Author's note:
I apologize to those of you who liked the original chapters of this story but I personally wasn't very happy with it upon reading through it a couple of times after writing it so I am rewriting the entire thing, don't worry the plot is still generally the same, I just wanted to fix things I felt were glaringly wrong with this fanfic, and then continue on with it.
There are a lot of my personal head cannons in here and it's definitely an AU, so there will be changes to the main story.
This story was inspired by other self insert OC Naruto stories and I highly recommend giving these a read: (Catch Your Breath by Lang Noi, The Unwoven Threads of Fate by Diadru, and Beautiful Harmony by LunarButterfly121423) They all have wonderful writing and even after nearly two years of working over and over again on my own fics, they hold up beautifully.
I'm also looking for beta readers for this story! Not too sure on how to find them on this site but I'll just advertise it here. If you're interested in helping me out and making sure things look like they make sense, PM me or hit me up on Discord (A fridge full of angry bees#4034). I need people willing to hurt my feelings and bluntly tell me if my writing is lacking or if things aren't making sense.
Obtuse
-A-
We are in a time of peace, a time where technology is flourishing and children are no longer forced to kill during their formative years. I can not say the same about this book. This story is my own, starting ten or so years after the Third Great Shinobi War, and during a time of Civil War in my home village. The Village Hidden in the Snow- specifically at the time it was split, the southern village. Here and there, you will find interviews or remembered conversations I've had with people in my past written separately from the rest of the book.
I will warn those who are faint of heart or stomach that this book is at times very gory, crude, and contains explicit content occasionally. Please keep in mind that this is the writing of a kunoichi- specifically my personal diary.
Reader discretion is advised.
-Honoka Suzuki
Chapter One: Aversions to Fire
So let me clear up a few things before we dive straight in. Whether you believe me or not, this isn't my first go around at life. I remember living before this and I remember dying the first time. It's not easy for me to talk about so I try not to go into it much. If for some reason this diary is posted before I die, please do not come to talk to me about it. It's a sensitive topic. If I'm still working in my bakery you're likely to get a rolling pin waved at you menacingly.
I'm kidding. I won't be violent if you ask, though I do ask that you be patient with me. As time goes on the memory fades and while I look twenty on the outside, I'm roughly forty on the inside. Hell, I could go senile at thirty- fifty? Eh, I hope not but hey, I could.
Anyway.
This is my second chance. Was my second chance. Trying my best to write like I'm dead already because looking outside it always feels like I could die at any moment. I keep going off on tangents, I'm sorry.
My first life was depressing.
Not that I felt depressed the entire time I was living it, but I've had the time to reflect back on it and really give it some thought. I won't be going into everything here… I'll likely wait it out a little longer. It's hard to think about for too long.
I was your typical kid. I had a small handful of friends to call my own, trudged my way through school...and then trudged my way through work… and ultimately ended up trudging my way through everyday life. At the time of writing this, it's been about five years since my death.
The way I died was not honorable. In fact, it was an accident caused by poor apartment management and cheap building construction. I vaguely remember waiting on someone to come home- a roommate? I had started boiling water to make dinner and sat down to wait for a little while before putting the noodles in. My feet were propped up on a chair next to me otherwise I feel like I would have survived the inevitable for just a little longer. Had they been on the ground I would have felt how hot the ground was starting to become. Why the fire alarms hadn't started going off through the building will always be a mystery to me. Well, not really. Like I said. Poor apartment management can really mess things up.
I'll spare you exactly what pain I felt as the following events happened...I don't really want to get into it myself. The floor below me crumbled and caved before I even got the chance to process it. I couldn't get up and run to save myself before falling forwards into flames. Looking back on it, I bet you apartment staff will try to blame the fire on the dead girl who started cooking at one of the worst possible times. Rotten bastards. I lived for a few minutes after that though. Long enough to feel the sudden biting chill of being dragged out into the winter air- the pounding in my head as the noise from ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars parked outside collided with my overworked brain. The sudden jolts of pain as I'm transported in what I can only assume is a stretched. I don't think I made it into the ambulance. I don't remember hearing chatter of paramedics or the steady beep of an iv drip. I don't remember hearing a heart monitor either though I can't be sure if that's only in fiction where they have those on board. They would, right? Who am I kidding? Unlikely anyone reading this would have the answer to that.
So. That's all there was to it. My death. Kind of anticlimactic. No final words unless you count me mumbling "Spaghetti time" before it all went to shit. No dramatic declarations of love. Just the undiscriminating warmth that is fire.
I lived a pretty simple life and that's okay.
Being reborn, however, that was a wild ride. I didn't believe in anything before I died. Not that I didn't think nothing happened at all, I was just undecided. I've always liked the idea of reincarnation, that life is just a tangle of souls going round and around. It's better than the alternative of going to a final place of resting and being faced by the family who is likely to ask why I'm there so early. Call me what you will but there is no way I could look my father in the eyes and tell him I died while making spaghetti. I would never hear the end of it.
