, but the toast was the only sign Shinji had ever been there. She walked over to the fridge and grabbed a can of iced coffee before picking up the rest of the toast and heading towards her room.

When Misato reached the living room she stopped and looked towards Shinji's door. She contemplated just walking into her room, eating her breakfast and going to sleep for the next twelve hours, ignoring her feelings completely. But she knew that she had to tell Shinji about Asuka. He deserved to know. She was certain something had been going on between the two, but knew that it was probably a one-way relationship.

When she reached his door, she stood in front of it for a few seconds before softly knocking. No reply came. Misato sighed.

"Shinji, I'm coming in".

Misato slightly opened the door to Shinji's room and looked inside. He was lying on the bed with his back to her. She opened the door all the way and stepped inside.

Shinji didn't move as Misato's footsteps neared the bed. Instead he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

Misato sat on the edge of Shinji's bed and stared at the boy. "What's wrong, Shinji? Please tell me".

Shinji didn't move. She wouldn't understand him. Just like the last time, when he killed Kawrou. He began to sob at the thought of the other boy. No one ever understood him. Nobody cared. Once NERV disbanded, they would probably all leave him alone again. Misato. Asuka. Father. All of them would be gone. His body began to shake as the sobbing took over his body.

Misato looked at the boy sadly. She pitied him. She knew what it was like. Acting on instinct, she put her breakfast on the floor and leaned over the boy wrapping her arms around him.

Shinji quickly shrugged her off and got off the bed.

"No Misato, go away," he said frightened.

Misato stared back at the boy sadly. She wondered if it would be better to just get up and leave but she knew that nothing would change if she did that. She had to try to reach him.

"Shinji-kun," Misato started.

"GO AWAY MISATO," Shinji yelled.

He backed up against the wall and sat down and put his head between his legs. 'She doesn't care. It's only because this is part of her job. She has to make sure I pilot Eva. She doesn't care. She doesn't care about me. No one cares about me. I'm useless. I'm worthless'. His lip quivered and he began to cry again.

Misato stood up and walked around the bed towards Shinji. When she got there, she kneeled in front of the boy.

"Go away Misato. You don't care. Nobody cares. I'm worthless. Why would anyone care about me?" Shinji said, so softly Misato hardly heard him.

"Shinji-kun," Misato said, putting her hand on his shoulder. Shinji shrugged it off and Misato let it fall beside her.

"Of course I care about you Shinji-kun. You're my friend. I enjoy living with you."

"It's only because of NERV. You only care because it's part of your job".

Misato's body tensed as her facial expression turned from one of worry to one of anger. Misato grabbed Shinji by the shoulders, pulled him to his feet and pinned him against the wall.

"How dare you say that?" Misato almost yelled. "I care about you and all you do is throw it in my face. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and grow up. If you sit back and watch the world go by no one is going to stop and ask if you're all right. You'll be left behind and then no one will care".

Shinji stared back at Misato as tears began to run down her face. The pain in her face had a great affect on him. He had caused this, by not returning her feelings. Misato didn't just talk to him because it was her job. Maybe she did care about him.

Without even thinking, Shinji raised one of his hands to Misato's cheek and wiped away the tear before it reached her jaw. Surprised by his own actions he quickly removed his hand and let it rest by his side.

"Shinji-kun, you have to realise that you are not worthless. People care Shinji. If things go wrong you have to take them in and just keep going".

She released the boy and looked down at her feet. She didn't really want to talk about it but she knew it was the only way to get Shinji to realise that bad things happen to everyone.

"When Kaji-kun left, it seemed like my world had collapsed. I didn't know what had really happened but I knew that he was dead and that I was never going to see him again.

"But there is always something to look forward to, Shinji. I thought about how nice it was when Asuka and you were still happy and when I actually began to think I was part of a family again. Although you may not realise it Shinji, but I sometimes feel as though you are my brother.

