AN: I've been working on this story for some time now, and I decided to post the first chappy here to know about what you guys think... I dunno... maybe it's not good... I just want to know about your opinion so please review and tell me what you think about it!
Chapter 1 – Changes
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
Here and I am at the end of me, at the end of me
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
As I finished the last chord on the piano, I felt a hot tear slide down my cheek. It was amazing how a small tear that could hold so many meanings… happiness, sorrow, pain... Well, in my case I would say sorrow.
It's been so long since I've cried. I haven't shed a tear since they died, it happened when I was six years old. I was so little at the time, but I was very intelligent for my age, and I also have photographic memory, so I recorded everything that happened. Everything.
I was now 15, though I was very mature, and if you looked at my face I would look, at least 17. That was good in some ways; I could drive without people noticing, and date older boys.
Not that I actually cared about them, it was just for fun. I teased them, and when they finally bit the bait, I would just turn around, leave, and tell them to leave me alone. They went after me for at least a week, always calling me and doing everything to get me back. What can I say? I am unique.
I didn't like socializing so much so I only had two friends, Will, and Miranda. Will met me when I was an ugly 12 year old pre-teenage girl, with depression problems. Miranda met me 10 months ago, when I tried to kill myself. It was in school, I took 15 different depression/sick/stuff pills. Though she was in the bathroom, when I did my suicidal attempt, so she saw it and called an ambulance and they took me to the emergency, all those pills together, made me really sick. They were really strong ones, and the most I took, was 3 at a time. ;D In the end they'd let me go with a lecture and a warning.
The only people that know what I tried to do were her, Will, and the doc/ambulance people. The guy tried to call my parents, but we gave him money, so he would keep his mouth shut, and drag my little secret to his grave. There is nothing that money can't buy...
Though Miranda only met me 10 months ago we act like we know each for years. We never hide stuff from one another, and we do everything together. We are a package; you buy one, but get two.
Will is now 15, and Miranda just turned 16; by just turned I mean last week. She already has a license by now and a car, so she can already drive. Lucky bitch! - I forgot to mention that I- We curse a lot. We curse in almost every damn sentence. - And I will be turning 16, in 1 month and a half. Yay me! Not! That means I am getting old, and old means, closer to death. Not that I really mind dying it's just that I want to kill myself, and not be killed, or die because I am old.
I know what you think, that I am a crazy girls who needs rehab. Well guess what Sherlock I am right there, or shall I say here and it's actually not that bad… Okay, who am I trying to fool… Fine, it's horrible, and I want to burn that place with their stupid docs, stupid shrinks and their stupid fake smiles. I hated them so much, and their pity! I. DON'T. NEED. PITY! I am a big girl I can handle myself, thank you very much. Anyway, what I am trying to say is that if the place just burns down I won't mind at all!
Oh! Yeah I also forgot to mention, how I got here. Well three weeks ago I tried to kill myself again, and no it wasn't at school. It was at my foster parent's house. I had a heavy breakdown, and decided to end my pain, forever. So I cut my wrists.
Though my stupid "brother", got to me before I was dead, they brought me to the hospital, and blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda. I am sure you know the rest. So here I am at rehab -thank god today is the day I get out- playing the piano, and c-crying.
I looked out the window, and saw it was raining. I let out a soft sigh, and closed my eyes and...
There they were again, my family. So close, and so far away… I reached out my hand to them. All of them disappeared instantly; I took my hand back as fast as I could, but kept my eyes closed.
Then she appeared.
"Mom," I pleaded, as I look deep inside her grey eyes, "please, come back, please,"
I saw her smile at me. Her soft kind smile, the smile I missed so much…
"We will soon meet my little angel," she said, her words seemed to float around me, "just keep holding on."
This shocked me, she really answered my plea? That never happened before.
"H-how? Where? W-when?" I asked, stunned.
She smiled at me, and laughed quietly. Her smile made me feel somehow warm inside. I smiled.
"Soon, my little angel, soon," she said, and then she disappeared, more like dissolved in thin air.
"Mom! Mom, don't go!" I whispered-screamed after her.
Soon, my little angel, soon… Her words danced through my mind.
"Lilith Abyss Frost!" a rough woman voice echoed through the hallways of the rehab building, making me jump back into reality.
I quickly opened my eyes, got up and ran down the hall to my room to get my stuff. I got to my room, and threw the door open, my roommate – Ivy Cinder - almost fell from the bed, in shock.
"Shit girl! I almost peed in my pants! Don't scare me like that ever again!" she shouted.
