Recovery

Author's Note: A post-Civil War Bucky story! Does contain spoilers, so read at your own risk! This will be a two chapter story.


Six months had passed since Bucky Barnes had gone back into stasis. Six months since Captain America and his Avengers had gone into hiding, labelled criminals by 117 world governments. Six months since Kirsi had begun learning everything she could about the man in stasis. Over the past six King T'Challa had worked alongside Steve Rogers to find a way to reverse HYDRA's programing and free Bucky from them once and for all. When they had finally found someone who could, T'Challa had come to her in hopes that she could help the man navigate his new surroundings. Kirsi owed a great deal to the Wakandan royal family and had agreed quickly to his request.

That was how she came to be sitting in a plush chair next to his bed, waiting for the sedative he had been given to wear off. He'd had an episode after coming out of stasis – a panic attack more than a violent episode. The doctors had wanted to restrain him but Kirsi had been against it. The argument had gotten heated fairly quickly and in the end, she had won. Bucky Barnes was a victim who needed kindness more than restraints. Even in his sleep, with his broken metal arm and dark circles under his eyes, he looked broken, haunted even. It was a look she had seen many times.

A groan from the man beside her drew Kirsi from her thoughts. She watched, still and rigid as a tree, as his eyes fluttered open and he brought his hand to scrub at his face. Finally his hand clutched at his forehead as he sat up slowly. "What the hell…" he groaned quietly. Kirsi watched him with baited breath as he slowly took in his surroundings, confusion written clearly across his face. His gaze finally landed on the young woman, his stormy eyes locking onto hers. "Who the hell are you?" he growled, trying to sound menacing.

Kirsi thought her heart skipped a beat as she waited for him to do or say anything else. She finally exhaled before offering him a smile. "I am Kirsi. I am a friend," she replied.

Bucky narrowed his eyes at her and she wished she knew what he was thinking as his eyes roamed over her, assessing the situation he was in. He didn't trust her, didn't recognize her as someone he should know.

"King T'Challa asked me to help you adjust to life out of stasis and in Wakanda," the woman offered up to him. Kirsi kept her voice soft. She did not want him to think of her as a threat.

"Your accent isn't Wakandan, not fully," he stated as though he were trying to catch her in a lie.

"I have been a citizen of Wakanda for a long time," she told him, "but I was born in Sokovia. You are not the first to seek refuge from the terrors HYDRA has inflicted on the world in Wakanda, Mr. Barnes."

Bucky watched her thoughtfully before he gave a slight nod of acceptance. He ran his hand through his hair, brushing it out of his face, before glancing at the remainder of his metal arm. "How long?" he asked gruffly. "How long was I under this time?"

"Six months." Bucky's eyes flicked back over to her. "Our king has been diligent in his search to help you. He wishes to make amends for trying to take your life."

"Where's Steve?"

"He is away on a mission," she replied, her body still tense and rigid. Kirsi had no idea how Bucky was going to react to his best friend being away from Wakanda, leaving him at the mercy of strangers.

"Relax, doll, I'm not going to hurt you," he told her, a sudden playfulness in his rough voice.

"I am worried about you hurting yourself," Kirsi said quickly as she relaxed back into her chair.

"Is he still operating outside the Accords?" Bucky asked, serious once more.

She nodded slowly, not liking the idea that the world viewed Captain America as an enemy. "When the team is not on missions, they reside here in Wakanda. You have many kind friends, your Avengers."

Bucky looked away from Kirsi then. It was probable he didn't view the Avengers that had stuck with Captain America as friends. It broke her heart to think of him as a man with no real friends. It seemed like such a lonely way to live. Kirsi had been lucky when her family had escaped Sokovia – they had been diplomats with friends in many countries. Wakanda was a personal favourite of theirs and it was that reason that the previous king had allowed them asylum in the otherwise reclusive country. They had been lucky enough to keep their only daughter protected from HYDRA. Kirsi had grown up with T'Challa for a friend. Bucky's fate had been the opposite of hers; he had been beaten and broken before being made into a living weapon. He had known nothing but decades of nothing but bloodshed and cruelty. Until that moment. All of HYDRA's work was about to be undone.

"Tomorrow you will begin your treatment with the doctors tomorrow, Sergeant Barnes. It likely will not be a pleasant process," Kirsi warned him. "In light of that, I would like very much to make tonight a happy night for you. Would you consider dining with us tonight?"

Bucky quirked an eyebrow at her. "Are you always so formal?"

"I do not wish to offend by being overly familiar with you," she answered, an embarrassed blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"Yeah, I'll eat with you," he said instead, his tone still gruff.

