"Is that what all of this has always been about? That you are trying to save me from a life of taking care of you? It's honorable - but damn stupid. Don't you get- don't you get that I was all in? I was all in because… I loved you, not because I felt sorry for you." - Lisa Stillman - 7x14

Lisa walked to Amy. She was saddling up Spartan and about the mount the black horse when a simple move of Lisa's hand stopped her.

"It's grandpa…" Amy explained when she saw how her step-grandmother protested her leaving. Lisa nodded and stared at the distance. She looked at the field, where a figure of an old man stood still, looking at something, too.

"I know. I'll go get him", Lisa told her and looked Amy in the eyes, trying to hold a smile even for a little while to assure Amy that everything was okay. But the younger woman saw the sadness and concern in Lisa's eyes and knew all too well that this was not the first time - nor the last - that she'd had to fetch grandpa from someplace and get him back home safely.

After walking for few minutes to the field that revealed the scenery right below the Rockies, Lisa reached Jack and gently laid her hand on his shoulder.

"Jack…" she said carefully and held her breath. Lisa never knew which version of Jack he would get this time. The man turned around and looked at her. Lisa gave him some time to get back to her. She knew he saw her, but at the same time didn't really saw her. There was confusion in the man's eyes, like he was somewhere far away, until finally, he smiled. He had made a connection.

"I can't remember moving the cattle away from the field", Jack spoke. Lisa tried to hold back her sigh of exhaustion. How many times had she explained this to Jack? How many times would he ask it anyway? How many times would she have to disappoint him?

"You don't have any cattle anymore. They are all at Big River. At Tim's", Lisa spoke. "Remember?" she added, even though she knew he didn't and she would just get something of a charade from him. She was right again.

"Oh yeah", Jack said, acting like he could remember it all. "Why was that again…?" he asked hesitantly after a while, revealing the truth.

"Because… we all agreed you're too old to look after them", Lisa explained. Jack laughed at it.

"Old? I'm not old, Lyndy! I'm hardly 50!"

Even though he didn't get angry at being accused of being too old for once - it was very exhausting when he did-, the sentence was still enough to break Lisa's heart. This happened all the time. Jack lived somewhere in the past and thought Lyndy was her. Or she was Lyndy, more-like. It was what came with Alzheimer's: he recognized that he knew Lisa, that she was a woman he had deep feelings for, but her name was hard for him to recall. Like he didn't know how to pronounce it right. So his brain picked up the first one that he associated with that feeling, with love. It was horrible for Lisa, but she knew it was not Jack's fault. This sickness was in control now.

"Come on. Let's get back inside, I'll make us some tea, okay?" Lisa continued to act as if nothing was wrong, to keep Jack calm. Sometimes it was best to act along, to avoid Jack getting confused. When he got confused, he got scared and when he got scared, he got angry. It was hard to watch and it was even harder to get him calm. After a while, he would change - it was like someone had pushed a reset button and suddenly he was asking what was for dinner, smiling the friendliest smile he had. It looked insane to someone who didn't know what was going on.

"Okay", Jack said, not realizing that something was off. Even though moments like this were almost easy for someone with Alzheimer's, it was anything but to the people around them. Most of the time the patients were oblivious of the situation, but their family and friends had to deal with it all. They had to keep up with all of its craziness, the mood swings and seeing their loved one disappearing in their very eyes, even though they were physically present.

At times they were aware that something was off, but that they couldn't do anything about it.

"Lis…" Jack spoke when Lisa was helping him get down to bed. Lisa's heart almost skipped a beat. She was so used to being called "Lyndy" or someone else at times, that it was as if she was beginning to forget her own name. The only ones using it daily were Ty, Amy and their children. The little family lived with her and Jack at Heartland, making it easier for Lisa to get some time off sometimes and just maintaining some kind of normal relationship with someone. Lou and her family came to visit sometimes too, but for the most part, Lisa was taking care of Jack on her own.

"Yeah…?" Lisa asked and tugged Jack into bed.

"I'm sorry…" he said. Lisa was confused.

"For what?"

"For being so lost", Jack said. His eyes were almost teary, captivating Lisa. She sat down next to him and touched his cheek. "I know that I'm losing myself. That I'm fading out." Lisa knew this was one of his rare moments of clarity. She listened carefully. "So many things I want to remember… disappear. And the things I would like to forget… stay."

