I'm sick Inside.
And It makes me wanna cry.
I'm sorry about last night.
Lying was never my thing, but in this case, I had no choice. So when I came home early in the morning, my mom was waiting. "Macy, where were you?" I had to lie.
"I stayed at Stella's. I am so sorry I forgot to call. We ust got really caught up." If it weren't for the "Stella" part, that would have been the truth. I was out, and we did get caught up. But I just wasn't with Stella. She smiled dismissively, and I ran up to my room. I locked the door, and lay face down on my bed. "What have I just done?"
It happened so fast,
I wanted it to last.
In the moment it felt so right.
I could remember it perfectly.
We were sitting on his couch upstairs, watching some stupid late night show. All of a sudden, he leaned down, kissing my lips softly. I was used to this. We were secretly dating after all, and it was nights like tonight (when the rest of the family went out of town while Nick faked sick) that we could just spend it alone. But then he did something that I was not expecting... his tongue was suddenly in my mouth. It felt amazing! I ran my fingers through his curly hair as he moaned, and started sucking on the side of my neck.
"Nick..." I moaned. He looked up at me, big smile on his face, panting. And then I looked into his eye's, and I knew what he wanted. The goody-goody rock star wanted me... That put me on the spot. I started to feel dizzy. I had always thought that this night would come... but I thought marriage would be involved, as well as kids. I wanted neither right now.
But it was Nick Lucas... the guy I have been crushing on for like, ever. The guy with the purity ring. How could a guy put me under so much pressure? I couldn't think anymore... so I just kissed him. He could decide what the kiss meant.
He took it as a yes.
We were now down on his bed kissing passionately in each-others arms. I was now enjoying my last few moments of purity...
2 Hours Later
It all happened so fast. I could have stopped it... but instead, I wanted it to last. It felt so right...
Now, we are just lying beneath the thin layer of sheets....
Wow.
Now I'm Sick Inside.
I have to tell someone, to get this pain off my back. I picked up the phone, and dialed a very familiar number. "Hey, Stella, It's Macy." I said softly.
"Macy. what's wrong? Normally, you sound a little bit more perky." I let out a silent tear instead of answering. "Macy, seriously, what's wrong?"
"Stella, I think I really did something wrong..."
"What did you do?" she asked nervously, another tear came out, and soon I was crying.
"Nick and I..." I didn't have to continue, she knew what I was talking about.
"Macy..." I burst out into tears. "Tell me what happened..." I collected myself together before I started explaining everything. I went into a lot of detail... but this was Mine and Nick's business. "So, this will sound really dirty, but was it protected?" I almost dropped the phone, ad then started hyperventilating.
"Crap Crap Crap!" I started crying. "Why didn't I think of that? OH WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE SO DAMN AMAZING?" Stella stayed silent on the other line. "What am I gonna do?"
"Well, I hate to break it to you, but I think you might be in one hell of an amount of trouble." the tears continued streaming down my face. "Do you want me to come over?"
"No thanks. I have to go out to my cousins right now anyways. I'm sure by tomorrow, I will be rlaxed enough to talk to him.
24 Hours Later
I was wrong.
Now I'm Stuck with this feeling in the pit of my soul,
Guess I should've had a little self control,
I knew that it was wrong
I admit it.
I heard the footsteps of many people walking up behind me, and I knew who it was right away. "Hey Macy," Joe chimed. I winced, and turned around, seeing the three brothers standing behind me.
"Hi Joe... Kevin..." I cleared my throat before saying the last name. "Nick."
"Whats wrong?" they asked me. "You look really uncomfortable. Are you back in your fan stage to be around us?" he teased, throwing an arm around my shoulder.
"Not even close." I told him, moving out of his grasp.
"Oh, that time of month again?" he joked, making Kevin laugh, and hive-five him. I threw the rest of my stuff in my locker, and shut it, walking down the halls.
"No, but I wish." I muttered. Joe and Kevin gave me dirty looks, and I looked back carefully at Nick, seeing in his eye;s that he was scared... very scared. I looked over at our table to see Stella sitting there, taring into space. "Hey look, there's Stella." I yelled, pointing to the blond.
"Hey Stella!" Joe yelled, running over to her. We all followed. Sitting down in my regular seat, I just played with a coin that was part of the meal I was going to get, but now I just wasn't hungry.
