Funnymoon:

A Stevelle one-shot of their trip to their honeymoon to Spain following their marriage back in May. Enjoy!


"Liz packed well then." I grin as Steve hauls my large suitcase out of the boot. "I'm sure she's forgotten something though."

"Why didn't she tell us we were going?" He sighs, grabbing the handle of his luggage and following me towards the airport entrance.

"Well I think that's the element of surprise, darling." I point out, stopping in my tracks and turning to look at him.

"What?" He frowns.

"We're married." I bite my lip and he chuckles slightly.

"Has it only just sunk in?" He smiles, running a hand over my shoulder and tracing it down the netted material of my wedding dress. People were giving us all kinds of looks; some looked happy for us, congratulating us now and again, others wondered what the hell we were doing turning up at an airport in our matrimonial outfits.

"I don't think it'll ever sink in." I admit. "I'm doomed, for the rest of my life."

"Ta very much." He shrugs and I place a lingering kiss to his lips before taking his hand and dragging him into the airport.


"I still don't see why you needed to get changed." Steve asks me, as he follows me around Duty Free awkwardly. I was now changed into my pink velour tracksuit, my hair had been released from its up-do and hung in gentle waves around my shoulders.

"Well for starters, we would have had to book another seat on the plane to fit me and my dress in." I point out. "And secondly, if you think all that metal was going to get through security, you need your head testing. I wasn't feeling performing a strip dance in front of our fellow passengers."

"So why couldn't I change?" He moans slightly. "I look weird in my suit compared to you."

"You could have, if you'd used your initiative before we checked in." I remind him. I had unpacked my tracksuit and taken my dress back to Eileen who was dropping it home for us. There was no need for me to take it with me, plus it would add a tonne to our current baggage weight, which was already skimming the limit. "But you look sexy in that so, I'm pretty glad you didn't for once."

"Come here." He suddenly pulls me in, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind and placing kisses onto my neck. We receive another array of odd looks from customers wandering around Duty Free, but neither of us cared; we had one another, we were married at last after eight years of break-ups and make-ups. I couldn't be happier.


"All passengers for the fifteen, thirty five flight to Malaga, your gate is now open." A voice booms out over the airport and Steve gives me an urgent glance as I sip my champagne.

"Come on, get a shift on." He mutters.

"Ok, chill out!" I exclaim, giving him a death glare. "We've got ages yet."

"If you want to get bladdered, can you at least do it on the plane?" He whines.

"Since when were you so organised?" I raise my eyebrows. "Besides... I'm not planning on getting bladdered, it is my wedding day after all."

"Yeah exactly." He shrugs. "You just got married to me, I wouldn't put it past you."

"Steve." I sigh, taking his hand in mine. "Look at me, hey." I lift his chin with my finger and he meets my gaze. "I love you. Ok? I married you today, for that reason. I want you, no one else."

"Can't imagine why." He mumbles and this irritates me slightly. I knew it shouldn't, because it was his depression talking, but his self-doubt hurt me and today of all days, I didn't want that.

"We're going on holiday." I smile at him, tying to cheer him up. "You and me, sun and see... Ey that rhymed. Things are looking up, I promise you. Things are going to be better now, for both of us."

"Yeah?" He questions.

"Yes." I confirm and he returns my smile before I jump up off my chair. "Come on then speedy, let's get on this plane."


"When do you reckon the seatbelt sign is going off?" Steve fidgets next to me.

"Why, you thinking of doing a runner?" I grin. "I don't think there's really anywhere to go now, you're stuck with me."

"No it's just I need a wee." He persists, causing the old woman sat next to him to give us a dodgy look.

"May I ask..." She pipes up, turning to Steve and indicating to his outfit. "Are you fleeing the country to escape some crazy fiancée or something?"

"...I was attempting to, but unfortunately she followed me." He laughs to himself and I give him a light slap.

"Steve!" I exclaim. "Sorry he has special issues."

"Ey?" He frowns as the seat belt sign beeps loudly.

"There you go, you can go to the toilet now." I nudge him.

"Don't really need it anymore." He shrugs, trying to get comfortable in his seat.

"Well, as long as you don't do it here." I roll my eyes, which causes the old woman to give Steve another wary look. "I don't want to have to get changed again."

"Do you want to buy this suit from me?" He asks the woman and she glances at him. "I would even wear your clothes instead of these."

"Steve don't be so rude." I snap under my breath, as she places a headset over her ears and tilts her head away from us.

"...Ok I need the toilet now." He mutters, looking shiftily at the woman who was in his way, but apparently falling asleep. "Scuse me..." He coughs slightly but she doesn't budge, he taps her lightly on the shoulder and she gives us another annoyed glance. "Can I just, get out please?"

"Sorry about this." I add and she reluctantly stands up, moving into the aisle to let him out of his seat.

"Oh no forget it, trolley is coming." He falls back into his chair with a thud. "You can sit down, I'll go in five minutes."


"Hola señorita's." Steve throws his arms in the air when we have emerged from the airport, after a rather long and stressful journey. The sun beats down on us, grilling my flesh through the tracksuit I was wearing.

"You stay away from those señorita's please." I remind him, keeping a look out for Andy, who was supposed to be picking us up.

"It's boiling out here." He squints, running his hands through his thinning hair.

"Well we didn't board a plane to the Arctic." I point out. "It's not like you weren't warned."

"I wasn't warned." He raises his eyebrows. "Right now I should be at my wedding reception, having a pint with my best mate, who is instead, on a Norwegian fishing trawler."

"But unfortunately you were lumbered with sunny Spain and your beautiful wife." I shrug.

"Exactly." He nods in agreement. "I'm joking, it's gonna be a relaxing and romantic holiday, I promise you."

"Oi! Steve mate!" A voice calls out and we turn to see Andy hanging out of his car window.

"There you are! Shotgun." He pushes me out the way, barging past me to get the front seat of the car.

"Shotgun?" I raise my eyebrows, climbing into the back after lugging the suitcases into the boot.

"I've got loads planned for me and you." Andy nudges Steve excitedly, offering him a can of beer, which he cracks open eagerly. "A whole two weeks of lad talk, footie, boozing, spotting the ladies. Oh by the way, hi Michelle."

"...Yeah hi..." I mutter, folding my arms sulkily. Something was for sure, this 'romantic' holiday Steve had promised me was not going to turn out the way I intended to kick start our marriage. "Can't wait..."


Give a review maybe?xx