A/N: And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…. *drumroll*The third installment of the "Bill Kaulitz' Girl" series. It started out as a child's stupid crush (Bill Kaulitz' Little Girl), grew to a rough relationship (Bill Kaulitz' Grownup Girl), and now we have this; A story about how two people in love find each other after three long, lonely years of being apart. What kind of hardships are Irene and Bill going to go through in this book, you ask? Well, I guess you'll have to read and find out! Enjoy! ;)
Also, I'm going to be painfully realistic in this story, so there's probably going to be quite a bit of swearing throughout its chapters.
BTW, I have the story as rated T, but chapters might start leaning towards rated M sometimes. They won't get too descriptive, but enough to get me in trouble. Don't worry; I'll warn you when they do. Like this one: the first part is slightly rated M and may contain some content that you might find gross. Viewer discretion is advised. :P
~Rina
(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)()~(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)()~(~)(~)
Book Three, Chapter One- "Reunited."
Month: July of 2012
Bill's POV
If someone were to walk past the door to room 367 right now, they'd know exactly what was going behind the 'Do not disturb' sign. They would know because I seemed to have picked up the loudest girl in the history of ever tonight.
The girl's moans filled the room as her body bounced feverishly on top of mine. She flipped her blonde hair out of her face and stared right into my eyes, obviously trying to make me see something more than a sex toy in her.
Yeah, right.
They were all the same. Every girl I picked up would try to get me to call them afterwards. They'd write their number down and attempt to give it to me. If I refused, I'd often find the slip of paper hidden in my shoe or jacket pocket when I got home. The paper always went to the trash with a laugh. They didn't get that after one night, I never wanted to see them again, even if I continuously told them so throughout the night. I didn't want a relationship.
At least not with them.
The thought made me sigh and the girl above me gave me a curious look, but made no attempt to stop her movements. I'd finished already, but this girl just kept going at it. Was she just going to stay up there all night? Why had I even chosen her in the first place, anyway? She wasn't particularly attractive. The girl gasped and I looked up at her.
Oh, right, that's why. The girl's eyes were a deep shade of brown, nearly black, and blended in almost seamlessly with her pupils, making her eyes seem all one color.
Just like Irene's.
I shook the thought out of my head and gripped the girl by the waist, flipping over so she was under me. The girl smirked and wrapped her arms around my neck as I slipped in and out of her at a rapid pace, just wanting to get this over with now. Finally, the blonde screamed in relief as she hit her climax.
Almost immediately, I pulled out and rolled away to sit at the edge of the bed and disposed the condom with disgust. I hated those things; the idea of being covered in my own fluids completely grossed me out and if I had my way, I wouldn't wear them. But I didn't know these girls and I wasn't risking becoming a father or getting an STD.
As I went to get up, the girl appeared at my shoulder and purred delicately into my ear.
"That was great."
She ran her finger down my arm and I looked over my shoulder at her. She had a doe-eyed look on her face, silently begging me to stay. What was her name, anyway? Ali, Abi, Ashley? Hell, it could've been Clementine for all I knew- or cared. It's not like I'd need to remember her name anytime soon.
In response to her silent look, I got up off the bed and searched the dimly lit room for my clothes, pulling them on as I found them.
"The room is paid for," I said as I tugged my plain black t-shirt over my head, "So you can stay here, if you want to."
She bit her lip seductively, but I turned my back on her so I could finish buckling my belt. I heard her huff in annoyance then the TV turned on. The channels flipped randomly until the girl settled on Ellen DeGeneres. I gritted my teeth as the buckle slipped from my grasp again; I wanted out of here!
"So, Midnight Sun, huh?" Ellen was saying on the TV, "What made you guys choose that name?"
"Because we all have dark sides, Ellen, no matter how sunshine-y someone may seem."
The buckle fell from my hands again but this time, I made no grab at it. Instead, I swivelled my head towards the TV.
I knew that voice. It was the one that haunted my dreams, as well as my nightmares. It was the one I've searched every corner of the world for, longing to hear it again, even just for a second. I sunk onto the corner of the bed and stared at the screen, jaw slightly agape
It was Irene. She had changed a bit over the years, but it was unmistakably her. Instead of the no-makeup look, she now sported heavy black eyeliner and a lighter covering of black shadow. Her hair was slightly darker, as well; though it seemed to be more a natural darkening than dye. She was smaller, too- nearly twig like. It kind of made me angry, because there had been nothing wrong with her body in the first place.