"Sorry, I am sort of in a hurry," I said, as I ran to my bed, threw my suitcase lid open, and started packing as fast as I could.
"You are going?" Ivy asked.
I nodded.
"Already?" she said trying to keep her voice steady and calm.
"Yeah," I said, trying to look sad, though I wasn't.
"Go ahead and be yourself girl, I know you wanted to leave this hell hole as soon as you got here," she said, "it's like you are even going to remember me anyway…" she added under her breath, while looking down.
"That's not true!" I said, smiling "How can I forget the girl that gave me my first piercing?"
Yep! I have a piercing, in my nose it's a little ring, and it's awesome.
She smiled and looked at me for a second before saying, "That's right girl, and don't you dare forget me! And if you do I am going to kick your ass when we meet in hell."
"Hah! I am going to beat the crap out of you!" I said.
"Yeah, riiight. You have no chance with me girl, I though you to fight, I know all of your moves!" she said.
"Oh, but I know a freaking ninja move you don't know," I said smiling devilish, and walking slowly towards her bed.
"Really? Which one?" she asked, sitting up a bit and giving me a teasing glare.
"This one!" I said, jumping on her bed, and tickling her.
"Hah- I, haha- Am, hahaha- going to, hahaha- kill you!" she said between laughs.
When she got red, because of the lack of air, and my hands tired because of the tickling, I stopped, and smiled.
"Yeah, Yeah, keep telling yourself that…" I said as I got up from her bed and finished packing.
Amazingly, she didn't talk back. When I finished, packing I turned to her, and saw that she was looking at the floor and there were a few tears rolling down her cheek.
"Oh, Ivy," I said, moving towards her, "Don't cry, we will meet again, and it won't be in hell,"
"Well it won't be in heaven because I am not going up there," she said, with fresh tears rolling down her cheeks again, "I don't think they let people who killed other people, in there…"
"Don't be silly! You have a lot of time left to pay for that mistake; you have plenty of chances to show them that you regret what you did! So you know what I want you to do?" I said.
"What?" she said... sniffing?
"I want you to leave the past in the past, and live everyday like it's your last okay?" I said.
"O-okay," she said.
Ivy was 17 though she was very, very childish. She's the tough tomboy on the outside, but so soft and easy to break on the inside. I couldn't imagine her killing someone though… But she did… We all did something "wrong" or "bad" to be here…
"That's my girl, now I have to go, though you have my telephone and cell phone number, and my e-mail, and my Facebook, and my MySpace, and my MSN, and also my Twitter, so contact me as soon as you get out of here. Okay?" I said.
"Kay," she said smiling at me.
"Good," I said, "So... bye, and I want you to know that I will never forget you, and that we will meet again."
I hugged her as strong as I could, and she hugged me back just not as strong though.
"C-can't, breathe…" she gasped.
I let go of her and we both laughed.
"I'll miss you like hell, and I won't forget you either. Take care of yourself girl, and you better make those boys suffer, cause you are awesome, and they don't deserve you," she said, smiling.
"I know," I said.
"I know you know, I just want to feed your ego," she said.
I laughed.
"Okay enough with the trying-to-make-me-stay-longer things, I really need to get away from you freaks," I said, playing.
Ivy knew I was playing that's why she didn't care.
"Me? Us? Freaks? Hah! Have you checked yourself in the mirror recently?" she asked.
"I would have if they gave us mirrors in this hell hole…" I said.
We laughed a bit more, and then our smiles faded.
"So you want help with your stuff?" she asked softly.
"Nah, I am a big girl I can handle it myself," I said trying to lighten the sad mood.
"Sure you can kiddo," she said ruffling my hair. I glared at her, she had no idea of how much time I spend in making my hair the way it is- was right now!
"Hey! That took me one hour, 36 minutes, and 28 seconds!" I said dramatically, and the sad part is that it was true!
"Yeah, yeah," She said, as she hugged me one more time.
"Lilith!" I heard the woman shout again.
"Coming," I shouted back, as soon as Ivy let go.
I turned to her.
"Bye, and don't forget what I said," she said.
"I shall make hell on earth for all them," I said winking as I took my stuff and walked down the dark brown stairs. They were the only thing that had color, the rest was all plain, and boring white.
As I passed through the halls, and stairs I said bye to all the people I saw. Most of them just turned their heads to another direction, or glared, though there were a few who smile, and said bye.
When I got to the lounge, I froze. Along with my foster family stood my social worker, Ronald. He is the one who's been dragging me to different foster homes since I was six.
