AN: This is my first chapter of my first story so be gentle.

It's a DeidaraxSakura pairing just so you know.


Prologue-Dreaming

Blood dripped from his fingers and reflected the fire as screams of pain and terror echoed and faded in the night's air. He was viewing life though a twelve year old yet again. The nightmare that haunted him forever. His small body shook and his mind disconnected from his body in primal instinct to protect himself. He'd killed all of them. Every. Single. One. Children, mothers, father,brothers, sisters. All dead, bleeding, burning. This was his damnation. His hell. And he made it all by himself.

It reminded him that the blood on his hands would never wash away. He was damned to hell no matter how he struggled against the damnation.

This is what he wished for. But he regreted it. Not the death of the bastards who had hurt his family but those who were innocent. He had lost control. He wasn't truely aware of what he was doing and now they're all dead. Their blood was on his hands.

The only thing he could do was leave. He didn't want to die now. Not now. The only question was...Where did he go now?


//...I am afraid there's much to be afraid of

Here today and gone tomorrow

Don't end up in the gutter

Just like the one before

You're just the same

You're such a loser

One mistake's all it takes

And your life has come undone

Walk Away cause you're breaking up the girl

It's a drag

I know it's hard

But you're tearing her apart

Walk away cause your breaking up the girl...//

-Garbage 'Breaking up the Girl'

Sakura walked down the streets of Konoha at exactly 10:30 am. Her grocery bags filling her arms and blocking her view. She used her chin to push down the bag obscuring her view and walked a bit slated towards her apartment door. Hers was the only door touched with spray paint, a nice gift from some little prick. She really wished she could find him to thank properly him for the artistic talent that decorated her door. She wasn't having a very good day and she knew it wasn't going to get any better.

She fumbled for her keys, finally pulling them out of her pocket and then to have them slip through her fingers. Damn.

She bent down to pick up the keys only to have her grocery bag rip and all of the food fall out of the bag. DAMN.

She snatched her keys off the ground and gathered up her groceries, ripping one of the bags but luckily not all the way. She hurried inside before anything else bad happened. Today just wasn't her day. She imagined that someone else was laughing merrily as always while she rotted in her apartment. Sakura began shoving her food rather forcefully into the cupboards and fridge. She had just gotten hold of the oranges when there was a knock at her door.

Sakura stomped to the door and yanked it open.

"What?"

"Um…..Hokage-sama wants you." The chuunin in front of her looked at her cautiously as if he was almost afraid that she was going to eat him. Now why would he think that? Sakura forced herself to smile, which in her mood turned into something between a grimace and a snarl. Which made the chuunin take a step or three back.

"I'll go to the Hokage as soon as my groceries are put away." Sakura ground out through her teeth and shut the door in the man's face with a satisfying slam which shook the walls connected to it leaving the Chunin thanking God that he hadn't been ripped to peices.

She later emerged out of her apartment later in the afternoon. She wanted to be late just so she could make Tsunade angry. She wasn't feeling very nice. Not nice at all. It was really hot, it being one of the summer months and she could feel the sweat dripping down her short dress. Dirt was kicked up and caked everyone's feet and leg since it was the dry season and they wouldn't be getting rain any time soon. She took her irratation out on helpless dirt parictals, kicking at them while she walked.

She arrived in the hokage's office fifteen minutes later than she should have, being that the walk to and from the Hokage's office was only about five minutes.

"You're late." Tsunade had her eyes closed, her head resting on her hands. It was hotter in the Hokage's office than it was outside, which made the Hokage wonder why she came to work when the A.C. was on the fritz.

She opened them and looked at Sakura sternly, ready to take out her aggration at the hot weather out on Sakura but her keen eyes, who tended to miss the slots and every other thing that went on under her nose at the gambling places she went to, couldn't miss the barely hidden aching in Sakura's eyes. No matter what Sakura said, Tsunade knew that she wasn't 'fine'.

She gave a sigh of sadness and fustration and did it for both her and Sakura, considering that Sakura was 'fine' and had no need for such sighs.

"Lately you've been getting more temper mental. I'm going to send you on an Anbu mission. It's just scouting the area. But it will get you out of Konoha so you can take a breather."

Sakura didn't say anything at all. She didn't care, not really at least. She'd felt crowded, and fustrated and had developed and extremely short temper. She quietly nodded to Tsunade and walked out not waiting to be dismissed like she had in the past.

Was she still blaming herself for what happened to Sasuke? Yes of course. She would not lie to herself. She wished she had been stronger. Then maybe thing wouldn't have turned out the way it had. She wondered down the street, deep in her thoughts.

"SAKURA-CHAN!!"(three guesses who) Naruto ran down the crowded street, people tripping over themselves to get out of his way. Oddly enough Naruto had ended up growing up to be a giant. He was a little more than a head taller than her so she had to tilt her head up just to look at his face. His hair had gotten long and shaggy and his shoulders broad. If she had been in such a bad mood about EVERYTHING, she would have teased him about it.

Sakura smiled. She wasn't extremely happy but she was happy enough to see Naruto. He was always trying to make her feel better, always happily greeting her no matter what.

"Yeah, what is it Naruto?"

"Well…" Naruto scratched the back of his neck and said in one breath. "I just got back from the Hokage's office which oddly enough was right after you left. I heard you were going on a mission tomorrow and I wanted to ask you if you'd like to go to the bar tonight. Everyone's going there." Naruto let out the that he had consumed during his say and looked at her hopefully. Sakura had kept turning him down yet he still kept that hope that someday she would finally join their friend again. He couldn't afford to give up. Not then, during his years trying to be a strong ninja, and now, trying to be the supporting best friend, even if that would all that he would be.

