Reality Check: Steven Universe

Hey everyone! Hope you're having a great summer. For those of you who have to go back to school, I won't be joining ya! I feel great having graduated in June and ready to move on to college. Anywho, this is a new work which will be the first of many in which the characters of a certain series are called out for their terrible decisions and events

I plan on doing similar for other shows, each which will have a unique OC to call out the bull(bleep) from the characters we all know and love. For this series, I give you...Turquoise!

(A gem steps onto stage with a bowlcut, a black vest with dual pauldrons, cylindrical forearm gauntlets with rounded ends, black pants reaching to half her calves and turquoise skin with the hair a darker shade and a gem on her left upper chest)

Turquoise: Hello, Earthlings! Turquoise at your service. Mr. Dobokdude has invited me to observe, analyse and intervene in some of the most idiotic moments of this otherwise great show. Throughout mankind's history, the turquoise gem has often been associated with protection, which is essentially what I'm doing for heroes and villains alike. As you can see, I do not have Crystal Gem star or the Homeworld Diamond symbol because well, both are REALLY incompetent. I couldn't bear serving either side.

Me: Ah yes, as much as a fan as I am I tend to agree. But anyway, let's get on with the show.

Turquoise: This is not owned by us, aside from yours truly everything belongs to the ''Rebecca Sugar'', the network for cartoons and their affiliates. Please support the offcial release.

Both: Enjoy!

Part 1: Gem Glow, Laser Light Cannon, Cheeseburger Backpack

This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! Lars! Lars! *grabs Lars around waist* Please tell me I'm dreaming!

*shakes Steven off* Get off me man, I'm stocking here!

I'm sorry, Steven. I guess they stopped making them.

Stopped making them?! Why in the world would they stop making Cookie Cats?! They're only the most scrumptious and delicious ice-cream sandwich ever made! Don't they have laws for this?!

Lars kneels in front of cabinet, sighing. ''Tough bits, man. Nobody buys them anymore. I guess they couldn't compete with Lion Lickers.'' Lars responded stocking shelves.

''Or you could just buy another brand?'' The three turned to see Turquoise standing there. ''Huh, what do you me-''

''What I mean, and correct me if I'm wrong but here on Earth there isn't simply one brand of these ice cream confections.'' She opened the panel of her forearm gauntlet and an image of various ice creams and names appeared. Look at this: Dreyers, Ben and Jerry's, Breyers, and Haagen Daaz. There's even entire conglomerates of merchant shops dedicated to selling similar items such as Baskin Robbins and Cold Stone Creamery. Are you seriously thinking that it would be impossible to find another place which sells similar items to that which you miss?''

Steven put a hand on his chin. ''Well now that I think about it yeah, you're right. I cried like a baby over nothing.''

Steven, Sadie and Turquoise laughed while Lars rolled his eyes, mumbling under his breath.

Steven began running up to the door of the Gem house, humming the toon to the Cookie Cat theme song with the ice cream freezer hanging from his back. As he walked in, he saw Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl fighting various centipede like monsters, who had green liquid dripping from their pincers. One lunged at Steven but Amethyst yanked it away with her whip, greeting Steven. Turquoise quickly showed up and knocked another away with her Gem weapon, a short staff/baton.

Pearl looked over to them, yanking one one of the insectoid creatures. ''Ugh! Sorry, Steven. We'll get these Centipeetles out of your room. We think they were trying to get into the temple.''

Turquoise shook her head furiously. ''What the hell you guys?''

Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl as looked at her, having mopped up the last of the monsters ''What is it?''

''What do you mean ''what is it?''. You have an infestation of dangerous monsters with sharp pincers and who spit acid, the kid your leader entrusted you with to take care of walks in and is attacked and you are all so calm about it?''

The three look at each other, before Amethyst speaks up. ''Well, they aren't that dangerous…''

''What in the name of Yellow Diamond's galaxy-sized ego are you talking about?! They aren't that dangerous to you, but Steven is mostly human. And these things, again spit acid and in case you didn't know that stuff seriously hurts humans. You ever heard of an acid attack? Those are unfortunately very common among various human cultures and it is certainly not pretty.'' Turquoise then covered Steven's eyes and then projected a holographic display of several victims of said attacks. Garnet stood in shock, Amethyst cringed in horror, and Pearl's eyes were wide and she covered her mouth in complete shock.

