A/N: Tumblr had a NedCan smutweek going on somewhere in august last year. I wanted to join in, but I was too busy playing my Wii U and 3DS instead and completely forgot about it. So here's my fashionably late attempt to rectify things.

Warnings: Basically no smut despite it being a smutweek because I can't write that to save my life. This goes for all the prompts. And hopefully an original twist to the whole overused 'oral means blowjob' thing for the first prompt. Also fem!Ned for all the prompts because the world needs more of her. I call her JOhanna, Joey for short. Also, Margot is Belgium and Henri is Luxembourg.

Disclaimer: I ran out of witty stuff to say here, so I'll just say what you all already know but what I'm still denying. Not mine. =(


Oral

Being overlooked has its advantages, Matthew found out. Sure, he still had to be careful not to get sat on by that huge Ivan, or convincing everyone that he's Matthew, not Alfred, when by some miracle they did notice him, but besides that it was pretty sweet. Most of the time during meetings he would just wander around, eavesdropping on interesting conversations for possible blackmail. Now don't get him wrong, he would never use it to hurt anyone. Just use that new found information to help benefit his people. And maybe himself. Okay, mostly himself. He did get a bitchin' new jeep from Alfred after promising not to reveal a certain activity Alfred likes to do every third Wednesday of the month. He smiled to himself when he remembered that, before going off to start a new round. Maybe he'd find someone who could supply him with a matching motorbike to go with his jeep.

Today was another one of those days. He made sure to leave his seat before being crushed by a Russian ass, and started his round after quickly stealing his brother's burger, enjoying the look of disbelief on Alfred's face as he looked everywhere to find his beloved junk food. He hated to admit it, but Alfred does indeed make the best burgers. Maybe that's what he should ask for next, his secret burger recipe. Or better yet, the secret Coca Cola ingredient!

He took his time, listening in every now and then, hoping for something as juicy as the burger he just finished. Unfortunately for him no such thing happened. Letting out a sigh of disappointment he walked towards the large windows, deciding to enjoy the scenery a bit until lunch would start. He could try again after that. He was about to make himself comfortable on the windowsill when he saw someone familiar in the gardens. He opened the window a bit, peeking his head out to get a better view. A smile graced his lips when he recognized the woman, and after closing the window he made his way to the gardens to join her.

He was practically skipping his way outside. The woman he saw happened to be none other than his close friend Johanna van der Meer, the personification of the Netherlands. He was already done mentally slapping himself for not noticing she had indeed been missing from her regular seat between Belgium and Luxembourg. She never forgot or overlooked him, like he just did. He vowed to make it up to her by having lunch with her, and catching up on things. Maybe he could get her to tell him what she had planned this time for the Tulip Festival.

He was now at the entrance of the gardens, and was about to call out to her, when he heard singing. Immediately he stopped In his tracks, listening in amazement. He never knew Johanna to be a singer. Hell, the woman barely even uttered a word unless it was business-related so she could make money out of it! And here he found her, singing a song to the flowers he couldn't understand in a somewhat fittingly raw, yet gentle and beautiful voice. Matthew kept on standing there for a while, but after a while he felt like he was intruding somehow, and was about to leave when the singing stopped.

"Please don't stop, Johanna." He cried out, immediately covering his mouth afterwards. Crap, crap, crap! She definitely stopped because of him, he just knows it!

"Huh? Matt, is that you? How long have you been standing there?" She said, standing up. She was wearing a sleeveless navy-blue jumpsuit, and was dusting off some dirt off her knees. Noticing it wasn't really getting rid of the grass stains she just gave up and turned her sea green eyes at him. A smile escaped her. "And I thought I told you a million times already to just call me Joey. I only get called Johanna by my siblings when they're trying to guilt trip me into buying unnecessarily expensive knickknacks for them." Okay, so maybe she was just done singing, and didn't stop because of him. He removed his hands from his mouth, feeling relieved.

"Ah, right. Sorry about that. For a second there I thought you stopped your singing because you noticed I was here and I got you out of your groove."

"Oh Matt, I'm not that easily fazed, you know. Now if you were to start stripping, however…" she said with a mischievous grin, outright laughing out loud when Matthew immediately turned red and started stuttering like nobody's business. She walked over to him, ruffling his hair. "Still so innocent when it comes to flirting. Hard to believe you're supposed to be Francis' kid."

"You seem to forget that I was still a little kid when Arthur took over. Not a lot of things would have stuck in my then 8 year old mind, you know." He huffed, removing her hand from his head.

"I know. I just like teasing you," she said, flicking his nose. "And what are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be in the meeting?"

"I could ask you the same thing." He answered, carefully rubbing his nose. "Those loudmouth idiots never pay attention to me anyway, so when I saw you out here I decided to keep you company."

"Aww, that's so sweet of you! And I basically have the same reason as you. Those loudmouth idiots up there are too self-absorbed with their own business, so instead of wasting my time getting annoyed at the situation I decided to enjoy myself with gardening."

"I guess that makes sense. Except that I don't see any gardening tools with you, and you were singing."

"That's part of my gardening routine, you know."

"What is, singing to plants?" He asked, a little confused.

