Well, hasn't it been a year since we've last seen each other? I have to admit that I'm not too into the South Park fandom anymore, but fret not, I can still pop out fics.

This was obviously inspired by Lorde's Royals, which I have been addicted to. Apologizes to all who hate the song. I'll make it up to you by giving you some Bunny.

Enjoy and please check out my profile for side accounts and more fics. Thank you.


We'll Never be Royals

We'll never be Royals.

It was something left to the impossible and those who challenged the impossible, though succeed they rarely did. It was something left to the rich, the famous, the un-Royal Royals. It was something, in other words, not left to us; us as in poor, forgotten, and maybe just a little bit hungry at midnight.

In other, other words, me: brainless, bloodless, and clueless.

"Kenny, come look at this!" A squeaking sound floated out from the living room, and though whisper-like in volume, the walls were thin enough for passersby outside to hear it.

I set the chair I had been leaning back on back on the floor, knowing that if Butters had seen me doing that again, he would crack my skull open on his own accord. And if by a magically calling, he peeked his head into the kitchen entrance and motioned his hand to beckon me to the living room. He disappeared before I could stand up, and I could hear him plop himself on the old, decrepit thing we called a couch.

The television was blaring out with a commercial when I followed suit, and Butters sat quietly with his hands in his lap like a dog waiting for his next meal. Stopping even before stepping on the carpet, I leaned against the doorframe, wondering why I had listened to him.

"What? Is this good?" I asked, folding my arms and staring at the bright colors popping on the screen.

"Of course it is, Kenny! Now sit!" He patted the seat next to him, and I was left with the choice of caring or not. Apparently I cared too much.

I sat gently, lest a catapult accident happened again. The colors on the set faded out, and suddenly, something white and sparkly replaced them.

"Look, Kenny, isn't it beautiful?" Butters stared intently at the screen as the sparkles spun around the screen.

A diamond.

I could only stare with contempt as the thing continued to hypnotize those watching. Only when it faded from view, did I stand up and make a motion to leave the room.

"Ke-Kenny, where are you going?" Butters turned to me, almost jumping out of his seat himself.

I raised my eyebrows, arms still crossed. Sighing as silently as I could – since I knew Butters hated it when I showed any disinterest to his interest – I sat back down and faced him.

"Come on, Butters, stop dreaming already," I said to him, losing myself in the same blue pools I had, though much brighter than mine. I looked around the room, catching all the things that hung on the wall or lay on the floor. "This life," I started, finishing my survey, "isn't exactly a good enough one to have something like that." I glanced over the television again as it returned to its program. "We've never seen a diamond in the flesh before, and I doubt we ever will."

He only smiled in return. "That's what you think, Kenny." He stood and raced upstairs, shouting at me to stay put, and I could do nothing but that as confusion hazed my mind. It was only the patting sound of Butters' feet on the carpet that woke me from the fog.

I turned to face him, wanting to go back to sitting in the kitchen, when he stopped suddenly and stared with some sort of serious expression on his pale face. I stopped as well, taken back by it. Never had Butters been so serious before; he was always bubbly and hyper, lighting up a dark room the instant he entered it. Seeing him like this, I couldn't help but be the same.

"Butters-" I tried to say first but was beaten to the punch when he pulled something out from behind him, presenting it to me.

It was a small square box with a light sheen on its surface, and I realized that it was covered in velvet. It fitted nicely in Butters' hand, big enough to completely cover his palm, though when he propped the top open, it seemed as if it could have fit the entire world, all seven billion people and all five-point-nine septillion kilograms, right inside. But no, not even the world could ever match what was waiting for me inside that tiny, unseeeming box.

A diamond.

"Kenny."

I closed my eyes. "No, please, don't say it, Butters."

"Will you-"

"Yes, you idiot. You don't even have to ask." I opened my eyes again, a lopsided grin on my face as Butters lit up in joy. I held my left hand out for him to slip the ring on. The cold feeling of the metal against my skin was biting, but at the same time, a sort of warmth ignited in that diamond staring me in the face now. And everything disappeared as Butters pounced on top of me, wrapping his thin arms around my body as I fell back into the couch.

"Ahaha, okay, Butters, you're crushing me," I managed to struggle out as I sat back up with him kneeling between my legs. "Well," I wondered aloud, "it isn't much, but it's something- Ow!" I rubbed my arm where Butters had landed a fairly strong punch.

"'Isn't much'? Well, I sp-spent a lot of time trying to get this for you, Kenny!" He pouted and gripped my left wrist, intently staring at the result of his hard work.

I smiled again. "I was just kidding," I said to him and pulled him closer, giving him a kiss on the forehead. "Now, time to celebrate." I separated from him. "Go get the champagne from the fridge, will ya?"

It was Butters' turn to raise his eyebrows. "B-but, we don't have champagne, Kenny." He tilted his head, probably wondering if I was joking around again.

I grinned a toothy smile, extremely proud of myself. "Well, Buttercups, you're not the only one working hard and saving up for special occasions."

He slightly jumped up in surprise. Smiling the same smile I had, he scrambled off the couch and me and stumbled fast into the kitchen, screaming out "I'll get it!"

I could laugh in response, and then stared at the white, sparkly thing on my left ring finger, twisting my hand around in various directions as the fading sunlight from the window reflected through the diamond. I'd had only seen such wedding rings in movies, and as the rainbows shot in ways and bounced off the wall, I closed my eyes and chuckled.

Sure, we'll never be Royals, but if we're together, what does it matter?