"It was because of NERV that we meet, but NERV didn't tell me to be your guardian, NERV never told me to worry about your life outside of work and NERV never told me to care about you. You are the reason I did those things and still do them.

"Even Asuka liked you in her own way. I know she teased you but it was her way of getting over her problems and fears. Just like you like to be alone and listen to your music".

Shinji dropped to the floor as Misato's words echoed through his head. Could somebody care? He remembered the time Toji and Kensuke had told him that she treated him like family. And the time she had scolded him and Asuka because their school grades were low. And every time he was hurt she tried to help, even though he always pushed her away.

His eyes widened as he realised how cruelling he had been treating Misato. He had treated Misato exactly the same way that Asuka had treated him. How much did he mirror Asuka? Perhaps they weren't that different. Even there way of dealing with the fear of rejection was similar.

"How do I know you won't just leave like everybody else," Shinji asked, pleading with his eyes.

Misato kneeled down in front of him.

"I'm here Shinji. I'm not going to leave you, I promise."

"I… think I'll go to bed. I'm tired," he said.

Misato helped him up and he walked over to his bed and laid down. Misato softly smiled at the boy as he began to drift of to sleep before turning towards the door.

"Misato?" She heard Shinji say behind her.

She turned around and waited for the boy to continue.

"Wi…will you stay with me tonight?" He asked.

Misato didn't even think about her response, she just walked over to the bed and laid down next to the boy. She turned towards his back and slowly wrapped her arms around his midsection. She felt him shutter but he didn't back away.

After a few minutes Shinji slowly began to drift into sleep. Misato laid next to him, softly hugging him. She listened to him snore softly for a few minutes before falling asleep. Just as she was about to go to sleep she began to think how nice it was to go to sleep next to someone, again. She went to sleep with the hint of a smile on her face.

(No, this is not a Shinji / Misato fic. This is my attempt at a semi-accurate continuation and I couldn't see Anno pairing the two. Maybe in some of the home movies he would have had the artists do, but not in the show.)

*****

When Shinji began to wake up he was surprised by the warmth surrounding him. Although it was normally warm, it was never like this. As Shinji's senses began to work he realised that a pair of arms were wrapped around his midsection and he could lightly feel someone's breath on the back of his neck.

The memory of Misato's promise to never leave him and how she had held him as he went to sleep worked its way into his head. It was now obvious that she hadn't moved and had gone to sleep next to him. She hadn't left him.

A small smile crept across his lips as he realised that maybe, just maybe, Misato didn't just think of him as tool but as a friend. Maybe someone did care about him.

He looked over at the clock and realised it was almost time for dinner. He decided that dinner could wait and he would prefer to stay in Misato's arms for as long as possible. As Misato snuggled into his back in her sleep he realised that Misato's breasts were pressed against his back and he began to blush. He remained right where he was though, comforting was something that he needed right now and he wasn't about to leave what he had been searching for his whole life so quickly.

*****

When Misato woke up she was surprised to find Shinji still lying in her arms. She had been quite surprised when he had asked her to stay. She stared at the back of the boys head as if trying to judge if he was awake. She decided she would have to ask to find out.

"Shinji-kun?"

"Yes," Shinji replied, faintly nodding his head.

"What time is it?"

"Seven forty two".

"Are you hungry? We can go and order some take out". Misato asked, hoping he would agree to come out of his room and have dinner with her. While he was he was out of his shell she had to try and keep him positive.

"I can cook some Raman. I think we still have some of that beef stock left"

Misato smiled. "I'd like that". Things were beginning to look up. He would be back to normal soon, if ever, but this was a step in the right direction.

Misato released the grip she had around Shinji's waist and pulled her arms away from him, allowing him to sit up. He turned around to face Misato with a small smile on his lips.

"Thank you, Misato-san".

"You're welcome, Shinji-kun," Misato said, smiling back. She stood up and helped him up. They walked out of the room together before Shinji prepared to cook up his beef Raman.

