Arkham Asylum
Author's note: Been trying to come up with a Joker crossover for Illyana because… well just trying. I'm not a DC collector, but I do have some of the Batman stories (all Joker related). Always annoys me the fact that they get the Joker and just lock him up again so of course he can just get loose again to kill over and over and… well you get the picture.
Then I realized that my annoyance could serve as a good, if brief, Illyana Joker story. In Illyana's world DC comics is just that… comics. But there are other universes…
Part 1a: Arkham
It was late.
It was very stormy.
Of course the power was out (power was always going out).
Some of the alarms failed (home grown as nobody would bid on the contract).
And once again the Joker had broken out of his cell.
But this time, instead of escaping, or just doing fun things to the staff, the Joker wanted to play a new trick. One involving that strange amulet his crew had gotten off of that eccentric mystic old geezer of a dude and had smuggled in for him.
An odd golden medallion, had a figure of justice holding a balance but opened to show a pentagram with five empty holes. There was a note in Latin with it. The words apparently some kind of magical invocation requiring that the holes be filled with a blood sacrifice.
Fill it and she will come.
The dark child.
Ask and she must do.
Well, this had potential if only for a change of pace. Got to fight the boredom by whatever means necessary was one of Joker's axioms. That and prunes are good for you, keeps you regular (the Joker was obsessed with regularity).
Blood, ok nice that the establishment was always willing and eager to provide a steady flow of victims. Now serving guard number… um… oh badge number 639… Oh how unlucky for you my random friend.
Then a few fellow inmates liberated to help chant the words. Apparently four more were needed. So, eeny meeny miny moe, catch a bat by his hoe. If he moralizes then... SLAUGHER EVERBODY!
"That's not how it goes Joker" complained Dr. Jervis Tetch (Mad Hatter), "It's if he hollers let him go".
The joker replied in that weird voice of his. "I like my version better. More fun".
"Yea, yea, yea, lets get on with it. Their bound to restore the power soon". Grumbled Harvey Dent (Two Face). "Daddy wants out of here". Joker had agreed to help Dent escape if he participated in the little ritual.
"This is all very unscientific" humph'd Dr. Jonathan Crane (Scarecrow). But it would be interesting to observe. The Joker was always… interesting. Why he even got to ghost write some scientific papers with some of the staff and the Joker was an endless fount of paper ideas.
Edward Nigma (The Ridler) asked some inane riddle involving cheese and a merry go-round. Everybody ignored him, which secretly just fueled his inner rage. Everybody always kissing up the Joker…
The guard was hoisted up by her feet and hung from the ceiling. Then her throat was cut.
"Shame about the lack of squealing, always something missing when they don't cry and beg. It's just not the same without the squeal" mused the slightly disappointed Joker. Note to self, don't hit the sacrifice victim so hard on the head next time.
Dent painted the bloody pentagram on the floor, under the body and the widening pool of blood, while musing that the painting therapy had finally found a practical use, now if only it was that annoying Dr. Lehand...
Then each took some blood and let a drop drip from their hands into a spot on the medallion. The Joker then closed the medallion and shoved it into the now dead guard's mouth. Shame she died so… simply, her being a looker and all, bosom a bit small though for his tastes.
Then they all smeared blood on their hands and faces. Dent and Crane both thought that at this point this was all just an annoying prank by the Joker but played along because… well you really don't ever want to be on the Joker's… hmmm not bad side as he didn't really have a good side. You just don't ever want to make it onto any list he might be keeping.
They then took up positions at the tips of the pentagram and performed the ritual.
And goodie goodie gumdrops for them it worked. The emergency lighting faded down to just a dull glow and a voice was heard. A female voice spoke choked with rage and fury.
"Who dares…"!
"Avon calling dearie". Spoke the Joker. To be honest he wasn't fully sure that this was not one of his hallucinations, but no matter. He always treated everything like it was a hallucination anyway.
"I want you to hurt the Bat. Hurt him in a way he's never been hurt before"!
Two red pupil-less eyes appeared and glared at what they beheld.
"Bat? Wait a second… You're the Joker! You're real? You mean… Batman exists"?!
"Real as a baseball bat enema deerie! Now go do as you're told".
The temperature dropped quickly, like something was sucking the heat out of the room. And a figure materialized within the pentagram.
A classic female, blond. just under six feet tall with a generous D cup. She had goat legs, a long red devil's barbed tail that was flickering back and forth like a cat's tail, long sharp incisors, orange glowing pupil-less eyes, and horns. She was clothed in very scanty silver armor that really showed her form off.
"Ohhh… Daddy like". Grinned the Joker. Then the gin vanished. "Now go do as you're told like a bad little demon".
The demon looked around the room and spoke, and with that the evil mood was kind of ruined.. "You're Dent right? Two face? The nutcase who's always flipping a coin? Don't recognize the rest of you other then the Joker. Just where am I"?
"Arkham Asylum" relied Dent. He really wanted a knife to carve his anger into this… creature. Call him a nutcase…
"Really"? The demon replied. "And this was just some poor guard, just another in a long line of victims, right"?
"Um…. righto". Replied the Joker as he actually got a bit uneasy. None of the demon rising hallucinations before had ever been so… conversational or… female… or… like this.
"And you're all mass killing psychopaths right? Even like to hurt and kill kids right"?
"Yes we are, now go hurt the Bat"! Shouted the Ridler.
The demon smiled a so not nice smile and a blazing sword of power appeared in her hands.
"As you command".
And the bat was hurt in a way he had never been hurt before.
Part 1b: Channel 11 Gorham all news every freaking moment of the day
Arkham Asylum burnt to the ground last night. All the staff were saved, but all the incarcerated patients perished, even the notorious Joker.
"It was a demon from hell! She came for them, for all of them"! Claimed many of the staff members and guards. Others claimed it was an angel of death. Either way the staff found themselves suddenly outside while strange fires consumed everything, stone, steel, everything.
As you can see from the sky cam drone, all that is left of Arkham Asylum is a smoking hole in the ground.
Avenging angel to some, nicked named Lady Death, is now both a wanted super villain and apparently a hero to most.
We now go to…
