Alright. I'm going to jump on this crazy bandwagon, several years late I know, and write a commentary for this fanfiction. My Immortal is the worst fanfiction I have ever come across and I decided it was time to have a little fun. Does this make me a mean person? Probably. Do I give a crap? Nope! Oh, sorry, forgot to say that my friend, Bob the Flying Monkey on fanfiction, will be helping as well. She will be in italics. Stupid Fanfiction doesn't allow color changed text. Now, onwards to the story!
Fine, stupid disclaimer, we do not own My Immortal, for which we're grateful, or the world of Harry Potter. If this could even be called the world of Harry Potter.
Chapter 1
AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik Good Lord! It's only the first few words and I want to shoot this woman. Alright, here's your gun, get to it.) 2 my gf (ew not in that way No one was thinking it was. I was thinking that. Thank you for the disturbing facts.) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. What help is that? Cause we certainly don't see it. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! Run for the hills, Justin! MCR ROX! Um…ok? Oh, you know you love them.
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Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia (She knows this is a brain disease, right? She's trying to tell us something, what is it Lassie?) Raven Way and I have long ebony black (Ebony is black, you illiterate moron.) hair (that's how I got my name [You had hair as a child?]) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (She's the one that looks like Hillary Duff, right? Oh, shut up!) (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here! [Too bad, we're going to be sticking around]).
I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie (Ah, incest, the true signs of love! Just like in Game of Thrones.). I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white (?). I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England (It's in Scotland!) where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen [Duh? Though I seriously doubt you're this age.]). I'm a goth (Shocking.) (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly black (Again. Shocking.).
I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there (Nobody gives a flying fig. I thought the goths were the people who ran around naked. Urgh, stop it! Too many images!). For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink (Because that's a gothic color.) fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow (So, you looked like a jacked up clown, got it. No, she was copying the colors from Twilight! Oh good, never been more proud to be an American.).
I was walking (As opposed to skipping, like all us preps do) outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining (So…sleeting? Say it with me – sleeting.) so there was no sun, which I was very happy about (Did the sleet put the sun out?). A lot of preps stared at me (Cause you're outside in the sleet without a jacket!). I put up my middle finger at them. (Maybe we should send her on missionary work. She has such a way with people.)
"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice (The voice shouted itself? Magic!). I looked up. It was….
(Gasp! What suspense! Is it an assassin? Cause if it is, he got there earlier than I expected. Who's this assassin you're talking about? Sh, suspense going on!)
Draco Malfoy! (Aw, I'm gonna have to talk to my assassin. You never gave me the memo!)
"What's up Draco?" I asked.
"Nothing." he said shyly. (SHY! The heck?! Since when is Draco Malfoy shy?! Give us back the real Draco! Draco's put on the magical leather pants of Mary Suedom. Mm, leather.)
But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. (*Snore* Oh, wait, I'm sorry, that's it? What a riveting conversation. I'm sure everyone within earshot dropped several IQ points. It's probably better that way. They'll die sooner and get put out of their misery that much quicker.)
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AN: IS it good? (No, it wanted to kill me. But thankfully I stopped it.) PLZ tell me fangz! (So her fangs can talk to her. Keep your talking fangs to yourself!)
So, yeah, first chapter down. I mean literally down. Had to flush a copy of this just to feel better about having written this commentary. Oh how I wish for a dictionary catapult! Sorry if I bored ya'll to tears, I personally couldn't stop laughing at my stupid thought process. Let me know what ya'll think. Or don't. I don't care either way, I'm just here for the entertainment. Let me know, I actually care.