"Are you gonna get something?" Kevin asked, staring me in the eye. The eye contact was freaking me out, making me nervous, so I just looked down and shook my head. "So, are you going to tell us what's wrong? Or are we gonna have to squeeze it out of you?" I felt a tear slip from my eye, and then ran off, not bale to take any more of this.
"Aw, Macy!" Stella said running after me. We soon found ourselves in an empty girls bathroom. "Kay, Macy. We have got to do something, find the good in this that is dying to come out, making you the Macy we know and love." I nodded, having no idea what she is talking about. "Okay, so what did you like about it?" I shrugged. "Did it hurt?" I shook my head.
"He was EXTREMELY gentle the entire time. I don't know why, though." Stella smiled at me.
"Nick doesn't like to hurt women." I nodded. It must be true.
"And I must say that it was kinda nice waking up in his arms." I told her quietly. "But still, this is wrong. A guy with a purity ring is no longer pure, because of me." I started tearing up again. I often became very emotional when it came to the brothers.
"We will think of something."
I wish there was a way that I could make it all right
I really wanna tell you that I put a fight...
But that would be a lie.
An hour after school I decided to wait it out in the back field, hoping and praying to avoid all those boys. I just couldn't wait anymore! I was sooo hungry. They must be gone now, I think I heard Kevin tell Joe about an interview the three of them had after school today. So now I was officially in the clear. I ran through the halls until I got to my locker. All the JONAS pictures were torn down and replaced with pictures of myself and my friends. I wish there was something I could do to take everything back that we did. Now that I think about it, it wasn't really that romantic.
"Here," a voice told me. I looked down, and saw two beautiful red roses below my chin. I shivered at the breathing that was now on my neck. Turning around, I found myself taring into the eye's that I have grown to love. He had a slight grin o his face, and he was standing very, VERY close to me. Almost spooning me in his body.
"What are these for?" I asked.
"To say that I am sorry about the other night. And look in the little white box." sure enough, a little white box was sitting at the end of the roses. I took it in my hand, and opened it slowly. Nick's purity ring was staring me in the face. I turned towards him, and found myself wrapped in his strong arms. I took me back to the night... but only for a moment. Then I found myself sick inside again, so I pulled away.
"Thank you. Before I met you, I dreamed of seeing your purity ring. I never would have even thought that it would be in my hand. But what are you gonna tell your brothers when they see you don't have it on?" he played with my scarf.
"I guess I will just have to tell them the truth." I placed both hands on each cheek in a plead.
"No! They will HATE me if you do. Tell them you lost it. Or we could tell them together." I suggested. He leaned down, and kissed me hesitently on the lips.
"If you want to." I nodded, breathing shaky. He then removed my scarf. "Did I do that to you?" he gently touched my neck, and it hurt. Then I remembered why I put the scarf on. Hickeys is what I think they call them. I giggled nervously.
"Yeah... But it's okay. It doesn't hurt that much." I lied.
"Did I hurt you anywhere else?" he asked me nervously. Slowly, I just nodded my head. "Where?" I slightly rolled up my wristist to show blueinsh green bands around my wrists. "Did I grab you that hard?" I nodded, and VERY slightly pulled down my pants to show bruises around my waiste. "I squeezed you to hard?" and then I rolled up the back of my shirt, to show what looks like a hand print on my lower back. "Macy..." he sighed, kissing my forehead. "I am so sorry..."
"It's okay. It didn't hurt too Much. I actually kinda liked it..." he laughed.
"Me too..."
"But still... we did it.."
And now I'm sick inside.
And it makes me wanna cry.
I'm so Sorry about last night.
It happened so fast.
I wanted it to last,
In the moment it flet so right.
But now I'm sick inside.
A month has past, and I am now walking down a long pathway through the snow, linking arms with Nick. The he looked down at me. "Somethings wrong." he stated, pulling me closer. I shook my head, and looked down at the footsteps in the snow. "Macy, what is it?"
I looked up into his deep brown eye's, and knew I had no Choice. He has a right to know...
"I-I...I'm Pregnant." I whispered. He looked over my head and into the distance. Then he wrapped his arms around my body. I felt his shaky breath on my neck.
Okay. So that is my story. I am going to let your imaginations wonder on this one. Have an Extremely Merry Christmas. May I all your Wished come true!
