A/N: Warning: Spoilers for Avengers: Age of Ultron.
This is a bit of silliness to keep the insanity going. And I can so see this happening.
Many thanks to ladygris and Lady Pandora for the tag-team beta, and to Dellruby for the massive brainstorming session from which I took much of the party scenes.
Namaste,
Sunny
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
~ Chili Davis
Avengers
Growing Up Is Optional
Chapter 1
Clint Barton handed the last of the luggage to the porter, and gave each of his kids a kiss, saving his wife for last. "Have a good time."
"I will," Laura assured him as she switched baby Nathaniel from one arm to the other. "Behave while I'm gone."
He smiled. "Define 'behave'."
His charming grin cut no slack with his wife as she gave him a pointed stare. "Don't start any new remodeling projects."
The grin turned into a smirk. "You say that like it's a thing."
"It is a thing. If you have ideas, I'm happy to listen when I get back." She kissed him one more time. To the baby, she said, "Tell Daddy bye-bye, Nathaniel." Clint kissed the boy on the head, and he stared back with his fingers in his mouth, watching him over Laura's shoulder as they were escorted into the terminal by the porter.
Clint got into the new SUV his wife insisted they needed now that they had three growing kids, buckled in, and pulled away from the curb. An idea hit him when he was almost home. Taking out his phone, he dialed a number from memory. "Hey. How you doing? That bad, huh? I've got just the thing… I just built an outdoor barbecue that needs breaking in… C'mon. It'll be fun. Take your mind off of, you know, things… Tomorrow noonish? Great! See you then."
He made a U-turn and went back into town. On his way, he made a conference call to the rest of the Avengers inviting them to the barbecue as well. "…and bring whatever your poison is."
Stark broke in, overriding all other voices. "Leave the menu to me, Legolas. I got it covered."
Though he didn't want to take advantage of Stark's generous nature, Clint knew that just the mention of a party would excite the billionaire, and he'd offer to foot most of the bill. Clint also knew that arguing with Stark would be an exercise in frustration for both of them, then Stark would do what he wanted anyway. The path of least resistance was to just lay it out, and let him fill in the blanks.
What he really needed was patio furniture. Chairs and tables. Clint pulled into the local discount store and came out with folding chairs, and bags of ice that filled the SUV to capacity. A couple of stockers helped him tie the tables to the luggage rack. He already had plenty of wood for the grill, and if they needed more, well, Rogers would handle that chore.
Turning in the direction of home, Clint cranked up the music and sang along while drumming on the steering wheel. The last party the Avengers attended together didn't turn out so well. This time, it would be different.
The Next Day
The party was in full swing, and even Natasha seemed to be having fun. The group had set up a volleyball net. The teams consisted of Thor, Natasha and Rhodey against Rogers, Wilson and Wanda, with Hill refereeing and keeping score. Vision watched from the sidelines, asking questions in between plays. Stark wandered over to the grill to watch Clint doing the cooking. He sipped from a plastic cup, and Clint got a whiff of bourbon. "Mind doing me a favor, Stark?"
The billionaire waved a careless hand. "Besides paying for everything?"
Clint snorted. "It's an engineering problem."
"Please don't tell me Fury's hiding in the barn again."
"No." Looking around, Clint saw Vision now standing next to the Iron Man and War Machine suits, and waved him over. "Mind keeping an eye on the food? Don't let anything burn, and take it off the grill when it's done. We need two medium rare steaks, three well done and the rest medium. Plates are there," he nodded at a table off to the side.
Inclining his head, Vision took possession of the tongs. "It would be my pleasure, Agent Barton."
Stark fell into step with Clint as he led the way toward the far side of the barn, across the field and into the woods. About a hundred yards in, they came to a shack. Clint entered a code into the state-of-the-art security system and the door opened with a whoosh. The men stepped inside and the door closed behind them.
Waving at the relatively primitive looking equipment, Clint waited for the inevitable question, but it didn't come. Stark walked around the device, hand to his chin, his forehead creased in thought until Clint asked, "Well?"
Standing with his feet planted shoulder width apart and his arms crossed, Stark took a deep breath and exhaled. "Why am I not surprised you have a still, Legolas?"
"You're a riot, Tony. Can you fix it?"
A large cabinet sat in the corner. Without asking, the billionaire opened the doors and pulled out the tool box setting among the raw ingredients that created the product. "Stand back. Or better yet, go attend to your guests while I look this piece of junk over. Jarvis, begin scan."
