Only tha foinest!
"Order in the court!"
Hundreds of people chatted to each other, filling the court room with noise. A tall man with a white wig on stood, frowning at the rabble.
"SILENCE IN THE COURT!" the man roared, and everyone was silent. The man nodded. "Good. Today the court will see the case of R V Armourer. All rise for Her Ladyship Chief of Justice, Maribelle." Everyone stood up as a beautiful blonde woman entered the room. Sitting down in a large chair, she cleared her throat delicately.
"Yes, thank you, Sir Frederick. The prosecution may start their case." A woman with red hair and glasses nodded and stood up.
"My gratitude your Ladyship. I emblematize the congregation known as the Shepards. The defendant has attested on numerous occurrences that his wares are, and I quote 'only tha foinest'. However, there is an abundance of occurrences when my clients has procured equipment that is of a considerable higher quality, from Risen none the less." The court erupted with noise…after they figured out what she said.
"Order! Order!" Maribelle yelled, slamming her gavel down several times. Once the noise had died down, she turned back to the woman. "Miss Miriel, have you any witnessed that can attest to your claims?" the red head nodded.
"Indeed your Ladyship. I supplicate that a mister Donnel comes to the witness stand."
A few minutes later, a man with an iron pot on his head stood at the witness stand.
"Mr Donnel, do you swear, before all mighty Naga, that what you speak be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Donnel nodded earnestly, the pot nearly falling off from the action.
"I do, I do by gosh I do mam!" the villager said.
"What was it that you purchased from the defendant, mister Donnel?"
"I bough' a' iron' spear mam."
"And what did the defendant say to you prior to the purchase."
"'e said 'e 'carried 'only tha foinest' mam."
"And was it the finest Mr Donnel?"
"I dare say it weren't mam. Why, only later tha' day I found me a steel spear from a Risen mam."
"I see, so not only did the defendant lie when he said he 'carried only tha foinest', but your purchase was made completely and utterly redundant later that very same day!"
"That's right mam."
Once again the court room was filled with noise, but with only a raised gavel from Marribele and they were silent. By this point, the armourer was sweating buckets.
"Mister Armourer, do you have anything to say in your defence?" the bearded man turned to his hooded lawyer with a desperate look on his face. The man looked at his client before nodding. Turning to the judge, he stood up.
"My client has no defence, mam." The Armourer's eyes widened.
"Oie! Oi asked yoo ta defend me, not give oop!" the lawyer turned to him with a smirk, adjusting his hood slightly.
"Oh yeah, I'm a Shepard. Probably should've mentioned that."
"This be a set-up!"
"Mister Armourer!" Maribelle said, grabbing the man's attention. "For the most heinous crime of being so terribly uncouth ("I though' this were about me wares!") I sentence you to 20 years imprisonment"
"Yoo what?!"
"It's 'you what' you barbarian, 25 years!"
"Bladdy 'ell!"
"30 years! And it's 'bloody hell'!" As the two argued, the man's sentence increasing ever more, a young man with a scar on his face sweatdropped.
"Bleedin' 'eck, Ma's getting' off on one of 'er tangents again…"
"Corrooption in da coorts!"
"SEVENTY YEARS!"
End
Well…this was an idea I had when the Armourer says "I carry on tha foinest' and I was like "No you don't!" so this weird little fic came about. Supposed to be humour…. I think…
