I'M FRENCH SO THERE ARE (I think) MANY MISTAKES : D.
My apologizes. T.T
So I wanted to write a « Kyman » fiction. There it is. I hope you'll enjoy... Thanks you for reading and no pay attention to grammar mistakes hehe....
Chapter 1: WTF?
I'm in fucking love with you, Kyle.
I used to drive you crazy, making you hating me more and more each day.
All for what? For hiding my true feelings for you. Because I'm in love with you, in fucking love with you, Jew!
I wanna love you freely, but I better not.
I know what would happen if I'd tell you.
With your cruel device and your blood like ice...
You will stare at me, with this fucking look that could kill me.
How can you love me, that bastard who've been annoying you since so many years?
All those jokes, insults...
I made you hating me as much that I loved you.
I was caught on your web. I tried so hard to erase you of my heart, to really HATE you, but I don't know hate: see, you think that I can't bear you, while I can't pass a day without hearing your sweet voice, even if it's for telling me "fat ass."; without seeing you, your skin, your green eyes, your curly red hair... Oh god, not again.... I have to stop this once time for all.
Well, it will be simple to stop this, if god was by my side.
And of course, he wasn't. How funny.
Your mom died, and your father wanted to leave South park, saying it was too many memories which were hurting him here. He found a job in California, and wanted you and Ike to follow him. But none of you wanted it. Then, your father come to MY house, and decided with my own mother's accord that you and your brother will live with us until you're 18 and leave for work or university. Of course I cried at my mom that I hated her and that she had done an ENORMOUS MISTAKE; that jews are problems... But she just answered "But my dear, they'll be homeless if we don't take them with us." I hated my mother with her goodness.
Few days later, you and Ike were resident of my home. My mother was always taken with her "job". So we were alone. Easy for her to gather people, since she wasn't at home.
"What are we eating tonight, fat ass? The fridge's empty."
"If you still call me like that, you'll be eating my garden's snails., you jew."
"Fine! If it means not eating with you!"
"I always knew that you were such a poor that eats everything he found."
You hit me, and we began to fight. Yeah, that was like that since you lived with me. Fortunately, your little brother was always here to seperate us, until one killed the other. I was upset, but happy at the same time. I was more and more in love each day, but I refused to recognize it. I used to observe you everyday. You always explode your alarm clock at 6:50 am when it began to ring. You were always grumpy in the morning 'til breakfast. You were foot dragging while going to school. Then when you came back to home, you did your homeworks, and couldn't miss TV news and Terrence and Philippe's show at 7pm. Of course, you took care of Ike everytime. You were such a good brother, dude. And at night, when you were truly asleep, you always talked while you were dreaming. You were so cute that I could stare at you all night. And if you knew that, I'm sure you'd kill me in the second. Hum hum.
Day to day, I became nicer to you. No more "poor jew", or songs about your fucking mother that I couldn't bear, even if she's dead! I think you noticed that, because YOU became nicer too. You began to always have a thought to me. "Cartman, you ate too chocolate, you'll be sick."; "Cartman, I've prepared breakfast... You come?" ; "Cartman, I washed the floor. Be carefull, it slips." or even a little "YOU FAT-ASS! DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU COULD DIE WHEN YOU TOUCHED THAT BULB WHILE YOU WERE SOAKED?" because before, you wouldn't say anything and hoped that I'll die.
Time passed by, and I was blushing all the time when you were near. All your moves made me feel like I was about to die. I needed you like a heart needs a beat. Your voice was electric to me. I wanted my life to never change or end. I LOVED my life the way it was. I think I realized my true feelings the day that Bebe cheated on you. You came back home and locked yourself in your room. Ike was still at school. I talked to you through the door.
"GO AWAY FAT-ASS."
"Kyle, open this door."
"FOR WHAT? YOU'LL KICK ME AND SAY COME OOON KAHL', YOU'RE A FAAAG! AND THEN ADD THAT IT WAS SURE THAT SHE WILL CHEAT ON ME BECAUSE I'M AS SHY AS A 5TH GRADER?"
".... Kyle. I understand that you are sad. You were in love since 4 months and all, but... She's just one of all the girls of the world. And... And you're cute, I mean, every girl at school noticed you. It won't be difficult for you to find another girlfriend."
"I don't want another girl in my life."
"KYLE! STOP BEING UNRIPE AND OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR."
You opened the door and lied on the floor, heading your tears. I stayed quiet.
"I don't recognize you. Few months before, I'm sure, you would tell me that I'm a fag and laughed."