The feeling of rebirth is...refreshing? I couldn't describe it properly if I tried. Though I'm certain that I shouldn't have retained a fair amount of my memories from before death so a deity out there really dropped the ball when they were pushing me through the cycle again. Though, maybe it's a mercy for not living too long last time. Maybe they don't want to have to cycle me through again for a while and are hoping that this time I'll be equipped enough to push through and die a natural death.
I'm really thankful for the knowledge actually. I recognize this world somewhat- it highly resembles a series I adored growing up. In fact, I believe it is. While my memories about it as literature have faded, I'm sure my being here has impacted the world at least a little. It's interesting to think about that it's not a linear story anymore. Anything could happen, actions can change and I can experience it. Really wish I remember what the bulk of it was about though.
Certain things have come in handy, though. Before I died, I took Japanese in school for a few years, which seems to be the base language for this world. I had basic survival skills, nothing to write home about but there was something there to keep me alive at the very least. How to make an effective tent out of nothing, how to start fires (though god do I hate doing it), how to cook for myself and make primitive weapons. Oh! I also know how to make clothing and weave. Effectively, I could have strayed out into a forest never to be seen again. Could have. I ended up being born into a pretty caring family and I couldn't bear to part with them after I lived there so long. Let's hop into that.
It took me a long time of asking so many questions that I'm sure my new parents believe I'm either a prodigy in the making- or a very very stupid child. Here's what I gathered.
In this body, my name is Honoka Suzuki. Suzuki Honoka? I'm not sure if I should put my surname first or not. Just know that my given name is Honoka and it's the name that I go by the most. Sense of identity or what have you. I was born in the southernmost village of a series of villages referred to as 'The Village Hidden in the Snow', which if you've been living under a rock your whole life, is in Yukigakure. Depending on how politics are going in the village at your time in reading this, the village has split officially and has different leaders, or it reunited. Currently, as I write, it is deep in a civil war that started just a bit before I was born here. It's been...stressful to say the least. I've watched my mother for a while now and she seems to have to watch her step when she talks about anything to do with the village leaders or the state of trade.
My father in this go around died not too long after I was born. Died for his cause, though I can't really tell if it was for the better or not. I'm still learning more about it to try and gain my own opinion but I'm unsure on if there is a right side or not...I've never been the best with politics.
In this time I've also started to learn how to fight. My family, as well as two others, have these techniques that really mesh well. Too bad that I don't plan on being a kunoichi longer than I have to. I want to be able to live after all. That's not exactly the easiest thing to do when your life is under constant threat. I'm really enjoying learning genjutsu however. I've been learning on how to infuse chakra with my voice to use it without too many hand signs. I've even made little melodies to help me remember certain hand signs and proper chakra output. At this point, I've been struggling to manage my vocal output, but I bet if I work at it a little more I'll get there.
I just needed to get good enough to protect my family and survive getting drafted.
Spoiler alert: I survive the war.
"Honoka! Get out here already!"
Her pencil cracked and crumbled under her hand- the sudden shouting voice startled her, only to be followed up by another voice after it. Right, they were going on their first mission today, weren't they? Was she running late? Green eyes trailed across her desk to the clock set up on her bedside table. It was four in the morning already? Groaning the blonde pushed herself out of her desk, making quick work of shoving her book away into a scroll.
It was a supply refill mission, nothing difficult but dangerous nonetheless. Especially for three ten-year-olds genin. But they had to push through and do their part. Once this war was over they would be free to do what they want without living in abject fear. Or that was the h-
"Honoka!"
Slipping on her shoes, the young girl pushed her way outside to meet with her team-mates.
"I'm coming, Kuro! Lay off!"
Two boys stood patiently on her porch- or as patient as two excited ten-year-olds could. This would be the first time it would only be them on the mission. Their sensei was out on his own mission that he had left for a few days prior to them being summoned. In all honesty, she was nervous about just the three of them going. There was a high chance that they could be intercepted- likely by someone older and more experienced than all three of them together.
"About time, I was starting to worry that we would have to leave without you." Kuro crossed his arms watching his team-mate carefully. "You know what would have happened if we did that right? You could have gotten in trouble for desertat- ow!" He was harshly elbowed by the third member of their team, Tadashi, who seemed to want nothing more than to get going.
Neither of them blamed him really, the sooner they got done, the better.
"I know, I'm sorry, time escaped me again. Won't happen again." She took the initiative in leading them off of her porch and into the freshly fallen snow. "So, did you guys get the cargo scrolls yet or do we need to go do that?"
Her question was answered with a tap on her head by something somewhat heavy. Tadashi proudly held up one of the medium-sized scrolls they were to deliver. "Picked them up before I got Kuro! Here." He pushed the one he was holding onto, into her hands. "We each have one just in case. That one is full of kunai so keep a good eye on it, I'd hate for us to lose it all, you know?"