"Yes, sir."
Summarily dismissed, Clint returned to the house in time to see everyone serving themselves at the buffet table with Wanda bringing up the rear. Clint picked up a plate and got behind her. "Having a good time, Wanda?"
At times like this, the young woman seemed shy, especially around him. She placed a fork and knife on her plate and Clint added a well done steak to it while she examined the some of the offerings with misgiving. "I am, Clint. Thank you for inviting me to your home again. I had hoped to see your family, maybe tell Nathaniel more about his namesake."
Clint chuckled. "He's too young to understand, Wanda."
"Someday, he will, and I want him to know what a good man Pietro was, in spite of the trouble we caused, and the lives that were lost." Wanda moved down the line, peering at the deviled eggs before choosing one and adding it to her plate.
"Better leave that part out for now." He scooped a spoonful of potato salad onto his plate. "And there'll other opportunities for you to talk up Quicksilver."
Nodding, she set her plate down to pour a glass of punch. Even from here, Clint could smell the alcohol, and wondered how her psionics would react if she got drunk, and how she kept her subconscious from causing trouble while she slept. He'd asked her to stay out of his head, and except for one time, she had, as far as he knew. If she had been inside his head, how would he know if she didn't tell him?
He carried her plate and glass to one of the tables then went back for his own, and joined her. A few minutes later, Natasha took one of the empty seats. They ate and drank in silence while watching Thor and Steve chop wood. From their attitudes, it was another test of their egos.
Clint was in the middle of a story about his time in the circus when Stark returned. He pulled up a chair, spun it around and straddled it, his arms resting on the back. "Fixed the problem, and started a new batch, Legolas. Should be done in a couple of hours."
"Hours? The process should take days."
"Yeah, that was before I installed upgrades." Stark stood, his eyes scanning the landscape as if contemplating a new acquisition. "I'm gonna hit the john."
Confused, Wanda watched him walk away. "Who is this John I keep hearing about?" Natasha leaned close to whisper in her ear, and Wanda nodded understanding. "Ah. We have a similar reference in Sokovia, but it is not used in polite company."
Natasha filched some of Clint's pasta salad, using the fork to emphasize a point. "It's the same here, but the rules are a little more loose for friends and family."
"I'm honored to be counted among them, Natasha."
The wind started picking up and the sky to darken just as Stark came out of the house. Clint stood, as did Natasha. "Should've checked the weather report. It's getting ready to rain." He whistled to get everyone's attention. "We gotta get everything inside ASAP."
With a sly grin, Wanda touched him on the arm. "Leave that to me, my friend."
Wanda stood with her arms at her sides, palms facing to the front. Clint could see the concentration in her eyes as she brought her arms up and out to the side. A red glow started at her fingertips, spreading to her palms. All around them, the food floated in the air toward the house, entering through the doors and open windows. It was all done in less than a minute. With a flick of her wrist, the cloth chairs followed, folding themselves and stacking against the side of the house on the porch. She looked up, gesturing almost carelessly, and all the windows closed.
Everyone headed indoors, and a few minutes later, the rain came down. Standing on the porch with Stark, Clint watched all his big plans go down the drain.
"Got a raincoat?" Stark asked.
"Why?"
Stark shoved his hands in his pockets. "Someone has to go after the product."
"In the mud room, off the kitchen. Boots too."
The two men went back inside where they found the rest of the guests, including Vision, already involved in playing an FPS video game, with those not actively playing cheering on the others.
Deciding to go low-tech, Clint motioned Stark over to the Foosball table for a fast-paced game with lots of shouting. And naturally, Clint won by a landslide. Clint could've rubbed it in, but let it go this once. "What about darts?"
One side of Stark's mouth turned up in a wry grin. "And get my ass handed to me again? No thanks. Besides, it's time to check on the product."
Thirty Minutes Later
Tony stomped in the back door where he divested himself of the raincoat and boots. With Clint's help, he set six one-gallon jugs filled with amber liquid on the table, drawing everyone's attention. "This is either moonshine or rocket fuel. Who wants to be the first?"
With the exception of Wanda and Vision, everyone raised their hands, loudly pleading their cases for being chosen. Tony pointed. "Wilson. You're up."
He poured a small amount of the liquid into a red disposable cup. Wilson shrugged and grinned. "Here goes nothing." He took a drink, and immediately started choking. "Man, that stuff will kill you!" He finished off the drink, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and held the glass out. "Hit me again."
