The Jillaroo and the Semi-Sue
Author's Note:
This is, yes, a girl in Middle Earth story.. It's been done before, yes, tons of times. This is mine, though, and it will be a rather strange concoction, as I intend on messing with the Realistic! tropes and the Mary-Sue! clichés.
There will be a partial Sue and one non-Sue girl. The partial-Sue is partial because when she is not being stupid, she is quite pleasant. I should warn you, though, that she is domestically inclined, but what's wrong with that? I mean, really. The non-Sue is based off Killer Mackenzie from the book of the same title, and the beginning borrows from the book, but there's no fandom for it in the archives, so that's why there's no crossover.
Now, to the story.
I wiped sweat from my eyes and grinned at Scud who looked smug in the early morning light, as he trotted back after drafting the ewes from the lambs. My father, Cameron Mackenzie, nodded and ruffled my hair as he whistled a short tune.
"Good work, Kay," he said.
"Thanks, Dad," I replied. I stretched, easing some of the tension in my shoulders. "What's the time?" I asked.
"Time, time," he muttered as he looked at his watch. "Six-thirty," he said. "When's Liam picking you up for the billabong meet?"
"Now! I got to go!" I yelped. I sprinted off, leaping the stile instead of slowing down for the gate, running back to the house. I narrowly avoided crashing into the door, through the kitchen, and raced up the stairs to my room.
"Morning, Kay!" shouted my stepmother, Deborah.
"Morning, Dee!" I yelled back. I grabbed a bag, putting in my swimmers, a change of clothes, thongs*, water bottle, hairbrush, deodorant, fly-net and sunscreen. Packing done, I moved down the steep stairs as fast as I dared (not very) and stepped into the kitchen, snatching the container of cupcakes Dee, Kate and I had made for the meet. I shoved the container into the bag and pelted back through the door again.
"Hoo-roo!" yelled Dee.
"Hoo-roo!" I replied over my shoulder, sprinting again to the gate. By the time I reached the gate, I sank to my knees, a stitch beginning. "Oof," I sighed. "So hectic. Wish I could go somewhere peaceful. Just a bit peaceful. Where troubles melt…hah, just like lemon-sodding-drops and rainbows loop the forking loop," I snickered, somewhat disdainfully at the idea.
I never make wishes now, you know. Because a few seconds after I made that supremely unwise statement, I passed out.
When I woke up again, the first feeling I recognised was confusion. It appeared I was in a forest. It wasn't like Australian bush. The trees, ferns and bushes were a greyer green than Australian bush. They weren't unkempt or scruffy or tough or straggly like Australian bush, either. No, they were delicate and majestic. I frowned. Not many flowers either. Plenty of grass, though. The bird calls were simple chirps and tweets. No laugh of the kookaburra, chorus of cicadas, lilting melody of the butcherbird, ditty of the currawong or even the grating screech of the cockatoo.
I tried to sit up and then, much more slowly, lay back down. "Okay, good to know. Moving quickly is not advised," I snorted to myself, glad to find a little humour.
"Are you hurt?" asked a soft voice to my right. I wasn't alone, then. I slowly sat up and turned to face the voice.
Then I gaped, because staring back at me was utter Elven perfection.
"Oh. Shit," I mumbled. So…I was in a strange forest I didn't recognise and there was an Elf sitting beside my right. Which meant…I frowned as I pieced these things together. Oh, no, no, no, no.
I pinched myself, slapped my left arm and blinked several times. Nope, everything was still there. Which meant that either I was hallucinating or this was real. I never was one to hallucinate, usually very down-to-earth, and really had no cause to go mad. So it was probably real.
And I was probably in Middle-Earth.
Not good. Not good at all.
"So, d'you know where we are?" I asked my companion. She sighed and gave me an 'are you serious' look. Easy now, missy.
"Middle Earth, duh," she responded. I considered this. Not precisely what I was looking for.
"So I noticed. Whereabouts in Middle-Earth?" I prodded.
"A forest," she replied. I nodded, my smile somewhat fixed at this point. I still had some patience left though, thanks to my younger sister.
"So where's the forest?" I asked. She shrugged.
"It's certainly somewhere," she said.
Bloody hell. Surely this was the intellectual equivalent of dental surgery. On a particularly stubborn, hyperactive six year old. I tried again, tone rather snappy.