Irene smiled at Ellen and I couldn't help but notice that that was one thing that hadn't changed about her. She still had that shy smile that she used when someone she didn't know was talking to her, like she couldn't believe that they were giving their attention to her, of all people.
"Well is there a deeper meaning other than 'we all have dark sides?'" Ellen asked, obviously trying to make Irene open up more. Whenever someone pointed a camera at Irene, she'd give short answers to any question asked to her. At least she wasn't stuttering.
"Well I guess it's like…" Irene paused and bit her lip in thought, "Every person has two personalities. There's the one they show to the general public, and then there's the one that only their closest friends and family know about. That would be their dark side. That's why my band and I decided on Midnight Sun for a name, because it's like saying even the happiest (sunniest) of people have a dark side, a form they only show when the sun has gone down." Irene laughed nervously. "Does that make any sense?"
Ellen nodded slowly, "Like before I came out to the public, my wife was my dark side?"
Irene grinned sheepishly. "I guess. Though, I wouldn't count that as a dark side. More of a sadly-had-to-be-hidden side, even though it shouldn't have been."
The smile that crossed Ellen's face was easily read: She'd liked that comment. Irene had the ability to be able to find the right words in all conversations. All she had to do was use those words in just the right way, and she'd instantly make a friend.
"So what's your dark side, Irene?" Ellen asked.
"Are you alright?" A voice at my shoulder asked, making me jump.
The blonde girl was kneeling next to me, a concerned look on her face.
"Fine," I said as I stood up and attempted at my belt again. Luckily, it fastened this time. I grabbed my sweater from the back of the chair and made for the door.
"Will you call me?" The blonde, unsurprisingly, asked.
"Doubt it." I answered honestly as the door swung shut between us.
Making my way through the quiet hallways of the hotel, I dialed my twin's number.
"Done with your nightly fuck already, little bro?" Tom asked when he answered.
"Oh shut up." I snapped, "Maybe you should start doing it again, lose some of that bitchiness you've had lately."
"Nuh uh," Tom said, and I could just imagine him shaking his head furiously, "Not after that last scare."
I smirked as I remembered the stupidity of my brother about six months ago. He'd decided to go out for a quick tumble in the sheets with some random chick one night and use a condom that had been sitting in his wallet for much longer than it should've been. Needless to say, it broke on him and he'd been scared shitless that he'd gotten the girl pregnant. That hadn't happened, thank god, but after that he stopped whoring around.
"Look, I want you to check something." I told my brother as I stepped out into the cool night air. "Go online and search for Ellen DeGeneres, Midnight Sun."
"Why?" Tom asked curiously.
"Just do it."
As I started to hear clacking of a keyboard, I placed a cigarette between my lips and lit it. I took a long drag and blew the smoke out as I made my way down the street, waiting for Tom to finish searching for the video.
"Whoa," Tom finally said into my ear, "Is that Irene?!"
"Yes. Ellen asks her a question probably about a quarter through the video. She asks what Irene's dark side is. What's her answer?"
"You want to know Irene's dark side?" Tom asked, sounding amused."
"Yes." I was getting impatient. I walked down poorly lit back streets, making my journey longer to give Tom a chance to find what I was looking for.
"Whoa," Tom said again. I'm about to ask what, when Tom says "Listen."
I hear the rustling that indicated Tom moving the phone around, then a click. The audio that plays in my ear is slightly distorted and far-away sounded, but still decipherable.
"So what's your dark side, Irene?"
"Umm, I have a couple different dark sides, actually. One of them is that I can't let go of the past. If someone does something that causes me to lose their trust, it's nearly impossible for me to trust them again. Another is that…" Irene pauses, but it's hard to know what she's thinking because I can't see her, "I have demons that I can't let go of. I did something I shouldn't have when I was younger. I hurt people I cared for, and then I left them in the middle of the night without a lot of explanation. I felt horrible about it then, and I still do now."
I stopped in my tracks and continued listening.
"So if you could go back and change your decision, would you?" Ellen asked.
Irene's reply shocked me. "No, I wouldn't. I mean, nothing good would have come from me staying any longer. Also, if I had never left, my life wouldn't have turned out the way it did, and I can freely admit that I'm very happy with my life. Yes, those demons still weigh heavily on me at times, but I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything in the world."
Ellen: "Nothing at all?"
A silent second, then, "Nothing."
Okay, ouch. The phone rustled again and Tom spoke.
"That was… quite the answer."
I sighed. "You're telling me."
"It says she lives here in LA now. Who knew?"
"Yeah," I said in a heavy voice, "Who knew."
