Come on Ness, just do it. Quick and painless, like ripping off a Band-Aid. Actually that sounds quite painful. Not that I've ever worn a Band-Aid. But the last thing I want is for this to be painful. The exact opposite actually. There's not many moments in life that you can look at and think, that's it, that's the moment that everything changed. But this is. This could be the biggest, life changing moment of my life. And I'm stalling.
"Come on Nessie, you ready yet?" I hear Jacob call from the living room, a hint of impatience in his voice. To be fair I have been making him wait for nearly half an hour now while I changed my outfit about 5 times. But hey, I want this moment to be perfect. Tonight I would finally tell my best friend that I was in love with him.
Jacob's been in my life since I was born, he risked everything to protect me when I was under threat from the Volturi. He was willing to give up everything he knew and loved to keep me safe. He's more than my best friend; he's my soul mate. Over the last 7 years I've seen him grow up and mature with me until I've finally reached 'maturity' and stopped growing. I now look and act around 18 despite only having been alive for 7 years. Jake's always been there for me, first as a big brother, then as a best friend, and hopefully now as a boyfriend. In the last 7 years I've never seen him with another girl. Sometimes I wonder if he's ever had a first kiss. I kind of hope he hasn't, that way we can be each other's first and only. I've always secretly hoped he's been saving himself for me.
"Nessie!" Jacob's voice shocks me from my thoughts. Time to stop procrastinating and get started with the next chapter of my life. I took one last look in the mirror; my hair was naturally curly thanks to my grandpa Charlie and a bronze tone thanks to my father. The effect was kind of amazing. I love my hair. I pulled my nearly too tight blue shirt down a little, showing an almost daring amount of cleavage. The top looked amazing matched with my dark denim mini skirt and blue wedges. I was going for a mature, girl next door look, showing off my best assets (legs and chest) to remind Jacob I'm not a little girl anymore. This was reiterated through my makeup. Normally I keep it light, being too lazy to do anything fancy. But tonight I was prepared. I spent my whole morning watching YouTube tutorials and have now perfected the sexy smoky eye look. Jacob won't know what's hit him.
I make my way out towards Jacob. My parents are in the middle of a holiday to a private island so I have the cottage to myself for the rest of the week. A week I'm hoping will be spent with Jacob and I getting to know each other in a completely different way.
I imagined dramatic, sexy music playing as I walked out of my bedroom. Jacob looks up from his phone and quickly does a double take. Hello confidence.
"God Nessie are you going to put some pants on?" he practically begs. Goodbye confidence. I raised my eyebrows. Jacob, noticing my expression, quickly adds, "You know, so you don't get cold?"
I laugh, "How can I possibly get cold when I have you?" I take a step closer to Jacob, wrapping my arms around him as if he's my very own heater. "See, now I'm perfect temperature," I smiled innocently up at him.
His arms wrapped around me almost instantly, as if on instinct. "Nah, you're just perfect." He kisses the top of my head before suggesting we should be on our way.
Tonight's plan is the same as every Tuesday night since my 2nd birthday when Jacob realised I'd never seen any Disney films. He considered this a great crime and demanded we have a Disney movie night. Obviously all Disney films can't be watched in one night, so it became a weekly thing. Eventually we graduated from Disney films to other classic films that Jacob insist one must watch, i.e Top Gun, Pulp Fiction, High School Musical. And no I'm not kidding about that last one. Tonight's film was when Harry Met Sally. But first, I want to make a pit stop.
"Hey can we go for a walk?" I ask once I'm in the Rabbit, which surprisingly still works.
"We just got in the car" Jacob replies confused.
"No not here, I meant on the beach. I really want to," I look at him and plead. He smiles and shakes his head,
"Of course we can Nessie."
Okay, this was it. 5 minutes until the beginning of the rest of my life. Deep breathes.
"You okay over there Ness? I don't think I've ever seen you this quiet," I'm pulled out of my thoughts and smile over at him.
"Yeah, I am actually, I'm great." Thinking about how amazing it will be to finally kiss Jacob and call him my boyfriend somehow made the nerves lessen. I was too excited to make room for any other emotion.
"We're here, race you to the shore?" Jacob asks me as he parks. I'm already half way out of the door by the time he's finished asking the question. I run as fast as I can, hoping to get at least half way there before he catches up. Because there is no way I can out run him, he always catches me.
