A/N: Okay, I know I need to get the next chapter of Seventeen Years done but I wanted to do this first. So here it is but the next chapter of seventeen years should be up in a day or two.
Blair walked out of the building. Everyone was at the Van der Woodsen apartment for a sort of welcome home dinner for Chuck. She hadn't wanted to come but Serena and insisted but she had barely made it through the before dinner drinks before she excused herself, stating a few jobs that she needed to do for Columbia. She wasn't lying, she did have things she needed to do but she didn't need to do them at eight o clock on a friday night.
She couldn't be around him though. This new Chuck. She hadn't noticed it straight away, initially she had thought that his new girlfriend was just a plot to make her jealous and get her back, but it wasn't. Chuck had changed. He didn't plot or scheme. He was doing his best to make up for all the hurt he had caused, all the wrongs he had done. Everyone was welcoming this new Chuck with open arms. They had forgiven him and all praising him for making a new start. Blair wondered if she was the only one who forgave him before he turned over his new leaf.
Blair saw Arthur standing next to the limo and although she hadn't planned it she asked him to take her home. She needed to be somewhere where their memories weren't tainted by Jack or Jenny or Chuck 2.0. As she sat in the limo and it drove through the city she closed her eyes and remembered. She remembered losing her virginity to Chuck on the same leather seats that she was now sitting on, she remembered going to parties with him and Nate while they got high, she remembered their secret trysts in here during their brief fling in junior year, she remembered making love to him again after he told her that he loved her.
She wondered if he would sell her the limo. She was sure the sentimental value of it would be much stronger for her now than it was. She knew that there was no way that the new Chuck could look on their relationship the same way she did. Their relationship had been so much about who they were as people that now it felt like maybe she imagined it. She remembered what Vanessa said to her a long time ago. Something about him actually being a good person when he's not with her. Maybe she was right. Maybe it was her. Maybe she was the evil, twisted and cruel one. She had made the Chuck that she loved and this new version was the real him. It was painful but plausible.
Blair's thoughts digressed so that by the time she got home she couldn't resist the porcelain calling to her.
After she had brushed her teeth she noticed that Nate was standing by the door watching her. She looked down guiltily and he said nothing but took her hand and led her back into her bedroom. They sat in silence just side by side on her bed.
"I miss Chuck." Nate told her. He knew he could tell her because he knew she would understand.
"Me too."
"It's strange. Everyone else loves this new Chuck-"
"But we loved the old one."
"Yeah." He sighed.
They fell into another comfortable silence.
"It makes sense. The two of us who loved him, who he loved, get left behind now." Blair whispered.
"It's like he did die." Nate paused "I feel so selfish saying that."
"I know. We should be happy for him. He's happy." Blair swallowed the lump building in her throat.
"He looks happier than he's ever been."
At this Blair's tears fell violently.
"God, Blair I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault. I just can't figure out why I was never enough."
"You're more than enough. He just couldn't see it."
Blair looked up at Nate. They were closer than she had realised and she didn't think before pressing her lips to his. It was always him that she ran to when everything was messed up. Their kiss was slow and Blair knew it was wrong. Nate and Serena were waiting for each other. She shouldn't be doing this. She's evil. She's corrupt. She may as well live up to that and Nate seemed to be taking over everything else of the old Chuck anyway.
She pulled Nate down on top of her as she moved to lay on the bed and began to unbutton his shirt. He hadn't protested, he wanted, needed this as much as she did. They needed to get back to what once was. That night she and Nate Archibald had loud, violent, animalistic sex. Something they had never done together. It seemed that Chuck wasn't the only one who was changing. Nate was still Nate and he made her promise that she would see Dr Sherman about what he caught her doing but he wasn't Chuck, so he would never know if she had or not and he couldn't tell that her eyes didn't match her mouth.
Blair felt guilty as she and Nate carried on a secret affair behind everyone's backs but she didn't know what to do.
At a Gala a few weeks later Blair was joined by Chuck's new girlfriend on the balcony. She seemed genuinely nice and Blair hated her even more. They were such a nice couple. She and Chuck had never been a nice couple. They were inevitable, twisted, deserving but never nice.
"Blair." She started and Blair sent her a cold look. " I know it must be difficult, we're in love with the same man but he misses you, he wants to be your friend again. You can't avoid him forever."
