Hey all! New series of one-shots, which are pretty silly but hey, it is fanfiction. Inspired by Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend, in case you couldn't tell. Beth bashing on the way! Read and review pretties!


Emily rolled her eyes at the brunette hanging onto Hotch's arm, giggling sweetly as she got him to feed her a piece of his cake. The entire team had gathered at Garcia's house for their weekly get-togethers, and Garcia had a slew of colourful cakes and pastries that matched the rainbow of feathers in her hair ready on the table. It would have been a perfect afternoon had Hotch not decided to bring his beau.

She snorted inwardly as she leaned back in her chair, pretending to pay attention to JJ and Garcia's conversation. Apparently, the two blondes were duking it out over which pop icon had the best in-your-face songs, and by the pout on JJ's face, Emily deduced that Garcia was winning.

Though, by Garcia's choice of artist, she could understand why. Garcia smacked JJ's hand lightly, "Jayje, babe, no one is as badass as Avril Lavigne; no one." Emily chuckled and patted JJ's arm, "She's got you there, JJ. God knows the last time I listened to her songs were when my mother decided it was ok for me to date this chauvinistic jackass who thought he was God's gift to women."

Garcia snickered and raised her hand to Emily's for a high five. "Face it JJ, Avril Lavigne wins hands down." The other blonde rolled her eyes and threw her hands up in the air in surrender. "Fine! Ugh, I swear the both of you are worse than Derek and Spence when they're in a mood."

Emily just smiled sympathetically at her when loud music blared and startled the life out of her. 'Hey hey, you you, I don't like your girlfriend. No way, no way, I think you need a new one. Hey hey, you you, I could be your girlfriend!"

Garcia dived for her sparkly pink phone and smiled sheepishly at the rest of the men who were reaching for their guns, pulling a face at the disdainful look on Beth's face. Stuck up bitch, she pouted as she silenced the phone. "Sorry about that, guys." Derek grinned and slung an arm over her shoulders, "You're going to give us all a heart attack one day, baby girl."

Reid, unable to restrain from spouting facts, piped up. "Did you know the odds of getting a heart attack due to shock is greater than when the cause is stress? Most men-" Derek winced and put up a hand to stop his rambling, "Spencer, stop, please. I'd like to get through the night without a headache man."

JJ caught Emily's smirk as she leaned forward to Garcia, "Hey Pen, mind giving me that song? I think I just found my new ring tone." The blonde beamed and nodded, "Sure, gimme your phone sweet cheeks." JJ tapped the brunette on her shoulder even as she shuddered at the kiss Beth was giving Hotch. Normally, she wouldn't care who Hotch was dating, but when he decided that dating a 40 year old woman who acted like she was 16 was a good idea, JJ nearly had an aneurysm from the shock and the strong urge to throttle Hotch. She knew everyone on the team weren't totally at ease with Beth; they were just too polite to say it. Or in Spencer's case, she was sure Dave made sure the young genius wouldn't let it slip and have Hotch's wrath rain down on him.

"Emily, what are you doing?" Her best friend just shrugged and took her phone back from Penelope, "Thanks Pen." She then proceeded to blast the song out, earning a frosty glare from Beth who decided that Emily had disrupted her make out session with Hotch. Said man only had a mildly amused look on his face as the corner of his lip quirked up at Emily. She just smirked and bopped her head to the beat of the tune, laughing when Penelope joined in gleefully, even forcing Derek to sing along with her. She nudged JJ as she whispered to her friend, "I love this part."

She's like so whatever. You can do so much better. I think we should get together now. And that's what everyone's talking about!

Penelope dragged Derek up into an impromptu dance, singing along with the chorus, "Hey hey, you you, I know that you like me. No way, no way, you know it's not a secret. Hey hey, you you, I want to be your girlfriend!"

Emily outright guffawed when Spencer's flaying arm as he tried to doge Penelope's overenthusiastic moves tilted Beth's up of coffee down onto her pristine white dress. The woman screeched as she leapt to her feet like a scalded cat. Hotch looked up at her, the smile on his face dying at the annoyance on his girlfriend's face. "Beth, are you all right?"

The irate woman shrieked and Dave winced at the piercing noise. He thought he'd never have to listen to that anymore when he divorced his second wife, but looks like Beth had something in common with the over-demanding ex-Mrs. Rossi. "All right? All right? Aaron, did you see what your friends just did?" She gestured wildly at her dress, "I've got coffee on my dress, and it cost a hundred dollars!"

Hotch stood up, concerned at the scene she was making. "Beth, it's just coffee. I'm sure Spencer didn't mean to spill it on you. Come on, I'll drive you home and you can change." Before he could even complete his sentence, she cut him off, crossing her arms as she glared at the entire unit.

"No Aaron, this ends now. Either you choose me, or you go off with your rag-tag bunch of" she wrinkled her nose as if smelling something extremely distasteful, "friends."

Emily couldn't believe her ears; the witch was challenging Hotch? The entire group watched with bated breath as the disbelief on Hotch's face morphed into grim determination. "No."

That one word stunned Beth as JJ, Emily and Penelope cheered behind his back. Beth stared at him, "No? What do you mean, no?" Hotch smiled tightly at her. "It means there is no way I will choose you over my team, Beth. I think you can let yourself out now, goodbye Beth."

The woman gaped like a fish as she stared at her now ex-boyfriend. "You- you- How dare you Aaron Hotchner? You'd choose them over me? I'm your girlfriend for God's sake!" Emily cut in, a malicious smirk on her red lips as she took a sip of her coffee. "Was Beth, or didn't you realize that Hotch just broke up with you?"

Glad to have a physical target to take out frustrations on, Beth turned towards her and the two brunettes stared each other down. Hotch's brow crinkled in concern; he hoped Emily didn't hurt Beth too much. The latter raised a manicured hand to slap Emily, but the FBI agent's reaction was a thousand times faster as she splashed her coffee towards Beth, adding yet another lovely stain on the not-so-white dress anymore.

Beth gasped as the hot liquid scalded her skin and she raised her head to look at everyone, eyes wild with anger. "I hate you Aaron Hotchner; you and your freaks!"

Dave smiled and steepled his fingers, "I suggest, Beth, that you leave before you get arrested on the grounds physical and verbal abuse against a table full of FBI agents." The woman stomped her feet as she strode out of the house, her irate screams heard all the way to Penelope's backyard.

Emily was the first to recover from the episode and she flashed a bright smile at Hotch. "Does that mean I get to be your girlfriend now, Hotch?" Everyone stared at her and a slow smile broke on the unit chief's face as he reached over to pull her into a kiss. Everyone cheered and Derek groaned as he pressed a twenty into Reid's waiting hand. The genius smirked, "Told you Emily would get rid of her." The older man growled and leaned into a sympathetic Garcia, "Shut up Reid."


A.N. Reid's little statistic is NOT proven. I did NOT look it up and have no idea whether it's true or not. I just wanted to throw it in there for fun. Review please! Thanks!