House was kicked back in his lounge chair in the office pondering his latest case when Wilson peeked in the doorway. "Got a minute?" He asked, sheepishly hovering in the doorway.
House raised an eyebrow. "Why do I think this is going to require more than a minute?"
Wilson seized the opportunity and wandered in. "Oh, I don't know. Because you're my good friend and we share so many wonderful experiences together…"
"Oh, stop with the crap already. You want something? What?" House glared at his friend. If Wilson was laying it on thick already it had to be big.
"I need a favor."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not dense. Flattery always means you want something. Cut to the chase, I'm working here." House nagged. Wilson glanced around the room; no ducklings but a whiteboard full of symptoms and causes.
"You look overwhelmed." Wilson said, unimpressed.
"My brain is tired and you're starting to put it to sleep. Cut the crap and quit stalling. You're afraid to ask so I already know it's bad. You're sucking up so it's got to be really bad. You want to tell me what it is first, or tell me what's in it for me and we'll go from there?" House said, glaring at his friend.
Wilson rubbed the back of his neck and thought it over. House's eyes were glued to his every move as he sat on the edge of House's desk and gathered his thoughts for a bit. "It won't cost you a thing. I'll spring for beer, pizza…even dirty movies. I'll pay for any damages…"
"Oh no…not the dog. Not again." House was shaking his head as his cane twirled slowly. "He nearly electrocuted himself last time and we were both there watching him."
"House, I'll make it worth your while. The ex will make it worth your while." Wilson pleaded.
"I can't imagine anything I want from your ex. Not sex!" House laughed. "Hey, that rhymes!" House said, quite proud of himself as the cane continued to twirl. Wilson was glaring as House continued to chuckle at his moment of poetic brilliance. The cane stopped. "Lighten up Wilson. You're boring me."
"She'll pay you." Wilson baited. The cane stopped.
"For sex?" House made a funny face.
"House!" Wilson groaned, trying not to laugh. Actually he was trying not to picture it as his eyes screwed shut. He shook his head, erasing even the remotest thought. "She'll pay you for a week…a full week."
"A full week of sex?" House wouldn't let it go. He knew he was tweaking Wilson to the max and if he was about to get talked into a week of Hector, well, House was going to make somebody pay and money had little to do with it.
Wilson put his hands on his hips and stared at his snarky friend. "She has to go to a seminar for a week. Obviously she can't take Hector. You know I can't take Hector."
"Did either of you ever hear of a boarding kennel?" House made a face.
"We don't want him locked away in a cage for a week…three hots and a cot. Hector's getting old, we want him to have a homey atmosphere. I know that's pushing it for your place but you're the only one we can ask on short notice. And since you didn't do that bad the other two times…"
"I didn't do that good either." House grumbled. The cane started its slow spin again.
"I trust you wouldn't try to feed him any more Vicodin?"
"Only as a last resort!" House grumbled.
"House!"
"He eats records, canes, and has a taste for electricity. You're worried about a few pills?" House snarked.
"He's got toys, treats, and I'll get a gate. You can put him in…the kitchen or the bathroom while we're at work. And I'll stop over every night…" Wilson started the freebies list when he saw House starting to cave just a little.
House raised an eyebrow. "With beer?"
"With beer." Wilson agreed.
"And pizza, and Chinese, and Thai?" House sounded like a little kid.
"Whatever it takes." Wilson promised.
The cane stopped twirling for a bit. Wilson didn't push while his friend thought about all the perks and added a few more of his own. Free lunch all week, free coffee too. The cane started twirling again. A "Houseguest" for a week and free food and cash; they had an agreement and Wilson said he'd bring Hector over Friday night. House had a feeling he'd live to regret it, but a deal was a deal.