"Okay. You are an Elf, yes? So which Elven realm are you from? Imladris, Lothlorien, Mirkwood or the Grey Havens?"
"I'm not from here!" she said shaking her head. "I'm from Australia!"
My eyes widened. "Wha'?"
Wait… I looked back at the conversation. A soft accent, slightly longer and with a tendency to add –er to the end of words; words definitely not typical of an Elf; irritatingly sassy mannerisms, like the eye-roll, the duh in her first reply and the short, almost monosyllabic answers. I took a second look at her, inspecting her. Pointy ears, green eyes, looked about fifteen, long blonde bouncy hair, 5 foot five frame, long legs and a super-short body. She was clad in a blue summer dress, which at first glance, seemed Elven. But it wasn't. It looked suspiciously like something in a magazine Kate, my little stepsister, had been admiring a few days ago. So she was a partial Mary-Sue or worse?
"If you are from Australia," I said slowly. "Why are you an Elf?"
"Why do you have wings?" she replied, eyebrow bouncing up.
Okay, this one I was not prepared for.
"What?"
"Okay, one last time, what do I have?" I asked, still trying to get my head around it. Normally, I was pretty good about taking stuff in my stride, but excuse me if my intellect was flabbergasted by this development. It was only the most startling in my twenty-two years of existence.
"Wings. And pointed ears. The wings are purple with silver markings and accents," snapped the girl, obviously tired. Looking back on it, I don't blame her. I nodded, as finally, it sunk in.
"So…I am a faery," I said slowly. My companion nodded vigorously, obviously glad I was finally realising things.
"Yes, you are a fairy. Now, come on!" she said. I looked curiously at her.
"Where to?" I asked.
"Further into the woods!"
"Why should we do that?" I asked, frowning.
"So we can be rescued!" she said bluntly.
"Alright. First, which direction is deeper into the woods? Second, how would us going deeper into the woods lead to us getting rescued?" I said, closing my eyes. This was going to be a long day.
"Isn't it obvious? We wander through the woods, until we nearly despair, and then we will be rescued!"
"By whom?" I asked incredulously.
"Oh, a nobleman, or a prince, or someone like that," she said airily. "Then we fall in love and live happily ever after."
I stared at her, eyes wide, gaping. She had to be insane. Surely, she was insane. Or terribly stupid. Or a really bad Mary-Sue.
"Sweet plan, huh?" she asked, grinning with self-congratulation.
"You're mad," I said flatly. "Off your rocker. Lost your rag. Lost the plot, lost your marbles, you're round the bend, you're fecking mad!"
"What?"
"Look, we're practically unarmed, lost, we don't know whether if there are dangerous creatures in the woods...besides which, moving right now would potentially endanger us."
"Then we'll rely on the nobleman or whoever on the white horse I told you about to save us," she said. The scariest thing was that she said it like the thought was reasonable. Obviously this girl had seen far too many movies, and had been instructed to take them as gospel truth. I face-palmed.
"Okay, what part about us having no connections in this world didn't you hear?" This day was just fantastic. Could it further escalate?
Apparently, yes.
Because at that moment, a group of Elves, about seven, came and surrounded us, fingers drumming on sword hilts. I sighed.
My companion looked too stunned to do anything. I was thinking of something but was rather too irritated with the universe to come up with anything decent, except for one thing. I held my right hand up, palm out, to show a lack of weapons. They relaxed ever so slightly. There were a few tense moments of silence, then I heard hooves and bells. The sounds came closer, and then he rode into the clearing.
On a sodding white horse.
And a girl, who was either extremely stupid or extremely insane, had proved me wrong. Lovely.
He dismounted with a practised grace and pinned both of us with a stern gaze.
"Who are you?" he asked. I gulped and my tongue loosened slightly.
"I am called Kay." He transferred his glare to my companion.
"Jade," she said promptly.
"Whence come you?" he snapped.
"Um…funny story that. We call it Australia, and I'm not sure where it is relative to here. It's…well, it's far away," I said awkwardly. He nodded coolly.
"I see. Tell me, how have you wandered so far unarmed and with such strange luggage?" he asked.
"Luggage?" I echoed, confused. He gestured impatiently to one of the Elves and they brought my bag from the side. I cracked a smile.