She smiled brilliantly at him before rising from your chair. "This will be your room while you are here. You have a private bath and the wardrobe is filled with clothes for you. Please tell us if the sizes are wrong."

"Yeah, sure," Bucky mumbled while the young woman watched him take in the room the two of them were in for the first time. It was clear to the Sokovian that the man had never had such opulent accommodations before. She hoped it wouldn't be too overwhelming.

"I need to get myself ready for dinner. I can come back and show you around before dinner… if you'd like that, of course," she offered, treading carefully. Kirsi felt like she was walking on eggshells with him. The last thing she wanted to do was make him feel like he had no choice in the matter or that he was a prisoner in T'Challa's palace. Bucky gave a nod and Kirsi couldn't help her smile. "I will be back soon, then," she declared before slipping out of the room, smile still plastered on her face.


The first month of his therapy sessions and deprogramming had be a literal hell for Bucky. More than once he'd had to be sedated before he lost all control and slipped back into the empty shell that was called the Winter Soldier. It was so easy for him to slip back into that coldly rational mind frame where everyone was a target, a mission. His missing arm made him no less dangerous thanks to Zola's "enhancements". After the first session, one of his doctors had ended up with a broken arm on top of many smaller injuries caused by Bucky. It had taken the Black Panther to get Bucky sedated that day. He'd been filled with near crippling amounts of guilt when he'd woken and the urge to go right back into stasis. He'd be there if Kirsi hadn't been there when he woke up.

It had shocked Bucky to see her; he'd had no idea how long he'd been asleep when his eyes landed on her. Kirsi had once again occupied his armchair, moving it close to his bed. She'd had her legs tucked up against her chest, her head resting on her knees. He'd stared at Kirsi, completely fixated by the fact she had fallen asleep there. He'd known the young woman almost twenty-four hours by that point and it surprised him she was comfortable enough to let her guard down enough to have a nap. That image of Kirsi sleeping stayed with him through every grueling session that followed that month. Not that he would admit it to anyone, but it gave him a sense of comfort. Kirsi had given him her trust freely, never asking him for anything in return. It was different from having Steve's trust; Steve had expectations and memories of a past Bucky was still piecing together. The Avengers trusted him because Steve did. Kirsi had only been asked to keep Bucky company, not trust him. Certainly T'Challa was using his childhood friend to keep an eye on Bucky rather than genuinely care about him. HYDRA had done the same in a much crueler way. At least Kirsi was easy on the eyes. It had been far too long since Bucky had gotten to enjoy the company of a pretty girl.

"Sergeant Barnes?"

Pretty though she was, Bucky also noticed she was stubborn. After a month of telling Kirsi not to call him 'Sergeant Barnes', she had stubbornly continued to do so. Bucky was beginning to suspect she was enjoying seeing him annoyed. "If you don't stop callin' me that, I'm goin' to ignore you, kotyonok," he told her as he turned to face her. He could play the stubborn game as well as anyone. He had discovered that it annoyed her to be called any animal related pet names. He'd also discovered the Sokovian woman was fluent in several of the same languages he had been made to learn during his time with both the KGB and HYDRA.

Kirsi folded her arms over her chest and muttered something unpleasant sounding in what he assumed was Wakandan.

Bucky just smiled charmingly at her and motioned for her to enter his room. Aside from the times he'd been sedated, she never just entered his room. The woman respected his boundaries and never forced anything on him. "What's up, Kirsi?" he asked when she didn't move. He watched her expression soften and her shake her head.

"I just wanted to see how you were doing, James," Kirsi told him with a smile, though it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Tell me what's bothering you," he asked again as he stood up. Kirsi opened her mouth to protest but Bucky put a stop to that. "C'mere," he insisted even as he approached her. He watched her hesitate just a moment more before acquiescing. He ushered her over to the couch he had been sitting on while lost in his thoughts.

"There have been some issues with Helmut Zemo. He is more than he appears to be," she said softly glancing up at him quickly before looking at the floor.

Bucky felt a surge of anger rush through him at the mention of Zemo. The man had manipulated him along with the Avengers in an attempt to rid the world of enhanced individuals. Bucky hated that man more than he hated himself. "What happened?"

"Did you know he is Sokovian? His family has political ties and was a staunch supporter of HYDRA before my own parents fled our home?" Kirsi asked, her gaze never leaving the floor. T'Challa had explained Zemo's motives as he knew them to Steve and Bucky before Bucky had gone into stasis. "There were things he revealed during his interrogations…"

Bucky reached out, taking her hand in his. "Please tell me what's going on," he asked gently.