*****

After Shinji and Misato finished their Raman, Shinji began to wash the dishes while Misato turned on the television. As Shinji worked he began to wonder what had happened to Asuka. He had been too preoccupied with his own problems that he had forgotten about her.


By the time he had finished the dishes, Shinji was about to ask Misato about it when she called out from the lounge room.

"Shinji-kun, can you grab me a beer from the fridge, please?"

Shinji found it surprising how much Misato had cut back on drinking. After Kaji died she hardly drank at all, which was quite weird. She never drank in the morning, instead opting for an iced coffee with her morning meal.

"Sure," Shinji replied, before heading to the fridge to get the can.

When Shinji reached the lounge room, he handed Misato her beer and sat down on the cushion next to her. Just as Misato began to drink from her can Shinji asked the question that had been on his mind while he was washing up.

"Misato, where is Asuka?"

Misato looked at him out of the corner of her eye as she drank about half the can. She wasn't sure what to tell him. She could lie and make him feel better, but he would find out sooner or later. The truth would probably be the best option, so she decided to tell him the truth.

"Shinji, As….Asuka had a mental breakdown. She is being kept in the NERV hospital," Misato said, looking at Shinji nervously. She hoped that he wouldn't drop back into his state of depression again.

Shinji looked away from her. It was all his fault. Asuka had had a mental breakdown because of him.

"Can I go and see her?" He asked, looking back at Misato.

Misato nodded. "I'll take you there tomorrow morning before I go to work".

Shinji nodded and stood up. "I think I'll go to bed," he said as he began to walk towards his room.

Misato watched as he walked away from her. She considered getting up and going to him but knew that she couldn't. She had no idea what Shinji felt for Asuka and couldn't begin to imagine what her constant taunting had done to him. Instead she finished off her beer, stood up and went to her own bedroom. She had to be at work by eight.

*****

"How long do you think we have?" Fuyutsuki asked.

Gendo remained still, sitting with his fingers interlocked beneath his chin.

"Long enough, at least a week. I want the training to begin straight away. The remaining pilot should be the first trained," Gendo replied, mechanically.

Fuyutski smirked. "Why should the Third Child be the first trained. There are certainly other people that are at a greater risk".

"If he dies all is lost. No one is currently more important".

"I see. I will proceed with the plan". With that, Fuyutsuki walked out of the office.

Gendo stood up and walked over to the window behind his desk. He remained there for several hours, staring at something no one else could see.

*****

The next day Shinji sat in a hospital room listening to the SDAT player he held in his hands. The school uniform he had on was creased and it looked as if he has been sitting in the chair for most of the day. He lifted his head and looked at the clock on the wall. The time was six pm and the setting sun could be seen through the small gap in the curtains. 'It's six. I'd better go home. Not that Misato will be worried. She knows where I am'.

He looked over at the still, fragile form of the girl in the bed. Asuka was still asleep. A machine next to the bed pumped anastatic into her left arm while at the same time draining the fire from her entire body. 'According to Misato, she's been like this for nearly a week. I wonder if they're going to wake her up soon'.

He turned away from the bed and put his head in his hands. 'It's all my fault. I should have ignored father and gone to save her. Then she wouldn't have been like this'.

A click was emitted from the SDAT player as it reached the end of tape. 'Why did you push me away Asuka? All I wanted to do was help you. Whatever I did it was never good enough'. Shinji stood up and walked out of the room, a single tear running down his check.

*****

Author's Notes

*****

Well, a completed chapter of NGE: Reincarnation. This was a lot harder then The Ikari Charm. Oh well, time to stop bitchin' and keep writing Chapter 3 of The Ikari Charm, it's about quater finished. Humour is so much easier; it just comes naturally when you're a joke.

Thanks go to Bene for pre-reading. He's a champion.

I really, really need R&R on this. Please, I beg you. It can be on anything. I need reassurance. Serious stuff stresses me out, and I'm really worried about this. Please R&R.

Thanx,

Marzee