"To be frank, I don't know," I said honestly. It seemed like the best policy, and I suspected any lies would be detected, and result in both of us being skewered. His blue eyes narrowed.
"How can you not know?" he asked sternly.
"I don't know that either," I said, trying to suppress my irritation. He glowered.
"Bind their hands. They come to Imladris, and Lord Elrond shall hear of this," he decided.
One guard promptly began to bind my hands, then Jade's. One Elf took charge of my bag, before there was a concerted movement by the Elves that jostled Jade and I into the middle of the caravan.
Not being in the mood for talking, I pondered why Jade and I had been able to understand the Elves and speak to them. For her, it could easily be explained by a Mary-Sue factor. But for me? Maybe it was just part of being a faery, a gift of tongues or something like that.
"My lord?" asked Jade in a soft voice. The leader turned around. I frowned. I was sure I recognised him…
"Yes?" he asked, brow raised.
"How long until Rivendell?" she asked. She mightn't be so bad a Sue if she managed 'Rivendell' correctly, I thought hopefully. He shrugged elegantly.
"A few hours."
And with that, he returned to his position at the head of the column.
It wasn't terribly long before I started getting bored. I began humming Waltzing Matilda softly, under my breath. Jade slowly joined in and I glanced at her in surprise.
"What?" she asked, breaking off. "We still know Waltzing Matilda in Sydney," she said. I laughed.
"Sorry, you just didn't seem the type to sing Waltzing Matilda," I replied.
"Well, now both of us have lost the place. Let's start over," she suggested. I nodded, smiling slightly.
"Let's. One, two, three!" We began in unison and sang it, three times over. After that, the Elves began to look irritated. Suffer, baby! I thought, smirking.
"Different one, now," smiled Jade. Apparently the music was cheering her up.
"Certainly. Old Man Emu?" I asked.
"I don't know that one."
"Listen to me, then, and try not to crack up," I advised, before launching into the comic song, leaving out the kookaburra impression. Jade valiantly suppressed most of her laughter, but she did let slip a few giggles. I smirked and then it hit me. We had been…civil. She hadn't said anything moronic and I hadn't said anything cutting. She might even be…nice?
"Another!" she pleaded between giggles, effectively snapping me out of my thoughts. "Wallabies! The wallaby song!"
I frowned, trying to decipher this, and then it hit me. "Oh! Watch me wallabies feed?"
She nodded, my grin returned, and we started the jaunty, flippant song.
We continued this way all the way down the slopes to the city. By this stage, the Elves were looking more interested than irate, which was a welcome change. Then we came to a wall that loomed before us, a large gate set into it, with a silver inlay of two trees sparkling against the wood. As we approached, the gates were swung open. My eyes widened. This…was Imladris. Jade looked equally stunned. Two Elves on either side of the gate smiled and nodded cheerfully to both of us. I forced a smile and nodded back.
We were in a courtyard. A very large courtyard. About ten Elves came out of the building opposite us and swarmed around the patrol, leading away horses.
"Lord Glorfindel, may I take Asfaloth?" asked one. My head snapped around. Glorfindel? That was Glorfindel?
"Yes, thank you. I shall visit him later. First, though, I have other business to attend to," Glorfindel replied. The Elf nodded and took Asfaloth's reins. Glorfindel turned to Jade and I and glared. "You two. Come."
We walked up to him and he nodded, untying our hands. "You will come with me to Lord Elrond," he ordered. We nodded meekly, and walked behind him. He turned a few corridors and then we came to a large door. He knocked sharply.
"Come in," came a voice.
"No, Erestor, you come out," Glorfindel said.
A few moments later, a tall black-haired Elf opened the door. He looked questioningly at Glorfindel.
"Elrond's office, urgently," said Glorfindel simply. Erestor shrugged and knocked on the next door along.
"Come in," came another voice. Glorfindel flung open the door and he and Erestor slipped in to stand beside Elrond, who was sitting at his desk. Jade and I looked at each other nervously. Then I paced forward to stand in front of the desk, Jade following me. I glanced around the room. It was beautiful. The ceiling was high, touched by mahogany bookcases. Several truly fantastic tapestries hung at various points around the room, all breathtakingly wonderful.
Then, the Elf sitting behind the desk. His eyes were silver, stern, fair, compassionate and regal.
