Love isn't something you find. Love is something that finds you.
- Loretta Young
Prologue
"I knew I'd find you here."
Spencer Reid didn't look up as he felt Penelope Garcia sit on the bench beside him. "You did?"
"Yeah. After you went all quiet at the meeting last night." She'd started dragging him to her support group meetings. It seemed to help.
"You noticed."
"Yeah." She put an arm around him. "She wouldn't want you to keep it in you know. From what you've told me about Maeve she wasn't like that."
"No, she wouldn't. She wasn't." Spencer sighed and looked down at the grave of his first true love. "I just don't...didn't think anyone would understand."
"We might not, but we'll at least listen. We'll try." Penelope smiled a little. "See, what's been bugging me is that you got really quiet when Raquel started talking about losing her Dominant, and how his family pushed her away because they didn't understand their relationship." She looked over and saw the blush starting to rise in her friend's cheeks. "Most people think it's all negative, abusive stuff but a relationship like that can be a really special one. It can be about someone who is really strong and confident in themselves and very comfortable with sex and creativity helping someone who might have some places in their life where they're not so strong and confident."
"You mean like making sure someone takes their vitamins and gets to bed on time and promising that they would make blindfolds fun again?" Blush complete.
Penelope could not believe what she was hearing. "Spencer Reid! You naughty thing!"
"What? It was between us. It's not..."
"I know. We tend to see the dark side of everything because of work, but life isn't always like that. Most of the time it's good. If that's the sort of thing you're into there's nothing wrong with that. I just didn't realize your relationship was that special."
"I didn't know how to talk about it."
"I know."
"And I honestly don't know for certain if it is...something I'm into. It's not like I ever tried. I've never done anything."
Anything? Of course he...wait a minute. "Are you telling me my junior G-man is still a virgin?"
His lack of an answer was an answer in itself. "And what are my chances of finding this again?"
"Oh sweetie." She pulled his head to her shoulder. "You'll find it. Probably when you least expect it."
.
Thank you all for being so very patient with me. I had a bit of a flare up of a chronic issue but all is well now and I've been able to start writing again.
I wasn't going to publish this until I finished Understanding, which I will before Christmas, but all things considered I feel like this story needs to be out in the world. People have been asking me for a story with this element in it, and I've finally found a way to make it work. And given recent events in the US I think it needs to happen now.
Thank you all for indulging me.
Set between seasons 10 and 11, when JJ was near to the end of her pregnancy, except for the Prologue which is set a few months after the events of 08x12 "Zugzwang", and told somewhat out of order. Trigger warning for BDSM and rape, but as usual this will be the rated M version.
