For Camp Potter. Event: First Aid (1. tremble 2. in the shadows 3. fragile.). Cabin: Lestrange.
Warnings for profanity and excessive smoking
.
you
shakeshivertremble
in the cold air
take a drag of your cigarette
curl your knees up to his chest in a desperate attempt to conserve heat
you have never felt so alone
.
third cigarette
you can't seem to shake the cold that has seeped into your bones
or the trembling in your fingers
God damn, you've never felt so fragile
so human
.
you curl your lips
blow out a stream of smoke.
hello
you say
and he emerges from his place in the shadows
Sirius
he says
come inside
you blow the next steam of smoke right in his face
he scowls
bastard
you smirk
go fuck yourself
He sits on the curb beside you anyway
I take that to mean you aren't coming inside?
you laugh bitterly, inhale another breath of smoke
he takes that as the answer it's meant to be
to your surprise, he doesn't move
I don't think it's fair of her
you frown at him
he's never expressed anything like this before
since when do you give a damn?
He sighs.
may I?
and you offer him a cigarette and your lighter
he smiles gratefully
lights up
blows a stream of smoke straight in your face
bastard
but you're laughing.
eventually, he sighs
I don't know what to believe anymore
he glances at you
taps the ash off the end of his cigarette
takes another drag
you want to tell him to believe in you but God, that would be soppy
instead you just take another drag
you're leaving
it isn't a question
eventually, you nod
.
your fifth cigarette
his second
you aren't as cold anymore
there is warmth in your aching bones
but your fingers still tremble
(though that might just be the fact that it's pure nicotine flowing through your veins at this point)
.
six
.
seven
.
you're burning (literally) through a whole pack sitting on this curb
it's the only thing keeping you from strangling someone
.
go back inside, Reg
it's not a question.
and you?
his is a question
you sigh
I don't know
you flick the butt of cigarette number seven into the street
brush a fleck of ash off your pants
James
you murmur finally.
he nods
stands
a hand on your shoulder
don't
don't do anything stupid
all right?
you laugh
genuinely
I won't if you don't
he disappears
the chill seeps back into your bones as you sit on that curb
you are so damn tired of it all
.
eventually
you haul yourself up
take the Knight Bus to the Potter's
force yourself not to be stagnant
force yourself to keep moving
because the chill that seeped into your bones that night
hasn't gone away
and if you stop moving forward
you will freeze