(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)
I picked my way gingerly through the throng of sweaty, dancing bodies in the club. My destination was the bar, where I wanted to drown my sorrows.
First, I finally see the one person I'd been missing for three years, but it's on a freaking TV screen. Next, I learn that she wouldn't trade anything in the world for the life she has now. I'm probably included in that, and it pisses me off to think so. And to top it all off, she lives in LA! Yeah, it's a big place, but how the hell did I not run into her at least once?!
Yeah, I definitely needed a drink.
I sat on one of the barstools and the bartender came over, asking me what I wanted.
"Something that'll make me forget everything." I told him.
The burly man smirked, "Rough day, huh?"
"That's putting it bluntly." I admitted.
The bartender finished mixing the drink and handed it to me in a large glass. I took a tentative sip. The drink had a bitter-sweet taste to it, like candy would probably taste if it was covered in salt. I took another, bigger, sip and felt the alcohol burn down my throat. It was a strong drink; I could already feel it start to work.
"You're just in time," The bartender said, trying at a light conversation, "We've got this great band playing here tonight. They're just about to start their last song." He nodded towards the front of the stage and I followed his gaze, only to not look rude.
But I'm glad I did.
Irene was here, up on the stage, adjusting the microphone stand to her height. She was looking at the crowd somewhat nervously, scanning each face carefully. Then her gaze landed on me.
And stayed there.
The music coming from the speakers seemed to fade. My heart started to beat wildly in my chest and if felt like no-one else was in the building anymore, apart from me and her. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours, just staring at each other. I felt like I just wanted to drop my drink right there and just go to her, embrace her and not let her go ever again.
And then she broke the spell. She turned away from me and whispered to a blonde girl at her side, glancing disdainfully at me. The blonde followed her eyes and spotted me, her smile quickly turning into a glare.
I realized with a shudder that the blonde was Amanda, the girl that save Irene's life nine years ago and was the ultimate reason Irene left Germany, as well. She was without a doubt my least favorite person in the world.
Amanda whispered something back and pointed to the microphone sternly. The music actually did fade away this time, and Irene addressed the crowd.
"Hey guys. So, this will be our last song for the night. We hope you enjoyed our music as much as we enjoyed playing it for you."
Irene's hands shifted positions on the mic stand. Her left hand gripped the middle of it while her right held the mic itself. Amanda picked up a bass from its holder and two other girls I'd never seen before took place at their instruments. As they started to play, Irene licked her lips and took a breath.
And started to sing.
"Once upon a time a few mistakes ago
I was in your sights, you got me alone
You found me, you found me, you found me
I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that
And when I fell hard you took a step back
Without me, without me, without me"
Whoa, where the hell did that come from? Her voice was… indescribable- other than saying that it was perfect. She hit each note of the Taylor Swift song effortlessly and swung her hips gently to the beat played by her band. I was definitely shocked. Three years ago, she wasn't the best singer- her voice cracked at notes too high or too low. But now… Wow.
"And he's long gone when he's next to me
And I realize the blame is on me"Irene's gaze settled on me again as she belted out the lyrics.
"'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
'Til you put me down, oh
I knew you were trouble when you walked in
So shame on me now
Flew me to places I'd never been
Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground."
It wasn't hard to guess what she was thinking as she sang those words. It felt almost like I was the bad guy here. Though, I guess I sort of was. Yes, I had lied to her about Samantha, but it wasn't like I had cheated. Hell, I had dumped Samantha before Irene and I had even started going out. But still… I was the one who had continuously kept secrets that hadn't needed to be kept just because I thought I had been keeping Irene safe by doing so. Like the Evan thing; If I had just told Irene what I'd been planning on doing, she would've talked me out of it and I wouldn't have gotten shot.
At the thought of the bullet wound, my stomach started to itch. I downed the rest of my drink and paid the barkeep. I left the building, going around the back to where I knew Irene would come out when she was done. As I waited, I lifted my shirt slightly to examine my scar.
The spider webbed scar was right above my navel. The doctors had said that way the bullet had entered should've left just a hole, but apparently my skin had broken into tiny cuts that branched out from the entrance site. Why that had happened was unexplainable, apparently. I hated the scar, and not just because it was horribly unattractive and raised way too many questions for me to be comfortable. I hated it because it was one of the things Irene had blamed herself for, one of the reasons she left. The scar was a constant reminder of what I had lost.
I left my shirt fall back down as the building's back door opened and out strolled Amanda, of all people. She spotted me and that permanently-evil-looking smirk crossed her face.