Humming in agreement, Honoka tucked the scroll away deep into her jacket's inner pockets. Deep down, she really hoped this was just a textbook drop, like the ones before. So far the trio hadn't encountered anything more dangerous than the occasional deer and she hoped it stayed that way.
"Will you two shut up?" Kuro glanced over his shoulder as they made their way towards the makeshift gate for their village. "You're going to get us caught before we can even make it out of the green zone."
"Lighten up!" Tadashi fell into step next to the shorter boy, wrapping his free arm around his shoulders. "We're gonna be fine! This is easy stuff, we can do it in our sleep! Tell him Honoka!" Kuro pushed at the other's arm, trying to get him off but not trying too hard to do so.
"Oh, yeah, right. Easy stuff. We've got this but we should also watch our volume, dontcha think?" She hated getting in the middle of their silent but noticeable cold war. A lot of the time it felt like she was babysitting rather than being on a team. Did all teams feel like this in the start? She wasn't too sure...all she knew was that when she looked at the two boys in front of her, she felt the strong urge to protect them with all her being.
You never forget your first team. Whether you all live to see the end or you lose some or all on the way… your first team stays with you every single step of the rest of your life..
They had been walking for hours at this point, the almost inaudible sound of snow crunching underfoot became deafening with each step they took into the silence. It was odd, with how far out they have walked they should have bumped into at least a little bit of fighting. Maybe things were starting to recede. They still had another hour or so until they hit their drop off point. There was still time for things to go wrong.
"So, what are you guys going to buy with the money we get from this job?" Tadashi spoke just loud enough for them to hear over the wind, his heart skipping a beat with the sudden noise if it was one he made on his own. Kuro shushed him quietly, lightly tapping the other on the backside of the head.
Honoka instead took the bait. They had walked in silence long enough and as far as she could tell, it was still only them out there. "...I'm going to put mine away into savings. Maybe use some of it to replace any gear that might get damaged."
His eyes seemed to have lit up at her response. "Leave it to Hona to be responsible~." Tadashi grinned glancing back at her. "I'm going to buy a new blade. I'm not sure what yet, I'll have to see what I can get when that merchant comes back."
Scoffing, Kuro crossed his arms again. "I doubt that merchant, in particular, is going to come back, you haven't heard? My dad's been talking about the sudden economic standstill we are in. The only people producing weapons are the old men who have been doing it since before we were born. Right now they don't have time to make anything but the weapons ordered by what's his name-"
"Katakaze-sama." Honoka whispered back.
"-right. Katakaze-sama. My dad says that he's purposely holding up certain industries. If he gets to be in charge we're gonna be run under a dictatorship so strong that we won't even have the 'semblance of free will."
Rolling his eyes, Tadashi stuck his tongue out at the shorter boy. "Do you even know what half that you said means?"
Flustered, the other boy kicked up a little snow at him. "O-of course I know what it means!"
"What's 'semblance mean then?" Tadashi glanced over at him with a look of amusement, knowing full well that he doesn't know what he's talking about.
"It means… it means...that we won't have free will. It's a negative word." Kuro stammered through his explanation.
"Uh huh. What does the human dictionary have to say about that?" The raven-haired boy looked over to his blonde team-mate.
"Well, 'Semblance is slang for 'Resemblance' which means 'to be alike', so this time Kuro is wrong." She paused for a moment, glancing over to the boy in question. "...Sorry."
Punching the air Tadashi spun around to face them. "Take that! That's three for me and two for you Akiyama!"
His enthusiasm was met by two voices shushing him. "R-right… sorry." He whispered back looking a bit bashful. "I forgot it w-" Tadashi never got to finish his sentence, instead a scream ripped from his throat while he watched a kunai rip through Kuro's neck, landing a few feet behind him.
His scream was all she needed to move. She didn't hesitate for a second to kick herself into high gear. Kuro was dead. There wasn't anything they could do for him that would take less time than breathing, it was time to move. Rushing forward she yanked Tadashi by the arm, heading for the thicker trees that resided off to their left. He was crying, his choked sobs would give them away but for now, they needed to move. It was time to compartmentalize the horror that unfolded around them within a matter of seconds. If they turned back behind them they would see masked figures in pursuit of them- they'd see Kuro's body be searched.
Stomach churning, she mentally went through their defense strategies. There wasn't too much two ten-year-olds could do. Not with one of them hysterical and the other struggling to keep it together. Kunai sliced through the air around them, cutting small holes in their coat sleeves as the moved. Pushing forward Honoka urged her friend into the trees, hoping that he could manage to control his chakra while they made their escape.
"Honoka- I-" He was trying to choke out an apology, the initial shock starting to fade as adrenaline took over. "I'm so s-" She didn't spare him a glance, only responding with a "Hush." He quieted again, focusing on now finishing their job and escaping the threat at hand. He felt like a coward for running. They should have been fighting- why was she insisting they run? He got his answer as she took his hand and threw them both head first into a burrow. She wanted to wait out their attackers. Hoped that they would leave without trying to find them.
Hoped that they would survive if they just found a place to stay put.
