Maybe You'll Come to Understand My True Feelings

Well…Miaka finally gave birth. For a while I was a bit worried about the events with Mayo and the effect it could have on the baby. Honestly, Miaka is still a Priestess no matter the situation. She simply has the heart of one. So why did I end up as one? In all actuality, I should not have been there. If I wasn't there, maybe my warriors would have lived happier lives. Or are those born under the mark of Seiryuu destined for sadness? Tetsuya would reprimand me for thinking this way. He constantly tells me that they know I cared for them and that none of their deaths were my fault, but I cannot shake the feeling. I am the catalyst for all wrong that was done in the book.

Where do I start? Miaka and I were sucked into the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho--The Universe of the Four Gods. We were almost taken away by…were they bandits? I really cannot remember; all I can recall is how he saved us. Tamahome. I found him attractive at first sight. He wore the sign of the ogre on his forehead. Well, we were sent back and I thought it was just a dream. Whether it was or not, I decided to move on with life. Foolish, Miaka. She went back into that book. Thinks that happened to her within that world began to happen to me. For instance, when she was drowning in water, I was suddenly soaked. I returned to the library and read the Shi Jin Ten Chi Sho. All that she did during her stay, I knew.

Miaka almost died at one point and all I could do was call out to her. She heard my voice. We are best friends, it is no surprise she heard my call. I like to believe so. In her attempt to return back to our world, however, I was taken into the book. I wandered, lost and alone in the country of Kutou before I was attacked by men. I did not have a Tamahome to save me from the men in Kutou. I never knew how sick people could be until that day. See, I don't mean to sound arrogant but I am aware of my looks. I grew tired of boys constantly asking me out so I cut my hair to make myself less attractive. But these men were looking for something completely different. Something that no women should go through. I called out for Miaka. We were best friends; she was supposed to hear me. No…My cried went unheard. I was alone and those men…I could not stop them. I blacked out.

I awoke in the Palace of Kutou where I met Nakago, a handsome General with blonde hair and blue eyes. Though he was very attractive, I was far too distracted with my predicament to care. What did it matter where I was? On the street? In a palace? What had happened to me could not be forgotten and Miaka never came to my aid. Even hearing her voice would have been enough. But I was alone. So I tried to end it. Nakago…he was the one who prevented me from dying. Yet that scar was the reminder of my attempts. Each night, I had dreams of those men. I would cry out for Miaka to help me, but she never did. Nakago would tell me how she abandoned me. How could I believe otherwise? He was there. He seemed to always be there for me.

In those three months, Nakago became the one whom I put all my trust in. He nurtured my broken heart with kind words and showered me with the attention I needed to mend. Then she showed up. After three long months, Miaka finally came to me. She wanted me to leave with her. Of course, I would go with her. We could return home together and go to the same high school. I could leave everything that happened in this world behind for I had my best friend with me. But…My hopes were crushed. We met up with Tamahome and I let them hide in a room while I went to retrieve their scroll. Nakago allowed me to take the scroll but he reminded me of the state I was three months ago. With that horrible memory fresh in my mind, I returned to the other two. Upon coming back, I overheard them talking.

Miaka told Tamahome that she came back to the world to see him. He was her reason for returning. All those months I waited for her to come back to me. Yet all she sees is Tamahome. That feeling of betrayal…it broke my heart once again. Nakago was right! She abandoned me! I was…angry. So angry, in fact, I lead her to the Seiryuu shrine. I don't know what came over me. I just wanted her to understand the pain I felt. I let Nakago do as he wanted; pushing her around. God, he could have killed her, but I was so consumed with jealousy and rage, I did not see that. She was lucky that Tamahome was there to save her. Otherwise, she…

Even then, I did not realize what I was doing. I agreed to be the Priestess of Seiryuu from that day forward. I never really considered it before. I always waved it away because my intentions were to go home. It made sense now. She must have known I was destined to be the Priestess of Seiryuu and she went to get rid of her rival. That was what I came up with and I stuck to that reasoning. I did not know it would be the beginning of a deadly, downward spiral. I did not know that so there was so much to lose as I allowed myself to be consumed with rage.


Author Note: That's the beginning so far. Hope you like it. I figure Yui deserved a story from her point of view of the events of Fushigi Yuugi. Just for future reference, I will be titling each chapter from little snippets of each of her songs.