"Don't you worry about that", Lisa said, trying to stay strong, even though she knew exactly what he meant. He didn't remember the anniversaries, the birthdays - or even how they had met. It was like she had lost him already, even though he was still here. She kept those memories alive on her own, not knowing if they had completely been erased from his mind or if they would pop up again sometime, someday.

"I knew this isn't the life you wanted", Jack looked her in the eyes. Lisa looked right back and tried to cover up her disappointment. He was right: she didn't want this kind of life, but with life - who could even choose? It did what it wanted. All anyone could do was adapt to the situation at hand. Sometimes you just didn't make your own luck.

"I wanted a life with you and that's what I got", Lisa smiled. Jack smiled a little, knowing that Lisa was just being brave. "You just get some rest now."

"Where are you going? Aren't you going to come sleep right here with me?" Jack almost seemed like a little boy.

"I still have to clean up in the kitchen. I'll be with you soon", Lisa tried to calm him down. Jack nodded. Jack was no longer able to help her around the kitchen, because he couldn't remember where things went and sometimes he would put them in weird places. Lisa always found items from places where they did not belong.

Before leaving the room, Lisa gave Jack a kiss, feeling blessed for knowing she was kissing the same man she had kissed on her wedding day.

Lisa was drying her hands in a towel and looking out of the window. The pile of dishes were now done and she was free to do what she wanted. She heard Amy slamming shut the screen door.

"Oh, you did the dishes already", Amy said. "I could've helped you."

Lisa turned to look at her.

"No, it's okay", she smiled. "I actually kind of like it. It gives me time to think." She put the towel away, just as Amy was taking off her boots. "The kids are asleep."

"Thank you. You're an angel. I had to do the night check and Ty is at the clinic–"

"I know, you don't have to explain it to me, Amy. I'll happily look after them whenever I can", Lisa said. Amy smiled. She knew Lisa had her hands full with grandpa, but it almost seemed like looking after the kids was vacation to her from it all.

"Thank you, Lisa. – How was grandpa…?" she asked then. She knew today had been one of those days. He couldn't tell whose kids her kids were and where everyone else was.

"He's asleep. He had a moment right before he fell asleep. He could tell who I was. And what was happening to him", Lisa said and leaned on the counter. Amy walked to the kitchen and took orange juice out from the fridge, while listening what Lisa was saying.

"Yeah? That's good", Amy nodded.

"Yeah… It just gets kind of weird sometimes. Like all these things… crazy things I would have not accepted years ago have become my norm. Just things I live with and go along with. Like he called me Lyndy again today", Lisa told her. Amy came and took a glass from the cabinet, glancing at the older woman.

"Oh…" Amy said sadly. "It must feel awful."

"It does, sometimes. But it's like part of him is back in those moments. Usually he's just so lost… but when he looks at me and something changes in his eyes… I know he sees someone he loves and that's what gets me through the day. I know he can't tell if I'm Lyndy or me, but if I start to think about it too much, I start to feel like a nurse to him, not his wife", Lisa went on. Amy listened carefully. Of course the situation with grandpa had made her think her life with Ty too, how could it not. How would she cope if the same thing happened to her? Or what if it happened to Ty? How would the kids take it? Being strangers to their own parents. But it had also gave them opportunity to talk what they would do, if this were to happen. "I live for those moments… Sometimes I just wanna quit, because I look at him and listen to him and I think "that's not the man I married". But then I remember, he is somewhere under there… and that's who I still love", Lisa smiled sadly. Amy put down everything from her hands, because she felt so weak for Lisa. "I try not to think about it too much, because… if I do, then I don't know how I will get anything else done. When it becomes so pointless and tiring– I'm sorry, I shouldn't say things like this", she felt ashamed.

"No. It's good that you talk. You shouldn't bottle it all up inside. And I get it, it's not perfect, it's so hard and I admire you so much. I don't know how you do it, but you make me wanna be better wife every day", Amy said and put her hand on her shoulder. "Grandpa is so lucky to have you. It's not easy to live with all these feelings, especially the negative ones, but it's what makes us human. And you are so tender with him even though I bet you just wanna scream sometimes and just get away."

"Thank you, Amy…" Lisa said and pulled her in for a hug. They held each other, both knowing how hard it was losing Jack to something they couldn't stop. All they could do was help him until he was finally out of their reach. It was day by day now.