Noting the furnishings that were probably outdated even in 1920s, and odd looks from the scattered patrons apparently still not drunk enough to go home, Bo sought out the bar and ordered a beer. The woman she sat down next to didn't acknowledge her presence in the slightest, but if that was a hint she didn't take it. "You want to tell me why you were drinking alone in the most rundown bar in town after closing down the Dal or should I just start guessing?"
When her question didn't get the slightest response from the other woman Bo knewthat there would be even less conversation in the car if she managed to get Lauren to leave. Of course, she knew the answer; she was the answer, but it still hurt when Lauren never so much as looked at her.
"We both know this isn't you Lauren. Sitting alone at Fae bars is one thing, but going out drinking with Dyson? You could do better." Bo offered the comment with every ounce of what joy she could gatherer after a week of being completely isolated from the woman she loved and felt relieved when Lauren gave a small smile in return, allowing her to see her girlfriend's face and hazy brown eyes.
"Do you want to get out here?" After waiting for the woman to literally count the shot glasses in front of her, Bo watched Lauren try to stand in response to her question.
"Easy there doctor. The idea is to get you home, not the hospital." Without any further convincing, the woman followed her into the dark that awaited them outside the bar. Bo took the blonde by the hand for the last few feet to the car illegally parked on the curb outside. There was a familiarity in leading the woman from a bar in a hurry to get her home after a night of drinking. Only it was silence and distance, something she had never associated with Lauren after she had too much alcohol, which now hurried her movements.
By the time they got to Lauren's, Bo wasn't even sure her passenger was still awake as there had not been one word despite Bo giving her plenty of chances to mention the reasoning behind speed limits and traffic signals. Pulling into the nearest parking spot that had a sign telling her not to park there, Bo waited for Lauren to open the door and get out.
When Lauren, who she could see now was clearly awake, didn't move Bo slowly got out of the car and opened the passenger door before offering Lauren her hand. As Bo eased the woman from the car and shut the door with her foot, she wrapped her free arm around her waist and enjoyed Lauren in turn leaning into her, trusting her to get her to the door.
The moment of truth arrived far too quickly and Bo held her breath until Lauren nodded her head and she felt the key in her hand. Lauren's place looked like someone had leftKenzi unsupervised for a week and as she led the doctor over to the couch Bo felt a sense of comfort that she had missed despite some Kenzi's attempts to help her getting through the break. "Want some coffee?" Another simple nod was all she got in reply, but Bo set to the brief task after taking off her jacket.
Lauren sat there on the couch, telling herself to enjoy their time why it lasted. Just as before Bo's comforting nature made it easy to forget why she was at the bar in the first place and she had slipped into an old routine as if it were her favorite lab coat. After all Bo was painfully gorgeous with dark eyes drowning in such desperate need for her to let her in, even just for a moment, that saying no after all they had been through required strength she just didn't have any more.
It hadn't occurred to her to question how Bo found her, or how she would have gotten home without the timely arrival, but instead Lauren focused on Bo; Bo asking her if she wanted to leave, if she could come in, if she should make her coffee. Why Bo certainly never forced anything on her, checking in with her hadn't exactly been a habit of Bo's either.
As Bo waited on the coffee beans to become coffee, she rested her head against the fridge. It hadn't been a surprise, or fate, that she found the blonde at the bar. Dyson had called her to let her know where she could find Lauren. Apparently Lauren had taken to the bar scene in the recent weeks and Dyson felt concerned that she would be vulnerable to Fae with less honorable intentions in her weakened state.
The call had just enough concern mixed with egotistical statements about Lauren not being able to handle the situation like a Fae that Bo knew the shifter felt genuinely worried. After a quick pep talk in the mirror, and coming up with a plan that amounted to winging it, she left the clubhouse. What had been a nice surprise was the woman's willingness to accept her presence and help with a small smile. Unfortunately, five shots in and whatever Lauren wanted lost in the drinks didn't seem to be fading for her.
The drunken the haze though was not to blame for the blurry focus shown in the brown that stared across from her for those brief seconds. Bo hated that look. To see someone as loving as Lauren with tears in their eyes and getting drunk in some cheap bar. It wasn't right and she had do something about it why she had the chance.
"If things were different, if I was different, would you take me back?" Bo set the coffee cup on the small table next to Lauren, having left her own mug unfilled and in the kitchen.
The question left Lauren stunned. Bo had been the last person she had expected to show up at a bar, let alone take her home. She was the one that had called it quits, the one that couldn't live only with what they had, yet the brunette sitting in front of her seemed to have put all the blame on herself. She just sat there, speechless, until the incredible woman moved towards her. "Bo, don't."
