I don't... I don't even know, man... This just... came out... I don't... -_-"

I found this in my computer, and, even though I kind of lost my initial enthusiasm with Merlin, it was there, so... But the ending is probably off. I know I should add more funny scenes since this is supposed to be a crack fic, but I just really can't... I forgot the personalities of everyone (except for Merlin, Arthur and Gwaine), and I didn't want it to be more OOC, so I opted with the current ending.

Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read this. Sorry for the ending. Feel free to say what you think of this. Reviews are welcomed. I'm not really good with titles.

Enjoy! ^ ^

A Mistress Named Fate

Fate was an elegant, cold-hearted mistress, Merlin knew that. He knew that. He had already suffered through her morbid games, had dealt with her twisted sense of humour one to many times, and came out alive whenever she decided to play with Life. If there was anyone who knew her very much, it was him.

But of course, as they say, you can never really know someone that much.

"Merlin," Arthur called out, jaw clenched so tight Merlin was surprised it hadn't broken yet.

Nervously, Merlin fidgeted with the hem of his tunic, darting his eyes everywhere except for his king's eyes.

The day had started out routinely for Merlin. He woke up, ate Gaius' idea for a breakfast, went to the kitchen to prepare for Arthur's food, went to Arthur's room to dress the prat—in other words, the day had started out fine. But all throughout he was feeling different. He had felt a sense of foreboding, like something was going to happen. Though, as usual, he ignored it, reasoning that it was probably just his normal paranoia. Being a king's secret protector could be unnerving sometimes.

He should have trusted his instincts.

And so, because of one moment's neglect, he was standing under Arthur's anger, surrounded by the original members of the Round Table—Gwaine, Leon, Elyan, Lancelot and Percival—hoping that the floor would open up and swallow him. Of course he could probably do that, but he didn't want to give Arthur any more reason to kill him.

"Merlin." Arthur's patience was wearing thin.

Shakily, Merlin answered, "Y-Yes, Arthur?"

"Do you mind giving me an explanation?" the blonde king looked close to exploding. "Of course if that's too much for you, I would definitely understand."

Swallowing the growing lump in his throat, Merlin stammered, "I-I don't know what you're t-talking about."

"Oh, is that so?" Arthur smiled, the action looking more sinister than amused. "Perhaps if you allow me to refresh your memory, you would be able to." He started walking towards Merlin, the smile still in place, his hands still clenched tight. "You—"

"I was gonna tell you!" Merlin blurted out so suddenly even he was surprised at himself. "I-I-I was g-gonna tell you. I was! B-But with everything that has happened, I didn't th-think you'd... I didn't think you'd..." He gulped hard. "I didn't think you'd... understand."

At this point, Merlin's hands were visibly shaking so much he had to clench it. He hung his head, unable to look at his friend's eyes and see the hurt of his betrayal inside them. He had always known Arthur would find out. But not like this. He had envisioned it would be revealed because he had done something honorable. Like being forced to do it in the line of fire or something of the sort. Never in a million years could he dream of it being like this. This was just shameful.

He was so busy wallowing in his own self-pity that he didn't notice the room had gone eerily quiet. When he did, however, he couldn't help looking up, confusion lining his face. Arthur had gone still. Not a whisper of a sound coming from him. His face had gone blank, making it impossible to gauge what he was thinking. But then, just as suddenly, an array of emotions sparked inside his blue eyes.

Merlin was preparing for the accusations, the hurt and probably even the assault. What he didn't expect, however, was Arthur's next words.

"...And you wanted to... reveal that by... by... coloring my hair this... this... monstrosity?" Arthur sounded incredulous. And angry. But not for what Merlin was thinking of. He blinked, having trouble believing it. He knew vanity was a cruel thing, and that Arthur had sometimes fallen prey to it, but... this was just unbelievable.

"I kinda like it." Gwaine's unmistakeable slurring voice stated, breaking the silence.

Merlin whipped his head around, surprised at the sudden voice. He had forgotten there were other people in the room.

But, it seemed, that was a code word for the world to turn upside down and leftside right. Before he knew it, everyone had released their tense stances, probably got kidnapped by the Fae, and replaced by people he hardly knew (hey, he had to give reason to himself, just to reassure he hasn't died yet). Because, again, never in a million years could he have prepared for the bizzarre exchange that happened next.

"I agree," Lancelot, ever the warlock's friend, chimed in.

"It certainly... brings out your eyes," Leon said, gesturing towards his own eyes.

"It does no—"

"You know," Gwen (when did she get here?) interrupted her husband, scrunching up her face in thought, "I think you'd look even much better with those cute little donkey ears from before..."

"And with a dress," Leon suggested, remembering that last time...

"I'm not wear—"

"Doubtless, it'd be a light shade of red." Gwaine nodded, looking quite pleased with himself.

"No, I think that's too bright," Percival disagreed, finally deciding to join in.

"What about black, then?" Elyan suggested. "It'd definitely hide his stomach, and would look good with his skin... I think."

"Are you calling me fa—"

"Shush it!" Gwen quieted him as if he was a child.

"Why would I—"

"What about yellow?" Lancelot asked, winking at Merlin as he did.

Merlin couldn't believe it. There had been a lot of times in his life wherein he'd been placed in... curious situations. But this was just plain weird. And yellow? For Arthur? Ha!

It seemed Gwen had the same idea, though, because she shook her head vehemently. "No. No. Never yellow. It doesn't suit him. And Elyan's right, we need to do something with his front."

At this point, Arthur was shouting out words that none of the people in the room, save for Merlin, was noticing. Meanwhile, the warlock was rooted to the spot, thoughts racing so much he gave up following on them. He knew Fate was a confusing lady, and she had a knack of twisting and turning everything. Oftentimes people were confused and more than just a little dizzy with the way she twirls around. But this... this was absolutely, without a doubt, the most ridiculous thing she had ever done.

All things considering, that was saying something.