"I think I've learnt how to support you."
You smiled. And my heart missed a beat. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was loving you since all that time.
"I think you better break up with Bebe. Even if you two are still in love. I don't want to see you sad again."
"..... Yeah. Yeah, thanks... Cartman."
Then you did what I adviced you, and Bebe was always looking at me with that gaze that means "if my eyes were guns, you'd be dead." at school.
Since that day, I was contemplating you every second at school. My marks began to shut down. I wasn't listening anymore. (Not that I've listening at those fuckings lessons before, but still...)
Sometimes, I was drawing you. Thanks god, only Kenny had noticed that. This guy was gentle with me: with all those "YOU'RE POOR, KENNY." and others remarks I've made to him, he could just scream to the world that I'm gay and I'm in love with the Jew, and ruin my life. But he didn't.
In june, Wendy organized a party for her birthday. We were all drinking, and none of us was sober. I was talking with Kenny, when he said that no one loved me because I was an Asshole. Because of all those vodka, beer and I don't know what, I was a little kiddish and I started to cry, hitting the table, repeating "AS I'M SUCH AN ASSHOLE, I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF. IN THAT WAY, YOU'LL BE ALL HAPPY.". Everyone looked at me worried. Finally, you came and hugged me; saying "I LOVE you. See? There's one person in this world who cares." People were surprised and chocked. I think we were thinking the same: Anyone would say that to me, but it was YOU, the one who used to HATE me the most. You smiled, and kissed me. Five minutes later, you felt asleep on my side, on the table, a bottle of vodka in the hand. Next day, you didn't remember anything, like majority of people who went to the party. I know that Kenny remember. He is looking at us strangely, those times.
And everyday, it hurts.
I'm sick of holding myself of kissing you.
I'm sick of all those girls who approach you.
I'm sick of the fag I've become, I'm such a coward who can't just say three fucking words. " I. Love. You."
I can't take it anymore, jewish. I HAVE to tell you.
Today I went to school late. I didn't want to see you on the morning before going for class. At lunch time, I heard your steps behind me. I heard you calling; and it's needles and pins.
"Hey, Fat-ass!"
I ignored you. I can't face you, I can't meet your eye, and lie to you, saying "Yeah, I'm fine." I just can't.
You followed me, still calling,
"CARTMAN!"
Shit. I stopped. You faced me, with an angry gaze.
"Cartman, I think we have to talk. You've been ignoring me ALL week."
It's always "Cartman"; or "fat ass". Never Eric.
I wanted to hurt you, just to hear you screaming my name. Perhaps it's another reason that making me sort of hating you; but loving you at the same time. Damnit! I don't understand anything anymore.
I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
Your poison running through my veins...
"Earth to Cartmaaaan...."
Poison is burning deep inside my veins.
Why was I in love with YOU?
I wanna kiss you until we're out of breath, I wanna hold you until the world ends, I want all of you for ME.
Wait.
…. I've lost my mind, now it's clear. Just for this stupid red haired jew, who's standing in front of me, looking worried. Gosh, I'm always thinking of him. That sucks.
"...... Cartman?"
…. I think it's HERE that I've lost control.
"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT, YOU JEWISH BITCH? CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE JUST ONE TIME IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE?"
"Fuck off! What's wrong with YOU?"
"What's wrong with ME? You don't remember Wendy's party, DO YOU?"
" I...."
"NO you DON'T. I thought that it was better that way, but I was mistaken! If you remembered, then perhaps you've understood, and I'll don't have to tell you all that fucking stuff!"
"Wha-What are you talking about...? What stuff?"
"I LOVE YOU, KYLE. FUCKING TRULY LOVE YOU."
I looked you in the eyes.
"... Okay, stop it, that's the best joke you ever did; blahblah, now we have to go to class."
I felt on my knees, taking my head on my hands. At the moment, I wanted to die. I opened my heart to you, and you thought that I was JOKING.
".... Cartman... Don't tell me..."
"I won't tell you again. I will PROVE it."
I closed the distance between our lips, desesperatly.
GOD! DON'T TELL ME I DID THAT.
I said I was loving you. And I kissed you. And all in the HALL of our SCHOOL.
I was SCARED. Full of FEAR.
First, you were paralysed in front of me, searching what to say, or what to do, I don't know.
And second, I heard steps behind me. Shit, shit, shit. Is in that way that my life is gonna be ruined? God, damn it. The person behind me broke the silence.
".... Cartman. I'm going to kill you."
Oh shit. Everyone but HER.
