Haruhi Fujioka scrambled up the stairs leading to the unused Music Room 3 as if her life depended on it. Lately, for some reason or the other, she had always been late for the meetings of the Host Club of her school, Ouran Academy. She knew the other hosts took this job very seriously. So, when the Vice President of the club, Kyoya Ootori, threatened to kick her out of the club if she was late one more time, she knew it was best not to cross him. Otherwise, where would she find the money to pay back the 8-million-yen debt she owed them?

Panting, clutching a stitch in her side, she threw open the door to Music Room 3 and found herself facing a group of teenage boys already huddled in deep discussion.

"I'm so sorry I'm late! Please don't do anything drastic!" she cried out desperately.

The group broke apart and when the boys saw who it was, their curious faces relaxed into welcoming smiles.

"Don't worry, Haruhi," said Kyoya reassuringly. "You're a minute early and we were actually just discussing something else."

"What were you discussing so seriously?" she asked.

"We were discussing whether to go with the classic black and white color combination when we dress up as chess pieces for our next gathering with the ladies, or to go with a flamboyant and different color combination!" screeched Tamaki Suoh, the over-enthusiastic, yet gorgeous, President of the club.

'Dear Lord,' Haruhi thought, while she ignored Tamaki rambling about the various color combinations that, in his opinion, looked better. 'Why does he always seem to be sugar high?'

"So, what do you think, Haruhi?" he asked, purplish-blue eyes sparkling.

"A) why are we dressing up as chess pieces? That sounds so weird! We're literally animating game pieces now? That's what our themes have come to? And B) even if we are going for the chess piece costumes, it should be in black and white. How else are we going to get across the idea of us being chess pieces?" the petite brunette retorted.

Tamaki seemed offended. "If you're so smart, come up with a better theme, then! And how dare you suggest our dear patrons wouldn't recognize a chess piece costume! It's one of the more iconic looks. They'd be dense not to recognize it!" he retorted back.

Haruhi thought about the squealing girls they, at the Host Club, dealt with every week and doubted whether they even knew of chess to begin with. Even if they knew of chess, they probably had their servants play the game for them. But instead, she replied, "You say chess piece costumes are iconic? I'll test that theory during the next Hallowe'en party. Let me see how many people come dressed as scary chess pieces!"

"Alright," Kyoya said loudly. "Enough with this discussion. It isn't really important anyway." He ignored the puppy dog eye look that Tamaki was building up next to him and continued, "Today, I have a special announcement to make."

Everyone stopped whatever they were doing and looked up at him in surprise. He pushed his glasses up his nose, smirked and said, "When we conducted the auction for a date with Tamaki, like some of the girls requested, we actually brought in a lot of money for the club. Of course, a lot of the money will go into operating expenses, such as paying for food and costumes. But, I have done the calculations and there seems to be a bit of profit left even after that. Lady and gentlemen, I would like to congratulate Tamaki Suoh, our dear President, for helping in bringing in this much-needed profit for our club."

While everyone clapped and cheered Tamaki on, Haruhi thought irately, "Much-needed? They're talking as if they couldn't ever be the guys who flew in a horse carriage from France, just for a school festival."

"However," Kyoya was saying, "I was thinking about this and I realized that this is a good business opportunity for our club to cash in on. Instead of putting up dates with our hosts for an auction, we'll simply charge a premium if a girl wishes to go on a date with any of our hosts. As you already know, one of our rules is to never seriously romantically engage with a patron. With this 'date' offer, they can experience their fantasy of being in a relationship with a host. When we have gatherings here, our hosts are always flitting from patron to patron and there is no customisation involved. A date, however, will make things more exclusive. The host will arrange the date, of course, but the budget will be set by the patron when they pay the premium."

He was met with awed looks from everyone in the club and he smiled smugly to himself for having come up with a customer-centric plan. This was sure to make the club a bigger hit than it ever was before, and he was sure to make more money from this. His eyes were just turning into dollar signs when Mitsukuni "Honey" Haninozuka's voice cut his reverie off.

"But are we ready to take our patrons on such dates?" he enquired, eyes big.

"Excellent observation, Honey!" Tamaki exclaimed, as if he had been doing the explanation all along.

"That's when Haruhi comes in," Kyoya replied nonchalantly.

"Wh-what?" Haruhi stuttered, confused. "What do I have to do?"

"Haruhi, you understood Honey's question, right?"

"Um, not really." Haruhi blinked a couple of times, feeling stupid.

"It's quite simple. Like I said, we're all so used to entertaining so many patrons at once. It's quite different on a date when we'll have to spend an hour or so with them, and our undivided attention must be on them. Dates require tact and better acting than we usually employ. It will require some skill training. And since we are moving into a more tailored experience, we will need constructive criticism from someone very similar to all our patrons. Since most of our patrons are female, you will be the guinea pig."