"I thought you might wait back here." She said, stepping towards me. I took a step back, not wanting her anywhere near me after our first, and last, encounter three years ago.
"I just want to talk to Irene." I said.
Amanda glared. "Too bad. She's happy now, and I'm not going to let you ruin it."
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Who are you to make Irene's decisions for her?"
"The one who knows what she needs. And you, Bill, are NOT what she needs."
Before I could retaliate, the backdoor opened again and Irene poked her head out. Upon seeing me, her face paled and she bit her lip much harder than necessary.
"Go back inside and help the others pack things away, Amanda." Irene said quietly.
Amanda shook her head. "But—"
"Now." Irene hissed through her teeth.
Reluctantly, Amanda went back inside- but not before shooting me a look that could kill if was a knife. I waved at her innocently and she flipped me off as the door shut behind her.
All was silent between me and Irene. I didn't know if she had something to say first or not, so I stayed quiet. After a few minutes, Irene finally spoke.
"What do you want?"
The absurdity of the question made me roll my eyes. "Oh, I don't know." I said sarcastically, suddenly angry, "My girlfriend leaves in the middle of the night without so much as an explanation, avoids my calls and any other attempts I make at contacting her. What the hell else could I want?"
"I left a note." She muttered.
"Yes, because the note explained SO much. Thanks for that."
Irene glowered at me. "No need to get bitchy, Bill. I left because I was tired of everyone getting hurt because of me. I definitely explained that in the note."
"But you weren't hurting anyone!" I said, my voice raising several octaves, "I told you that, but yet you still left. Do you know what I did the day I found you gone?" Without waiting for an answer, I continued, "I cried. I lay in your bed and cried, all fucking day long. I stopped while Tom, Georg, and Gustav were out looking for you, but when they came back and said that they didn't find you, I cried some more. I looked fucking pathetic. And I wasn't the only one who was sad. Tom and Georg got really quiet for weeks after you left, Gustav got louder, strangely enough, and-"
Irene interrupted me, "Why are you telling me this?" She wrung her hands together nervously.
"To show you that you left for all the wrong reasons!" Without thinking, I pushed Irene up against the brick wall behind us. She yelped in surprise, but I kept talking, "We were hurting more when you left than we were while you were there. God, for three years, I haven't stopped thinking about you. I have trouble sleeping- I'm too scared to close my eyes because I know you'll be there. My heart breaks every time I wake up and remember that you're not around. "
"I—" Irene stuttered, obviously searching for the right words. Instead of speaking, however, she merely clamped her mouth shut and sniffled.
I pressed closer to her, our bodies separated by barely an inch. She balled my shirt up in her shaking fists and laid her head against my chest. Carefully, as if I could scare her away, I stroked her hair. For one second, I let myself hope that she was going to forgive me and we could have a somewhat normal relationship again.
But then she roughly pushed me away and frowned.
"You smell like perfume!" Irene said accusingly.
Shit. I'd forgotten about my little adventure from earlier that night. I tried to defend myself, but Irene spoke first.
"Please tell me you don't have a girlfriend."
"No, I don't, I swear. It's…" I trailed off. No matter how I worded it, I was going to make myself look bad.
Irene blinked at me, waiting for an answer. When I didn't give one, I saw her eyes go vacant. She was running through various possibilities in her head. It took her a second, but I could tell when she'd found one; her eyes went from vacant to shocked.
"What was her name?" Irene asked softly.
"I don't remember," I said honestly, my voice just as low.
"Oh for…" Irene turned away and sighed, "I so can't do this. So you're out fucking some chick you can't even remember the name of, then you decide to try and pull me back into your life. Truthfully, I don't think you thought this out too well!
"But if you come back to me, I wouldn't' do it anymore!"
"How do I know you won't?!" She looked close to tears and it made my heart break into a thousand pieces.
"Because you're the reason I'm like this. After you left, I fell into a depression. I tried everything to make it go away: pills, therapy, fucking hypnotization. Nothing worked; until I went out and picked up a girl. It helped me… cope. Helped me forget. It made things easier."
Before Irene could speak, the back door opened and out came Amanda, followed by the other two girls I'd seen on stage and a guy who looked around my age. The guy shared a glance with Irene and she nodded at him as if he'd spoken.
"I have to go," Irene said to me, turning away. I tried to stop her by reaching for her wrist but one murderous look from Amanda had me stopping in my tracks. They all piled in a red minivan and it pulled out must faster than it should've.
I stood there, completely frozen, knowing I'd just dug my own grave.