"Master Elrond, Erestor, may I introduce Kay and Jade," Glorfindel said quietly.
"Your countenance seems unusual. Whence do you hail?" said Elrond, his voice incredibly measured.
"We call it Australia," I said blandly. Erestor frowned slightly and turned to a selection of maps.
"I don't think you'll find it there," Jade remarked offhandedly. Erestor turned back and frowned.
"We're sort of from…a different world, of sorts. Or a different time," I said quietly.
"…Ah," said Elrond eventually. I frowned. Well, that wasn't the reaction I'd expected. "What? No, 'That's impossible!' or 'It can't be'?" I asked coolly.
"You are not the first to come here from another world," Erestor said calmly.
"It is not unprecedented," agreed Glorfindel.
"There is also something else you should know. I do have some…knowledge, concerning the future. Jade, do you?" I asked her, the last in English, turning to her.
"Erm…well, I only saw the movies, but yeah," she replied. I turned back to the Elves.
"Jade also has some knowledge of the future. It is less detailed than mine, but she possesses it," I said quietly.
"You are seers?" Elrond asked, his eyes narrowed.
"No. Where I come from, the history of Middle-Earth and the War are well-documented," I said quietly. "I have read the histories. The story of the War has been made into a…play, as well, which Jade has seen."
Three pairs of eyes widened. Three mouths opened. I forestalled them, holding up a hand and saying sharply, "No! Do not ask me anything. I should not, must not, tell you anything."
"She's right," said a feminine voice from a corner. A tall, blue-gowned elleth slipped over to join the three ellyn. My eyes widened. Was she green? She couldn't be….
"Elphaba?" I asked, my jaw dropping. Her eyes widened.
"You know my name?" she asked.
Shit! "Erm…yes. Your story is rather widely known. I did not know that you…I mean…I thought you lived in Oz," I said awkwardly. She shrugged.
"Did once. Now, I'm here," she said laconically.
"Oh. Right," I said, even more awkwardly. Elphaba tipped her head to one side curiously.
"What are you?" she asked curiously.
"I'm a faery," I said flatly. Silence filled the room rapidly at that point. Apparently that was a bit of a shocker.
"Do you have any plans for the future?" enquired Erestor at length.
"Er, no, I'm afraid not," I said sheepishly.
"I see," began Elrond, his eyes thoughtful. "Then I suppose you will have to be allotted quarters here." He rang a bell, and a few minutes later, an elleth appeared. She had a mature, almost matriarchal look to her, and she instantly won my respect.
"You rang, Master Elrond?" asked the elleth.
"Yes, thank you, Goodwife Laeglen. Please allot permanent quarters to our new friends. They will be staying here," he said smoothly, deeply inclining his head in respect. I stood and gave a deep nod also to the elleth, who smiled warmly at Jade and I.
"Come along, my dears," she said welcomingly, beckoning. I grinned and followed her out of the office, nodding at the four Elves, Jade following suit. She led us down a few long corridors.
"Will you wish your rooms to be close together?" she enquired. I thought about this.
"Yes," I decided quickly. She wasn't so bad, perhaps a little dim, but she seemed rather pleasant and nice. And really, it made sense for we Earthlings to at least stay close together. Goodwife Laeglen nodded briskly.
"Very well, then…I shall put you in adjacent rooms, then." She turned another corner and we soon stopped. The first room was mine.
It was…big. There was a small sitting room, which had several chairs, a bookshelf, a desk, an oil-lamp and a fireplace. A doorway led into the bedroom, where the bed dominated the room. A large closet was discreetly tucked into one corner, and a helpfully placed mirror was in the centre of one wall. I smiled broadly at Goodwife Laeglen.
"I take it you approve?" she asked from the doorway. I nodded vigorously.
"Thank you!" I cried, finding my tongue. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
She smiled kindly and nodded. "It is no trouble. If you need anything, please let me know."
I sighed and looked around for a few seconds. This was surreal. But I could figure it out.
Right?
TBC
*Note: in Australia, thongs aren't underwear. Thongs are flip-flops.
Old Man Emu and Watch me wallabies feed are Australian…folk songs, sort of thing. But, you know. Funnier.
Waltzing Matilda is often described as Australia's unofficial national anthem. I wish it were the national anthem. It would make a nice change.
