So I was really pissed when I found out Maya is officially killed off and Emily spent the summer out of country and will move on in this season. I think it's total bullshit and unrealistic. It was a cheap shot killing off the only minority teen lesbian you see on tv these days and to have her gf get over her within a few months is beyond fucked, so I listened to a friend and watched GLEE for the first time and I'm hooked on the happy unicorn love that is Brittana. (That should explain my absence)

IMPORTANT: I just wanted to warn people that I don't know how much sense this fic makes or if it's even good but I just had a bad breakup I guess you can say and was listening to N'SYNC's Gone (I know melodramatic) when this came to me and I hurried and typed as the pain sunk in….kk depressed moment over READ ENJOY AND REVIEW -Ivy


Everything around her was numb. No emotion. No senses. Darkness filled her vision as she floated in a state of not being. She knew people would say she was being overdramatic but what else could she tell them when they asked how she felt? Breathing felt labored and too hard to do and her eyes were too tired to cry anymore. She couldn't feel the air on her skin or the bed on which she was laying. The ceiling above her was black along with the room it encased. There were no birds outside chirping or bacon sizzling on a stove downstairs. Not that it would matter, food had no place in her life anymore. She couldn't stomach it. Or maybe it was her stomach couldn't stomach it. She didn't know. All she knew was today was the day they were burying her girlfriend, along with the last pieces of her heart.

Rolling over in bed she brought her discarded blanket back over her body and stared into the nothingness that was her unlit room. She had buried too many firsts for someone her age. Her first crush. Her first love. What was next? What more could be taken from her? Did they kill her first pet too? How about her first friend in kindergarten? Right when everything had just gotten back on track, her life came crumbling down. And you know what? The world spins madly on. Stupid fucking world. She was withering away in bed and it was going on as if everything was as it should be. How could life still be moving on? When she first heard her mother say that they thought they had found Maya's body she felt like the whole Earth ceased to rotate. Everything dragged by as if in a slow-paced film reel. They rolled the zipped up cart past her and had Spencer not put her hands around her, she might have climbed in the bag with the body, but as the doors to the ambulance shut everything suddenly accelerated. She went from screaming out her pain to being once again questioned by the police. They had to be as tired of her as she was of being face to face with a blue suited officer of the law, but at the moment something within her snapped.

How could this happen? How could they let this happen? How could they not know if it was Maya? There was only one other black girl in town. Hell she had startled her in a coffee shop not long ago, mistaking her for Maya. Maybe that was the girl in the body bag. Maybe the killer had mixed up black chicks. Hell Maya wasn't even that black, she was more racially ambiguous than anything so they had to…She couldn't remember what happened after her borderline inappropriate rambling but she woke in bed a few hours later. Sweating. Sobbing. Screaming so loudly, her mother and friends came storming in her room looking ready for a battle.

She had dreamt about her. About all of her. All of her. Of her touch. Her skin. The way her laugh would caress her ears whenever they cuddled together in bed. The way she would moan out her name whenever she kissed that spot on the side of her neck. The way her hand had felt under hers the first time they shared a bed. How the wind blew through her hair as she strummed her guitar, the first time she sung to her in the park. How her eyes sparkled when she first started flirting with her. How her lips felt the first time they kissed. How her hand stroked her cheek when they made out during their first date. How she made her heart race when she brought the water to her in her bedroom right before they first made love. How much it hurt when she saw her crying on the steps. How panicked she was when her calls went unanswered. How for days after their fight she couldn't eat. How she regretted not being a better girlfriend. How she should have spent more time with her. How the email she received from her a few days ago broke her heart. How she wished she hadn't gone to the dance that night. How she wished she could go back and run away with her when asked. How she wished it was her. Dear God why wasn't it her? Why couldn't it have been her?

None of this came out to the people around her bed though. All they saw was an Emily lost in memories that could never be remade. An Emily no one knew how to help. An Emily finally broken down.


So I literally just typed this within the last hour and I fear it shows. I hope the second to last paragraph wasn't too hard to understand but if I added her name it would have made it less effective I think, more third persony than I wanted if that makes sense. I wanted it a bit off paced and hysterical. Anyway I hate writing sad fics soo I may make this my chapter fic but Idk honestly so no promises. -Ivy