Tony poured while Clint handed the glasses around, and when everyone had been served, Tony held his glass high. "I'd like to propose a toast. To our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet." There was laughter all around, though Vision and Thor were confused. "Seriously, here's to those who've passed on. Gone from our lives, but not from our hearts."
~~O~~
Clint came into the kitchen from the back porch with another bag of ice. He dumped it into the metal tub he bought just for the occasion, and used an ice pick to break it up.
"Yo, Barton," Stark called out from the other room. "Get yer ass out here."
Picking up the tub, Clint carried it to the table they'd moved to make room. "You wanted ice, Stark. I brought you ice." Then he saw the keyboard in front of the entertainment center. "Nat! You didn't!"
His bestie slipped an arm around his waist and gave a squeeze. In one hand, she had a glass of the moonshine, using it to gesture and slopping it on the floor. "Whoops!" And then she did something he'd never heard her do before. She giggled. Giggled! "I was jus' tellin' our pals here that in 'ddition to playin' drums 'n guitar-which they already knew, by the way-you also play the pee-yano."
Thor was sprawled in the recliner with the footrest down. "Indeed, Friend Barton. Nash-tasha tells us that you are quite profish-nent on this instrument."
Clint stared at Thor with wide eyes. He'd never seen the Asgardian drunk before. And was that Hill sitting on Rogers' lap?
He ducked out of the way when three glasses of moonshine floated through the air. One went to Wanda, the second to Rhodey, and the third hovered in front of Clint's face. He grabbed it before it fell and took a drink. Stark was right. It tasted like peach flavored rocket fuel.
The rest of the group joined in to encourage Clint to play them a song or two. He was about to decline when Wanda spoke up. "I would like to hear you play, Clint. Please."
Wilson stood swaying on his feet near the stairs. "Yeah. Shing us a shong, Piano Man." He started to fall, and Vision was kind enough to help him sit on the bottom step.
"Okay. Fine. One song. Maybe two." Clint sat down at the keyboard and switched it on.
Stark made a show of checking the time. "The second batch should be done about now. You warm up, Barton. I'll take Point Break, and we'll go after it."
Clint didn't get a chance to reply. Thor heaved himself out of the recliner and followed Stark out the back door like a huge puppy. "I have never tried this moonshine before, Metal Man. I like it."
A few minutes later, the men returned. This time, the liquid in the jugs was a reddish color. Clint didn't need to check to know that Stark had used the strawberries from the freezer in this batch. The billionaire and Thor refilled everyone's glasses, including Clint's, and returned to their seats.
Clint played a few chords, took another drink of the new batch of moonshine, stretched his fingers, and placed them on the keyboard. "Because Wilson asked for it…"
It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
"Actually, it's after midnight, Legolas," Stark remarked. Clint ignored him and continued to play.
The regular crowd shuffles in
There's an old man sitting next to me
Makin' love to his tonic and gin
He says, "Son, can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete
When I wore a younger man's clothes."
Oh, sing us a song, you're the piano man
Sing us a song tonight
Well, we're all in the mood for a melody
And you've got us feelin' alright
He ended the song with flair, and bore the applause and whistles with dignity. A jug of the moonshine floated into the room, pouring more into each glass. Whatever Stark had done to the still, what had come out had quite a kick, and the strawberry flavor gave it a little sweetness it had been lacking.
"One more song, guys." His hands resting on the keys, Clint though for a moment, and started to play.
I want to live,
I want to give
I've been a miner
for a heart of gold
It's these expressions
I never give
That keep me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
By the second verse, those who knew the song were drumming on whatever was handy and singing along. Even Wanda, who was always a little shy until she got comfortable in any social situation. She took Rhodey's hand and encouraged him to dance with her. That got everyone else up and dancing too.
I've been to Hollywood
I've been to Redwood
I crossed the ocean
for a heart of gold
I've been in my mind,
it's such a fine line
That keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
Keeps me searching
for a heart of gold
And I'm getting old
They brought it home, and applauded Clint and themselves. He finished off his drink, and went to get a quick snack. When he returned, the glass was full again. Shrugging, he took another drink, and it gave him an idea. He whistled to get their attention. "Since you're all so find… I mean fond of mu-(hic)-music. I got a brilliant idea."
TBC
Piano Man is the first single released by Billy Joel. It was released on November 2, 1973. It's Joel's first major hit and his signature song.
Heart of Gold is a song by Canadian singer-songwriter Neil Young, released in 1972.