Kirsi shook her head at him before looking up at him. "I'm sorry to have come and bother you. I should be more considerate. You have too much to process without having to deal with my past as well."

Bucky couldn't deny that he had a lot of baggage; he'd been alive too many years not to. Aside from a penchant for languages and her odd feelings towards pet names, Bucky didn't know a whole hell of a lot about Kirsi. She was a Sokovian with Wakandan citizenship. And she knew just about everything about Bucky through his files and from the things Steve had told her. Kirsi knew more about him than he knew about himself. "You never talk about yourself. Please, Kirsi?" He watched as she inhaled deeply before turning to face him though she didn't make eye contact.

"My father was a politician and he spoke out against HYDRA's ever increasing influence on our country. He and my mother were very involved in charity both within and outside of Sokovia. That is how they came to become good friends with King T'Chaka, the king of one of the world's most reclusive countries. They met on a humanitarian mission. That bond they forged is what allowed them to relocate us here when HYDRA's influence grew to the point my parents became a threat to them," she said softly, her face devoid of emotion. It was a look Bucky knew well. He'd looked like that for years – completely shut down. Bucky knew her story was not going to be one with a happy ending.

"What happened to them? Your parents?" Bucky asked, his voice a low rumble.

"We received full citizenship here. My parents continued to do their charity works in the name of Wakanda and for a few years, our lives were good. I grew up in this amazing country with T'Challa as my closest friend and confidant. I got to see firsthand some of the greatest technological marvels designed to do good things in the world. I was able to grow up without fear, far from the reach of HYDRA.

"Then suddenly my world came to a bloody halt. HYDRA found my parents while they were on a good will mission in Russia. They had my parents killed by one of their factions. I have known my whole life who killed my family, James. My father did not coddle me or teach me to believe there was only good in the world. It would appear Zemo had access to those mission reports as well as the ones from December of 1991. He used my parents' death to taunt Mr. Ross and, through him, my king."

The muscles in Bucky's jaw tightened. He definitely did not like where she was going with her story. He'd had hits in Russia prior; he remembered them well. There had been a man and a woman pair. He hadn't been given more than their pictures. When he was the soldier, he hadn't needed to know the details. All he had to do was obey. He suddenly pulled his hand away from Kirsi's and rose from the couch. He had killed Tony Stark's parents and now it seemed like she were about to reveal he had killed hers. The last thing he wanted was to be responsible for her pain. After everything she had done for him since he came out of stasis, the idea that she would hate him tore at him. He had so much blood on his hands, had created so much heartache and misery for so many people. Was he worth saving anymore? Did he want to be saved? Every major event in the last several decades could have been avoided if he'd just died like any normal person would have after falling from that train.

"I should go back under," he muttered to himself, his voice thick with emotion. "I don't deserve a life after everything I've done." He stood with his back to his friend, leaning on the mantelpiece of his room's white marble fireplace. He didn't need to look at her to know she would never again smile at him. He had been the one whose hands ruined her life.

"What do you mean? Of course you do!" Kirsi protested, the anger in her voice making Bucky flinch. He would not turn around though. He was not strong enough to meet her wrath head on. "HYDRA made you do those things. Just like their men inside the Russian police are responsible for my parents' death and not an accident."

"What?"

"James, did you think…?"

"Of course I did! I killed so many people for HYDRA and with you not wanting to talk about it with me… Damn it, kotyonok!" The pet name had just slipped out as relief and anger waged war within him. Before he could turn back to face her, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his middle and a small form press into his back. He tensed, shocked that he hadn't picked up on her movements, before relaxing against her.

"Even if it had been the Winter Soldier, it wouldn't have been you. You are not that weapon. You are James Barnes, a good and kind man who was put through unspeakable torture in an attempt to erase him from the world."

The whole mood shifted with Kirsi's words; Bucky's anger melted away. His misgivings about being allowed to live when he had ended so many lives early were still there. It would take more than a month of therapy and deprogramming for those to let up. Still, with the anger gone, the darkness inside of him wasn't as crushing as it had been. Bucky's hand covered hers. "Are you crying?" He might not have heard her sneak up behind him but he certainly could feel the woman trembling against him and the slight hitch in her breathing.

"I most certainly am not. I come to comfort you in your time of need and you speak such nonsense?" she said, talking into his back.

Bucky couldn't help the quiet chuckle that your words drew from him. "Nonsense, huh? If you say so… myshka."

"That is quite enough from you, Sergeant Barnes," Kirsi countered. Bucky could feel her smiling. Having a friend like her in his corner would make his recovery that much more bearable.