Sakura backed away, waving her hand in apology. She didn't feel like it. She didn't feel like doing anything at all really but being by herself. She just wanted to go home and hide in the dark like the coward that she was.

"Naruto, I can't I have to get ready for the mission."

Sakura clung to that excuse and turned away but not before she caught a glimpse of his crestfallen face. She felt bad about turning him down all the time. He never really asked much from her. Never really got angry or fed up with her lame-ass attitude. Not matter how many times she yelled at him to go away, he came back and stayed. It was just a little thing he was asking for. A little bit of her time was all.

"All right, Naruto. But just this once."

Sakura was grabbed from behind as Naruto held her in a bear hug and making her ribcage creak. He gave off a musky animal, foresty smell that wasn't unpleasant at all. And Sakura was reminded of how long it had been since she had had a hug. And she would have cried if she hadn't felt so hollow.

"Thank you Sakura! I'll have Ino pick you up around 8:00. Ok?"

Naruto didn't wait for her reply as he ran off to do God knows what. Sakura gave an exsparated sigh and walked back to her apartment, once again thinking dark thoughts, but had a small sad smile playing on her lips.


As promised Ino came to escort Sakura to the bar. Sakura figured that Naruto and the rest of the group thought she would run for it if they didn't chain her to one of them. They were probably right.

Ino twirled in front of her, showing off a sky blue dress, a flower tucked behind her right ear, her checks flushed and glowing happily. Sakura smiled. The least she could do was be a good friend. It was time to at least try to give up the past. Sakura at least gave an effort to look pretty. She stood in a green dress that matched her eyes. Over the years Sakura's hair had darkened just a bit so her hair looked a reddish-pink.

"Hmph. You don't look bad. I thought you were going to go to the bar looking like something that crawled out of the sewer...or worse."

Sakura sighed tiredly, everyone seemed to be looking after her welfare. She really wished they would all stop. "Leave off, Ino."

"Jesus, Sakura, You sound like you're going off to be tortured or something. We're going to the bar to enjoy ourselves. We're not going to a morgue to mourn the dead. For 'Christ Sake! show some life before I have to call 911 or something!"

Ms. Sodek from two doors down, stuck her head out the window and screamed at them to 'SHUT UP!' and began yelling about who she had just gotten her two year old daughter to sleep and if they didn't be quiet she would come down there and make their lives a living hell.

Sakura and Ino eyed the window cautiously, and then headed toward the bar quicker than anyone should walk in heels. No one messed with Ms. Sodek. No one survived to tell the tale if they had.


The bar was crowded and noisy, filled with happy, loud drunks. Sakura just wanted to turn around and leave. But Naruto had wanted her here. She couldn't do anything more to make him worry. Ino of course spotted Shikamaru, who was being hit on by a skinny little redhead with a big white smile. Shikamaru looked bored out of his mind but the red head kept on talking. Chouji was off to the side eating like usual. Ino's happily flushed cheek went even redder with rage. Shikamaru and Chouji had become family to her, just like brothers and she had become territorial about them. She even gave Sakura a warning look when she got too close. Sakura edged away just a bit from Ino and the aura of rage that surounded her. There was no stopping Ino now.

"Sakura!" Naruto voice bellowed over the crowd, turning heads. He sounded like a kid who just reseved a shiny new toy. Which made Sakura feel like scum because she'd said 'no' so many times. Sakura shoved her way through the crowd, elbowing and pushing. She left Ino to her own devices and wished luck to the little redhead.

Naruto shoved a couple of drinks down her throat and made her talk more than she had in a month. One part of her enjoyed it and another part just wanted to just hide in her apartment. It was almost midnight when they started walking home. Sakura was pleasantly warm from the alcohol and her mind was just a bit fuzzy.

Ino had succeeded in KOing the redhead and walked home with Shikamaru and Chouji, arguing and turning the air blue with colorful curses, only stopping to pat Sakura on the shoulder and have a short conversation with Kiba about Hinata.

Naruto and Sakura walked in the summer night. Both of them enjoying the breeze, the moon and the stars. Naruto studied Sakura for a monent as she enjoyed the walk, her eyes shut, and a small smile playing on her face. "Sakura…" Naruto's tone worried and cautious. He was threading on quacking grounds and he wanted to say everything just right. He didn't want to cause an unwanted responses.

"…Are you still upset about what happened?"

"What are you talking about? I'm not upset over anything." Sakura turned to Naruto and smiled. It was a false smile the one she's been wearing for years now. It hurt to see it. Worse than a sword through the chest. He really wished she wouldn't do that. She turned and walked away from him and Naruto's stomach clenched and dropped to his feet.

"Naruto.." Naruto looked up to see Sakura looking at the quarter moon like she wished she was there instead of on earth. "Don't worry about me. I don't want to be a burden to you."

Sakura walked into the darkness and disappeared before Naruto could think of a reply. It almost seemed as if she wanted to suffer. As if all the life was drained out. Where was the real Sakura?

Naruto sighed. There wasn't much he could do.

//...Tell me where it hurts

to hell with everybody else

All I care about is you and that's the truth

They don't love me; I can tell

But you do, so they can go to hell

Did they ever give you a reason

To believe in something different

If you're looking for love, for what's it's worth

I have plently of it lying around here somewhere...//

-Garbage 'Tell me where it hurts'