Bo didn't stop though; even if Lauren wasn't willing to talk to her she could still make things right if Lauren was willing to listen. Closing gap between them Bo stayed silent until she could feel Lauren next to her. "You are perfect Lauren. You shouldn't let anyone make you feel like anything less than that. I know I did and I'm sorry. I just want a second chance to fix things." The timing seemed like complete shit and she knew it was desperation driving her forward and Lauren being drunk wasn't exactly ideal, but she had slept with only her pride for the last week and the idea of going back to a cold bed where she had shared so many great nights with Lauren churned her stomach.
"I want to make this work." Bo waited for a response, something to show she wasn't the only one that wanted to be together. Only it wasn't a nod, or smile, that followed. Lauren kissed her and Bo quickly responded. As long as they were together, she would be okay. She could be strong for Lauren, put her first and take care of her no matter what. Any time the woman doubted that she would always be there to convince her otherwise. Everything would be okay.
Yet just as quickly as Lauren's lips had met hers, the woman she loved backed away. Those lovely brown eyes were hidden from her and Bo felt her world shatter. The tears she felt forming were not for the wonderful future she had envisioned and suddenly that kiss was not a promise of things to come.
"You shouldn't waste your life Bo or your happiness." With those words, Lauren separated from Bo. She needed to put distance between them.
Bo watched the blonde move away from her and knew she couldn't take just watching her walk away again. She should have stayed with her after their first night, or stopped her when she went to leave with Nadia, or let her know that she wanted a life together after they survived the Garuda. She couldn't just stand by anymore why doing nothing. "No." Grabbing Lauren's hand Bo moved straight ahead to plan b. "You don't get to decide when it is over between us. I let you make that call once and I won't make that mistake again."
Before Lauren could respond, Bo put her other hand over the woman's heart. "You said that you were hurt, that you needed time and wouldn't be responsible for me being unhappy?" Getting a slight nod that showed she remembered the worst night of her life correctly, Bo placed both her hands on Lauren's cheeks. "Did it ever occur to you that I would love you no matter what? That I can't move on? I've been nothing except miserable without you and I don't want to be miserable anymore Lauren."
"Bo." She knew Bo hadn't moved on, not really. She had stepped aside and yet Dyson did not seem to be any more in Bo's life than he had when they were together. It even seemed like the shifter actually spent more time with her than Bo since the breakup.
"You were right before Lauren. I wasn't putting you first and I should have thought about the effect that would have on your life. Things will be better though. I want you in my life. I'll be there to hold you." Bo brought their lips together again, barely touching. "I won't let go, no matter what."
Lauren sat there, trying to understand their situation, remembering what it felt like to be sitting on a couch Bo after too many drinks, and even greater amount of flirting, the urge to kiss the woman, to show her what she meant to her, just as strong than as now. This time, when the silence broke though she didn't back away. "Okay."
"Okay?"
"It doesn't change that I need some time Bo. To figure out where I fit in your life." With that, Lauren pulled away and Bo released her hold. She stepped into the kitchen, with her back turned, listening to the sounds of her breaking Bo's heart. The strength that had gotten her through past heartaches buckled, taking her knees with it, as Bo walked out of the room. The
Lauren felt that lifeless feeling takeover once again as Bo's presence left the apartment. She should have held on, but the only thing she wanted to do now was to curl up and give into the heartache threatening to spill down her face. Her world broke apart as her eyes strained to see beyond the curtain of tears. Yet Lauren felt a relief from the pain came over her as the tears came.
Crying was not something she perceived as weak, it was what threatened to happen afterward that she feared. Previously she had a habit of crawling into bed and laying there, hiding from everything, for days on end with only the briefest of breaks for an occasional glass of water to indicate the passage of time.
As the sobs stopped and she tried to put her apartment in order. The empty bottles and take out containers are the kitchen went first. Dishes were cleaned. Paperwork was sorted. When all that remained was the living room, Lauren felt her knees threaten to buckle again.
On the couch laid Bo's jacket. Seemingly forgotten in the woman's departure. Picking up the item Lauren gripped the sleeves and knew the smart thing to do was leave it, to have Dyson or Kenzi retrieve it in the morning, to let Bo go, let her make a clean break from her life, for her to go back to the life she had before Bo.
Lauren slipped the jacket on before laying down. Bo said she would try to be different and Lauren let the thought, and the worn leather, comfort her as she drifted off.
First, to all of those that make it this, thank you. It has been a while since I published a doccubus story and that combined with everything else in my life created this bit of angst in a remarkably short time. Any errors are my own fault. Reviews are always appreciated.
