Many people must wonder what it was like for me… for me to watch it all burn; To realize my entire life was a lie. My father lied to me, my mother lied to me, my entire family kept this dirty secret from me until the moment of my life where the truth would hurt most.
And now, I… I can't go on like this. A monster, a nightmare… was I anymore to the world? Just a piece of hell locked up in the world, where I could be mocked, and lied to and shot through the heart with hate?
How did he expect me to live? He has everything: love, family, friends… What do I have? A cell, where I am to spend the rest of my days believing all is lost? It would have been great, had I not been 'saved' by Odin. I would have died believing in my people, my family, not thinking I was a horrid creature doomed to hell!
No, I can go on.
I can believe that at least one part of me isn't a lie; one part of me that isn't ice cold, threatened by the world, last of a race.
I can be Loki, of Asgard. I don't have to be a monster. I can be Loki.
When I let go of the staff holding me in this realm, I didn't know where I would end up, but I knew it would be a lot better than being a prisoner in Asgard, where I am doomed to believe I am a demon… Even if I was.
All my failed attempts to get vengeance were ruined, but I kept believing I could stay strong.
Until she died.
The only person who thought of me as family. Dead. Everything I do, everywhere I go, Pain and suffering and loss always follows. Why? Why does this happen?
My memories of the past never help. They make it worse. Thinking of the poems and songs my mother would sing to me as I lay crying, from puny things like storms, or my 'father' out in battle…
The snowflakes twinkle on little boys hands…
Will you let them clean your palms?
You run through fields,
Dancing to the beat of drums.
I hold you as you cry through the night,
Stand strong, I hoped you might.
But that was before I knew. Before I knew I was a monster.
Maybe I should just end it all… all the pain, suffering…
No.
I am Loki.
Call me what you may,
But
I
Am
Loki.