"First of all, we are not in love with the same man."
"You can deny it all you want Blair, but I know you're still in love with him."
"You misunderstand. I will admit that I am still in love with Chuck Bass but the Chuck Bass that I'm in love with died in that alley in Prague." Blair sighed when she saw the girls pitying look. "It's great for him that he's righting all his wrongs and has seen the error of his ways. Everyone loves this new Chuck, but I loved the old one and I need to mourn him before I think about ever being around this new person. He still feels like an impostor and it's too painful."
"He's told me about your relationship. About everything that he did to you. Aren't you happy that he doesn't want to do things like that anymore?"
"Yes, I am. But that doesn't change the fact that even though he lied and cheated and manipulated me that I never stopped loving him. It may be selfish but this soft side of Chuck that everyone now sees used to only be for me and knowing that I was the only person that Chuck truly loved and trusted made me feel like I could fly. The rest didn't matter."
"So, why don't you try and win him back?"
"The person he is now is good for him, he's happy. He's not the Chuck I want and he never will be again but I'm working on being okay with that."
It was only a couple of weeks after her talk with Chuck's girlfriend that everyone found out via Gossip Girl about her affair with Nate. One of the headband girls from Columbia spotted them in the Library and took a picture. It didn't leave much to the imagination and Serena was so hurt. She fought with Nate and when she saw Blair she let her have it. Unfortunately it was in the middle of the Van der Woodsen apartment and although no one had been in when Blair got there, shortly after Chuck and his girlfriend walked in. It didn't make Serena stop though.
"It didn't mean anything." Blair defended.
"Is that supposed to make it better Blair? You sleep with the guy I'm in love with but it's okay because it doesn't mean anything to you? Well I'm sorry but that's not okay. Tell my why it happened. Why you decided that our friendship meant less than a quick fuck with Nate."
Unfortunately, Blair failed to realise that Serena did not know that what had happened with Nate, happened more than once but she was about to.
"We were both in a bad place when it started. We both felt like we had lost Chuck and I don't know, maybe it was the familiarity? I don't know but I'm so Serena, I never meant it to carry on for as long as it did-"
"You mean that this wasn't just a one off?"
Blair, who had not been able to look Serena in the eye quickly looked up, eyes widening when she realised.
"Serena, I thought you knew-"
"How could you?"
"We both needed comforting."
"Comfort. That's always your excuse, Nate, Carter, Chuck. I think I preferred it when you found comfort from sticking your finger down your throat."
Blair almost reeled back but didn't let Serena see how much that comment affected her but Chuck could see from across the room.
"I'm sorry Serena." She muttered before walking out.
Serena was shocked by the glare Chuck was sending her from the door. The old Chuck had awoken then, she thought to herself.
"Chuck, shall we-" His girlfriend started.
"I'm sorry." He started. "These past few months have been good but I can' keep pretending."
"You're breaking up with me?" She asked, already knowing the answer.
"I'm sorry." He said before running towards the elevator and getting in straight away.
Chuck found Blair at Victrola, sitting in what he had always considered their spot. He could tell that she was drunk already and decided to go easy on her.
"Archibald again Waldorf? What's it now been there got dumped..." He pretended to think. "How many times?"
"Bite me, Bass."
"With pleasure."
"What are you doing? This isn't you anymore. Are you just trying to remind me of what I lost?" She spat bitterly.
Chuck sighed. He had thought he was doing the right thing but again he just ended up hurting her.
"I thought that if I could show you that I had changed and that I could be in a stable relationship without games, I would win you back." He admitted.
"So really, all of this was one elaborate scheme that I didn't manage to spot?" She asked him a slight twinkle returning to her eye.
"Yes, I thought if I was a better person you would want me again."
"How many times, you stupid man, do I have to tell you, that I love you. All of you, the good bits, the bad bits-"
"The big bits." He joked crudely.
She laughed. "I missed you. I really thought I'd lost you. So did Nate."
Chuck grit his teeth at his best friends name and Blair felt it where she was leaning into him. She reached up and stroked his cheek.
"We felt left behind." Blair offered in explanation and Chuck slightly understood. He decided as one last act of the nice Chuck that he would let that go and forgive her.
Okay, I know, completely cheese ending and the plot was a bit random but I just kept typing so that's what you get. =]
