Disclaimer: I don't own Kuroko no Basket
If Akashi has to be honest, he believes Teiko did more harm to them than good.
He cannot deny that middle school brought much happiness—he gained friends that were family, he had freedom even if for a little while and he could be himself. That is, until he couldn't.
Its mentality was a poison of slow effect and it killed them from inside out. It was something that should never be imposed upon anyone, much less middle schoolers.
And it is exactly that, Akashi thinks, that sometimes overshadows the good he experienced. It's that, that makes him think the pain and its ever lasting effects weren't worth it.
Because Teiko still haunts him. Haunts every Miracle.
And it hurts.
So many years have already passed and still, Akashi remembers his reign in Teiko as a dictator and how he hurt not only strangers, but his friends too. He remembers the fear of being left behind and losing what he loved.
Akashi knows he will never truly get over middle school. And he knows the others won't either.
He sees, more often than he would like, how Tetsuya will stand somewhere, unmoving with a distant gaze. The same one he had in his third year when everything crumbled and he had given up. The one he would give to Akashi as they passed down the corridor without exchanging words because there was nothing more to say. A gaze of defeat and surrender; of self-doubt and a hate directed at everything and at nothing.
In these times, Akashi knows that Teiko is hovering Tetsuya, opening old wounds that never healed properly, bringing back insecurities Akashi is ashamed to know he caused. It's the fear of being abandoned again, of not being needed anymore, of giving his best but not being enough. It's the doubt of his worth and power. It's the self-blame of not being able to stop a catastrophe that was inevitable. It's thinking he truly is a phantom, not there, not remembered.
Akashi sees the sublets signs—quivering lips, empty eyes, slumped shoulders, prolonged silences, the way he shies away from everyone and does not believe in his potential. Akashi sees everything with a pang in the heart and guilt in the mind, wondering if Tetsuya ever regretted meeting them.
It's not hard to wonder, not when he remembers how Tetsuya smiled and laughed with Seirin and Kagami. How he seemed happier with them than he ever was with the Miracles. How he seemed closer and more open to them. And Akashi can't deny that Seirin brought the best in Tetsuya.
The best that he, together with the other Miracles, crushed when they left him in the shadows, too blinded by their power and victory.
Teiko still haunts Tetsuya and Akashi question if he deserves his lover by his side.
But when Tetsuya stands there, alone and scared, with insecurities eating his mind and expecting the worse, Akashi comes closer and slowly holds him. He kissed his forehead, cheeks and lips—little pecks here and there to let Tetsuya know he is there and whisper love words.
"I love you."
"I'm here."
"I won't ever leave you."
"You are everything I need and want."
Akashi knows that this isn't enough to earn forgiveness (even if he received it already), but he tries and does his best to chase Tetsuya's demons away, to become his shelter.
It's difficult but still, Akashi will make sure that Teiko fades from their memory so it will never come back to haunt them again.
