Resident Evil: If you were gay

Disclaimer: Don't own Resident Evil or Avenue Q. But a quick warning, this comes from being hooked on Resident Evil for the past few days and listening to "If you were gay" from Avenue Q. Complete and utter crack ahead! You will get this if you've heard the song. OOC warning as well!


Chris: (Pulls out a book) Aah, an afternoon alone with my favorite book, "He's just not that into you". No annoying sister-stealer ginger to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

Steve: (Slams door) Oh hi Chris!

Chris: (Grumbles) Hi Steve.

Steve: (enthusiastically) Hey Chris, you won't believe what happened to me during training this morning. My training partner was smiling at me and talking to me...

Chris: (stares at book) That's very interesting.

Steve: He was being real friendly. And I think he was coming onto me. I think he might've thought that I was gay.

Chris: (Clears throat) So, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care. What you have for lunch today?

Steve: You don't have to get all defensive about it...

Chris: (Glares at Steve) I'm NOT getting defensive about it! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read.

Steve: Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Chris. I just think it's something that we should be able to talk about.

Chris: I don't want to talk about it Steve! This conversation is over!

Steve: Yeah but...

Chris: OVER!

Steve: Well, okay, but just so you know- (catchy Broadway music starts in background)

If you were gay that'd be okay.
I mean 'cause hey,
I'd like you anyway.
Because you see,
If it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay.
(But I'm not gay)

Chris: Steve, please. I am trying to read. (looks over) What?

Steve: If you were queer

Chris: Ah Steve!

Steve: I'd still be here

Chris: Steve, I'm trying to read this book!

Steve: Year after year!

Chris: Steve!

Steve: Because you're dear to Claire

Chris: Argh!

Steve: And I know that you

Chris: What?

Steve: Would accept me too!

Chris: I would?

Steve: If I told you today,
"Hey guess what? I'm gay!"
(But I'm not gay.)
I'm happy just being with you

Chris: Jill Valentine, Ada Wong...

Steve: So what should it matter to me what you do in bed with Wesker?

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG!

Later...

Claire: Has anyone seen Steve?


Told you it was complete crack. A Resident Evil Rendition of "If you were gay". Please R&R. And be nice. And please don't kill me! I just meant this to be funny!