Turquoise turned off the display. ''Yeah, that's what almost happened to Steven because you guys weren't responsible. I mean, one of you couldn't stand outside the door to wait for Steven and keep him outside till you got them all? That would've been far more safer, and you could have looked out for anymore Centipeedles that may have still been outside.''

Garnet adjusted her shades. ''Now that I think about it, we really didn't think this through.'' Garnet and Amethyst looked down, ashamed.

''You know, I get the feeling this won't be the only time something like this happens.'' Steven said.

''You have no idea.'' Turquoise said.

''Pearl looks through the Red Eye with a telescope. This is bad. Look at the size of it, I had no idea these things were so big!''

Amethyst runs towards them carrying Steven. ''Garnet! Pearl!''

'' We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. *angry* Where were you?''

Amethyst puts Steven down* ... Eating fry bits. Pearl sighs.

Steven goes over the the telescope. ''Oh, can I see? Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!''

''NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!''

''A Red Eye?! It's going to infect us all!''

''That's pink eye, Steven.'' Garnet said, causing Amethyst to laugh.

'' It's going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it.''

''What are we going to do?'' Steven asked.

Garnet adjusted her visor. The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Laser Light Cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.

Turquoise then walked up next to them. ''Or a nuke.''

Everyone turned to face her. ''What?''

''Yeah here's the thing. Humans, while still far behind gems in terms of technology have come fairly far, to the point to where they have developed guided projectiles which release large blasts of nuclear radiation with devastating effect. Of course the eye has entered the atmosphere, and thus detonating a nuke would cause a massive blackout due to the EMP and plus the ensuing fallout. But even then, there's no reason why there can't be a squadron of Air Force and Navy jets to fire on with non-nuclear but still powerful rockets. I mean seriously, how can the human government with all it's resources especially satellites not notice or do anything about an ominous alien object floating in the sky. Hell why haven't you guys been shipped off to some place called Area 51 or at least visited by government agents?''

''Huh, that actually makes alot of sense.'' Pearl said. ''Honestly this is part of why I view humans the way I do. All the Gem stuff around them and they are almost entirely aloof.'' Everyone nodded in agreetment before turning back to the Red Eye.

''So I'll go get the cannon.'' Steven said, Turquoise following along muttering under her breath.

Steven enters the house and sees Garnet covered in feathers. ''Huh''?

''Hello, Steven.''

''Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!'' Pearl shouted at Amethyst who had a giant egg.

''What? I got this.'' Amethyst said as she slowly slides a tray out of the fridge, spilling the milk and dropping the bagels, and puts in the giant egg.

''Look, it fits!'' She said, slamming the refrigerator door, a crack being heard inside. '' Oh, man. We can make a big omelet, or a quiche, or big sunny side ups!—''

Pearl looks back at Steven. ''We fought a giant bird. We're only here for a second, we've got to go back out.''

''What? Why?'' Steven asked.

Pearl shows Steven the statue. ''We have to place this Moon Goddess Statue on the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight. Without it, the whole place will fall apart! Oh, Steven, you should have seen the spire in its heyday. *projects hologram of the Sea Spire* It was an oasis for Gems on Earth. It's abandoned now, but we can still save it with this statue!''

Turquoise then appears, looking at Pearl with a perplexed face. ''Seriously?''

''What?'' Pearl said, confused.

''Well correct me if I'm wrong but the reason the Crystal Gems were formed is to rebel against the Gem Homeworld since they were exploiting this planet for it's resources regardless of the consequences to the native species, which Rose Quartz saw the potential of and decided to protect, correct?''

''Shhhhh!'' Steven's not ready to-''

''Wait, what?!'' Steven asked surprised.

''So essentially your reminiscing and trying to preserve what is essentially just a piece of what your enemies would have done to this planet which would have wiped out all organic life on this planet that your leader cared for. Ignoring how dangerous it's gonna be considering the thousands of decades of decay likely lead to much decrease in structural integrity, Steven is Rose's son! Do you not see the disturbing irony of trying to project the remnants of a genocidal terraforming operation that your leader fought against in a positive light to the one person she entrusted you to care for after her demise. And you were ''doing it all for her'', Pearl?

Pearl said nothing, instead bursting into tears and running out of the room. Amethyst laughed hysterically, while Garnet rubbed her chin thoughtfully. ''Gee, why didn't I realize before how bad an idea that this was.''

''Eh, I'm getting used to it.'' Steven said. ''But check out what I got in the mail!''

And that's it for this one people! Do you like it? What were your favorite moments? Let me know what you think in the reviews and be on the lookout for more installations of this and my other works. Peace!