Pairing: Sanzo/Hakkai

A/N: This is my very first Sanzo/Hakkai one-shot so please bear with me. Do hope you like it and don't forget to review. I know it's a little angst at fist, I just can't help it. Thanks for reading I'll try to update the next chapter of Forbidden Love as soon as I figure something in the story plot, sorry guys. The story here is also a bit to OOC don't you think? Well its what made the story fun to make. Well I don't know about title but after awhile of vacation finally I wrote something progressive. Somehow the title even sounds weird to me. I didn't even summarized it well, sorry but here goes nothing. I won't hold you back anymore.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki, Minekura Kazuya does.

Summary: He smiles but still he's alone, after his silent plea. Still he fears, too blind to see, too deaf to hear and even feel the truth but somehow when he finally let go things changed and love waits for the mind, the heart and the soul of believers.

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Change

By: KaedeRukawa_kill

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*start*

They saw me smiling all the way,

Calm, collected and somewhat may.

Laughing always amidst the pain,

Always walking in the right lane.

Yet they never knew the man inside,

Unknown to all what happens in his mind.

His heart that feels alone,

And sadness seeping passed his soul.

Despite his concealed attitude,

And always surprising mood.

Among the long ways and crowds,

Someone heard his shouts.

And in the silence of the night,

Somehow finally understood.

Opposites they may seem,

But who knows what fate might bring.

"Aishiteru Hakkai."

I heard that, felt what you mean but maybe I am too blind to even believe.

"Are you sure?" I even asked flashing my always-ready smile.

You looked at me stupefied, maybe wondering if I was even myself.

"You've changed, Hakkai, changed…"

And I let you walk out the door, out of my life maybe.

But still I stood there looking at the space you left like nothing happened, heeding no attention to my heart, my soul and even my mind.

Next thing I knew, Goku was going to sleep at our room.

*******

The sun was shining bright this day, Goku was hungry as usual and Gojyo would of course interrupt and start their usual bickering but when I thought everything turned out normal like nothing happened last night, I was wrong. I was very very wrong. Sanzo remained there quiet and distant, he even sat at the back just so he can avoid me, just so he could forget.

Maybe I was blind,

Afraid to face the truth.

Deaf to feel and hear,

Afraid to lose myself.

Distant in a way,

Never admitting my mistake.

Holding on for dear life,

Avoiding love in every way.

My mind may scream,

My heart can beat.

My soul removed,

Yet I myself would not react.

Through the eyes I saw,

The pureness of his words.

And finally I gave up and let go,

To the present love of my life.

And suddenly I realized how much I hated myself for doing what I did. That I love you too and despite the feeling I've come to fear since /her/ death, I still fell.

But is it ever too late?

Suddenly it started to rain, pouring hard with thunder roaring at me.

…Telling me how stupid I have become, stupid that I let go…after such the long years

*******

And our journey continued, until months passed and Gojyo finally noticed the awkward silence between us…between Genjou Sanzo and Cho Hakkai.

You interrupted, told him it was nothing, said you were not in the mood.

You ignored me…completely. Shut me out, made me feel the same way before and still I could never hate you cause it was and will always be my fault.

I let you suffer and if this is the only way to get you back, I'd be happy to wait. Wait all my life for you to see, I was wrong.

Every night I watch the moon,

Until sleep can claim me.

And sometimes I even wish,

That I can die right here and there.

Cause I made a fool of myself,

And everything I gained is lost once again.

If only I can turn back time,

I'll choose you surely and never will let go.

Everyone noticed my sudden change,

The smiles slowly disappeared one by one.

And somehow I know you pity me,

But now you let your pride take your fate.

Every pain I feel,

I keep it deep in me.

Not wanting anyone to suffer too,

And even if death claims me I'll be there, waiting.

I merely smile after the events and I knew you noticed it too.

Along the way we trudged, continued our journey to the west despite the sadness deep inside.

I have changed, you said. And I came back for you, but maybe, maybe I was too darn late.

*Screech*

I hit the brakes immediately, youkais found us again. I'm getting too tired of this, too tired of the same old things happening around this journey, this never ending battle against…everything.

This were no ordinary as I thought, they were able to injure us badly especially me, cause of my constant thinking and monologue for myself.

I saw something, rushing towards you, preparing to kill you.

After all I have done this may be the only way for you to forgive me and hear my silent plea that I know you ignored since then.

"Sanzo, watch out!"

You were too late so I blocked myself without a single hesitation.

*Bang*

You shot the youkai after such events.

"S-sanzo…" I whispered barely audible.

Finally you noticed, finally you looked at me with concern. But maybe it is too late.

"Hakkai, why?"

"I-I was s-so…s-stupid…of-f c-course I-I l-love y-you t-too…" And everything turned black as I lost consciousness or maybe even my life.

"H-h-akkaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…"

*******

Finally I opened,

Let my heart take over.

My mind speak,

And my soul glad.

Is it too late,

My fate has been decided.

Without hesitation I risked my life,

Surrendered for my love.

At least I was able to speak,

He heard me I know.

I was able to save him,

Protect him with everything I have.

But still I can't let go,

Cause I need to learn

To hear your voice,

And to know you still love me back.

I opened my eyes and saw an unfamiliar ceiling but then I felt a warm breath by my side.

"Sanzo…"

I guess you were there looking after me, I thought I lost my life.

You stirred and finally opened your own amethyst eyes, such beauty.

"Hakkai, your awake."

"Hn, what happened?"

"After you faint, we hurriedly went to the nearest village and here you are, you better rest. I'll get some food," he answered as he stood up ready to leave the room.

I grabbed his wrist not wanting to let go.

"Wait, Sanzo tell me. Did you hear what I said?"

He nodded.

I smiled a sad one and continued, "so it is too late…"

Tears dropped from my eyes.

It was too late, too late…

I let go of his wrist and stood up despite the urging pain.

"Don't…" He tried to say.

"You should've let me die, Sanzo. I'm not hungry, excuse me but I'm going to have a walk first," I interrupted giving him a bitter smile as a reassurance.

And yet tears dropped from my eyes.

I'm such a fool, idiot…I guess I somehow wish I never woke up and just died.

And in the middle of the hallway, I heard something.

"Hakkai, wait…"

I turned around to see him, now standing in front of me.

"What?" I asked, not really sounding myself.

"Now I understand, so you were telling the truth…" He whispered quietly.

I nodded and turned away.

"Too late…" I said silently.

"No its not…"

I looked at him.

Could it be? Is it…?

"I still…I know how much you waited, I saw you change and now, finally I understand and I certainly still value you, Hakkai."

As my tears finally stop, I gave my very first sincere smile since that night.

"Aishiteru Hakkai."

All the years of loneliness will be gone, as a new path opens itself. Fate brought you to me as my savior in those years of longing and through the pain.

"Aishiteru Sanzo."

Finally, I'm with you and I'll never feel lonely once again.

Beneath the moonlight we kissed, as he wrapped his arms around my neck while I wrapped mine against his waist.

A new day has began,

Without my fear,

Now and then I'm at peace,

Since he came in my life.

Death that bounded as together,

As what past await our once loved ones.

And the same roaring and rain,

That made as understand.

Love that was first impossible,

Far and out of reach.

Fate that brought as together,

The result was so well pleased.

And here we walk side by side,

Through the pain and sufferings.

Together forever,

As we journey to the west.

A/N: I can't believe this but at least I made something I think nice? Well its up to you to judge is it that bad? So do review…and tell me how you feel, your comments, suggestions, flame, recommendations or whatever you feel to tell me. Thanks gotta run, ja!