Suddenly two arms are around my waist and I'm being lifted into the air, yet I've never felt safer. "Jacob put me down!" I squeal. "You're cheating!
"I'm cheating? You didn't wait for me to say go!" His hand starts moving towards my stomach and I know he's about to start tickling me.
"Jacob Black don't you dare! Put me down, I call a truce!" I giggle. He pretends to think about it for a moment, his hand stilling.
"Say I'm better and I will." I roll my eyes.
"Jacob you are better," I say as monotone as possible.
"Hmm, that'll do" he says before unceremoniously dropping me on the sand. I land on my butt. I try to glare at him from the sand, but he has the most innocent smile on his face, I can't help but laugh.
"You're lucky I love you, Black" I respond before turning around, still on the ground and face the sea. I tuck my knees up to my chin and wrap my arms around them. The sun was starting to set, making the sky go a burnt orange colour. I love the sunset; I don't think I could ever get bored of watching it. It's a constant in an ever changing world. Sometimes the thought of living forever is daunting, but knowing that the sun I'm watching disappear is the same one that Grandpa Carlisle used to watch in England, and will be the same one I'll sit and watch in 200 years' time makes it a bit easier. Some things never change. It's with this last thought that I turn and look at Jacob who is sitting next to me now, his long legs stretched out in front of him. I know, just like the sun, Jacob is a constant in my life.
"What's going on in that head of yours Cullen?" he asks, noticing my expression. Now or never.
"You know I love you right?" I ask, turning my body to face his.
"Yeah of course, you just told me. Twice actually," he nudges me, looking slightly confused about where I'm taking this conversation.
"You're everything to me Jake, I couldn't imagine my life without you. It hurts when I try."
"You're my everything too Ness, where is all this coming from?" he asks gently, starting to look slightly worried. I reach out and put my hand on top of his that's currently resting on his knee.
"I don't just love you, I'm in love with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Jacob." I felt a weight being lifted off my shoulders, as if this secret that I'd kept for the last few months was finally free. I didn't have to live under the strain of it anymore. That is, until I saw Jake's face.
He moved his hand from under mine to put it on top instead, then squeezed.
"Nessie," he sighed. "I love you, I really do, you mean everything to me,"
"But?" I interrupted, my heart beating out of my chest. Jacob gulped, looking pained.
"But you're only 7".
You know those moments in life where everything changes that I mentioned earlier? Well I was right; this was one of them, just for all of the wrong reasons. I feel like the rug has just been pulled out from under me. I was maybe prepared for Jacob saying he didn't feel the same, or he wasn't ready to act on it because of his commitments to the pack and his dad. But I wasn't prepared for him to throw my biggest insecurity in my face.
I snatched my hand back and cradled it to my chest. "I'm 18" I bit out. Regret instantly flashed on his face.
"Nessie that's not what I meant," he started to reach out to me before seeing my glare and decided against it. I jumped up, too angry to sit still. He soon followed my example, climbing to his feet.
"Not what you meant? What else could you mean by that?" I shout. "You're unbelievable. I am a fully mature adult, which is more than I can say for you!" I lash out.
"Come on Ness, stop it. Just let me explain" Jake tries again. I scoff. "You've only been alive for 7 years, you can't make these kind of decisions."
"The decision to fall in love with you? Love isn't something you choose Jacob, if it was I'd take this one back in a heartbeat" I practically spit at him. I know I don't mean anything I'm saying, but I'm so angry I can't think straight. And the flash of pain on his face makes my broken heart feel slightly better.
"You know what Ness, maybe people would stop treating you like a child if you stopped acting like one," his venomous comment makes me flinch as if he's hit me.
I turn to walk away, his sudden grip on my arm stopping me from taking a step away from him.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean that," he rushes out. I turn and give him my filthiest look. He closes his eyes and seems to take a deep breathe. "Look, we're both upset and saying things we're going to regret. I think we both need to calm down and talk tomorrow morning," he says, an edge of pleading to his voice.
"Don't count on it." I pull my arm away from him.
"Nessie," he pleads,
"Just leave me alone Jake" I say, a crack in the word alone and I know I need to get out of here before the tears start. I start running towards the cottage. It shouldn't take me more than 15 minutes to get there, especially as I kick off my heels just before I reach the trees.
He won't follow me, not tonight. I've asked for space and I know he'll give it to me, at least until tomorrow. Then he'll come round, make some jokes, apologise and try to make things go back to normal. Only thing is, I don't think things will ever be normal again.
