Choice.
Making that kind of choice?
Nobody said it will be easy. And nobody said it will be that hard. And again, I'm going back to the start.
It's only my choice. Now it's only my choice, Ben won't decide for me any more.
On which side I am?
Ben would say: "Be with the good ones. The right ones. The civilized ones. With us, the ones that need you".
Jack would say: "Be with the good ones. It's only your choice, but be with us. We're only the ones who were victims, who wanted to survive and be saved, and do no harm to the others. We didn't start this war. So be with the right ones".
The world seems to become so "black and white"...
Betrayal.
Why I betrayed Ben?
Oh, you can't betray the one who never was trusted. Yes, I never trusted Ben. Maybe I could, when he we were just working together and I didn't know that he lied. But after I learned about his cancer everything changed. He and his Island changed in my eyes, and when he clearly said that he won't let me go it seemed to be the end of the world. I didn't betray Ben when I asked Jack to kill him. I just... Do what I had to do, I suppose.
Hate.
Ben?
I always wanted him helpless. I wanted to piss him off in front of his people. I never hated anyone in my life so much. Still, he was my only hope to get away from the Island. And I stayed on his side. As long as I have to I will be on his side, and I'm ready to do it. But... Following his orders and seeing him caring about me always drives me crazy.
Lord of the flies.
What happens on the Island?
I remember William Golding's «Lord of the flies», and all the situation on the Island immediately turns into a game in my mind. The leader of the civilized ones versus the leader of the savages. Hunting each other like animals, just very smart animals. I even remember Ben himself citing this book when he talked to me. "John... He's just like Simon now. Poor little Simon that saw his Lord of the flies in a pig head and terrified. It won't be the easiest thing to fix", - that's what he said.
I suppose it's the only things that merge two of us - love for reading.
"Exit".
The way to escape?
Of course it's not easy. There is no door with an "Exit" writing on it that you can simply open and escape. My ticket from Island is Ben's ticket to heaven. Or hell - I never believed in such things. I mean his cancer. His own lie is now playing against him. If I were religious I will think that God punished him.
Oh, I will escape, and cost of it is not matter any more. If the cost is Ben's life, I'll definitely pay.