"What took you so long? I have more important things to deal with than a teenage girl and her non-important problems," he said. Charming, isn't he?
"Whatever, Ron," I said as I walked up to them.
"I already told you not to call me that, Li," he said annoyed. Oh yes, real charmer.
That was so, not-gonna-happen. Li? I mean couldn't he use his brain for a change? Wait! Did I already mention, that he is, well, BLONDE? Though I was already up with his ignorance and decided to annoy him, at the simplest way possible; ignoring him. It always made people fume on the inside.
"Whatever, Ron," I said, with no emotion in my voice.
I brushed some of my pitch black hair, on top of my eyes, it is all the way down to the middle of my back, and it is really thick. My face is round shaped and I have white skin. Yeah, white. Okay… Not white, but white enough that you can see, my veins through it. I also have grey-with-a-hint-of-blue eyes (thanks to my mom and dad. Dad blue. Mom grey. So my eyes are a mixture of that. It's really pretty if you ask me…) that are almond shaped, a small nose, and plump lips. I am a well built 15 year old girl with all the curves in the right places.
"Ok Li, listen up-"Ron, started but I cut him off.
"I am going to say this once and once only, to you it's Lilith," I said, cutting him off, with my cold voice.
"Fine," he said, clearly pissed, "Look I've tried everything I could-"
"The hell you did," I murmured under my breath, he ignored me completely.
"-to make you stay with this family, but unfortunately you won't be able to…" he said.
"Look, I don't care to who you are sending me as long as it is in San Francisco," I said, giving my stuff to my foster brother that was standing next to Ron. Yep, I lived in San Francisco, since I was 12, and I am not planning on moving!
"Yeah, well that's the thing…" he said.
I turned to him, crossed my arms, over my chest, glared, and tapped my right foot against the cold marble floor.
"What?" I hissed, my voice was so cold that could freeze hell.
"Uh, well, the thing is… that, your new foster family doesn't live in San Francisco," he said.
"You know what? No need to change, the family I am in now it's just great," I said.
"According to the latest events you will no longer be staying with them." Ron said.
"Oh! I get it, they think I am a trouble maker and want to get rid of me. I get it just fine…" I said, giving my so called "family" a cold death glare.
"No! It's not that it's just…" the "mom" started.
"We think that you will fit better with another family…" the "dad" said.
"Yeah," my "bro" said, with a sorry smile.
"That's fine!" I told them with a big fake smile.
"Good," said Ron, "Now let's go."
He took my stuff from my "bro's" and headed to the door.
"Whoa, Whoa, WHOA!" I shouted, Ron stopped dead in his tracks, he turned around very slowly, knowing that I was about the chop his head off.
"I said it's okay that they don't want me anymore-"
"It's not that-"the "mom" started.
"Shut up." I hissed at her, "it's okay that they don't want me anymore, and that you are dragging me to another family, but there is no way in hell that we are leaving the city! I'll not leave this is my home, and I am staying right here."
Okay, not really my home but it's the closest thing to it, and here was where I found the coolest families…
Ron laughed, "You are going to where I send you to."
I laughed and then shot him a death glare, "No, am not," I said.
"Well if you don't want to come I guess you will have to stay right here…" he said.
No way! We are getting the hell out of here, before you turn into one of these... freaks!
Don't you think I agree?
The way you act, and think, it's not really what I call predictable…
Well if you think its hard figuring us out, imagine them!
Since when do we care if people get us or not?
Uh… you are right, we don't…
I always am.
Yeah, riiight you wish…
Why would I wish for something I already have?
You don't.
I don't what?
You don't have any reason, and you are not "always right".
What?
Oh My God! I wonder who we got the stupidity from…
Well you know what they say, you can't always win…
Can you?
Can I what?
Gosh! I can't believe you're really that stu-
Don't you dare finish that sentence!
No! Don't you dare tell me what to do, and right now you can kiss our conversation goodbye.
I finished talking to Kelly, and right know I was even more pissed. Oh! Did I already introduce you to Kelly? No? Well she's my conscience, and yes we talk.
"So? What do you pick?" asked Ronald.
"Fine," I said dramatically, putting my hand on my forehead and then walking towards him.
"Drama queen, much?" Ron asked.
"Whatever, Ron," I said walking past him, but her voice stopped me.
"We love you Lilith, and we are going to miss you very-" mom started, but I cut her off, again. The less this woman speaks the better.
"Keep the goodbyes to yourselves," I said as I took the final step out of the rehabilitation clinic, never sparing a glance to my old "family".
Leave the past in your past and don't come back to re-live it because believe me you will regret it.