"Well, yeah. Plants tend to grow better and healthier when you talk to them. But I don't have that much to talk about, so I just sing instead," she stated matter-of-factly. Matthew stared at her for a while, dumbfounded. He did remember both Francis and Arthur tell him roughly the same thing about the talking to plants part once, but singing?

"And that actually works?"

"Duh. You know how I always give you a special bouquet of tulips when I come over for the Festival? I sing to them while they grow, that's why they're more beautiful than the rest."

"I… uh….wow, I had no idea. So you have a green voice instead of green thumbs then, huh?" He immediately regretted uttering that cheesy line. "Oh God, I'm so sorry you had to hear that, just pretend I'm not here," he said, dropping himself on a bench nearby, hiding his face in his hands.

Meanwhile Johanna tried her best to not make him feel worse by holding in her laughter, failing miserably. After finally breaking down and laughing for a good minute she took a seat next to him, putting her arms around his shoulders. That seemed to surprise him, as he removed his hands from his face and looked at her, feeling his body heat up because of how close she was to him. Despite their close friendship they never really hugged that much, outside of the usual greetings and kisses on the cheek during the Tulip Festival.

"You're such a dork, you know that?" She said, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Yeah, w-well, I, uh….." He stammered. Aw geez, she was so close now he could smell her perfume. She smelled like a flower meadow. Very fitting, he thought.

"You what?" She asked, turning her head a bit to once again stare at him with those mischievous, sea green eyes. He swallowed. If he didn't know any better he could swear he was actually staring at the sea instead of her eyes.

"I…."

To this day he still doesn't know what had possessed him at that moment. Maybe it was the way she was leaning on to him. Maybe it was her intoxicating smell. Or maybe he finally saw behind the mischief in her eyes and noticed the longing behind it. Whatever it was, it made him carefully move his hand towards her face, pulling her in for a kiss. He was a little surprised (but mostly really glad) that she immediately kissed him back. Feeling a surge of bravery (or lust, most likely) course through him he managed to adjust their positions so that he was on top her, looking at her now slightly flushed face. It was an adorable sight, especially when she bit her lip, waiting on his next move. He didn't know whether to just do her right then and there or take a picture of that delightfully sexy face first. Unfortunately for the both of them he never got to make that choice.

"Maybe she's in the gardens."

"She probably is, she hates being in a stuffy room for too long."

"Are those…?" He asked, sounding disappointed.

"My siblings, yes," she sighed, reluctantly getting up and pushing Matthew off of her. "Figures they would be the ones to miss me and start searching."

"I think it's cute they were worried so much about you. Unlike my so-called sibling and parental figures."

"And I do love and appreciate them for it, believe me. I just wished they would have stayed put for today."

"Yeah, well, maybe you should have taken your phone with you, you idiot. You know how we hate it when you leave unannounced," Henri said, crossing his arms as he glared at his sister. Said sister let out an apologetic smile and pulled him into hug, ruffling his hair after letting go.

"Sorry, little guy."

"I'm not little!" He huffed, fixing his hair to its proper position.

"I bet you are sorry, sis. You were about to get down and dirty with Matthew, weren't you," Margot said, giving Matthew a knowing grin, causing him to stutter again as he tried to get himself out of this interrogation. Margot just laughed at him. Henri decided to save the poor guy from this predicament.

"No need for embarrassments, Matthew. We're all grown nations here, you can do whatever you want. Just get a room next time, or they'll arrest you public indecency or something." He said, giving him a reassuring smile.

"I, uhm…uhh…thanks, I guess. "

"I guess we should get back then, huh?"

"Henri and I will go on ahead. You two might want to freshen up before you get back though. That shade of lipstick really isn't your color, Matt."

"Pardon? Lipstick?" He rubbed his lips, and wouldn't you know it, a soft pink color showed up. Now that would have been really embarrassing.

"And you need to fix your hair, sis." Henri added.

"Thanks for the heads up, we'll be there in a minute." After Margot and Henri left Johanna turned her attention to Matthew, getting the rest of the lipstick off of him.

"I'll make sure to wear a more purple shade of lipstick next time."

"Why purple?"

"Because it matches your eyes," she said with a wink. "And then you won't need to remove it from your lips, haha." She ran her fingers through her a bit to comb it, before putting it in a loose braid.

"Not funny, Joey."

"Consider it payback for uttering that terribly cheesy green voice line earlier."

"Touché."


A/N: And that's how they started dating, yay. And about that oral prompt. Oral means by use of mouth, and guess what! There was singing and kissing, both things you can do with your mouth :D. …..

I'm so sorry *bows head in shame*

Anyways. It is a known fact that plants that get talked to do grow better than plants that don't get their non-existent ears talked off. Ned really isn't the talkative type, but I do see them doing this in private, or with people who they are really close to, like siblings and lovers and really good friends. As far as singing voices go, I picture fem!Ned having one like Anouk. Look her up, she has amazing songs, and her voice, wow! Regular Ned I picture having a voice like Roger, the lead singer from Intwine. Great band with great songs, too.

Hope you enjoyed reading this, and reviews are as always appreciated!