"Guinea…pig?" She was still blank.

"Yes, it's a hamster-like creature that is usually-" Kyoya started explaining.

"I know what a guinea pig is! I meant, why am I the guinea pig?" she burst out.

"You will pretend to be a patron and go on dates with each of us in turn. You will note down what we do correctly and what we do wrong. And I want you to note every single detail, major or minor. Down to whether the host offers to shake some salt and pepper on to your meal! We want everything to be perfect because we aim to be the image of perfect gentlemen. At such close quarters as a date, it is easier to spot our flaws. As a result, our image could falter and we'd become unpopular. These patrons are brought up in the finest manner and they expect that from us as well. Do I make myself clear?" Kyoya looked at Haruhi dangerously from behind his glasses.

Haruhi, Hikaru, Kaoru and Tamaki only registered one sentence.

"We get to go on a date with her?!" the twins and Tamaki yelled gleefully.

"I have to go on a date with all of you?!" Haruhi wailed.

"Oh wow, can we get cake on our date, Haruhi? Our date could be at a patisserie!" Honey burbled while his cousin, Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka, stood slouched, with his hands in his pockets, next to him and regarded the brunette with a sideways glance.

"Yes, Haruhi," Kyoya explained exasperatedly. "You will have to go on a date with all of us and provide us with exhaustive feedback. I need details. And try not to get bribed with 'fancy tuna'."

"Oh, Haruhi, you wouldn't find a fault with moi," Tamaki declared, bedroom eyes ready to make any female swoon (except Haruhi). "You know I'm too perfect and I'm the man for a date. Otherwise, why would those girls request an auction to fight for a date with me? I'm just too irresistible."

"Nah, Haruhi is going to have a better date with one of us," the twins remarked. "We're her age, we're more fun and we have plenty of tricks up our sleeves to make her laugh. And you know what the secret ingredient to a perfect date is!"

The twins and Tamaki spoke out at the same time.

"Laughter!"

"Hair gel!"

Everyone turned to look at Tamaki with blank expressions.

"I-I meant laughter. I just…forgot the word," he mumbled.

Haruhi sighed. A dense and dramatic Tamaki, a mischevious pair of twins, an awkwardly silent Mori, an overly-sweet Honey and a demonic Kyoya. She had to spend six evenings with six of the strangest people she knew. If she didn't count in the Zuka Club girls, that is.

"So how do we decide who gets to go on a date with her first?" asked Tamaki, eager to make everyone forget about his absurd answer.

"We will pick lots," Kyoya said gleefully. Haruhi could see why. He was already holding out a bag which probably contained the lots. To an outsider, the whole scene probably looked like it was scripted, while it was actually Kyoya being prepared beforehand. Even for matters like these, Kyoya liked to show how efficient he was.

Tamaki and the twins made a mad rush towards the bag, while Honey and Mori hung back to avoid the stampede. The two of them and Kyoya pulled out lots at their own pace while the other three stood without opening their pieces of paper with expressions of pure terror on their faces.

When everyone opened their pieces of paper together, there was a moment of silence as they regarded their numbers. While Tamaki and the twins started wailing, Haruhi let out a sigh of relief and Kyoya looked at Mori and Honey expectantly.

"I'm first," Mori intoned. Haruhi blushed slightly. She still wasn't so used to Mori's nature and considering that she had only once ever spent time with him alone – at Kyoya's weird, fake jungle, no less – it was going to be awkward spending an entire evening with him alone in a pseudo-romantic setting.

"I'm second," Kyoya said matter-of-factly, while scribbling in his notebook.

"I'm only THIRD," wailed Tamaki.

"What are you crying about? I'm FOURTH!" Hikari yelled while Kaoru sobbed about being fifth. Only Honey seemed OK with being sixth, and he seemed to be more interested in discussing with Usa-chan, the cakes he planned on ordering.

"Alright then," Kyoya said, snapping his notebook shut. "Our clients will be arriving any moment now, so quieten down. Remember, we're not telling them about this plan any time soon. This will be a surprise AFTER we are done with the practice dates. And Mori, do go over with Haruhi after Club hours about your plans for the date."

He glanced at Haruhi and added (scarily) kindly, "Since the dates are for our own benefit, I think we should be the ones paying for the dates this time and not Haruhi. Please bear in mind, gentlemen, that we're not to spend on the actual customers. We're here to make money, not lose it." He turned to the doors of the room as some light started streaming in. "Ah, they're here."

Everyone chorused, "Welcome to the Host Club."